Surge: (#7 The Beat and The Pulse) (11 page)

Coach looked me over in that no bullshit way he had and nodded. There was a reason he coached us, and it wasn’t because he was a sparkly unicorn who farted rainbows. He was a mean motherfucker, and I knew I wasn’t fooling him.

“I know you were keen on my daughter,” he went on, ignoring my insolent tone. “My
other
daughter. A father sees more than he cares to sometimes, especially when it happens in his own gym. I’ve seen how you treat other women since you’ve been in Sydney.”

“I don’t even know what you’re trying to say to me,” I said, narrowing my eyes. Yeah, I’d slept around, but I was young. A guy was meant to have a little no strings fun when he was unattached.

“Josie may have a tough exterior, but don’t think it runs all the way through,” he said. “She’s not a conquest. She values her job.”

I snorted. I knew all about Josie’s interior. I’d been in there and found out just how soft she was…
literally
. I fucking knew. If he stopped to ask, I’d say Coach Miller was taking the father figure role a little too far.

“Josie is a big girl,” I replied, anger beginning to rise. “She can make her own decisions.”

Coach raised an eyebrow. “Can she?”

I watched as he strode from the room to get rid of the towels, my heart beginning sink. What if he was right? What if we were both going into this relationship for all the wrong reasons? I never forced her to do anything, but I sure as hell didn’t make it easy for her to say no.

Or maybe,
just maybe
, Coach was jumping to conclusions and putting the fear in me for nothing. He was jut being an overprotective father figure. He had witnessed her breakup with Hamish at the wedding.

With a dirty scowl on my face, I was still staring at the door Coach had disappeared through when the bathroom door opened behind me. I didn’t want to believe him. I didn’t even want to contemplate that I could be Josie’s rebound fuck.

“Are you still here?” Lincoln grumbled beside me.

Had I pressured Jo into being with me before she was ready? Was she with me for the wrong reasons? No, it wasn’t true. Now that I was beginning to understand my attraction, I could feel it every time we were together.

“What’s up your ass?” Linc asked, glaring at me when I didn’t move. “Anyone would think you had lost the title tonight with that look on your face.”

I snorted and slapped his shoulder. “Shut up.”

I
lingered
at the edges of the massive conference room, watching the furor as reporters began filling the space.

TV cameras lined the front while rows of uncomfortable chairs were positioned behind for the press. Leaning against the far wall, I waited for Dean to appear. Lincoln would be out soon to face the circus, and I wanted to hold his brother back more than jump his bones.

“Well, well, well,” a gravelly voice purred behind me.

A shiver went down my spine, and I turned to find Gabe O’Connell lurking like the stalker he was.

“Great,” I said, rolling my eyes. “It’s you.”

“Don’t pout like that, sweetheart,” he said with a chuckle. “It makes me imagine all kinds of dirty things.”

“I’m seeing someone,” I replied, crossing my arms over my chest.

He raised an eyebrow and looked me over. “Really? That was fast…or are you just saying that to throw me off the scent. I bet you like to make a man work for all of this.” He gestured up and down my body. “I wouldn’t mind working, especially after the sample I had the other weekend.”

“Shut up,” I hissed. “That’ll never happen again. I’m a professional.”

He snorted, his lips quirking into a full-blown grin. “I bet you are.”

“You’re a sexist pig, you know that? I bet all your lines work on desperate gold diggers, but they’ll never work on me.”

He leaned closer, the spicy scent of the soap he’d used invading my senses. “Why not? You were keen the other night.”

My gaze focused on Dean as he sauntered into the room, and I felt my insides squirm. He stopped to talk briefly to a few reporters who caught his attention, but he looked distracted, his attention darting around the room. Knowing he was looking for me, I tried not to smile to myself in case Gabe thought I was leading him on.

Dean and I had known each other for a few years now, and I’d seen him fly at the top and sink to the bottom. I’d seen him in his undies more times than I could count and had fought tooth and nail with him over his bad boy antics. But seeing him in this room filled with people who could blow our cover felt more real and thrilling than any encounter we’d ever had.

