Summer Kisses (80 page)

She flung her hands toward the ceiling. “Why am I putting up with this? If you can’t abide by my wishes, then you’ll have to leave. I want you out of here tonight.”

“No!” Tommy screamed. Neither of them had noticed their son had come into the kitchen. Sobbing, he ran to Matt and threw his arms around his legs, begging, “Please, Mommy, don’t make Mac leave. I promise I’ll be nice to Uncle Rob.”

Matt scooped Tommy up and rubbed his back while his son cried on his shoulder. This wasn’t a conversation he preferred to have in front of his son, but now that they were in the middle of it, he couldn’t simply let it drop.

 The time had come for Abby to realize Matt wasn’t just going to go away. He’d try reasoning with her, but if that didn’t work, he’d have to tell her who he was.

~*~

Abby looked deep into Tommy’s pleading eyes, feeling as if she were being pulled in two different directions at once.

“Okay.” Mac pressed his face to her son’s hair. “I’m sorry I’m letting my affection for the boys make me overstep my bounds. I’ll leave if you really want me to, but let me ask you this, first. Did you really listen to me this afternoon?”

“Yes, I listened,” she rasped past the tightness in her throat.

“Then open your eyes, Abby. The boys and I need each other. Which is your priority? Being in control of Tommy’s relationships or seeing him happy and loved?”

“Mac, I understand right now my son fills a void in your life. But I know nothing about you. Even you admit you don’t know who you are. I can’t trust you’ll want him next year or, better yet, in five years.”

“Hey, I may not remember who I was before I was captured, but I sure as heck know who I am now—which is a man of my word. Hearing Tommy say he wants me to be his dad made me realize there isn’t anything I want more than to be here for him. And not just for five years.”

“You’ve known my child one stinking week, and you think you’re ready to pledge a lifetime to him?”

“I don’t
think
so. I
know
so. I’ve tried to explain to you what an emotional desert I’ve been living in. Maybe you can’t understand what it’s been like for me.” He closed his eyes and hugged Tommy tighter. “I love him, and he loves me.”

Abby covered her face and sobbed into her hands. “This is an impossible situation.”

“No, it’s not. Divorced fathers continue relationships with their children after they move out of their homes all the time. This wouldn’t be all that different.”

She knew exactly how Mac felt. Rob was pressuring her to distance herself from Royce because he wasn’t hers. But in her heart, he belonged to her as much as Tommy did.

If she hadn’t believed her brother’s assertion that Rob would begin to feel like Tommy’s father once they were married, she never would’ve accepted his proposal. But being a role model and providing for a child was only part of what it took to be a father. It didn’t automatically make a man a dad.

A dad should also be a boy’s best friend. A man he could confide in and enjoy doing things with. No matter how right Robert was for her life and needs, he was never going to become Tommy’s buddy. If he were, it would’ve already happened.

Should she have to spend the rest of her life alone because she was biologically incapable of filling the needs of the sort of man who would love her son as a father should? And if she called things off with Rob, how would Tommy be any better off? He would still have no dad.

Mac was a wonderful man, and she understood why he’d bonded so quickly with Tommy and Royce. But it could take years for him to come to terms with his personal problems.

If he didn’t love and want kids so much, she might even be tempted to explore the possibilities as he’d suggested that afternoon. Regrettably, he would never be content with a woman who couldn’t give him children.

As crazy as it would be to allow Mac to assume the role of Tommy’s dad, it was also a perfect solution for letting Rob off the hook on a job he wasn’t all that eager for. Mac was good for her son and had so much love to offer. And he needed Tommy just as much as Tommy needed him. She squeezed her eyes shut, caught in tug-of-war between logic and what her heart believed would be best for her child. Was she out of her ever-loving mind to even consider Mac’s proposal?

~*~

Matt watched the indecision and turmoil play across Abby’s face while he waited for her verdict. He stroked Tommy’s shuddering back. “Come on, Abby, what do you say? Do I leave, or do I get to be a dad to him?”

Abby heaved an angst-filled sigh. “I know I must be mentally unbalanced for agreeing to this. And I dread what Rob’s reaction will be. But I’m going to trust you not to hurt my child. If you let me down, I’ll never forgive you.”

