Suicide Note (11 page)
He took it and looked it over.
“I’ll talk to Jake.”
“No!” I spun around and took the shirt from his hands. “I don’t need anyone to fight my battles for me, so to speak.”
He smirked and took the shirt back from my hands.
“I like this one.” He began walking toward another rack. “Jake just needs things put into perspective. He’s having a hard time and doesn’t see that others are too.”
“Shane, I know you feel like it is your place because Jake is your cousin, but I don’t want to get ahead by taking the back way. I need to do this on my own.”
“Fair enough.”
Shane
March 18, 2010, 11:00 a.m.
“No,” Jenn whined and I couldn’t help but laugh. I wasn’t used to being told no from anyone. At my job, I was the one in charge and people took orders from me as if they were life and death. They usually were.
“No?” I repeated her word into my phone and shook my head.
“You heard me. It is early, Shane. It’s the weekend.”
“That’s why we need to get ready. May is making brunch and I want you to join me.”
“Shane…”
“I promise you that Jake will be nice to you. This isn’t work and you are my guest. Besides, I have been standing outside of your door for ten minutes.” I laughed as I heard her feet on the hardwood floor before the door in front of me flew open. I hung up my cell phone and slid it into my pocket.
“Why didn’t you knock?”
“Where is the fun in that?” I winked at her as I walked inside her apartment and pulled off my heavy coat. Jenn’s hair hung wildly around her face and she was dressed in an oversized T-shirt and by the looks of it, nothing else. My heart began to beat double-time in my chest.
Jenn crossed her arms over her chest, preparing to argue with me.
“Maybe I have plans today.”
My heart sank into my stomach. I had hoped to spend every day of my leave with her. I still told myself it was to make sure she was okay, but in truth, I needed her as much as she needed me.
“Oh,” I sighed as I shoved my hands in my pockets and looked down to the floor. “What are your plans?” Raising my eyes to hers, I noticed she was trying to hide a smirk.
“I’m going to the movies,” she said with a shrug. “You are welcome to join me.” She turned to enter the kitchen and I followed, laying my coat over the back of the chair before sliding into my usual seat.
“Sure. You mind swinging by Jake’s for brunch first?” I asked as she set a cup down in front of me and began making coffee.
“Sure.” Her smile was mischievous and I sat forward in my seat as I narrowed my eyes at her.
“You’re up to something.”
“Me?” She turned around, her baby blue eyes were wide, and I felt myself getting lost in them.
“What?” she asked nervously as she sucked her lower lip between her teeth, something she did whenever she was feeling self-conscious.
“Nothing,” I managed to say, when all my brain could think about was pushing my lips against hers. I wanted to taste them, know how their softness felt against mine, but I forced myself to stay in my seat. I took a deep breath, angry with myself for looking at her that way. I wanted to protect her, but I also needed to protect myself. “What time is the movie?”
“It’s at three, but I want to get there early so I can get some good seats.” She grabbed the pot and began filling my cup.
“So is this like a date?” I asked. She jerked her head up, spilling hot coffee over my hands. “Oww! Shit!” I jumped up from my seat and made my way to the sink to run my hands under some cold water.
“I’m so sorry!” Jenn grabbed my hands and inspected my fingers.
“It’s fine. I’ll live.” I smiled at the look of panic on her face. “So…it’s not a date. Message received.”
She laughed as she playfully hit me on the arm and grabbed the sponge to clean up the coffee mess. I pulled up my baby blue T-shirt that we bought the day before and dried my hands on it as Jenn’s eyes scanned my stomach.
“I have towels.” She sat down in her seat and took a small sip from her coffee before adding more sugar. I smirked as I grabbed an ice cube from her freezer and dropped it in my mug.
“What movie are we going to see?”
“
Remember Me
. What time is brunch?”
“Right now.”
Jenn jumped from her seat and ran into her bedroom.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she yelled out through the cracked door as she changed clothes.
“I did. Brunch is generally between breakfast and lunch.” I laughed as I took another drink from my coffee. Jenn reappeared in jeans and a white T-shirt, her fingers combing through her long hair.
