stupid is forever (4 page)

life after graduation from UP. As a rule, any UP
graduate will always be characterized by academic
excellence and by the courage to take social justice to
the next level. If you are to serve your nation, I am
here to testify that it will be a rough, contentious,
and spirit-crushing journey.

But as a true UP graduate, I insist that I have a role
to perform. This role is to stand as one of gazillion
bricks in the cathedral of governance. No one will
remember me if I suddenly drop dead tomorrow.
But generations after you and me, would be able
to put behind them the culture of corruption, and
build a new shining nation with leaders who are
neither dazzled by the material world, nor confused
about their purpose in life.

Hence, I have risen from my sickbed to issue you
this challenge: For God’s sake, save this country.
Use social media during this three-month campaign
period to ensure that our people shall be led to
choose deserving national leaders. Allow me to
make some recommendations on how to weaponize
social media against the corrupt, the clueless, and
the clowns. I am paraphrasing from an article in
the Net issued by Craft Media Digital and written by
Brian Donahue.

Weaponize social media during the campaign by
providing content that not only informs, but also
entertains and motivates. You need to develop skills
in creative design, emotionally riveting visuals, and
content that inspires action. We can not weaponize
by simply issuing a statement, a newsletter, or a
Facebook post. We need to enlist the work of more
graphic designers, creative writers, videographers,
and musicians.

Weaponize social media during the campaign
by embracing targeted messaging strategies. You
cannot rely on single-issue national messaging. You
have to send custom messages to specific audiences
online. It is said that in today’s digital age, data is
the most precious commodity. Hook up with math
students in the Diliman campus. Ask our math
scholars to build algorithms for matching data. This
will develop demographic models that will help you
to identify valuable voter behavior. For example,
refer to Facebook OpenGraph.

Weaponize social media during the political
campaign by delivering content so engaging that
individual netizens will be motivated to share it. I
see in the current campaign that the most egregious
error of the candidates is that they treat social media
as if it were TV or radio, where they simply transfer
information to the masses. The strength of the web
is information sharing among social netizens.

Weaponize social media in the political campaign
by accepting that the future of political warfare
will take place online. For example, a comparative
database that provides information on each
candidate’s age, residence, highest academic degree,
and highest professional achievement, would be a
sufficient counterbalance to the tendency of the low
middle-class voter to sell his vote or to vote for the
cute personality.

Social media should be used as a showcase for
intangible movement or energy, and a medium
of information to motivate people to vote for or
against a particular candidate.

Conclusion

I share one unbreakable linkage with you. At one
time I was your age and like all UP students, I wanted
to change the world. Maybe I have. But the world
also changed me. Now I am old enough to have
seen the world and have all my illusions shattered.
Am I disillusioned? No, because as the poet said:
Though much is taken, much abides;
and though

We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are,
we are;

One equal temper of heroic hearts,

Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.

Barring public demand, any person who pursues
the presidency out of personal ambition must
be suffering from a basic genetic defect.

(In a 1989 magazine interview.)

I do not subscribe to the school of thought that I am
leading the presidential polls because of my beautiful leg

(After topping most presidential surveys in 1990.)

First you say that I have a brilliant resume and an
impressive track record. But then you propose that
I should not run for president, but only for vice-
president. Clearly, your conclusion does not follow
your own premise. And you justify this illogic
by claiming that I would be cheated by my rivals
as a presidential candidate, so I should settle for
becoming a vice-presidential candidate instead.
Sir, if the rest of humankind had adopted your
line of thinking, we would never have reached the
moon, scaled Mt. Everest, or learned to fly. For
in all these daring enterprises, people who should
have known better said it could not be done.
When I went to the Commission on Immigration
and Deportation to fight graft and corruption, the
cynics also said it could not be done. But a person’s
reach must exceed her grasp, or what’s heaven for?

Why did Sir Edmund Hillary climb Mt.
Everest? Because it is there. Why am I fighting
graft and corruption? Because it is here!
That’s why I’m running for president,
and for no other post.

(During an open forum hosted by the Association of International
College Women, who gave her a standing ovation.)

Sir, I remind you that as the Commissioner of
Immigration and Deportation, I represent the
majesty of the Republic of the Philippines. You
have the obligation to show respect and courtesy to
me. Now shut up, or I’ll knock your teeth off!
(To an alien criminal suspect who raised his voice to
interrupt her during a press conference.)

The fixer is a person who nominally looks like a
human being. But he specializes in creating misery for
others, in order that he can offer to fix it for a fee.
(Explaining to the press why she banned fixers at Commission on
Immigration and Deportation and ordered their mass arrest.)

Ano ang pinagkapareho ng sperm at ng mga pulitiko
?
Pareho silang may one in a million chance na maging totoong tao.

The cabinet is afflicted with a dreaded disease. It
is known as logorrhea, or incoherent talking.
(After then President Corazon Aquino announced a program
of measures to improve cabinet performance and cut costs,
most of which had been proposed earlier by Miriam.)

Congress and the cabinet are talking at cross¬
purposes. We are trapped in a political Tower
of Babel. Our national leaders are accursed by
glossolalia, or talking in different tongues.
(When the Senate first began to oppose her alien legalization
program when she was Immigration Commissioner.)

I shall expect the landlords to cooperate with the
agrarian reform program. Right now, it looks like
I’m headed for One Hundred Years of Solitude.
(Upon President Aquino’s announcement of her appointment
as Secretary of Agrarian Reform, using the title of a booh
fry
Nobel prizewinner Gabriel Garcia Marquez.)

Some of them are devotees to a cult of self-
praise. I refused to join that hallelujah chorus!

(To a newsman’s question of why some of her cabinet colleagues accused
her of aloofness when she was Secretary of Agrarian Reform.)

I feel like Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom.

(Entering Congress for her first confirmation
hearing as Secretary of Agrarian Reform.)

I was accused of almost every crime under the Penal Code,
except adultery. At malapit na rin kaming dumating doon.
(Explaining why confirmations hearings could be oppressive.)

Head-bashing is the best strategy. Sometimes I
have to splatter their brains on the pavement.
(On the best way to fight graft.)

When the government employee is poor and he works in a
corrupt agency, he can resist everything except temptation.
(At a student convocation at the University of the Philippines.)

I don’t mind if a senator does not know much about
legislative work, what I mind is when they pretend they
do! They reduce legislation to the level of the ludicrous.

Holdaper: Holdap ito! Akin na ang pera mo!

Lalaki: Hindi mo ba ako nakikilala?

Isa akong congressman!

Holdaper: Kung ganoon, akin na ang pera namin!

My public life closely resembles the popular science-fiction trilogy on screen, consisting of the movies
entitled "Star Wars,” followed by "The Empire Strikes
Back,” and ending with "The Return of the Jedi.”

In seeking to change the culture of corruption, I have to fight willy-nilly the superstars of the political underworld in this country. Although I am a definite underdog, I am not afraid of those corrupt superstars. Thus, the first chapter of my life should be entitled "Star Wars.” Because I was able to conscienticize the public about
corrupt politics, my enemies sought to avenge themselves!
They refused to confirm me in the Commission
on Appointments, until I was removed from the
Cabinet. My enemies posted that evil victory, but
until now they do not stop. When I started leading the presidential surveys, they paid for a diabolic media
blitz against me. Thus, the second chapter of my life should be entitled "The Empire Strikes Back."

But we have not seen the end of this trilogy. For life, I
like theology, consists of the unceasing battle between good and evil. In the movie trilogy, the forces of
good were called Jedi, while the forces of evil were

Death Threats for Breakfast!

I eat death threats for breakfast!