Super Awkward (32 page)

Zac gave me a massive thumbs-up from the back of the room, which gave me the lift I needed to get back on track. I was going to miss him.

“Sooooo, this is me.” I guess they could tell that by the fact I am me, and the person in the photo was also me. “And I wanted to take a couple of minutes to clear some things up. Because I've made some really bad decisions this term, and the people who have been the absolute best, and the most innocent-er-ist, have been the ones who have got hurt.”

The faces staring up at me looked as confused as when an interpretive dance group had come in to assembly to perform a routine about the dangers of plastic bags.

“I'm here to give you the truth behind some of the things you might have heard these last few weeks. Especially the ones from prom.” Tegan and Rachel
looked
like they wanted to bolt out the door. But they HAD to stay. To hear what I'd been working on all week. My plan to stop everyone laughing at them, and focus it on the only person who deserved it – me.

“First up – me. This term I've been trying hard to be a better student, to be more, er, normal. But guess what? I have no idea what normal is. For example, this –” I gestured at the screen – “isn't even the worst photo of me. Not by a long way!”

I probably shouldn't have said that so proudly. I nodded for the next picture to come up – me freaking out when I got a Kinder Egg toy container stuck on my chin.

“See? I'm a total doofball. And this is what I'd be like ALL the time if I didn't have the best friends in the world to help me get through every day.” I smiled apologetically at Tegan and Rachel. “And not get things stuck on my face. ”

Mrs Hitchman did a ‘please don't say doofball again' cough. Must win her back round.

“Like Mrs Hitchman said, it's fair to say this year has been a bit exceptional.”

Her smiled returned.

“An exceptional disaster.”

Her smiled disappeared.

“
So, here's what else you need to know about me. Because if there's one thing I've learnt this term, it's that secrets, and pretending to be things you're not, only lead to bigger problems. And potentially poo on your head.” This time I looked at Luke. He had his trademark scowl on. And I was delighted. Because if I told everyone everything, he would have nothing more to try and ruin my life with, and nothing more to hurt my friends with. I smiled.

“Fact one.” The screen clicked on to a picture of one of the pieces of art I'd done before Christmas.

“I am terrible at art. I once got an A for this picture of my cat. However, Mr Lutas, I need to tell you something.” He raised an eyebrow. “It's not really my cat called ‘Cat'. I was just under pressure when you asked. It was meant to be my dog, Mumbles. And she's not even a cat-like dog because all she does is sniff trouser areas.”

Mr Lutas didn't smile.
Oh no
. Had I made things worse?!

“Sorry. Not the point. The point is, that Mr Lutas deserves a massive shout-out for making someone like me able to do something like this.”

A picture of the prom decorations went up. A few vaguely impressed ‘ohhhhs' went round from the years who hadn't seen them.

“
Cool, huh? Who knew I had it in me? Such PROM-ise?!” I waited for laughs. But only two came. One from Zac. One from Mikey. But that's all I needed. I beamed at them both.

“So put your hands together for Mr Lutas, who pulls this off every year, just for us.”

Luckily the room clapped, giving me time to compose myself. I wiped my hand sweat on my skirt and carried on.

“And we need another round of applause for the lady who lets it all happen.” I nodded towards Mrs Hitchman. “Who I also happen to know is a dab hand with a paintbrush, along with her very happy husband. Who is very happy. With her. As a wife.”

A confused round of forced applause splattered through the room. Mrs Hitchman looked mortified. Zac pretended to put his head in his hands. Oh well, it was the thought that counted.

“And a final thank you should go to the sixth formers who've given up their time to supervise us.” A few hands clapped. “Especially Zac,” the claps got joined by wolfwhistles and whoops, “who as you all know by now is Mr Lutas's son. But you may not know – because even Mr Lutas doesn't – that Zac has spent his last week here giving up his evenings to create
a
brand-new space for us.” For the first time since I'd met him, I saw Zac go red. “So give it up for Zac, and his conspirator-Mrs Hitchman, who've created St Mary's first-ever band rehearsal room!”