“Come on!”
The trip to Jake’s was nerve-racking. He didn’t want me spending time with her and here I was throwing it in his face. May was more than eager to meet the girl who was “pulling me out of my funk,” as she put it. I explained that Jenn was just a friend, someone who needed to know that someone else cared. And I did care, which made the entire situation more complicated.
“We should have brought something.” Jenn eyed me nervously as I turned off the car.
“Well, I brought you, so I am covered.” I laughed and she smacked me playfully on the arm.
“I’m serious. I am at my boss’s house and didn’t bring a side dish.”
“They know I didn’t ask you to come until this morning. They understand. May makes enough food for an entire army. Don’t worry.”
“There’s not an entire army in there, is there?” she asked and I chuckled.
“Let’s go.” I got out and made my way to her side of the car, pulling the door open for her.
She stepped out and as our eyes locked, my heart rate accelerated. Jenn was one of the curveballs Jake had warned me about.
“What?” she asked nervously as she ran her fingers through her hair.
“Nothing. You look great. Come on.”
“A large popcorn and a Coke, please,” Shane said as I grabbed a pack of licorice for the movie.
“Thanks for coming with me.” I grabbed the popcorn and he took the drink.
“Are you kidding? I wouldn’t miss this movie for anything. What’s it called? Forget Me?” I laughed and threw a piece of popcorn at him.
“It’s called
Remember Me
, and I heard it is amazing.” Shane held out our ticket stubs to be checked and ripped in half.
“Down the hall to your right. Enjoy the show,” the man said and pointed us in the direction of the theater.
“Where do you want to sit?” Shane asked as he opened the door and waited for me to walk through.
“I like sitting in the front.” I slid in the third row from the screen and made my way to the center. The commercials before the previews were already running. “How have you not heard of this movie?” I asked as I took a few pieces of popcorn and shoved them in my mouth.
“Been busy at work.” Shane shoved his hand in the popcorn.
“Well, it is important to take time for the little things.” I grabbed the soda from his hand and took a sip.
“Like manners?” he asked with a raised eyebrow as he snatched my licorice from my hand.
“Hey!” I scolded him as the lights dimmed and the real previews began.
“Shhh!” he joked, putting his finger over my lips to quiet me. The sudden touch sent a chill through me and I sat back in my seat, eyes glued on the screen for the rest of the movie.
“If I tell you, will you stop bugging me?” Jenn asked, rolling her eyes.
“Scouts honor.” I held up my fingers and laughed.
“I took off two weeks for my birthday because I had plans. I was supposed to go on a cruise with my ex-boyfriend.”
“A cruise.” I leaned back on the couch and laced my fingers behind my head. Jenn grabbed a throw pillow and placed it on her lap as she tugged at the fringes along the edge.
“Yup.” She sighed as she watched her fingers. I knew it was a touchy subject for her. “It would have been our honeymoon.”
That was a lot of information to take in. I hadn’t known Jenn very long, but the time I had spent with her I wouldn’t have traded for anything. I didn’t like the idea that she had come so close to marrying some guy who didn’t treat her right.
“Well, I can’t find a cruise with such short notice, but maybe I can swing something.”
She looked up at me through her lashes and smiled, revealing her dimples.
“Swing something?” she asked as she tucked her hair behind her ear.
“Let me see what I can do.” I pushed up from the couch and went to the kitchen. I grabbed my cell from my pocket and called May.
“You’re not in trouble are you?” she asked, and I could tell she was smiling from the tone of her voice.
“Not yet. Remember when you told me about the camp you sent the boys to? The one with the big lake?”
“Yeah, but it’s not camp season, Shane.”
“I know that, May. I wanted to see if I could take Jenn on a paddle boat ride.”
“You like this girl, don’t you? I never saw you jump through so many hoops for Chelsea.”
“Please spare me the lecture about how stupid I am and just give me the address.”
“I don’t think your stupid, Shane. I think this girl is good for you. It’s nice to see you happy. I’ll text you the address.”
