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“You going to tell me what you’re holding?” I ask Kenzie.

“Just a little something for Deacon,” she says. “I’m second guessing it, though.”

Deacon appears out of nowhere and pats me on the back. “You guys got me a present, didn’t you?” He thanks Kenzie with a polite kiss on the cheek and grabs the gift before she can object. Kenzie looks over at me, panic in her eyes. She tries to take back the gift, but he lifts it in the air like a brother teasing a little sister. I could easily take it from him—or punch him in the face—but I’m curious about what’s in there.

He rips off the paper and ribbon then lifts the lid to the box. He quickly bends over in a fit of laughter. “This is the best gift I ever got!”

“What is it?” I ask, and Kenzie raises her eyebrows.

Still chuckling, Deacon stands back up and lifts the lid to show me. “About a thousand pencils,” he says.

I grin at my girl, and she gives me a little shrug. I love that she did this, that she’s burying the hatchet with Deacon and still managing to bust his balls again.

“Kenzie, we should officially make up,” Deacon says and reaches behind the bar, grabbing several shots of vodka from a tray. He takes one for himself, slides one to me, and holds one out for Kenzie.

“By taking a shot together?” Kenzie asks.

“Yeah, there’s only two things I do with women,” he says. “Drink with them or bang them, and you’ve already taken banging off the table.”

“Real nice, Deacon,” I say. “You. . . .”

Kenzie squeezes my hand, telling me she’s got this, that I should chill. She takes the shot in her hand and says, “I would think drinking leads to banging.”

“But not my brother’s girl. I’d never do that. You’re off limits now and forever.”

“I’ll drink to that,” I say and take the shot.

“I think I’ll pass,” she says and sets the shot on the bar. “I need to keep my head straight tonight for Elise and James.”

Deacon downs his shot
and
hers then pinches his eyes shut, the pain of the alcohol hitting him hard. “Kenzie, don’t worry about Elise,” he says. “Don’t be concerned if she’s not overly friendly tonight. She’s on duty, like at the football game. She’s my dad’s wife. This is her job.” He flags the bartender for another drink.

I wave the bartender off. “Slow down, Deacon.”

“Buzz kill,” he says, taking a seat on a stool and fiddling with his gift. “Let me just sit here and play with my pencil dicks.”

I look down at Kenzie and see her lips in a tight line, her eyes crinkling up. She’s trying her hardest not to laugh but simply can’t help herself. Her sweet giggle quickly comes, and then Deacon starts laughing, too—I mean, really laughing hard. He fist bumps Kenzie, like they’re the best of friends now.

James and my mom approach the three of us, and Kenzie puts a lid on the laughter. “What’s so funny over here?”

“A gift from Kenzie,” Deacon says and shows him.

“James may not think it’s funny,” Kenzie whispers to me. “I mean, it’s his station.” But I know she has nothing to worry about. James slaps his knee and starts a huge belly laugh.

I pull Kenzie close and whisper, “I love you.”

James gives my mom a peek in the box. “Clever,” she says and smiles at Kenzie then kisses her on the cheek. “Kane, honey, I need to steal you for a minute.”

*

I follow my
mother through the crowd. Something’s obviously up. She’s not saying anything to me. She’s not even looking at me. Did I do something wrong? Probably. I’m not sure what it could be, though. I feel like I’m twelve years old again. My mother slides open a patio door and glances back inside before telling me to close it.

“What’s up, Mom?”

“Have you forgotten what today is?”

I look back inside. “The station. . . .”

“This has nothing to do with the station. How can you forget today?”

I can hear her heart breaking in her voice, and the memories rush back. A pound of guilt settles into my chest. “Mom?”

She wipes her cheek. “I’m okay. It’s just today is so. . . .”

“I know, Mom,” I say. “So you talked to Lily today?”

“Yes. I sent her flowers, too.”

“How was she?”

“A mess.”

“She keeps calling me,” I say. “I haven’t picked up.”

“She told me you’re avoiding her.”

“I’m trying to move on, be happy! I don’t want to dwell on the past.”

“The past isn’t always in the past,” she says.

“Look, you should try to be happy, too, Mom. You and James have this great party going, with all these people here.”

“I know that,” she says. “It’s just that you’ve had a lot going on, and you still do. Maybe you need to pause a little.”

I run my fingers through my hair. “Mom. . . .”

She holds up her hand, and I shut up. “I know, you’re a grown man. But I’m worried about you. If you can’t slow down for your own good, maybe you can for Kenzie.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She places a hand on my shoulder. “It means Lily isn’t totally out of your life, and Kenzie could end up getting hurt if you aren’t careful. And I’d hate to see that happen. I think she’s good for you.” She gives me a kiss on the cheek.

Alone on the patio, I feel a huge headache coming on. I love my mother and know she means well, but I’m not sure why she’s so worried. There’s no way I’ll ever hurt Kenzie—or let my past hurt Kenzie. My mom’s just being overprotective.

Still, I can’t get her words, her concern, out of my head. I glance inside and see Kenzie laughing, having a good time. I’m not ready to go back in. I don’t want to ruin her joy. Rubbing my temples, I look up to the sky, hoping something can distract me.

But there are no stars out tonight—no moon, either. It’s just black, empty, nothingness. It’s the way it should be, I guess. After all, this is the day my life fell apart—and so did Lily’s. No matter what, we share a pain. We carry it together.

I pull my phone from my pocket and stare down at it. I’m an asshole for not picking up earlier today. This all could’ve been avoided. I bring the phone to my forehead, debating, and look back inside. Kenzie is still laughing. My mind and heart have that sound memorized.

