Supernatural Transformation: Change Your Heart Into God’s Heart (15 page)

Another complained, “You didn’t pray for me yourself. You had another pastor pray for me.” Our church has thousands of members; it is truly impossible for me to pray for each person who asks for prayer. Because of this fact, God has equipped our church with additional pastors and workers whom we have trained in ministry and who have a heart for God, so they can help us serve His people. Those who become offended because they think they are being overlooked by me or by my wife don’t understand the “blood, sweat, and tears” that we have poured into spiritually training those pastors and workers. We have invested in them with everything that God has given us, and the power of the Lord operates through them, just as it does through us.

Other people have been offended with me because I didn’t personally visit them when they were in the hospital; because they were not asked to be an elder, minister, pastor, or leader; because I didn’t call them to wish them a happy birthday; because I didn’t give them a hug when I saw them; and for various other reasons.

What was my response when these people came to me with the above offenses? With a desire to heal their heart and to preserve our relationship of spiritual father to spiritual son or daughter, I asked them, with all sincerity, to forgive me, because it had not been my intention to offend them.

Offenses take place in the heart, not in the mind.

Various Manifestations of the Trap of Offense

There are so many reasons why people become offended. A common problem in the church is that numerous leaders are affronted by the success of others in the body of Christ. For example, they may become jealous of another pastor because his church is bigger, because he apparently has a greater anointing, or because he seems to have been blessed more abundantly by God. Unfortunately, it is common in churches for people to allow offenses to ferment within them and never be resolved. I believe this explains why many people in the body of Christ live a life of defeat and suffer various illnesses.

As with John the Baptist, people often become offended when their expectations and preconceived ideas are not met. Let’s look at two scenarios from the business world. An employee is offended after being fired, so he sues the company for unfair termination or lost wages. There are times when such suits are valid because the employee has truly been mistreated. However, sometimes, the fired employee has been irresponsible or unproductive, yet he still becomes offended because he expected the company to keep him in its employ, regardless of his bad performance or lack of diligence. In his mind, he imagines he has good reasons for suing the company, but, in reality, he had not completed even the minimum amount of work necessary to fulfill his responsibilities. On the other hand, some business owners and managers believe they “possess” their employees and have a right to control them and take advantage of them. Such owners and managers will become offended if a faithful, longtime employee requests a reasonable raise or improved working conditions.

There are some people who always feel offended by others because they can’t stand to see anyone else happy, blessed, prospering, or loved. They may become offended by the wealth or prosperity of others because they don’t want anyone else to succeed or make more money than they do. They might become offended for the simple reason that another individual is hardworking while their own work habits are mediocre. They might be affronted by their neighbor’s greater intelligence or happier family life. Such people become offended without taking into account certain considerations—the sacrifices another person may have endured; the covenants he may have made with God, which he was faithful to observe; the tithes and offerings he may have given, even during difficult times; his obedience to kingdom principles; and so forth.

In the following testimony, we can see how holding on to a painful offense debilitated the life of a woman named Jeniffer. She writes, “I got pregnant when I was eighteen years old. I had been in a relationship with my baby’s father for a long time, but as soon as he learned that I was pregnant, he asked me to abort the baby. I refused, and he left me. When my mother found out through other people about my pregnancy, she suffered a lot because she was a single mother with two daughters and understood how difficult that life is. I was three months pregnant when she, too, asked me to abort the baby. My mother made an appointment at a clinic, and, the very next day, I was sitting in the clinic’s waiting room.

“There were many women there, but I was the youngest. The procedure was to take approximately ten minutes or less; the women just kept going in and coming out. When it was my turn, the process was very painful! I felt as if something inside me was sucking out my uterus. That experience changed me. I directed all of the pain and bitterness in my heart toward my mother for denying me my child. I didn’t express my feelings toward her, but I treated her badly. I wanted to be pregnant again. I would cry while touching my belly and behave as if I had a baby inside of me.

“I got pregnant again by another boyfriend, but I had a miscarriage. It was then that I ‘lost it’ and fell into a deep depression. I couldn’t sleep, and I felt empty. I believed that only a baby could fill my void, and I sought refuge in fornication and pornography.

“When nothing made sense anymore, I found Christ through a coworker who invited me to a church service. When I entered the church, I felt like I had returned home. My heart was full of emotion! I went forward to the altar to receive Christ. Since then, my life has changed. Now I serve God, and I am happy. The Lord restored my relationship with my mother and erased the guilt. I understand that my babies are in heaven with my Lord.”

In His love, the Lord freed Jeniffer from her offended heart, took away her guilt, enabled her to forgive, and restored her enjoyment of life. In the next section, we will explore some significant truths about offenses that will help us to learn how to deal with them effectively.

Important Truths About Offenses

1. Offenses Are Inevitable in a Fallen World

Jesus said, “It is impossible that no offenses [
skandalon
] should come, but woe to him through whom they do come!” (Luke 17:1). In this statement, Christ used a powerful word: “impossible.” As a result of the fall of humanity and the sinful nature human beings inherited, offenses became an inevitable and grievous part of human relationships. However, when we are reconciled to God through Christ and become His children, we are called to live according to a new nature that reflects His heart. Therefore, it is essential that we learn to deal with offenses effectively. The first step is to prayerfully determine beforehand how we will behave when offenses come into our life and what the attitude of our heart will be as we deal with them. This chapter will help you to take that first step so you can become free of offenses.

2. Everyone Will Offend in Word and Deed

Because we are members of the human race, we will, at one point or another, offend others in word and deed. As the Scriptures say, “For we all stumble [“offend” kjv] in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body” (James 3:2). In this verse, “stumble” or “offend” is translated from the Greek word ptaio, which literally means “to trip.” Figuratively, it means to “err,” “sin,” “fail (of salvation),” “fall,” “offend,” or “stumble.”

