Succumbing To His Fear (21 page)

Alfie

It had been nine months since the day I was released from the hospital. It took a while for the broken bones to heal, as well as the other wounds Unders had inflicted. For a while, I was a bit of a mess. Okay, I was a big mess. The nightmares were realistic and would often result in a panic attack. But Fear was always there to help me pull out of it. He was my rock.

Fear moved in with the Nuggets and me almost straight away. That wasn’t the only big change. My mother, having decided that I was not able to be left to my own devices, decreed that we simply would not be able to cope without her for even a day. She moved, not only to the States, but into the house next-fucking-door. I would have protested if it had just been me, but I knew that the Nuggets, the guys, Hayley, and especially Fear needed a bit of Mama Sheridan in their lives. Ben, never one to deny my mother anything agreed and upstaked his entire business and brought that along too.

I would often work out of the tattoo shop, making custom designs. It’d started out because in the early weeks after the hospital, I was a needy fucker. I held it together whenever Griffin and Lily were around, but whenever they were in school or off with Mum or Hayley, I would freak out if I was alone. I was getting better, thankfully.

The guys were trying to talk me into apprenticing and working a tattoo gun. I was of two minds about that. Maybe I would.

“Baby, have you seen what Lily is wearing?” I heard Fear shout. I could only imagine what she was wearing. She loved to make a bold fashion statement.

The imagination was not even close to the reality. There she stood, all smiles and looking proud of herself with her hands on her hips. She had on her black biker boots, the ones Tate had bought her. Her legs were covered in pink glitter tights. Her tush was covered with a black tutu, also a gift from Uncle Tate. The t-shirt she wore was a gift from James. It was black as well, and sported the saying, “The Prettiest Girl in All the World,” in pink sparkly letters. Her hair was in lopsided pigtails and she looked so cute that I quickly pulled out my phone and took some pictures. Never one to shy away from the limelight, my little ham started to strike a pose.

“You look gorgeous,” I told her. She nodded her head at me as if to say, “Yeah I know, was there any doubt?” I took her hand a led her into the living room where everyone had congregated. All the guys were there. Tate, Drake, James and Carter where standing in the corner with Griffin. Hayley was chatting with my mother as they were putting out snacks and bowls of munchies. John, while holding JJ, was chatting to Ben and Max. Fear was in the process of trying to move some furniture to make more room for people to be able to wander around freely.

It was easy for me to see the unease which he was trying to hide. I think everyone could see it. That was why nobody was helping him. We were all letting him do what he needed to do to calm himself.

Today was the day. It had taken long enough to get here but it had finally arrived. Dane Parker was coming to meet Fear and the rest of us. After all the tests and some very awkward phone calls, it was confirmed that Dane Parker was Hunter’s father.

Not only did Fear now have a father who he was about to meet, he also had another sister and two brothers. I could tell that the stress of the situation was getting to him. He’d wanted to cancel at least six times since the plans were made two months ago. My Fear, always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The doorbell going had everyone stopping what they were doing, but nobody moved.

“I’ll get it,” I said, walking towards the door. I glanced at Fear and tried to convey that everything would be okay. I mouthed the words “I love you” and proceeded to the door.

The man I saw staring back at me was almost a carbon copy of my Fear. An older version, but they were so similar.

“Hi, you must be Mr. Parker,” I said and held out my hand. His smile, also the same as Fear’s, shone as he shook my hand.

“Yeah, that’s me. Please call me Dane. This is my daughter Molly, and my sons Talon and Tristan.” I smiled at Fear’s siblings. Tristan was the youngest at sixteen. Molly the oldest, I think I remember Fear saying, was twenty-seven and Talon was twenty-three. The resemblance was striking and made me feel oddly happy.

“Hey.” I was about to invite them in when I was grabbed around the leg. I saw Griffin peeking around from behind me. “This is my little brother, Griffin,” I said and chuckled when Griffin gave them a cheeky wave and ran back inside.

“For the love of god, the suspense is killing me. Please let them look like my little Fear. More of that kind of handsome cannot be a bad thing.” I heard whisper-shouted from inside and from the looks of the faces trying to hold their laughter, so did everyone else. My mother had adopted all the guys, Hayley and John included. But Fear was her little Fear, which I know he secretly loved.

