Stricken Resolve (26 page)

He chuckles at me and smiles, shaking his
head. Sure glad I give him some entertainment…Not.

I’m being serious. I’d like to be taken that
way.

“James, she’s fine. I think he might have a
little crush but it’s nothing to worry about. She wouldn’t touch
any man or woman even if they tried. She loves only you.”

I sigh, releasing all the tension I didn’t
realize I was harboring so deeply. She loves me. Not in the past
tense. If she’s not with Johnathan, The Wall; or whatever it is she
calls him, Claire or anyone else then maybe I have a chance.
Supplying me with a glimmer of hope. Hope, that this glimpse of her
from a distance will help me survive the next year without her.
With aid in the form of some medication, of course. Davis is right;
I need to get my shit together. I need to be the man everyone knows
me to be. Not the loose cannon that I’m turning into. Whoever that
is isn't me. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m lost.

“See that’s good news. Now the show will be
over in thirty minutes. Let's get out of here and go to the club.
This way you can watch her walk in,” Gonzales peeps up.

I give her a curt nod and stand.

Davis furnishes me with a brief handshake and
a pat on the shoulder. “I’ve got this, don’t you worry. I will talk
to Claire and she will at least know you are there.”

“Thanks.” I clap him over the shoulder and we
leave. Him returning to the backstage as Gonzales and I head over
to
Orchid
.

Chapter Sixteen

~James~

Bar- Orchid.

“Stand over here, Gonzales, they are right
there.” I point to the black SUV I know has my Mama Bear inside. It
parks next to the building as Davis and some bodyguards take point
and corral any possible problems. Keith, D, Price, Stacy and Emily
all exit the vehicle. Bruce, her new bodyguard, who is bigger than
a brick shithouse is holding open the back door for my love, who is
most definitely drunk.

“Hey Sugar, you comin’?” The giant man asks
her.

“Don’t you even think about it,” Gonzales
scolds.

I look over at her and raise a quizzical brow
wondering what she’s talking about.

“He’s being nice by calling her sugar, he’s
not trying to get into her pants.”

I snicker. “I know that. If I thought it was
more I would already be over there and putting a bullet through his
brain.” I’m dead serious.

“You would not.” The waver in her voice tells
me she doesn’t quite know whether to believe me or not.

“I would. Now quiet.” I turn to view my
sweetheart walking adorably to the door. Her heels sinking into the
loose gravel.

“Yup. This sugar is comin’ and comin’ and
oooo baby… I really wanna be comin.’ Where’s Papa Bear when I need
him?”

She said my name! She’s talking about me in
regards to coming. Oh hell. I glance down and yes, I’m hard. What
does that beautiful goddess do to me? Grabbing my package, I adjust
him before Gonzales notices the bulge. Twice in one night I’ve
gotten turned on. The funny thing is it isn’t much different than
all those times I was her bodyguard and watched her from afar with
a stiffy in my pants. The night she had the date with Claire here
in DC, she was across the room gesturing me to figure out where the
boys were. They hadn’t arrived yet and the adorable hand signals
she was giving me turned me on. I’m not ashamed to admit it
anymore. I was before. But now I freely accept the spell she’s
bestowed upon me.

“Well, Sugar, you better mosey that sexy ass
of yours this a-way, or you will be locked out,” the man tells her
and she giggles, shaking her head back and forth, finally making
her way through the back door.

He said she had a sexy ass? He’s right. But,
no man should be talking to my lady like that. I put up with it
from Johnathan for a long time. It’s no longer acceptable.

“Stop it, now!” Gonzales grabs my arm and I
look down to see that my hand magically has pulled my gun from its
holster and was starting to break from my jacket. I tuck it back in
and release my hand.

“You will not be shooting anyone. If you
can’t get a grip, I’m taking your weapons.”

“Sorry, I didn’t realize,” I mutter, feeling
even crazier than before. Maybe I need to get some sleep. I’ve not
slept much since I murdered Dr. D. I’m lucky to hit two hours maybe
three a given night. Then I wake up from a nightmare or some kind
of intense dream about my lady. When my insomnia takes over, I
spend hours reading in bed. I’ve tackled four thick books this
week, alone.

Turning the corner from the brick building
next to the club, Gonzales and I head to the back door. I knock on
it three times and wait. Precisely thirty seconds later I knock
three more times and the door swings out with Davis greeting us on
the opposite side.