The hall burst into applause led by Mr Lutas, who was staring at Zac, positively glowing with pride.

“Pretty cool, huh? If anyone wants more info, Zac's put full deets on the music board.” I paused as the clapping died down. But I couldn't buy more time. I had to get on with the hardest part.

“So, back to business. Here's fact two. This year there's been loads of gossip about me and my friends. So I wanted you to know what the actual truth was.” I looked directly at Rachel and Tegan. “I really hope this is OK?!”

The next picture clicked up, of the three of us. I gulped so loudly it sounded like one of the speakers had popped.

“This person here –” I pointed at Tegan's face – “is probably the most cleverest –” that wasn't right – “cleverer –” oh no – “
intelligent
person I've ever met and has been an amazing friend to me since day one. Despite having zero spare time, as she's always off doing incredible things like winning national gymnastic competitions –” there were murmurs of impressed
surprise
at this discovery – “she always finds time to help ANYONE with ANY problem they have. And she didn't give up on me this term, even when I was a total cowbag and refused to give her a second chance. So I wanted to take this assembly to say a huge thank you to her, and a thanks for holding out for me. She really is the best friend you could wish for.” I hesitated, scared at what was coming next.

“Which is why she never told anyone my lowest moment. . .” Here goes.

“When I was seven and she was staying over, I was a bit confused about . . . stuff. So, over dinner I asked my mum whether. . .” Tegan's jaw dropped open. Yes, I was about to share
that
secret
.
There was no going back. “. . . whether I could practise kissing with her. As in, yes, snog my mum.”

The room gasped. Mrs Hitchman glared at me so hard I thought part of me was going to melt.

“OBVIOUSLY I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS, I'M NOT A WEIRDO.” Woah, I stepped back from the mic after almost deafening everyone. This revelation must NOT be the last thing that 250 people hear before a lifetime of silence. “AND SHE SAID NO.” Still too loud. “But still. That's not the kind of thing you want the world to know. Although now you do.”

I
couldn't look at Tegan in case she was even more mad with me than before I started.

“And this, on the right, is Rachel. You all probably know her as ‘fittest girl in the school'.” I felt a twinge of pride with how offended Lou looked at the general whisperings of agreement. “Which is cool.” Sorry-not-sorry, Lou. “But she's also kind and generous and always looking out for other people. In fact, on more than one occasion she's taken the wrap for something that wasn't her at all.”

They didn't need the specifics, did they? But as I peered off stage, I realized that if I was going for total honesty, that's exactly what I needed to do. It was now or never.

“OK, full disclosure. One time I'd had this spot, and all through maths it had been sort of straining to get out. Like my dog, when she's on the lead. But a spot?”

Mrs Hitchman steadied herself like she was in the early stages of fainting. Maybe I should have gone with
never
.

“Anyway, I was squeezing it, and got WAY too into, and somehow leaned on the sink. Which then fell off, and then kind of flooded the entire girls' loos. And before I could stop her, Rachel said it was her! Because
I
was already on a warning. And I didn't even manage to squeeze it properly. The spot. Not Rachel.”

Wow. So this is what disgusted silence sounds like. Rachel looked like she was in shock. Jo
had
warned me to spare the finer details of it, but something about being up here had opened my mouth floodgates and I couldn't seem to stop anything.

“So yes, you might have heard some gossip, or seen something silly at prom, but take it from me – knowing one tiny thing about someone doesn't mean you know that person at all. So don't waste your time wondering who said what, and which rumours are true. Because I GUARANTEE that every single person in this room has said something funny, or been misunderstood, or put their foot in it, or crushed on someone we shouldn't.” I smiled at Mikey. “But I'm here to say, SO WHAT? NONE of that is bad. That's part of being normal. The only
really
bad thing is something that
I
am guilty of – and that's betraying someone's trust, especially when they're the best friends in the world.”

You could hear a pin drop. Although no one really carries (let alone drops) pins.