“That would be my mother. Please feel free to ignore her if she approaches, or better yet, just smile and nod, then slowly back away and run like hell,” I said with all seriousness.

“I hear you Alfie. You hush your gums, you little shit,” she shouted, which was quickly followed but Lily reprimanding her. “Gamma you wash your mouth out. Fear, did you hear Gamma? Tell her.” When Lily called out to Fear, I could see the interest sparked in the eyes of all the Parkers.

“Come on in. Sorry, it’s a bit of a madhouse in here. I’m Alfie. Please come meet everyone. ” I ushered them in and made the introductions. Fear didn’t say anything right away, just politely shook hands and nodded hello. It took a while, but with the likes of my mother, Hayley, Tate and Lily, things quickly loosened up.

By the time everyone had gone home, and Griffin and Lily were in bed, I was exhausted. “I thought that went well, didn’t you?” I asked.

“Yeah, I am glad I did it now.” Ha, I knew he would be. I know my man. “Alfie,” Fear said softly. His voice sounded so strange that it caused me to turn my whole body to look at him. “I love you,” he said.

My eyes filled with tears and I practically ran straight into him and wrapped my body around him. Perfection. That’s what it was. Everything was perfect.

Fear had been asleep for about an hour and all I could do was watch him like a creepy stalker. As I stared at my heart, I knew that everything that I went through was worth it to be there with him. I had truly succumbed to my Fear. 

The End

Preview of - Sharpening His Broken Talon

Chapter One

Talon

“T, get up bro. You’re going to be late.” I heard shouted through my door. I didn’t want to get up. I didn’t want to go back to that fucking awful place and I absolutely didn’t want to deal with the people I knew I was going to have to face when I got there.

Another loud bag on my door and I knew there was no more putting it off. I love my little brother to pieces but if anyone was annoying enough to get me moving, it was him. I was just going to have to suck it up and stop trying to put off the inevitable. I thought that when we moved this would be my fresh start. A place where I could start over and not dread waking up in the morning scared of what I was going to have to face. More to the point: who I was going to have to face.

I dragged myself out of bed and headed for the shower. I hoped at some point I’d work up the courage to let Dad know how much I hated how things were. Sadly, though, as much as I wish it could be, today was not that day. I was already a huge disappointment to him; I really didn’t want to make his opinion of me even worse. That was total bullshit and I knew it. My dad loved all his kids the same and showed us how much on a daily basis. I knew it was my own mind turning against me that made me feel like I was a failure. I just wished that I could be a son he could be proud of. At least he had a new eldest son who can fill that void.

My newly discovered brother was the reason for our relocation. As soon as he discovered that he had another kid out there, nothing could stop Dad from getting to know him. So he moved us all across the country. My sister Molly, who had been living on her own for years pulled up stakes and came along. My little brother didn’t really get a choice, seeing that he was only sixteen. Where Dad went so did Tristan. I probably could have stayed behind, but I needed a do over, and I really wanted to be where my family was.  

Looking into the bathroom mirror, I shook my head at my reflection, quickly looking away and heading to the shower. At least I wouldn’t have to look at myself in there.

Clothed and as ready as I was going to get, I picked up my bag and headed down the hall toward the sound of my dad and brother’s voices and laughter. I would’ve given anything to be able to join in with them, but sadly, it was just another thing on the ever-growing list of things that I couldn’t do. Not yet, but I hoped to get there one day.

“Talon, what time do you expect to get home today? Will it be before two o’clock? I try out for the football team today. Will you be able to come and watch? Dad’s coming. Do you think I should ask Hunter? Do you think he’d want to go to something like that?” My brother’s questions were flying out rapid fire and it was hard to keep up. It was hard not to love the little shit, he didn’t care that I was different. To him, I was just his big brother. He never asked why he got stuck with a dud for a brother, he never saw me as being wrong, just different, and he didn’t care what my dissimilarities were. He wouldn’t change me at all and had told me so plenty of times growing up. Our family had always been super tight. Dad and Molly were the same as Tristan, always loving me fiercely, regardless of how I felt about myself. They knew I struggled; they just had no idea how much. Tristan knew but kept my secret, he’s really an awesome little brother.

