Strings Attached (20 page)

Jeremy stared hard into the flames. How could Coby know? He’d been so careful. This shouldn’t be happening, especially not now—not after the disastrous encounter upstairs with Reed. “I don’t know what you’re talking…” he began to protest, but his words died, strangled in his throat. Oddly, his crotch tingled again with that familiar soda pop feeling.

“Tyler, come on! You’ve been with Reed for a couple months now, and you still haven’t done it with her?” Coby shrugged, laughing easily. “She’s one of the hottest bitches at school. And then you throw away the chance to do it with her even when there’re no parents within
miles
and you’re sleeping in the same bed? It doesn’t take Sherlock Homo to figure that one out,” he laughed.

“I forgot the condoms, that’s all. I forgot the fucking condoms, and she freaked out.” He was pleased that he sounded convincing. “We just don’t want to live with any mistakes like my parents did.”

Coby stood from his end of the sofa, shuffled over, then sat gently next to him. “We’re buds, right?”

Jeremy tipped his head.

“And whatever I say won’t change that, right?”

“Yeah?”

“OK then, because I’ve been wanting to get something out in the open for a long time, and I figured you did too.” He was so close now that his breath warmed Jeremy’s cheek. “I’ve seen the way you look at me,” he whispered. “Every day we’re at school, in the gym showers, by the pool, even in your rearview mirror on the way up here, I saw it. It’s unmistakable, dude.
Unmistakable.
”

Jeremy felt stunned, embarrassed, nakedly transparent. It was as if Coby had smashed open the lockbox in his head and was now flipping through the porno magazines—
starring themselves
—that he kept stashed there.

“You’re wrong.” Jeremy turned and bravely met his stare, but as he did so, a current passed between them, and he felt more of the stirring between his legs.

“If you want me to say it, I will.” Coby smiled, then crossed his arms across his naked chest. “Then you tell me if I’m right or wrong. But either way, I promise I’ll help you with this mess you’re in with Reed.”

“
You’ll
help me,” Jeremy laughed.

“You need help.”

“Fuck you. If you’ve got something to say, then say it.
But I don’t need your help.
”

“Ooh. I see you’ve grown some balls since we first met.”

“Just say it, Coby! Say it or shut the fuck up!”

“Fine. You want to like girls but you think you like boys, but you’ve never been with either one so you’re not sure.”

Jeremy knew that he was officially cornered, but he couldn’t surrender; too much was at stake. He’d reject this until the day he died. But why was it that the more he denied what Coby suggested, the more sexually aroused he became? With horror, he realized that the flesh between his legs felt now as hard as a tree branch. He leaned forward and adjusted his pajamas.

Is this what Ellie had been referring to?
“You’re an asshole. You think everyone in the world is in love with you.”

“Now, who said anything about you liking
me
that way,” Coby said, innocently. “But go ahead and tell me I’m wrong.” He inched closer, his voice sweet and low. “Tell me you wouldn’t like to hold another guy, a hot naked dude in bed with you. And since
you
brought it up, look at me and say you wouldn’t dig for us to be in that bed like we were earlier.” He traced a finger along the side of Jeremy’s thigh, then rested his hand on his knee. “Picture it. Just you and me…making each other feel the way only two guys can.” Twin orange infernos were reflected in his violet eyes. “Now, you go ahead and tell me I’m wrong, my friend, and I’ll believe you.”

“Yes, you’re wrong!” Jeremy was shaking, his composure finally shattered. His painful erection now strained against the flimsy silk of his pajamas, tenting the crotch provocatively. He held his body perfectly still, knowing that even the slightest friction from the slippery fabric would cause him to ejaculate.

“Say it, Tyler. Tell someone the truth for once.” His eyes dropped to Jeremy’s lap and lingered there for more than a moment, then lifted seductively to meet the other’s humiliated stare. “I see you’ve already answered my question.”

“I don’t know,” Jeremy answered nervously. He’d never disclosed
that
to anyone before, never imagined he’d be in the position he was now of being coaxed into admitting his most secret desires to the very object of them.