Fixing my attention back onto Gabe, I snarled, “You wouldn’t know what a real relationship was if it hit you in the face.”

Edging away from him, I cursed the fact we were in a room filled with cameras. If we’d been someplace private, I would’ve given him a slap to go with Dean’s punch.

Gabe looked thoughtful for a moment before he winked. “I’m beginning to think it punched me in the face at the Gala.”

“You deserve every punch in the face you get,” I spat. “You fight dirty, Gabe, and you know it.”

I must’ve hit a nerve because he straightened up and snorted, his shoulders beginning to tense. I doubted he had the skill to win a fight cleanly, which is why he always danced a fine line between a win or a disqualification.

“Hell, what do I know?” he asked, backing away. “I just won the middleweight title.”

Of all the cocky, arrogant sons of bitches…

Searching for Dean, I found him trying to extract himself from an overzealous reporter, his expression full of unrestrained annoyance. As if he sensed my gaze on him, he glanced up and scanned the room. The moment our eyes met, I felt my anger fade away until it was less than a minuscule pixel-sized blip on my radar.

His lips quirked, and he made his away across the room toward me, carving a path through the pomp and chaos the AUFC created.

Standing before me, he sighed, giving away how tense he was. Right then, I wished I could raise my hand, cup his cheek, and press my lips against his.

“That guy is either stupid or likes the thrill of pissing me off,” he said, edging his body closer to mine.

“I dealt with him,” I replied, brushing my fingers against the back of his hand. “He’s just feeling cocky because of his win. That’s all.”

“Well he can cock right off,” Dean snarled as Lincoln walked into the room, followed by Coach Miller.

They took their seats behind the table, leaving a wide space between Linc and Gabe. It was going to be one hell of an interesting post-fight question time.

“How is he?” I asked, nodding toward the front of the room.

“Pissed. There was a second in it, Jo, and it’s his first loss. The first one is always hard.”

Spying Violet at the front of the room, I could see he wasn’t the only one who was tense. She looked as adrift at Lincoln did.

Those two were great together. So great, I was constantly jealous, even after I’d snagged my own twin. I felt old insecurities trying to resurface that I’d promised myself I would cast aside. I shook my head as if the motion would clear the fog in my own stupid head and show me the way.

“So,” Dean began, his eyes darkening. “You never answered me earlier.”

“Answered what?” I asked, knowing full well what he meant.

“Does the thought of being with me publicly make you feel sick?”

The thought of kissing Gabe O’Connell made me feel sick, but Dean would never find out if I had anything to do with it. If he knew I’d run off at the first sign of rejection and almost slid into bed with his arch rival, he’d drop me like a stone.

I didn’t want to stuff this thing up with Dean before it really had a chance to start. I wanted to love him, but I wasn’t sure if what I felt was the real deal. I’d need time to figure it out.

“No, it doesn’t,” I whispered to him as the crowd began to hush.

He didn’t look convinced. “Because I want to make a proper go of this, Jo.”

“This isn’t the place to talk about it,” I said as the press conference began.

“Then when is the right time?”

Glancing at the table up front, Gabe caught my gaze, rose his eyebrows, and then winked. He’d been watching us, his beady little eyes taking in our entire exchange as he sat waiting for the questioning to begin. He knew. Honestly, it wouldn’t take much if someone paid enough attention. The way Dean and I had danced and fought at the Gala, the moment where we disappeared, the part where Dean punched Gabe in the face…our miniature argument right now.

It wasn’t hard to see that something was going on.

I really did feel sick then, knowing we’d probably just given ourselves up to the man who had the ammunition to tear us apart.

As Gabe made a kissy face at me, I turned away, leaving Dean’s question hanging in the air. There was never going to be a right time to talk about our relationship, but we’d only been fooling around for a week. Seven days. It was way too soon for someone like me to be putting a label on it.

Hell, it was warp speed for a guy like Dean. A guy who’d never been in a real relationship in his life. What did he know about commitment outside his brother’s influence? Nothing. I’d seen his idea of romance time and time again, and the only romantic thing he thought of before pursuing the newest hole was being gentlemanly enough to provide the condoms.

