Summer Loving (13 page)

I can feel the tears rolling down my cheek again. This is getting truly unhinged. What a bloody holiday
this
is turning out to be.

‘I was so in love with him. There’s never been anyone else. And I just expected he’d stop me from leaving. It all happened so fast. One day we were walking on the beach and the next I was in Scotland. Well, that’s what it seemed like.’

Now Janica is sobbing again.

‘Oh god. This even worse than I thought it was.’ She wipes her face. ‘Both of you thought the other one didn’t care enough to keep it all going and you were both bloody wrong. You pair of bloody idiots! This is so sad. Oh Christ, Saskia. What a bloody mess. But it’s a great mess.’

A middle-aged couple walk by, take a quick, curious look at the sobbing, and keep on walking. I think they were going to have a coffee, but they’ve now decided against it. Can’t blame them; I’d give us a wide berth, too.

Wiping my eyes again, I try to calm myself down. I have to keep remembering that I’m on my way to have dinner with Estelle. God only knows what that’s going to be like.

‘It was my fault. It was all my fault. I was an idiot. I just didn’t know any better. I should have stayed with him. We’d have been together for nine years by now, but I was so bloody stupid. He’s a man. They don’t think in that convoluted way. He just thought I was off to college and that was that. There was nothing he could do about it. He even encouraged me throughout the whole process. It must have been awful for him. He was helping me to leave him.’

‘Nine years. You might have had kids by now.’

I have to laugh. ‘Oh, shut up!’

‘Hah! They’d be running around with little surfboards wearing little Kangaroo Poo t-shirts.’

‘You cruel woman!’

‘Sorry. I can’t help myself. The girl would look like you and the boy would look like Kirstan. But it was not to be. They’re looking down at you from unborn baby heaven. They’re crying, Saskia. They’re wondering where their mum is.’

‘You are so wicked!’

She’s got me rocking with laughter now. Kirstan said she was really funny.

I’ve calmed down a bit. ‘All that time thinking about him and then I see him again like that. You can’t imagine how it felt. I thought my brain was shutting down. I’d fantasised about that happening for years and then…’

‘That explains your attack, then. Jeez. No wonder. This is so romantic. And so tragic. It’s a romantic tragedy. It’s a tragic romance.’

‘And now I’m like this.’ I indicate my boobs. ‘And this.’ I flick a strand of my hair. ‘It’s like I’ve sort of spoiled myself. And I’m with someone. I thought I’d got over it all. I see him again and…’

Janica has composed herself again. I’m looking at the tear spots on my dress.

‘Forget that. You look fine, believe me, sweetie. But listen, Saskia. Don’t you see? What were the chances of you both meeting up in
this
hotel in
this
country at the same time? Billions to one, I reckon. And Kirstan’s leaving in a day or so. You could’ve missed him if you got here just a couple of days later. You’d never have known he’d even been here. What a close shave
that
would have been! Fuck me dead!’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘It’s fate, girl! It has to be! You were
meant
to be together!’

‘But I’m with someone else now.’

‘Oh, bollocks to that. This is the real deal. Look. I’m late. I’m going to have to re-do my face and buzz off. Come down before your lesson tomorrow and tell me what’s happening. You mustn’t cut me out of this. You owe me this, girl. This is so bloody dramatic I can barely stand it.’

She kisses me on the top of the head and clicks away on those killer heels. I get up and head for the ladies’. Just before she’s out of sight, she turns and points a finger at me, shouting ‘Don’t fuck this up!’

Nine

‘So how did the surfing lesson go?’

I can’t answer straight away. The chunk of octopus I’ve got in my mouth is refusing to go down, so I take a swig of Outeiro and swallow it like it’s one of those huge multivitamin pills. Estelle is blinking at me waiting for a reply.