“Look. There’s nothing wrong with being gay as long as you’re not all faggy like Carlo; just like it’s OK for Ellie to sleep with other guys so long as she’s not slutty like Brynn. So why don’t you just find out if you like it? If you do, the sooner the better…for you and Reed both.”

“I’m tired. I’m…I’m going to bed.” Jeremy popped up from the sofa, turning and gathering his robe while he did so to conceal his condition.

“What are you afraid of, man? I’ll never tell anyone.” Coby stood too, then stepped toward Jeremy and stopped, clenching his abs for effect. “Or is it that you aren’t attracted to me?”

He whirled around, his nerves stripped clean. “I’m not afraid of anything, Coby.
Not anything!
I’m used to living in hell—I was raised there, in case no one told you. I wouldn’t even know what to do if things actually went the way I wanted to instead of them getting fucked up and sideways. If anything in my life went normally for a change, I’d probably get hit by a bus the next day or my head would explode.” He sucked in a breath.
Say it, say it, say it!
“And yes, of course I’m attracted to you.”

As the truth was released, the gates holding back his adrenaline opened, and every cell in his body sucked it up and trembled. At once, Coby and the fireplace and the entire living room seemed distant, as if he were watching the scene before him unfold from backward binoculars. Suddenly, he couldn’t feel his feet.

Coby’s parted lips curved into a dazzling smile. He took two more steps toward Jeremy, his naked torso shiny with perspiration, looking even more than usual like a glistening Greek sculpture adorned with human nipples. The light from the fireplace behind him gave his head a halo of frizzled gold.

“It’s good to hear it finally, because I’m attracted to you too,” Coby admitted easily. “I’ve been for a long time.”

Jeremy grinned unbelievingly, but then Reed’s face flashed before him. He was a breath away from betraying her. His smile vanished, and he took a step backward.

“Why are you running away from me?” Coby said, innocent as a child. He reached up and laid his hands on his shoulders, his face broadcasting both benevolence and determination, like a televangelist readying a miraculous healing.

The contact broke the spell. “I…I can’t do this.” Jeremy looked down, shaking his head.

“Don’t be afraid of who you really are.”

Jeremy shook his head.
Easy for you to say.

“It’s your decision, bud. But tell me, why not?”

Jeremy sighed. “Because if I do this with anyone, I don’t want it to be just a one-night thing, you know…where just because you didn’t get off with Ellie and I happened to come downstairs, we’re hooking up.”

“Oh, please don’t tell me you’re looking for some guy to pick out china with,” Coby laughed. He’d never been refused before and was surprised at how it stung. “You’re even gayer than I thought.”

“Maybe I am and maybe I’m not,” Jeremy replied, his anxiety sinking as his confidence rose. “All I know is that if I’m going to do this, I’d like us to feel the same way. Like it’s not just for once.”

Coby saw an in. “So maybe you and I do already…feel the same way.”

“Yeah, so then tell me how you feel about me—and be honest.”

“I like you a lot. You know that. We’re buds…and more. I even told you earlier that I’ve been attracted to you for a long time.”

Jeremy swallowed hard. “I’m talking about something more specific.”

“Like what?”

“I mean, how do you
feel
about me? Emotionally, I mean.”

“I just told you.”

“Well then, I guess we don’t feel the same way because…” Should Jeremy expose the extent of his obsession? He quickly figured he had nothing to lose. “…I think about you all the time. And I’ve got feelings for you. Strong ones.”

“Really?” His eyebrows raised. “What kind?” His face displayed a bashful smile and eyes that sparkled. “Tell me.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I can’t. It’s
stupid.
”

“You can tell me,” Coby coaxed. “I promise I won’t laugh, and I won’t ever tell
anyone.
”

Jeremy’s eyes searched Coby’s and thought he saw truth there. And trustworthiness. “I’m in love with you,” he said finally.

“You are?” was what his mouth said, when
I knew it
was what he thought. He figured he could easily have him, but he still needed to proceed cautiously. He sat down and stared ahead vacantly while considering the rustic coffee table in front of them, smoothing the top with the palm of his hand. Would it support both their weights?

“Yeah. I guess I am,” Jeremy stated.