There was nothing I wouldn’t do to show my family my gratitude for not only helping me but for never wishing I was anything other than myself. I just wished I could feel the same.  

I was brought back to the present when I heard pain in my brother’s voice. “He probably wouldn’t want to go.” I looked over at Dad who was looking a Tristan. It took a lot for Tristan to sound so sad. He was so full of energy, usually bouncing off the walls. The kid never ran out of smiles. At six-foot-two and built like a WWE wrestler, my little brother could be all kinds of intimidating. Until you started talking to him and realized that he was just a sixteen-year-old kid and not at all street smart. He wore his heart on his sleeve and when he took a knock emotionally, it hit him hard. Dad, Molly, and I always had time for him. That’s why he couldn’t understand why Hunter didn’t want to get know us.

Since moving to New Jersey, we’d seen our elusive big brother all of three times. And that was including the welcome to the family party he and his friends threw almost four months ago.

I leaned over to the counter where I knew there was a pen and paper. There were lots of them planted all over the house for me. I wrote down what I wanted to say and showed it to Tristan.

The bright smile I received from him was all I needed to ignore the discomfort I was going to suffer to do this for him.

“Really?” Tristan asked. I nodded and pointed over to Dad so Tris would show him the note. I sat down to some cereal, which was already out on the counter.

Tristan gave the note to Dad, the whole time bouncing around with excitement. After reading it, Dad looked at me and raised his brow. He knew how hard it was going to be for me. He also knew that I’d do anything for Tristan.

“Love you, son,” he said. I nodded and rubbed my palm on my chest, my sign for “love you, too.”

Dad put the note down and told Tristan to go and get ready if he wanted to go with me. He moved so fast I almost expected a cartoon smoke trail to follow him.

“You sure you’re okay with this?” Dad asked quietly.

I nodded and pointed to the ceiling to signal Tristan, and I know he got it. Dad left the kitchen with a pat to my shoulder.

I looked at the note and could feel the nerves already creeping in. What on earth possessed me to write that?

Go get ready for school and I’ll take you. On the way over, we can stop at Hunter’s and ask him if he wants to come watch your try out.

Within fifteen minutes, Tristan was back and eager to get going. Tristan shouted a goodbye to Dad and we headed out to my car, my baby, the love of my life. My car was my pride and joy; it was the car Dad bought me when I was sixteen. He and I worked hard at restoring it from rust bucket to perfection. A 1976 Pontiac GTO, all black and chrome. I felt as if there should be a fanfare every time I saw him. That thought brought a smile to my face. His name is Pony. Tristan named him that when he was just a little guy, unable to say Pontiac and it just stuck.

“Morning Pony,” Tristan said as he got in. I’d trained him well. Respect Pony and Pony will respect you. Smiling over at him, I gave a thumbs up and got a bright smile in return.

It was a short drive to Hunter and his partner’s house. Tristan didn’t give me the chance to get worked up about it. He was out of the car and halfway up the walkway before I’d even had the chance to turn the engine off. I got out of the car at much slower pace, knowing that even with all his exuberance Tristan wouldn’t knock until I was with him.

The second I reached him, his arm shot out and he was pressing the bell. I think he was worried that I would change my mind and pull him back to the car to make an escape.

“Don’t you open that door mister, you know the rule,” was shouted from somewhere inside.

“I wasn’t going to. I was going to look and see who it was. I’m allowed to be nosey. You never gave me a rule about that,” was yelled back. This was shouted much closer to the door and from a much younger person.

“Gamma has corrupted you. You be sure and tell her that,” replied a much clearer voice. A much clearer voice with a very prominent English accent.

Tristan was smiling at me when the door swung open and Alfie and his little brother Griffin stood there. Tristan, who was only seconds ago unable to contain his excitement, was now very shy and just staring.
Oh, this is going well.
I taped Tris on the shoulder and pointed to Alfie, trying to prompt him to ask for Hunter.

“Is Hunter home?” he asked quietly.

Alfie opened his mouth to talk but it was his little brother who answered. “Nope. He just left to go to his shop. Deliveries, right Alfie?” He looked to his brother for confirmation.