He let out a relieved sigh, thankful he hadn’t had to tell her that she had absolutely no choice about giving him his son. He arched one eyebrow at her. “Right. If I were the kind of man who could hurt this little boy, do you really think I’d worry about your forgiveness?”

“No, I guess you have a point there.”

“It’s okay, Buddy.” Matt pressed a kiss to Tommy’s forehead. “I’m not going anywhere.” He turned and noticed Royce in the doorway, envy twisting his face. Kneeling down, Matt held his other arm out to the child, and he ran into it, burying his face in Matt’s other shoulder.

He closed his eyes and squeezed both boys. “Abby, do you have some pictures of the kids when they were babies?”

“Certainly. What mother doesn’t? In fact, I’ve got hours of movies, too. I was fanatical about taking them. It was part of my denial about Matt’s death. I didn’t want him to miss seeing Tommy grow up, so I shot a few minutes every week for the first two years of his life.”

The muscles in Matt’s throat contracted. He could fall in love with her just for having the sensitivity to do that.

“I know it was irrational, but I guess subconsciously I felt if I documented his son’s life, Matt would have to come home to us.”

“I’m glad you did.” He smiled. “I’d love to see them.”

A look of wonder washed over Abby’s face. “You know, this is the first time I’ve ever seen you look really happy.”

“I am happy. Could we watch some of the movies now? The boys don’t have to get up for school tomorrow.”

She showed him the closet where she kept the reels of film, the projector, and portable screen while the boys bounced in excitement at the idea of seeing themselves as babies.

Matt stared in astonishment at how much work Abby had put into the collection. She’d cataloged each one listing its dates and the events on it. “I guess we should start at the beginning.”

Abby snatched the first reel out of his hand. “You don’t want to look at that one. Tommy and Royce aren’t even on it. It’s only me while I was pregnant.”

“Then I definitely want to see it.” He took the reel back from her. “That’s where Tommy started, right?”

After feeding the film into the projector, Matt watched, completely enchanted by Abby during the months her belly swelled. His chest constricted at the sight of her carrying his child. He glanced over at her in the dim light. “You looked beautiful.”

They spent the next hour and a half viewing snatches of Tommy and Royce’s first year. It was a bittersweet experience, watching the boys learn to crawl and walk. He loved seeing the poignant moments Abby had captured, but at the same time, his regret and resentment intensified over the forever-lost opportunity. He should’ve been there holding his arms out to encourage them.

He’d missed so damned much. His heart twisted at glimpsing the anguish he must have experienced knowing Abby was at home alone, giving birth to his child. A child that the odds said he would probably never see. He could only imagine how insane he’d been with worry. No wonder his mind had snapped.

~*~

Once the boys brushed their teeth, Abby sat at the foot of Tommy’s bed and listened to Mac read some of A. A. Milne’s
Winnie-the-Pooh
stories to them. He had a real talent for bringing the characters to life. The animation in his face and the dramatic voices he used captivated her as fully as it did the kids. So much so, she was tempted to drag Mac to the library the next weekend and let him run the story hour.

He closed the book, and both boys yawned. Royce scurried to the other bed. After she kissed them and sang to them, Mac tucked the covers around the kids and whispered, “I love you, guys.”

As they were about to leave, Tommy grabbed Mac’s wrist. “If you’re really gonna be my dad, can I call ya that?”

Mac turned to her, his eyebrows lifted in a hopeful arch. “It’s your decision, Abby.”

She hated the idea of Mac taking the place in Tommy’s heart that should’ve been Matt’s, and Rob would probably have a fit. Still, she couldn’t deny her son the right to choose for himself. Swallowing hard, she nodded. “If that’s what Tommy wants.”

Mac hugged her son again. “Nothing could make me happier.”

Turning on her heel, Abby raced out of the room before Tommy could see the tears pouring down her cheeks. In her bedroom, she threw herself on the quilt she’d made for Matt.

She beat her pillow and sobbed into it, telling herself how completely unreasonable it was for her to be enraged with Matt for not coming home. He would be here if he could. But even knowing that still didn’t calm her fury.

Tommy shouldn’t have to find another father to love him, and she shouldn’t have to marry a man who didn’t make her melt when he kissed her.

Damn you, Matt, you promised me you’d come home to me.