I felt the urge to run tugging at the corners of my mind, and I glanced at Dean, who’d turned his attention to the press conference, his brow knitted into a tight scowl.

I didn’t want to make the same mistakes with him that I’d made with Hamish. The same mistakes I’d been repeating my entire life. I couldn’t change who he was, and I couldn’t run when things got tough. We were both flawed and damaged by past relationships, but who wasn’t?

Edging closer to Dean, I kept my gaze forward and on the conference as I reached out and grasped his hand. He didn’t respond, and I began to worry I’d stuffed things up already, but after a moment, his fingers wrapped around mine and squeezed gently.

Maybe I should’ve been the one who told him I would screw things up because I didn’t know how to be in a proper relationship. I thought I knew how these things worked, but ever since the morning in the gym where he pushed me away, I’d been making the worst decisions of my life.

Not anymore.

I had to stick around and be ready for whatever dirty tactic Gabe O’Connell was planning next because it was coming. He would launch another play to tear the Twins apart, and this time, he’d use our kiss to do it. A guy like him wasn’t satisfied once they got the win. No, guys like him thrived on the challenge, not the prize. To Gabe O’Connell, winning was as empty as his soul. He wanted chaos.

I just didn’t know when the viper would strike.

E
asing
my cock out of Josie, I fell beside her in bed, my chest heaving.

We’d left the arena together after the press conference, telling the others we were sharing a taxi back to Bondi. I’d wanted to go with Lincoln and make sure he got home in one piece, but he had Violet. With her by his side, I knew he’d be okay. As they’d walked off arm in arm, I couldn’t help the twist of jealousy that burned in my gut. It’d only been a week, and everything seemed to be falling apart with Josie already.

Ever since she first laid her hands on me that morning in the gym, I hadn’t thought about Monica once. Everything about Jo outshone the unrequited feelings I’d had for the younger Miller sister, no matter how long I’d held onto them for.

I wanted to make a go of things with her and only her. I wanted to be a fucking man and love her, but something wasn’t right. Josie was already pulling away, and I didn’t know why.

“Dean?” she murmured, her head turning toward me.

I grunted, still slightly pissed at her even after the amazing sex we’d just had—on the kitchen island, over the back of the couch, and finally, in her bed. Passion was overriding everything and slapping my cock in her was just a Band-Aid for all our emotional problems. She liked to think I was dumb, but sometimes, I wondered if I was the smartest asshole of the lot.

“I’m sorry about before,” she began uncertainly. “I didn’t mean to imply…”

It was really hard to focus on being the guy with a heart of gold when she was naked beside me, and my cock wanted to go a fourth round. I was trying my hardest to grow the fuck up and be a man because I saw the person she was and wanted to bury myself inside her and never let go.

She could be stubborn and rash, prone to making decisions based on some wild conclusion she’d jumped to, but she was also passionate, fiery, beautiful, and cared for her friends like a predator cared for their young. There were a great deal of things that were worth loving about Josie Cunningham, but I wasn’t the one who had to believe.

“I just need to know if you’re in this, Jo,” I said. “I feel like if I make one wrong move, you’re going to split.”

“I’m sorry,” she said again. “I didn’t expect to get into something so soon after…” She shut her mouth and ran her hand across my abs, her fingers tracing the rise and fall of my muscles. “I guess I’m afraid.”

“Of what?”

Her breath tickled against my shoulder. “Of it being the real deal.”

I didn’t understand why she’d be afraid when she was the one who’d made the first move. Nothing about us made the least bit of sense.

“Sometimes, I have no idea what goes through your mind,” I murmured as her touch lowered.

“Chaos,” she whispered, wrapping her palm around my cock.

“Don’t let life split your focus, Jo,” I said through a groan as she began to pump.

“I’m doing my best.” She moved against my side, rubbing her clit on my thigh. “Believe me. You’re not the only one with programming issues.”