“Yeah, you just missed him. He’s been having a right pickle with one of his suppliers. Is there anything I can do?”

“Erm… Well… I.” Tristan looked at me and I slung my arm around his shoulder to give him the courage to continue. “I have football try outs today and I was kind of thinking maybe Hunter would want to come and watch. Talon always comes, and Molly. Dad is going to be there, and well… Hunter has never seen me play.” I felt him lean closer to my side as if steeling himself for the rejection.

“Who’s Hunter?” Griffin asked.

“That is Fear’s birth name,” Alfie explained.

“Can I come watch the football?” Griffin cut in.

Tristan looked to me, not knowing what to say. I knew that he would love it if everyone came to watch him play, but he also didn’t want to promise something he couldn’t deliver to a little kid. I mimed writing to Tristan.

“Do you have a pen and paper for Talon to write down what he wants to say? Please.” Alfie nodded and grabbed the pen and pad just inside the door by the phone. I smiled my thanks and started to write.

You’re all more than welcome to come out. It starts at 2:30 at the middle school sports field. Could you ask Hunter to come? It would really mean a lot to Tristan.

When I finished writing, I handed the note pad to Alfie. Before he even finished reading, he was nodding. He seemed like a really nice guy. Definitely the ying to Hunter’s yang. Hunter hadn’t ever been rude or mean just unapproachable, maybe. Closed off. A feeling I knew all too well.

“Can I take your cell phone number and I’ll text you once I talk to him?” he asked, looking between Tristan and me. He handed me back the pad and I quickly wrote down my number. I smiled my thanks and with a quick wave to Griffin, we headed back to the car.

Once we were on our way to Tristan’s school, he asked, “You think he’ll come?” Not wanting to get his hopes up, I shrugged and held up my crossed fingers. I had no idea if he’d come but I really wanted him to for Tristan’s sake.

Tate

“Please tell me again why I’m am here at this ungodly hour,” I groaned. I should’ve been all cozy in bed. Not at the shop, hungry and craving a cup of coffee. 

Coffee, coffee, where for art thou, coffee? It was the nectar of the gods and should be worshipped. I chose to show my worship by drinking large amounts of it regularly throughout my day.

“Would you quit your griping? For fuck’s sake. You think I want to be here this early?” Fear, my best friend and boss, asked in his usual low rumble.

“Yes, yes I do think that, I think you’re up this early anyway because of the Nuggets and being here allows you a get out of jail free card for an hour or two,” I said, referring to Fear’s boyfriend’s younger siblings that he had guardianship of. I loved those little Nuggets to death but they were a handful in the morning. And having grown up with Fear, I knew that like me, he was not a morning person.

“Hey I’ll have you know I love my Nugget time,” he retorted with an almost straight face. Fear, who until recently was a moody bastard was smiling more and more and loved it. Not that I would comment on it. We all saw the changes in him and I could honestly say that they made me happy down to my bones.

The sound of the door opening had us both turning around in time to watch Hayley struggle through the door pulling the stroller behind her with JJ in her arms. Fear was over to her in a second, taking his nephew into his arms while I grabbed the stroller. Hayley didn’t seem to break stride when she huffed passed us on the way to her desk and fell into her chair. She was clearly exhausted.

“You know the baby goes inside the stroller, just an FYI.” I thought it helpful to point out the obvious. The look I received for my kind reminder would’ve brought a lesser man to his knees. But having known Hayley almost as long as I’d known Fear, I was familiar with all her looks and most of them no longer worked on me. I was immune to all but two of her looks.

“Don’t start with me this morning Tate, I’ve had about two hours of sleep and my tits are so sore I feel like they might actually fall off.” She really did look tired, but the tit information was a tad TMI and Fear looked like he thought so too. 

“Where’s John?” Fear asked, never taking his eyes always from the little guy in his arms.

“He has that job interview with Ben this morning. He was up with me all night, so I had to give him a little time to rest this morning. Mama Sheri brought me; she’s just gone over to the diner for some coffee,” Hayley shared. Before I could pull my phone out to text Mama Sheri that I would love her forever if she brought me my fix, the door opened again, bringing with it the most amazing aroma ever invented.