As painful as this was, I felt a little buzz of pride that for once I wasn't hiding behind anything. “So, I
wanted
to say sorry to Rachel and Tegan – and what the heck, Mikey, Zac, Mr Lutas and Mrs Hitchman too – as that's exactly what I did. And I will never do it again. Starting from now. Because there's one last thing you need to know.”

My final two pictures popped up.

“I didn't win the camera that you all wanted.
This
was my picture.” Mumbles flapping face looked even more glorious four-metres high. “This
amazing
one,” I pointed at Jo's athletics pic, “was my sister's. It was an honest mix-up, but I should have come clean.” I smiled apologetically at Mr Lutas. “I didn't do the right thing then, but better late than never. So, if anyone wants to use it, I've given the camera back, and you can sign it out from the library.”

A few people clapped. Mostly people just sat rigid, stunned at how their end-of-term assembly had turned into something that you normally saw on ITV when you were off sick. But I didn't care cos there were four people who were cheering, whistling and making more noise than the whole school put together. Rachel, Tegan, Mikey and Zac. My friends.

Dignity 0. Life 1.

Wow. Had I, Bella Fisher, made a sort-of almost good decision?!

Mrs
Hitchman beckoned me off stage. And I let the whooping and clapping continue as I returned back to my chair, to be greeted by the world's biggest bear hug with Rachel and Tegan, complete with pile-on from Mikey. Thank goodness this was end of term assembly, or we'd probably get re-grounded.

But I didn't care if I got told off.
I'd done it.
My plan hadn't gone quite to plan, but I'd got there. And I'd got my friends back.

The rest of the afternoon was a mixture of being called ‘assembly girl', ‘poo head' and ‘mum snogger'. And ‘Fishy Balls', but I was used to that. It was also full of new hellos to people who had never spoken to me (but who now thought I could be useful to know, as however bad their lives got, not being me was a reliable ego-boost) and goodbyes to ones I wished were staying longer. But that was made easier by the four Velvet Badger tickets that were now in my bag.

When the final bell of the final day finally went, Tegan and Rachel were waiting for me at Bum Tree. Rachel was dangling what looked like a massive tissue in the air, and it was getting dodgy looks from everyone who walked past.

“Errrr, why are you waving some pants at me?”

She grinned.

“
Tegan's idea. Start the summer off with a dirty knickers party.”

Tegan laughed.

“How many times? It's ‘dirty laundry'!”

I still didn't get it.

“Can you put them away? People are staring.” Not that that was a new thing for me today. “Someone please explain?!”

As we walked to Tegan's house that's exactly what she did.

In honour of my assembly life-re-assembly, Tegan had decided we were kicking summer off in style, starting with a dirty laundry party. An evening of all of us sharing all the secrets we'd
ever
had, and not told each other, so we could reset any not-knowings to zero. In Tegan's words, it was a tribute to me ‘being a total nerd burger in front of the whole school, who we were now stuck with for life, as no one else was going to ever run the risk of befriending you'.

We sat in a circle in her garden, enjoying the warm evening as we flicked open our cans of Diet Coke, tore into our Haribo, and pledged to 'fess up to everything. No secret too big or too small. Tegan went first. Although I couldn't imagine someone like her having
anything
to hide.

“
OK, first things first. An apology to Rachel.” Well, this was interesting already. She closed her eyes as if too embarrassed to witness Rachel's reaction. “It's not
just
Bella who likes cookers. Or should I say . . . your HOB.”

I ALWAYS KNEW I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO THOUGHT DAN WAS HOT?! And Tegan always made out I was so inapprops!! I squealed “I KNEW IT!” as Rachel stuck her tongue out, accidentally flopping out a half-chewed chewy cola bottle on to my knee. Once I'd picked it off, and they'd finished laughing (and I'd dug out that picture of Dan that was almost so fit that surely even Rachel couldn't deny it, although she still did), Tegan composed her best serious face for round two.

“Ready for more?” We both nodded.

“OK. Here goes. One time at a massive gymnastics comp, I wanted to look older. Like more serious?” I said, “Uh-huh” but didn't really understand as to me Tegan always did that effortlessly. “So, I stuck cotton wool balls down my leotard.”