“Okay, it’s show time. Claire has already
been reunited with her and you get to the far corner and
watch.”

We tail him into main part of the club.
Entering the main room, my eyes are immediately struck with the
bright flashy lights. Strolling over to the far corner a blonde
shot girl’s hand lands on my forearm and I flinch, jerking
away.

“Sorry, sir. I was wondering if you would
like anything to drink?” The early twenty something girl asks, her
tray folded flat against her chest.

“I don’t want a thing. But you see that sexy
redhead wearing the red bustier? She would like six shots of
tequila with lemon and salt, and two fuzzy navels double the
snapps,” I rattle off, not paying a bit of attention to the
waitress lady. I can’t take my eyes from my pretty redhead sitting
at a tall bar table surrounded by her friends.

“Yes sir. Right away,” she says and turns to
Gonzales to get her drink order. Of course Gonzales will want a
beer or glass of wine. The woman can never go without some form of
alcohol.

As the waitress is memorizing our drink
orders by repeating them back to Gonzales, I snatch the wallet from
my back pocket and hand her a Benjamin. “Here, keep the change and
if the pretty lady at that table wants anything else, you make sure
you get it for her, pronto,” I order, my tone firm and to the
point, as I slide her an extra fifty. Her eyes widen when she
grasps the bills in her dainty hands and saunters off, full speed
ahead, toward the bar to complete our order.

“You do realize you just paid that girl a
hundred and fifty dollars for about forty dollars’ worth of
drinks.”

I turn to Gonzales and shoot her an
aggravated glance, for breaking my hypnotic concentration on Emily
while I watch her chit-chat with her friends, laughing and having a
merry time.

“I do know that. But I won’t have her buying
her own beverages,” I snap, returning to watch my addiction.

“Doesn’t the band pay for them? Considering
they probably have a tab open?”

“Cut the shit, Gonzales. I’m loaded, and if I
want to overpay for the love of my life’s drinks, then I will. I’d
gladly pay a million times more just to see her smile like that.” I
nod toward her table, just as a woman drops off her drink order.
The drinks that I made sure she received.

Enjoy them sweetheart, you deserve a good
night out with your good friends. I wish I could be the one sitting
with you, holding your hand, playing with your curls as I watch you
sip from that tiny straw.

Leaning back into the corner, I cross my
ankles and get comfortable. I love being able to basically spy on
her. I don’t think she’d mind.

Our waitress returns with Gonzales’s beer and
leaves again. Gonzales takes a seat at a nearby table only a few
feet from where I’m standing. That’s when it happens. She looks at
me from across the room. Her eyes, my Mama Bears eyes, stare right
at me and I know she sees me. I refrain from waving but I want to
do something. I want to run over to her and wrap her in my arms.
But all I can do is stare and try to contain this building knot in
the pit of my stomach that is aching. My eyes don’t leave hers and
I can feel my heart thumping so hard in my chest that I can hear it
pulsing my ears. Thump, thump—thump, thump.

That’s right sweetheart, my love, it’s me
standing over here. I am watching you. I can see you. And you look
so beautiful. I want to touch you and feel you. I want to run my
tongue across the seam of your delicate lips, and whisper I love
you a million times. Just so you’ll never forget me or how much you
have bewitched me— body and soul. You own my, Emily Sue Bronwyn.
Every single part of me you own. It is yours. Always,
sweetheart.

“James.” Gonzales is up and tugging on my
coat. “James!” She punches my arm and I lose the warming connection
from across the room and furiously pivot, my blood boiling like
lava. How dare she ruin this! I was having a goddamned moment.

“What. Do. You. Want?!” I seethe, praying
that I don’t punch her.

Get it together, Calvin, you can’t hit a
lady.

“We have to go. She will be coming this way.
James, we have to go, now. Unless you want to spend the next year
in jail. We have to leave.” She’s frantic and tugging on the sleeve
of my jacket. I turn to see Emily dabbing her eyes and she’s right.
I know my Mama Bear and if she loves me like I pray she does, she
will be sprinting to get to me.

I listen to Gonzales for once and I hastily
follow right on her tail, ducking behind a group of drunken frat
boys as we make our way out the back exit and into the alley behind
the club.