I sucked in a sharp breath as she squeezed, making my balls flare.
Damn
. “It was real fucking hard not to throw you down in the middle of the press conference and fuck you blind, you know. I wanted to claim you right there and then when I saw—”

“Don’t say his name when I have my hand on your cock,” she interrupted, shimmying down my body. “I want you, Dean. You and only you.” Her lips lowered toward my cock, and she smiled, a wicked gleam in her eyes. “Don’t let life split your focus.”

As her mouth closed over my cock and began to suck, my eyes rolled back in my head, and whatever I’d been agonizing over was outshone by the orgasm already starting to build in my balls.

Whose focus was split now?

* * *

T
he following morning
, the atmosphere in the gym was tense when I walked in.

Jo and I had decided to come separately, and she’d come straight in while I swung by my place for a change of clothes. We were still trying to keep our relationship under wraps, but I didn’t know how long I could last not being able to touch her in public.

Dumping my bag, I narrowed my eyes at the sight before me, hardly noticing that Josie had emerged from her office. Coach was kneeling beside Linc, giving him the ultimate pep talk. He’d lost the title and that sucked, but nobody had given me a bloody lolly pop. It was like the world was coming to an end the way my brother was being fawned over.

“We need to go through the playback so we can see where the holes were,” Coach said, placing his hand on Lincoln’s shoulder. “Once we have a grip on it, we’ll challenge him for the title.”

“I want the challenge,” I said, but nobody was listening to me. They were all up Lincoln’s ass babying him because he lost. I got the rough end of the stick. Nobody patted me on the back and told me everything was going to be okay. I just picked myself up and got on with it because I couldn’t count on anyone else to give me a hand up. Watching my identical twin get rocked back and forth like a crybaby annoyed the hell out of me.

“I want the challenge,” I said again. This time, Josie glanced at me.

“I don’t…” she began.

“I’m in the right position to take the title from him,” I hissed. “I want it. I want to take it from O’Connell myself.”

Coach and Lincoln had finally stopped their blubbering and had noticed I was there. Feeling like an afterthought in my own story, I curled my lip.

“Dean,” Coach began, but I didn’t want to hear his reasoning.

“I was KO’d!” I shouted. “I fucking lost consciousness! He lost by a split second grapple!”

“We’re in a tight spot right now, Dean,” Coach said, trying to calm me down. “You’re both coming off losses, and Linc just lost the middleweight title to a fighter who flaunts the rules. You’re both angry right now. Let’s take a few days…”

“We may look the fucking same, but there are two of us here, Coach.”

If there was ever going to be a favorite twin in this place, it was going to be Lincoln. He was calm, focused, loved up, clean-cut, and the epitome of a good sportsman. He followed the rules and was a slick professional in and out of the octagon. Then there was me. The wild bad boy who rebelled every chance he got. Of course, Coach would want to put Lincoln up for the challenge five seconds after the loss. Two weeks after my spectacular KO, I was an afterthought. Fucking typical.

“We can look through the ranks and get you a fight with someone like DeRocha,” Coach went on. “He has to beat one of you to be able to challenge for the title. If you can beat him, that’ll knock him back a few places.”

“Fuck that,” I spat. “There’ll just be another fighter to take his place.”

“We’ll talk about it another time,” Coach said, putting on his game face. The one that said
don’t test me
. “For now, we get the screen set up with the replay. One step at a time.”

My lip curled of its own accord, and I turned away, stalking across the room like a toddler having a temper tantrum. Sinking down onto the bench in front of the window, I stared out across the ocean and kept my seething to myself.

I deserved the challenge as much as Lincoln did. I needed to beat O’Connell and teach him once and for all that Josie was off limits. She would never go and work with him, and she would definitely not suck cock to do so. She belonged here with us just like the middleweight title did. He deserved neither.

“You really want it that much?”

I snorted at the sound of my brother’s voice and rolled my eyes as he sat beside me.

“Well?” he prodded when I didn’t answer.

“When the fuck did Coach become the guy who made all our decisions for us?” I asked sullenly. “We decide who we fight.”