“But because you are, you don’t think we should connect? Not tonight at least?”

“That’s how I feel. It’s kind of funny, when you think about it.” The truth was out—and the relief was indescribable.

The house creaked and popped as if listening on tiptoe.

“I guess I better find a place to sleep,” Jeremy mumbled. He stretched his arms high, leaned from side to side yawning, then picked up his blankets and turned for the staircase.

Coby’s brain scrambled, then focused. He cleared his throat. “Wait a minute.”

“What?”

“Sit down. I got something I want to…I need to tell you too.”

Jeremy collapsed back into the dented orange cushion.

“I think about you too sometimes, like the same kinds of stuff you were saying.”

“And that would be what, exactly?”

“This is really hard to say…” Coby cleared his throat again, then threw his gaze to the rafters. “Like having it be just you and me sometimes, you know? Before we left, I was even thinking about what it could’ve been like if it’d been just us coming up here without the girls, because I really wanted to talk about this with you and maybe find out what it feels like to be…together. I look at you in the showers too; you’re a hot guy. And then tonight up in the bedroom when we were wrestling…I mean, man, I got
hard.
”

“So did I, in case you couldn’t tell.”

“I could. That’s why I didn’t push it tonight with Ellie. And sometimes I picture us just hanging out together not caring about anything that girls want you to care about, lying around on our beach when no one’s home, drinkin’ beers and just messing around with each other whenever we felt horny. No girlfriend bullshit, you know? I mean, sometimes it’s like Ellie is such a major bitch and it’d be so much easier if I didn’t even have to make her, or any other chick, happy. And sometimes dudes just turn me on. Especially when they’re like you. I mean, Jeremy, I’ve never said this to another guy before, and I might never again as long as I live, but I could see myself with you. Together, you know?”

“What exactly does that mean?”

“It means…It means that I think someday—soon—I could see myself being in love with you too.” Suddenly shy, Coby glanced away.

“Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure.”

“Then let me know when you’re
absolutely
sure.” Jeremy jumped up. “I’m going to bed.”

“Wait a fucking minute!” Coby snarled. “How come you get to run off after I just told you what I did? I’ve never told that to any guy before. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?” He pushed himself up from the sofa, his arms locked defiantly across his chest. He made his eyes look hurt.

“It means that you, like everyone else our age, have confusing feelings and fantasies once in a while.” Jeremy took two steps toward the darkened staircase.

“Doesn’t it mean anything else?” Coby whispered.

“Telling someone ‘Someday, soon, maybe I could see myself being in love with you too’ to get off with them is a long way from actually loving them. I should know, because an hour ago I did kind of the same thing to Reed. Actually, I was hoping that if we fucked I’d fall truly, wholly in love with her, but now I’m pretty sure it works the other way around.” He scrunched his eyes closed, then opened them. “Coby, I told you something I’ve never said to anyone and meant, that I’m
in love
with you and have been for a long time. But it’s not a big deal, man. If you don’t feel the same way about me, then I’ll send you the same way Reed sent me—
away.
”

“Don’t run away from me, Jeremy.” This was tougher going than he’d imagined. He took a step forward, and his hand shot out, solidly cupping the back of the other’s neck. He locked Jeremy’s eyes and pulled his head forcefully toward him while drawing their mouths together. Jeremy jerked back reflexively as the dense heat of Coby’s torso pressed flat against his chest; he staggered under the crush of his twisting tongue as it wrenched his mouth open and licked his teeth. He resisted valiantly, but the scratch of Coby’s stubble on his own lips awakened a sleeping part of him; he felt like a character in a fairy tale whose spell has just worn off.

And time slammed to a stop for him. There were no days like menacing cars on the horizon ballooning as they sped nearer, no past or future or dead father or Reed. Only nostrils blowing noisily and tongues thrusting wildly and hands squeezing muscle and the heat, oh, the young heat that ached for release from the exasperating silk. “Jesus!” Jeremy hissed as his mouth pulled away, his eyes wide. A bridge of saliva connecting them stretched, then collapsed. “We can’t do this! Our girlfriends are asleep and waiting for us!” He tried to take a step back, but Coby grabbed him by the arm.