“Thanks,” I heave, trying to catch my breath,
bending over with my hands on my thighs. That was close. I could
have just sealed my jailed fate if it wasn’t for Gonzales. Thank
god she came with me.

“No problem.” She’s breathing just as heavy
as I am. Except she’s pacing around the back alley, her hands
threaded behind her head. “I know you’re tense over all of this but
we can’t go to jail over her.”

What! What did she just say? I sneer at her
with blatant disgust and firmly stand up, my throat thundering a
ferocious growl in retort to her stupidity. I would gladly go to
jail if I had to.

Shooting her hands up in defense she says,
“That’s not what I meant, big man. I just meant if you want to get
home to her sooner you have to strategize not lose your shit and
get thrown in the slammer.”

Cooling off, I nod and finally admit she’s
right. Completely right about the entire thing. I’ve got to get my
shit together fast and I’ve got to make them see. Make them all see
I’m not fit to do this job. I’m only meant to do two things for the
rest of my life and that’s be with the love of my life, telling her
how wonderful she is every day and be a dad to my twins. That’s
all. Anything else is apparently impossible for me to accomplish
sanely without her next to me, making me feel whole again.

Chapter Seventeen

~Emily~

“What are you doing?” Johnathan asks, amused,
standing in my bedroom doorway, leaning on the frame, wearing
nothing but a pair of blue silk boxers and a salacious grin.

“I just put our twins to bed, why? And how
are you already naked? We just got home less than ten minutes ago.”
Exasperated, I shake my head, I don’t get him sometimes.

“Well since my Short Stack detests hearing my
dirty sex noises when I bang my bitch, I’ve had to vanilla my sex
life until we get home. And a week without the toys and brutal
fucking has me fidgety as hell. Ready to pound some sweet
cunt.”

Oh my god! Gross! Johnathan, I don’t want to
know that. Sick ass.

I roll my eyes and crunch up my nose in skin
crawling disgust. Tugging my hair out of my bun and fingering it
out with my hands, it's time to relax and get through this
conversation without vomiting. Then I’m going to unpack my
suitcase, pump some breast milk and veg out on the couch watching
Friends. I’m dying to re-watch all the episodes. I’m having Joey
withdraws. I have a seriously bad addiction for that show and James
loving it as much as I do, has just made my obsession ten times
worse.

“Do you really have to call her that? And why
would I want to hear you having sex with my friend? I’ve gotten
past the fact you’ve lied for countless months. I don’t want to
hear the show. Once was enough. Would you want to hear me banging
some dude? I think not.”

“She is my bitch and likes when I call her
that. And, yes, I’d love to hear my baby coming. I know you sound
so fuckin’ hot when you do,” he states a matter-of-factly. His eyes
lingering on my protruding breasts popping out of the top of my
black dress and licking his big perverted lips.

“Ewwwww, Johnathan. Stop devouring me with
your eyes. It’s nasty. I thought we’ve covered that this,” I
gesture between us. “…is not within our new set boundaries.”

I fake a gag, covering my mouth and bending
forward, my hand cradling my ailing stomach to prove a point. He
laughs, scrubbing the top of his head with his hand.

“I can’t help that I like what I see.” He
winks and keeps his gaze traveling the length of my body.

Oh Jesus, he needs to get laid right the hell
now.

“Cammy!?” I call out, desperate for backup,
and I shut my bedroom door to keep from waking the twins.

Turning the corner, she abruptly stops,
looking to me and back to Johnathan and her cute laugh breaks
through the air as her eyes latch onto the giant rod tenting in his
boxers.

“Johnathan, come on, leave the poor girl
alone, she isn’t into sadistic bastards.” She laughs again and he
stops ogling me and turns, stalking straight towards her.

Bait meet prey. You’re gonna get it
Cammy!

“Take it back.” He groans and I can feel the
charge of thick sexual arousal clouding the air between them.

“Never. Now use that hot dick on me and leave
Emily alone. She wants a nice guy. I want the sick fucker. Now come
on and I’ll let you paddle me until I scream.” Forcefully she grabs
his thick dick and he grunts in response. His hand reaches her
hair, grabbing a fist full and yanks her head back as his mouth
places a chaste kiss on her lips. Followed by a growling nip of her
bottom lip with his teeth. Making her moan with palpable
pleasure.