Likewise, regardless of where or with whom we live, we will inevitably become offended by another person—a spouse, child, parent, friend, boss, coworker, classmate, or someone else. However, we must realize that, in most cases, the people by whom we are offended don’t even know they have affronted us. And, as we have seen, we, too, may offend someone else without even realizing it. Our cooperation with God in the supernatural transformation of our heart includes asking Him to help us to willingly let go of offenses, live free of bitterness, and resolve any discord with others as soon as possible and as far as we are able. (See, for example, Romans 12:17–18.) When we do this in sincerity of heart, we will be blessed by God and filled with His joy.

3. Offenses Are Instructive to Us

We have noted that offenses prompt reactions from us that reveal what is truly in our heart. Sometimes, we might think we have progressed far in spiritual maturity. But then we demonstrate that we have an unresolved heart issue by reacting badly—perhaps with bitterness or pride—when we are faced with an offense. Therefore, when we become offended, we should use the circumstance for good in our life by allowing it to instruct us about the true condition of our inner being and by seeking healing.

When they are affronted, some people will ignore the person who caused them to feel offended; they stop communicating with him, and they might even end the relationship. Others will lash out at the offending person, spouting insults and creating strife; in other words, they behave like a child who throws a temper tantrum when he doesn’t get his own way. Still others will exaggerate the offense and—behind the person’s back—will begin to seek vengeance by making accusations, involving other people in the situation in unconstructive ways, and so forth.

Sometimes, we may be surprised to see those whom we considered less mature deal better with offenses than those whom we thought were much more mature. Rather than abruptly ending the relationship, yelling at the other party, or seeking revenge, they followed the biblical pattern of talking with the person privately, seeking reconciliation, and forgiving him, especially if the offense was intentional. (See, for example, Matthew 18:15–17.) Their example is the pattern we should all follow when offended.

Let me add one other word on this subject. Suppose you become offended by a matter that is, in actuality, inconsequential—for example, someone did not greet you as you expected him to, or someone made an offhand comment that you did not like—and the other person is unaware that you were offended by it. In such cases, it is often best just to release the offense to God, ask His forgiveness for your attitude, and move forward with your life without saying anything to the individual that might prolong the matter or even make it worse.

When you are offended, discern the true state of your heart,
repent of any sin, ask God’s forgiveness, and be healed.

4. We Can Be Justified or Unjustified in Feeling Offended

There are many genuine offenses in this world that cause people to feel affronted—offenses that produce hurt, confusion, and despair. We all have human emotions, and when we are unjustly treated or see someone else being abused, we will naturally experience such emotions as anger, anxiety, or sorrow. Feelings of hostility or grief may rise within us, whether we want them to or not. Remember that Jesus exhibited righteous anger when He saw people acting unjustly or with hypocrisy. (See, for example, John 2:13–17.) On the other hand, as we have just discussed, there are times when we feel affronted over issues that are inconsequential or trifling.

It is not so much the initial feeling of offense that matters but what we do with that emotion. Therefore, whether our being offended is justifiable or unjustifiable in a given situation, our response should always be to choose to forgive. Otherwise, our heart will become resentful or bitter, leading to destructive attitudes and actions that we will someday regret. Jesus Christ was unfairly judged to be a blasphemer by the religious leaders of His day, and He was unjustly crucified by the Romans. However, He forgave those who killed Him. (See Luke 23:34.) He surrendered His right of offense in order to attain the higher purpose of saving human beings from their sins, including those who treated Him unjustly. Who would have more reason to be affronted by those who mistreated Him than the sinless Son of God? Yet Jesus kept His heart pure and allowed God the Father to establish justice in His own way and in His own time. In doing so, Jesus accomplished the redemption of the world.

5. Offenses Are Signs of the End Times

“And then many will be offended, will betray one another, and will hate one another.…And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold” (Matthew 24:10, 12). Previously, we discussed the fact that wickedness would increase during the end times, and that it is already increasing, causing many people to grow cold in heart. In general, people today seem much less interested in their neighbors’ feelings and needs. They don’t care if they hurt, offend, or mistreat others, as long as they can meet their own objectives. The worst part is that many people seem indifferent to the reality that their heart is growing increasingly cold and hard.

A major reason hearts are growing cold is that offenses are multiplying as wickedness escalates. A vicious pattern develops when there is an increase in wickedness: Offenses lead to coldness, and coldness leads to hardened hearts, and hardened hearts lead to additional offenses. It is dangerous to enter that cycle!

If we choose to remain permanently offended, we will promote the treacherous pattern described above. Instead, we must endeavor to be living examples of Christ’s prophetic words in Matthew 24:13: “He who endures to the end shall be saved.” A significant way we can endure to the end is by not allowing an offense to corrupt and harden our heart. Every time we are affronted by someone or something, we have an opportunity to choose between staying offended or extending forgiveness and releasing our resentment, thereby maturing spiritually and emotionally.

I know many former church leaders who were precious servants of God until they allowed a certain offense to enter their heart, and they were not mature enough to deal with the affront in a proper and constructive way. Those believers went back to the ways of the world, and, today, they are suffering the consequences: They are slaves to sin, suffering from sickness, and mourning the destruction of their family—to name just a few of their conditions. The offense they could not let go of became their stumbling block and downfall. Their heart fell into the enemy’s trap of offense, becoming contaminated. Let us always keep our eyes on Christ, trusting Him in each situation and keeping our heart pure and soft by yielding to God and forgiving others.