‘It was fine. Very tiring, though. I was in the water for over an hour. That’s why I was a bit late for dinner. When I got back to my room I just flopped down on the bed and fell asleep.’ I’m starting to like lying. It makes everything so much
easier
, as long as you make sure that you remember everything you’ve said. ‘I’ve got another lesson tomorrow morning. Hopefully I might be able to stand up on the board rather than just lying flat on it. That’s the whole point, really.’

‘It looks exhausting. Some of the people you see out there make it look easy, but I’m sure it isn’t easy at all. Was it that girl?’

‘Sorry?’

‘The blonde one that Tybalt was drooling on about like a total idiot. That blonde girl.’

‘No. No it wasn’t. She was booked up. I had some guy.’

‘Foreign?’

‘English.’

‘So?’

‘What?’

‘Would you let him?’

Am I being stupid here?

‘Let him what?’

‘Would you let him have you? Was he good looking?’

I really have no idea what to say to this. I take a sip of wine. Shall I tell her that I’ve already had him? I laugh.

‘Yes, he was good looking and no, I wouldn’t have him. I’m with Franklin, in case you’ve forgotten.’

I keep getting the feeling that she’s trying to trick me into saying something incriminating so she can tell Franklin about it, or rather she’d tell Tybalt about it and then he’d tell
Franklin. I don’t think she’d ever tell Franklin anything directly. I think it would have to go through Tybalt. I think that’s one of the rules.

‘Just teasing you, dear. Still, it’s a thought, isn’t it? Franklin and Tybalt aren’t getting any younger, are they? I do fantasise about it a lot. Having some young man’s hands on me again; someone who knows what they’re doing. Someone strong. Someone with muscles. Someone who’s, well,
energetic
, if you get my drift. Has stamina. Someone like a surfing instructor, ha ha.’

She looks out to sea and smiles to herself. ‘Tybalt has me on a short leash. It’s hard to get away and have fun. I managed it in Madrid when he was off at some golf thing and I managed it in Scotland last year with a chef. They were enough to keep me going, if you know what I mean. Something to think about on those long, lonely nights.’

God, I wish she wouldn’t talk to me about this sort of stuff. It’s really depressing. She looks me straight in the eye.

‘Do you watch porn, Sassy?’

I smile back at her. ‘No, I don’t. I’ve seen it, of course, but it’s not something I could describe as an all-consuming interest.’

‘I do. I watch it whenever I get the chance. On the computer. I’m addicted. I’m a porn junkie.’ She giggles and places a hand over mine.  ‘It’s amazing what you can get on there now. Really wild stuff. I was watching it before I came down to dinner. Fantastic little short film about this woman with these four guys in a sauna.’

I can imagine the blurb. ‘If things weren’t hot enough already…’ Luckily, the waiter comes and takes our plates and Estelle forgets what she was talking about. She squints at my plate as it’s removed.

‘Well, you’re not very hungry tonight, are you? I’d have thought all that activity would have given you an appetite!’

‘I had a coffee earlier and there were these little free biscuit things and I’m afraid I ate rather a lot of them. I may have spoiled my appetite.’

I made that up, of course, but what else can I say? I’ve just found out that the love of my life took our split just as badly as I did, if not worse.

‘Oh, I saw those in that little coffee area that’s outside. The little chocolate things. So what were you and the blonde bombshell both crying about out there?’

I suddenly get a big surge of adrenaline. I didn’t see Estelle out there, but she must have walked past or something. Both Janica and I were in such a state at one point that I probably wouldn’t have noticed Estelle if she was sitting on my lap, to be honest. I really don’t like
this. It’s sneaky. If any normal person had noticed two girls having a big cry about something, it would have been the first thing they’d have mentioned when they next saw you. Or they wouldn’t have mentioned it at all. Maybe they’d try and commiserate with you. But Estelle saved it for later. It just seems like horrible, weird behaviour. I’m going have to think of something fast.

Neither of us are having dessert this evening. The waiter places two coffees on the table. I spoon one sugar into mine and add a little cream.

‘Her name’s Janica. While I was down in sports reception trying to sort out a few surfing lessons, she suddenly burst into tears for no reason.’

