Stray (32 page)

"Need Ddura shut up.  So loud."

It seemed that I was still the only one who could hear it, which I considered very unfair.  A lot of the Setari were looking shell-shocked, fingering the platform cautiously.  Eeli was crying in a happy, overwhelmed kind of way.

"First, return Devlin to the
Litara
," said Hara.  "Third, Fourth, Seventh, finish your contact readings and then return."

I didn't need any encouragement, coming close to dragging Ketzaren out of the room.  Back in the amphitheatre, the only thing I noticed was that the cats had all gone.  First moved into formation around me, though Ketzaren stayed letting me lean on her.  I wasn't in a falling-down state, but my head was pounding so incredibly that it was hard to concentrate on where I was walking.  I ignored everything they said to me, since the Ddura was still enormously loud all the way through the town, calming down only a little.  The greensuits were waiting for us and of course I was taken straight back to medical, but for once I didn't care because I really wanted some painkillers.  I'd dropped out of the mission channel as soon as I was on the sled, and really wanted quiet and dark.

"I'm accessing your log, Caszandra," Maze said, while Ista Tremmar unkindly made me sit through a scan before even thinking about giving me drugs.  I watched his face, and was meanly pleased to see him start and grimace.

"Loud," I said.  I could still hear the damn thing, all the way out on the lake, but fortunately fairly dimmed by then.  He nodded but didn't respond, watching the log presumably with the sound lowered while Ista Tremmar finished her scan and finally consented to fill me up to the eyeballs with painkillers.  She said I could go so long as I drank a lot of liquid and lay down, which was exactly what I wanted to do.  Maze, face all abstract, led me back to the canteen, and I found the rest of First Squad waiting, a meal already set out, though they were only picking at theirs.  I think they were listening to my log as well, from the way they kept almost-wincing.  My thoughts weren't recorded, so it was all Ddura-noise.

"Can you describe what happened from your point of view?"  Maze asked, while I drank down a lot of cold, tingly drink.

"Ddura thought you were Ionoth, think," I said, wishing the painkillers would work quicker.  "Didn't understand what it was saying, but guess from tone of noises.  It like big pet, missing Muinans, kill anything it not recognise.  I try tell Ddura that Ruuel was a Muinan, and the platform did something, and then the Ddura realise Ruuel not an Ionoth and get all happy.  And even louder.  Is Ddura thing been making ships explode?"

"That's been brought up as a possibility in the past."  Maze shook his head.  "It was certainly approaching with intent to kill.  When you touched the platform, it withheld the attack, but was still clearly hostile to us.  And then very strongly the opposite.  The Place Sights could feel something of its emotions through the platform, once it stopped reacting against them."

"It knew I not Muinan," I said, thoughtfully.  "Much happier about Setari, once stopped thinking you Ionoth.  But it was platform which changed way reacted to you."

"Ruuel is using an analogy of security clearance.  The device allowed you, who for some reason have clearance, to identify us to the 'system'."

"Our turn to have aether tests now," Lohn said.  He had his arm around Mara, which was the first time I'd seen them publicly behave like a couple.  I think everyone was pretty overwhelmed.

"My turn laugh when Lohn say silly things."  I smiled, then sighed and rubbed my temple.  "I try tell it that should protect drones and ships and things, but don't think it listen.  Too busy being happy.  What happen next?"

Maze lifted one shoulder.  "We exceeded the mission brief by an order of magnitude.  The result is very good, but completely beyond what we were expecting or had planned for.  I don't know if it will delay or bring forward the proposed second trip."

"What happens next is you catch up on your rest," Zee said, squeezing my shoulder.  "This is a large development, but in the short term there's a two kasse journey back to base.  And then at minimum a day of argument, tests and analysis."

"Still huge changes," Lohn said.  "We mightn't have solved the overall problem, but our progress on Muina has been entirely stifled by this...security clearance issue."

"The Ddura doesn't explain all of the deaths," Alay pointed out.

"But most of them," Ketzaren said.  "Almost certainly most of them, if it's what has been causing ships to explode.  Even massives are minor compared to that, particularly when KOTIS can use weaponry without risk to structures.  My guess is that there'll be an attempt to establish a serious foothold around this town of yours.  And from there we'll search for information about the Muinans of the past, and the way the Pillars were constructed."

"One thing Lantaren not know but," I said.  "How
their
security clearance wiped?  They understood all that, they made Ddura.  They supposed to be more powerful psychic than Setari.  And it kill them.  What happen, built settlement here, then security clearance wipe again?"

"Very good point."  Maze had been playing with his food, and I was willing to bet he'd been thinking over the same possibility.  "I certainly won't be recommending any rush."

"Could Setari fight Ddura?"

"Not a chance."  Zee glanced at Maze, then repeated.  "Not a chance."

"It's the first time we've been close enough to one to get some estimate of what level we'd face," Maze said.  "It's a massive made from pure energy which, it seems, can attack in real-space from near-space.  I am very glad not to have had to try.  And on that note, go lie down.  I don't want to see you again until you've stopped looking like you've been stepped on."

Zee came with me, waiting while I hit the bathroom and then seeing me settled back in my chair-pod.

"You're upset about something," she said, one hand on the pod's lid.  "More than just the headache."

"Didn't want become more important," I said.  If I'm the only one who can give people security clearance, no-one here will ever be willing to let me leave.

Zee gave me an unexpectedly amused look.  "I thought it was something like that.  Just consider the alternative, if you hadn't been able to stop it."  She gestured for me to lie down, adding: "You can make the cover opaque, if the light bothers you.  Get some sleep."

It was a fair point.  We would have all died.  Zee definitely knows how to quash signs of self-pity.