Lincoln shook his head, ignoring my petulant word vomit. “It didn’t seem to bother you that much.”

“What?” I snapped, shoving my hands into the pockets of my hoodie.

“The KO.”

“I punched the guy in the face at the Gala,” I retorted, rolling my eyes. “Isn’t that bothered enough for you?”

Lincoln was the one to snort that time. “When did we stop talking about everything?”

I glanced at him, my brow creasing. “What’s that meant to mean?”

“We talked about everything once,” he said. “Two halves of a whole? Remember?”

“What do you want me to say, Linc?”

“How long?” he asked, nodding back toward the gym where Josie was fiddling with the television.

Returning my gaze to the ocean, I grunted.

“Dean…”

I didn’t want an earbashing from the guy who shared one half of an egg with me in the womb. Not today. “When you were out with that shoulder injury, there were months when you were seeing Violet and never told me a single thing.”

“And you were off blazing up the AUFC ranks, leaving me behind.”

“You won the title before I did, asshole.”

“You punched Gabe O’Connell at a black-tie event for dancing with Josie.”

“You—” I choked on my words.

“How long have you two been fooling around?” he asked again.

“A week.” It was no use hiding it from him anymore. If there was anyone I was going to trust in this world, it was my twin brother.

“Are you the reason she up and went to Melbourne without telling anyone?”

I sucked in a sharp breath through my nose and began to grind my teeth together.

“Dean?”

“She came on to me,” I said after a minute. “I didn’t know what to do. I had no idea she felt that way, let alone wanted to act on it. I might just be her rebound fuck, but it sure doesn’t feel that way to me.”

“What did Monica say to you when you went to see her?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” I asked, knowing full well it would be the thing that tore Jo and me apart if I let it.

“It has everything to do with it,” Linc replied. “How long has your cock been hard for that girl?”

“I know. I fucking know, and I’ve been upfront about it with Josie. After Monica turned up at the wedding, I knew I had to go and find out once and for all where I stood.”

Linc’s mouth dropped open. “She turned up to the wedding? How am I only finding out about this now?”

“Because it was Ash and Ren’s fucking wedding,” I hissed. “That’s why. Josie saw her before anyone else did and got rid of her.”

“And you and Monica?”

“Me and Monica
nothing
.”

Linc raised his eyebrows but didn’t question me any further.

“Don’t say anything to anyone,” I warned him. “Not even Violet.”

“That’s a tall order, mate.”

“This is between me and Josie. Not you and your girlfriend. This is about me and her.”

“Just be careful, Dean,” he said, rising to his feet. “Josie’s got more than her fair share of issues, but so do you.”

I knew what he was getting at, and I hated when he got all cryptic.

“I know we’ve got issues,” I said, trying to convince myself just as much as I was him. “We know we’ve got to take things slow. But we want to try. There’s something there, Linc. If I didn’t do something about it, I’d regret it for the rest of my life. She could be…” I broke off and shook my head, my whole tirade feeling out of character for a guy like me. A hard-ass.

“Guys,” Josie called out from across the gym. “We’re ready to roll.”

Linc stared at me thoughtfully for a moment, then nodded. Without a word, he sauntered over to the television to relive his horrible defeat against O’Connell. My gaze met Josie’s as I followed my brother’s progress, and she smiled. I could see the blue of her eyes from here and the reassurance she was trying to convey.

Yeah, it was going to be tougher than either one of us realized when I’d pleaded with her outside of the Gala, but I still wanted to fight. That was who I was at my core. A fighter. That had to mean something more was there. Something worth the struggle despite everything that was against us.

Josie wanted certain things in a man and had tried to change her last boyfriend to suit her needs but ran away from everything when things got too hard. I was in love with a woman who was rotten to the core and had done nothing but use me for her own ends…and I still loved her despite it.

Neither of those things just went away because we wanted them to. Sex wasn’t an eraser, and it didn’t help that I had to keep telling myself that. It didn’t help at all.

What I needed was to fight for my woman. Not be pushed aside so my brother could do it for me.

I needed to fight O’Connell or die trying.