‘What was the matter?’

‘I asked her. She was crying so much that she couldn’t speak. For a moment, I thought she was having a panic attack or something.’ I realise that I’m describing myself here. I’m using real-life experience to make it sound more convincing. It never fails. ‘It was all over some bastard of a guy.’ After what Kirstan told me, I know this wouldn’t be the case, but what the hell. ‘She’d been dating him for five months and she’d just found out he’d been cheating on her.’

‘Dear me. She doesn’t look like the sort of girl you’d cheat on.’

‘My thoughts exactly. But that’s what happened. She had a date with him tonight. That’s why she was all dolled up. She was on her way out when she caught me on my way here. She just wanted some reassurance that she was doing the right thing by seeing him for dinner. She didn’t know whether she should just dump him. We sat down and she started talking about how much she loved him. That he was the love of her life. She was so in love with him. There had been a terrible misunderstanding and it had ruined her life.’

‘What? What misunderstanding?’

Oh god. What am I saying? I’m letting my own bloody backstory leak into this piece of bullshit fiction.

‘I don’t know. She didn’t say. Anyway, it all got so emotional that soon she had me crying as well. We must have looked like a pair of idiots. I think we were actually frightening people away from that little coffee area!’

At least that bit was true. I can see that Estelle is losing interest now. This is too mundane and romantic for her.

She takes an appraising look at me. She does this quite a lot. At least I’ve got my clothes on during this appraisal, unlike the one in the changing room. And at least Estelle isn’t naked
this time. I don’t think I could go through that again. I’ve had enough appraising looks during this holiday to last me a lifetime.

‘You have a very sensual, beautiful face. As soon as I saw your eyes, I thought you looked like the young Sophia Loren. You have full, sensual lips. When I saw you in the changing room, I was surprised at how curvy the rest of your body was. I’ll be frank. Your face and the rest of your body are just begging you to go up another cup size. You’d be an absolute knockout.’

‘I hadn’t planned on having anything else done, actually.’

‘There’s going to be a time when Franklin will demand it. Best to get it done before that time comes, if you ask me. You’ll get much more out of him, too. In terms of money and gifts, I mean. Since I did, I’ve been getting a lot more attention from men. Strangers, I mean. People who pass me by on the street. Other guests in the hotels we stay in. Other golfers. It drives Tybalt mad and he absolutely showers me with gifts because of it.’

‘Really?’

‘I tell him about it when it happens. If I want something, I’ll just mention that one of the waiters brushed past me and ‘accidentally’ touched one of my breasts. Last time I did that I got a beautiful emerald bracelet the very next day. You mustn’t do it too much. Just enough to get what you want.’

I must say I’m rather surprised at this. Tybalt didn’t strike me as someone who could be manipulated so easily. Still, you never can tell. This is really insane, isn’t it. Women having surgery to get bloody trinkets out of their men. Is this what feminism has come to? You could
die
during one of these procedures.

‘If we’re not doing this to get nice things, what
are
we doing it for? Would you give Franklin the time of day if he was a bloody heating engineer or something? I don’t think so. If Tybalt was a road sweeper, I wouldn’t even look at him.’ She finishes the last of her wine and giggles, sounding a little stoned. ‘He’s an ugly little, pot-bellied shit and he’s as boring as fuck.’

Waving a waiter over, Estelle orders a bottle of Champagne and a little plate of petit fours. I notice that I’m light-headed as soon as I finish half of the first glass and remember what I’ve already drunk today. I take a nibble of one of the petit fours. It’s far too rich and sugary for me and I instantly feel a little nauseous. I’ve run out of things to talk to Estelle about. I really can’t think of a single thing I want to say to her. Luckily, she’s always got more topics up her sleeve.

‘Do you ever think about what you’ll do when Franklin is dead? He’s still got a while left, though, hasn’t he. Tybalt, too. They both might live for another fifteen or twenty years. What a depressing thought!’