I figured out how to make the cover opaque, but dozed more than slept until after we'd taken off because the Ddura just wouldn't shut up, though it calmed down a lot.  Even worse would have been if everyone had died
except
for me.  I don't know if I would have been able to cope with that.  As it is, I'm not sure that I can cope with what I did totally by accident.  Every time I try and think through the consequences of that 'security clearance' my mind runs away.

I must have needed more sleep than I realised, since when Zee woke me up again we were back on Tare.  And then it was more scans in medical, and a long attempt to describe exactly what I'd done and thought after I touched the platform.  My sleep patterns are totally messed up, but until I have something scheduled, I guess it doesn't matter what shift I'm awake during.  Other than the medical scans, I've stayed in my room, just writing and trying not to think of everyone dropping dead in front of me because it hadn't occurred to me to try touching the platform. 

Change

Mara came by to tell me the results of the scans on the Setari who were on the Muina mission.  Aether has the same effect on them now that it does on me.  Just those four squads, though.  It still attacks anyone who doesn't have 'security clearance'.

"How are big arguments going?"

"Lively.  I doubt they'll change the scheduling of the next mission, but there's a good chance they'll alter the numbers.  It's all very well to talk of taking things slowly, but whoever says that also fully expects that they'll be included."  She pulled a face.  "And that's only in KOTIS.  It will be impossible to keep this from going public for long, and then we'll be factoring in a thousand special interest groups and the media.  Muina is such an emotive issue."

"Can't imagine Tarens actually living Muina.  Never go outside."

"A huge adjustment," she agreed, kicking me lightly for the teasing.  "Though I agree that some of those insisting on joining the next mission are going to find all that horizon a challenge.  The Setari have the benefit of environment training, but other parts of KOTIS aren't nearly so prepared."

"Looked like the leaves were turning.  Will be very pretty."

She didn't know what I meant, and we spoke for a while about Autumn and Winter – Tare doesn't seem to have seasons beyond stormy and really stormy – and then about the potential pressure on the Setari of trying to work on two different planets.  All of the squads which went to Muina yesterday are on rotation tomorrow, and the next day is the start of the extended mission.  Mara warned me that while Third and/or Fourth will certainly be sent, they're likely to use other squads to support them.

"Taarel and Ruuel are both people you can be confident with.  If something happens that worries you or makes you uncomfortable, overcome this tendency to keep it to yourself.  Object if there's things you don't want to do."

At that particular moment I was watching Ghost walk across the room behind Mara, and hoping she didn't turn around.  I wonder what she made of my expression.

"Will object if think will make difference," I said, reasonably enough.  I didn't want to have a needle in my spine, after all, but was sure that if I'd objected it would have meant being stuck in medical even longer until someone came and explained to me that it was important.  "Would you live on Muina, if able?"

She didn't answer immediately, then shrugged.  "I find it very hard to picture being able to.  But it's certainly nice to know it might one day be an option." 

Thursday, March 20

Interlude

Today I finally tracked down a place where I could buy a new diary: paper products do exist on this world, they're just rare.  It was amazingly expensive, and won't be delivered before I leave for Muina tomorrow, but I think I've enough book left to last.  I'm taking this one with me, since we're 'packing' for an extended stay.  I'm bringing my old school backpack, which amuses me a lot.

They've assigned the squads: Second, Third, Fourth and Eighth.  So no new squads, and none of the ones I really don't feel comfortable with.  I wish First was going though.  Who am I going to chat with?

What happens this trip is incredibly important to me.  I really need for it to be possible for someone else to give people security clearance.

Friday, March 21

Poetry, Death

I succeeded in being well-rested and on time for today's mission.  It's scheduled to last three days and we're currently about to go through the big gate into deep-space.  Eeli took care of any initial uncertainty I had by glomming on to me the second I showed up and taking me on a tour of the
Litara
, though by this time the only areas I hadn't seen were the flight deck, the research labs, and the 'airport lounge' meeting areas.

There was still some time before take-off by the time she brought me back to the pods, but most of Second and Third Squad were already sitting waiting.  You have to stay in your pod for take-off and landing, and when you go through the gate to deep-space.

"Are you able to tell me the rest of the poem now?"  Eeli asked, as soon as I'd sat sideways on my seat.  I could have wished she'd not waited till we had an audience, but at least it was only two squads.

"Guess.  Is poem written by man name Dylan Thomas.  Wrote for his father who was dying."  I felt marvellously uncomfortable, adding: "My voice really not suited to this," but making an effort to put some feeling into it.  I only know the poem because it was one of the few that we'd had to read in Eng-lit which I didn't outright hate.  I certainly don't go round reciting at the drop of a hat.

I got through it by looking only at Eeli, but my face felt very red at the end.  "That what wanted?"  I asked, feeling even worse when I looked around and saw that I had all the captains watching me from the far door, along with those who'd been in the room when I started.

Eeli was enthralled, and said: "You sounded totally different!  Like a different person!"

Annoyed, I told her: "Can actually speak own language, after all."

"But what does it mean?" Nils from Second asked, watching from the pod directly opposite.  "A part of that was what you said in the Pillar, right?"

"Yes.  Translation very bad, sorry."  I read off the translation I'd been working on, wishing the captains would go away.  If that gets put in the mission report I'll be extremely peeved.

"I got quite a lot of it!"  Eeli said, excited.  She cast a beaming look over at Taarel, like a kid who passed a hard test, then back at me.  "Thank you for telling me the rest.  It's so sad and at the same time beautiful, isn't it?"

I just smiled weakly at that, and was glad that the command came to prepare for launch.  And I wrote this up while they did lots of prep-checks and then took off and now we're heading toward the interplanetary gate which, for the first time in four trips, I might actually be awake for.