~*~

Matt stepped into the hall and froze at hearing uncontrolled weeping coming from Abby’s bedroom. He pushed the door open and found her sprawled on the bed, crying like a kid whose kitten had died.

He sank onto the bed next to her and gathered her to his chest. “
Shhh....
it’s okay.” He wiped the tears from her cheeks. “Do you want to tell me what has you so upset?”

Abby sniffled and curled her mouth in a tearful, unsuccessful attempt to smile. “Just delayed grief I suppose. Anger at Matt that I never expressed.”

Great. How was he supposed to get closer to her if she was furious with him? He wove his fingers through her hair. “What’re you pissed at me about?”

“Why would you think I’m mad at you?”

Damn. Being Clark Kent and Superman was a lot tougher than they made it look on TV. Lois Lane never picked up on Clark’s goof-ups. “You were fine until Tommy asked to call me Dad. I just figured I was wrapped up in this somehow.”

“Well, you are, sort of.” She buried her face in his chest. “I’m furious with Matt for leaving our son with no father. I think he would’ve loved being a daddy.”

Matt stroked her satiny hair. “With Tommy as his son, there’s no doubt he would’ve.”

“When the Army presented my husband’s silver star and told me he’d volunteered for the mission that killed him, I wasn’t even proud. I was plain furious. He promised me he would play it safe. Do you have any idea how guilty I feel for being angry?”

Shit. He’d brought this all upon himself? He deserved her fury.

“You have every right to be pissed, Abby. Matt should have left playing the hero to someone else and brought himself home in one piece to you and your son.”

“I’m also angry with him for spoiling other men for me and then leaving me to live the rest of my life alone.”

Rolling her to her back, he gazed down into her face. “What do you mean he spoiled other men for you?”

She chewed on her lip a moment, and her cheeks turned cotton candy pink. “Matt affected me like a spark around jet-fuel. All he had to do was get close, and I instantly ignited.”

The color in her face deepened further, and she looked away. “Whenever he kissed me, I lifted off like a three-stage rocket. By the end of our lovemaking, I invariably whizzed right past the moon and ended up somewhere in the next galaxy.”

“And with other men, what happens?”

“Their kisses never even get me out of the atmosphere.” A little snort slipped out of her. “Heck, I’d be happy just to get off the ground.”

It was music to his ears to hear no other guy had ever lit her fuse. She’d accused him of being on an ego trip that afternoon. If only she knew what her admission did for him. He brushed the hair back from her eyes and said softly, “I bet I could get you out of the atmosphere.”

“My, aren’t
we
cocky.”

“Not cocky. Just confident.”

“Did I say something today about you lacking self-esteem?”

He suppressed a smile. His self-image had just gotten on the express elevator and was lifted from the basement, straight to the roof. “Care to see if I’m right?”

“I seriously doubt you’d affect me any differently than any other man.”

“You don’t think so, huh?”

“No, I don’t. It’s always the same. It’s a pleasant enough experience, a few little sparks sometimes, but nothing involving any real combustion or full-fledged flames.”

“Oh, yeah? Prove it.”

Her jaw dropped, and she looked at him strangely, going mute for a moment. “What’d you just say?”

“I’m saying put your money where your mouth is.” He raised his eyebrows. “Or rather your mouth on mine.”

“No. Didn’t you just say, prove it?”

“Yeah. What’s the matter? Afraid I might be right?”

“No. Matt said that exact same thing to me right before he kissed me the first time.”

He was batting a thousand. Talk about history repeating itself. “What a coincidence. So what were you proving?”

“Matt bet me I’d never really been kissed before.”

He caressed the soft curve of her cheek. “So what happened?

“He won. I told you we were a volatile combination.”

“So how about it?” He cocked an eyebrow. “Are we going to settle this?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not about to kiss you.”

Tracing her mouth with his fingertip, he searched the depths of her eyes. “Afraid to find out what you’ll feel?”

Trembling, she pushed against his chest, trying to sit up. “Mac, this is really inappropriate. I’m getting married.”

He pressed her back down, his lips hovering so close to hers he could feel their breaths mingling. “You’re only engaged, Sweetheart. It’s not as if I’m suggesting you sleep with me. All I’ve challenged you to is a simple kiss.”