“Thanks, May.” I hung up the phone. As I walked back into the living room, my phone vibrated with the address and simple directions.
“I have a plan.” I held out my hand for Jenn, who looked at me quizzically before slipping her fingers into mine and letting me pull her from the couch.
“What’s the plan?” she asked as she folded her arms over her chest.
“It’s a surprise.”
“I hate surprises.”
I always thought I hated surprises too, but they usually weren’t the good kind. Jenn was the kind of surprise that had turned my world upside down.
“Not all surprises are bad,” I said as her lip began to twitch, revealing that she was suppressing a grin. “Come on. I’ll let you drive.”
She squealed and grabbed her sweater and purse before making her way to the front door. I placed my hand on the small of her back and followed her down the flight of stairs out into the daylight. It was amazing how that simple act of human contact changed my mood. I was as excited as she was. She had no idea where I was taking her, but she trusted me and she trusted I wanted to make her happy. I did. I wanted to see that smile every day. I had become addicted to it, like a drug. Soon I would be off on the other side of the world and it would only be a matter of time before the memories began to fade and after a while, she wouldn’t even be able to picture my face. She would move on and find someone else who wanted to make her smile.
I opened the driver-side door for her and waited for her to get inside before closing it and making my way to the passenger side. I needed to push the thoughts of me leaving out of my head. I wanted to continue to make Jenn happy for as long as I could. She needed that from me and no matter how much it killed me to know it was going to end, I couldn’t stop. She was doing something to me, changing my outlook and for that, I knew I could never forget her, even if I wanted to, and I knew that day would come. The day she forgot about me and moved on. It would kill me, but she would be engrained on my memory forever. I felt like I owed it to her to make sure she was happy.
“Which way?” she asked with excitement in her voice.
“This way.” I pointed ahead of us as I cleared my throat.
“What’s wrong?” she asked as she turned the ignition.
“Nothing.” I forced a smile. “I just hope you like the surprise.”
“Shane, how could I not? You’re so sweet.”
“Take a right on Whitaker Way.”
“You know…we have been doing all this stuff that I want to do. We could go do something that you want.”
“This
is
what I want.”
We approached the small log cabin at the edge of Lake Bryan.
“What can I do for ya? Looking for a campsite?” the man asked as we stepped inside.
“Actually, I was looking to rent a paddle boat for a few hours.”
“I can help you with that. Let me just pull up the information on my computer.”
I glanced over to Jenn smiling from ear to ear.
“A paddle boat?” she whispered.
“That sound fun? If not we can do something else. It was just an idea.”
“No! That is perfect. As long as we aren’t going
in
the water.”
I handed my credit card to the man behind the counter as I kept my eyes on Jenn.
“You’re scared of the water?”
“Not scared.” She rolled her eyes. “Just not much of a swimmer.”
“And you hang out on a bridge to read? I won’t let anything happen to you.” I took my card back and we followed the worker outside the building.
“The lake is just on the other side of those trees. There are boats lined up on the shore. Here is the key to unlock your boat. Have fun.”
“Thank you.” I took the key from his hand and Jenn and I made our way to the path that led through the woods.
As we reached the clearing, a massive lake came into view. Boats lined the shore, and there was virtually no one else around.
“This is nice.” She walked past me to the edge of the water.
I placed my key into the lock and pulled our boat from the others. I pushed it toward the edge of the water and waited for Jenn to take her seat before slipping in beside her. We began to paddle our way out into the open water.
“Shane,” she looked toward me as her feet stilled, “I feel like we should talk about the other day.”
I didn’t need her to explain. I hadn’t stopped thinking about our kiss in the photo booth since the moment it happened. I knew I was being impulsive, but having her body against mine caused all rational thought to cease.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I just got caught up in the moment.”
Jenn looked off at the trees on the other side of the lake.
“You forgive me?” I asked as I ran my palm over my face. I hated apologizing when I didn’t regret what I did.
“Of course.” Her eyes met mine and she smiled as she began to paddle again. “It’s forgotten.”