It’s the sound of my future, and I’m ready for it. But I need to acknowledge today, too. It’s the right thing to do.

Lily answers in tears, her voice hoarse, and I know it’s not from crying. It’s because she’s spent the day hunched over the toilet. I listen to her sob about the day, about the house selling. “Lily, tell me how I can help.”

I meant it when I asked, but now she’s insisting I go over to our house. I understand how important it is to her, but I’m not going to drop everything and rush over there like she wants.

Lily doesn’t like my timeframe, so she starts yelling at me. If I hang up, she’ll just call back or throw up again. That’s the last thing I need on my conscience, but I need to get this call over. Lily eventually calms a bit, and I assure her that I’ll go to the house soon.

I look back inside, and Kenzie’s brown eyes catch mine. Her smile fades. I think I’m good at reading people, but Kenzie is becoming an expert with me. She starts my way with Deacon following behind.

I try to quickly finish up. “Lily, you should know it’s serious with Kenzie. . . . Yes, I want to. . . . Lily, please don’t cry. . . . I know you want me to be happy. . . . I know this is hard. . . . Look, I’ve got to go.” I hang up and slip my phone in my pocket.

“Is everything alright?” Kenzie asks, taking a small step onto the patio.

Deacon stumbles out behind her. “Don’t think so. See that mopey-ass look on his face?”

“Give us a minute,” I tell Deacon, who nods and goes back inside.

“Kane?” Kenzie asks. The sound of my name so sweetly coming from her lips never felt so undeserved. I lower my head and close my eyes.

“I forgot today. . . .” The words get caught in my chest. “That was Lily on the phone. She’s upset and needed to talk.”

“What’s going on?”

“She wants me to go by the house and take some pictures and text them to her. She wants to see it again. She’s afraid she won’t be back in time.”

“She must really love that house,” she says. “Or is she looking for excuses to be in touch with you?”

“That’s not it. But I need to do this for her tomorrow. It’s important.”

“Okay,” Kenzie says.

God, her voice sounds so soft. “I’m not choosing Lily over you.” I can tell she doesn’t believe me. That look in Kenzie’s eyes, like I’m not putting her first—it damn near kills me.

“When’s Lily coming back?”

“I’m really not sure.”

Deacon pops his head through the patio door. He’s carrying a drink in each hand. “You guys done hiding out? I need you to come back in. This party is the fucking lamest shit! Can’t believe I shaved my balls for this! There isn’t a single woman here under the age of sixty!”

KANE

I open up
the driver’s door of my Porsche SUV and dangle the keys in front of Kenzie. Her eyes are so bright, so excited. She grabs the keys and hops inside, bouncing up and down a little in the seat. It feels good to see her happy, because I know she’s not happy I’m doing this favor for Lily. Maybe letting her drive my car will score me some points? I need them after this, so I promised Kenzie she could drop me off at my house then drive my car to Sister Sunday with Tessa. It’s a good penance. I lean over and kiss her sweetly on the cheek. “No speeding.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“And I plugged the address in the GPS.”

“Got it.”

“You are going to pick up Tessa and cruise around in my car, aren’t you?”

She shoots me a smile. “Maybe.”

I pin her against the seat and cock a grin at her. “Just be careful.”

“Whose body are you worried about? Mine or the car?”

I lean in close, my eyes fixed on her mouth. “Yours. I’ve ridden in the car. I haven’t ridden. . . .”

She playfully smacks my shoulder. I kiss her sweetly and shut the door, watching her drive away. My chest constricts a little. I look back towards my house, knowing what ghosts are waiting inside, knowing what I have to do, knowing what I promised Lily.

And knowing that I finally need to tell Kenzie everything.

*

KENZIE

I sink back
into the leather seat, surrounding myself in Kane. The car smells like him, clean and fresh. I drive faster than I should, anxious to pick Tessa up. We used to love to cruise around as teenage girls, drinking flavored sodas from Sonic, blaring music with the windows rolled down, although, back then, we were in Michael’s old pickup truck. Tessa’s gonna flip when she sees me in Kane’s Porsche.

I barrel through the front door, excited to pick up my big sister for a blast from the past, but Michael meets me in the foyer with a wailing Zoe.

“Tessa’s upstairs. Now may not be a good time,” he says.

“But it’s our day,” I say. “Is Tessa not feeling well?”

“She was changing, and Zoe started crying. Tessa couldn’t get her to stop. She thinks Zoe is scared of her.”

I kiss Zoe’s little hand. “Zoe’s just a baby. She wouldn’t be scared of her own mother.”

“Maybe you’ll have better luck with Tessa than I had,” he says. “I’m taking Zoe for a stroll. Calm her down.”

I wait until they leave then walk back to the bedroom Tessa is staying in. It’s the room we shared as kids, still painted bright purple with hot pink accents. I knock lightly on the door then stick my head in. Tessa is standing in the middle of the room in her bathrobe. “Hey, sis.”

“Not today, Kenzie.”

I walk all the way in. “Nothing gets in the way of Sister Sunday.”

“Dying does.”

“You’re not dead.”

“My daughter is scared of me. Okay? Not fucking today!”

“Yes, fucking today.”

Tessa rips her bathrobe off her body. “Look at me Kenzie. Fucking look at me!”

I don’t flinch. Sure, I see the skeleton of my sister’s bones and the huge scars where her breasts used to be. But I see much more than that. I will not stand by and let Tessa define herself by her scars, by her cancer. She is not cancer. “Well, at least you’re thin.” Tessa’s lips tighten together, and her eyes start watering from trying to hold in her laugh. I smile, and we both burst into a fit of laughter.