Stranded! (7 page)

"Oceans are you crazy!" He jumped to his feet right before her. "You want to self-abort on a deserted island?" He just gaped and stared at her. Was she out of her mind? He tried to calm himself and tentatively reached out to stroke her arms. "Baby, this is crazy-"
She shook him loose. "I'm just forcing my period!"
He took a calming breath. One of them had to stay sane in this moment. "If it were that easy then why do so many women die from having an abortion?" He threw up his hands, giving in to his anger and confusion. "I can't believe that you would even consider doing something that dangerous! Something that could cause a miscarriage could kill you too, am I right?"
Ocean's took a moment to answer. "Yes, it could be dangerous the further along you are, but at this point-"
"Then no." He shook his head and walked away toward the water where he spent so much time fishing--where his mind could shut down and be at peace. He turned around suddenly. "No." He said again. Marshall came back to Oceans. "I won't take a chance of losing you-"
"Giving birth is dangerous too!"
"Not the same thing, baby. And you know it!"
Oceans closed her eyes. Marshall just wanted what Marshall wanted. He wanted her, a baby and a little hut on the beach where they could fish, make love by the fire, and be entertained by their baby. How wonderful! They could sit and tell stories to their tribe of children; about big buildings and electricity and those strange things that fly through the air called planes! She would rather slit her wrists then to live an existence like that! Her eyes flashed fire as she glared at him.
"I know that you don't get it. It doesn't even matter if you do or don't. I've already made the decision, Marshall. I'm sorry, but I'm going to end this pregnancy." His heart fell in his chest and he couldn't breathe.
"Oceans how can you say that? You really don't think I have a say in this?" She looked at him feeling his pain down to her core.
"Yes...no. I mean-" she swallowed. "I do think you have a say, Marshall. But it's not a situation where I'm confused or need convincing. I have no confusion over this. I do NOT want to have a child on this Island! Period. Women do this every day...on Islands without the help of doctors. So honey, as much as I love you, I am not changing my mind." Her eyes took on a steely glint that He'd never seen before. Marshall licked his lips and then he turned away and walked down to the rock wall along the beachfront. He climbed to the top of the dangerous, slippery surface and stared at the Ocean until the sun set and the light of the moon was all that illuminated the distant horizon.
***
When Marshall returned to the hut it was in the wee hours of the night and Oceans was already in her hammock sleeping. He carefully climbed into his own, still in deep thought. For the last several hours he had examined the situation from all angles. Oceans didn't want to bring an additional person to this Island to be stranded with them. And he didn't want to risk aborting the pregnancy, harming her—and frankly, he wanted the baby.
This child, that she carried, represented a union of their love. Marshall wasn't a stupid man. He liked to think that he had a better understanding of things, maybe a better grasp of how things worked then the average man on the streets. He'd been involved with women that he had thought he loved. But if one of them had gotten pregnant he would have looked for the first out possible. He didn't think that made him a bad person. It just meant that he didn't want a link to someone that he didn't want as a permanent fixture in his life. He knew that his strong link to Oceans was most likely attributed to the fact that there was nothing but the two of them. But the REASON that he loved her was not important. He did. And he already loved their baby.
The idea of this baby made his heart soar with joy. There was a brightness to this existence that was now his life. Having a family here; Oceans, a baby...how could it be anything but good? He wanted this family as much as he wanted to get off the Island! This baby was his and he wanted it as he wanted Oceans. And yes, he knew that the reason he wanted it so strongly was more than likely because there was nothing but the three of them...but again, the reason didn't matter.
It was close to dawn before Marshall finally fell into a restless sleep, these thoughts haunting his dreams.
Their life cycled with the sun; which meant that they normally rose at sunrise and were asleep not long after sunset. When Oceans awakened she immediately looked over to Marshall's hammock. He had finally come in at some point while she slept. He didn't move and she figured that he had been very late coming in. Their first fight had left her feeling hurt and confused. The confusion had nothing to do with her decision to abort the baby, but the fact that for the first time ever, their connection to each other was broken. She had cried most of the night, but knew that her decision was the right one. If she was going to end this pregnancy she had to do it now, as the longer she waited the more dangerous it would be. Marshall didn't understand because it was not him that would carry, nurture and birth a human being. He didn't understand how much it cost her to make this decision.

Quietly she dressed in jeans and a t-shirt that was perfect clothing for the task she had at hand. She was going to break one of the few rules they had, which was not to go into the forest alone. But she couldn't ask him to go with her. That would be too cruel. With one last look at the sleeping man that she loved, Oceans slipped out of the hut.
The forest was filled with items that even with her practiced eye, she couldn't identify. Maybe some of them would be considered delicious food or maybe a deadly poison. But she avoided anything she didn't know. There were plenty of herbs and roots that she could identify, and any number of them could cause a miscarriage. Most under-ripe fruit could do the job, but would also cause a lot of cramping and pain. However, Oceans already knew what she wanted to use.
There was a bright red root whose official name she did not know. But the women of her little Jamaican town knew of this plant and had passed down its uses from mother to daughter for generations untold. Though she did not have a mother to teach her these things, Oceans felt confident that she knew how to use it. First the dark outer bark would need to be removed revealing the tender bright red root that would then need to be shaved into fibrous bits. The shavings then had to be soaked in water. After some time the poison laced water was squeezed and drank. Within hours it would cause violent contractions and the pregnancy would come to an end.
She found the root easily, but also searched for items high in iron that she could stew into a healthy broth. Afterwards she would need good food and plenty of water to wash away the toxins from her system. It only took her less than an hour to forage for what she needed and when she returned to the outer fire, Marshall was still sleeping. That was probably good. It wouldn't take long to prepare it.
Quickly she stoked the fire back to life and then positioned the pot to boil the broth that she absently prepared. Now that it was time to do this thing she was afraid. No woman wanted to go through what she was going to put herself through...She was squeezing the red liquid into a clay cup and thinking that she would throw the cup away afterwards, when she noticed Marshall standing behind her, watching her actions intently.
She jumped and almost spilled the precious liquid. "You scared me!" She bit out, annoyed that jumping made her appear guilty.
"What are you doing?" He was staring at the bright red liquid that now stained her fingers as if the deed had already been done.
She looked at the red shavings in order to not look at him. "I'm making the medicine." After a moment he moved a few short steps to look into the pot of stewing broth.
"So you're going to do this?" He finally said.
"Yes." was her simple response.
Marshall squatted down in front of her. "I don't want you to do this...but I suppose that won't change your mind." He paused. "So just tell me what to do to make this go smoothly."
Her eyes grew wide. She couldn't believe that he would be willing to do this for her. After a brief nod she explained what would happen, how long it would take and the things that he could do to help her. Marshall never interrupted once. When she was done talking his face had gone whiter then she'd seen it in months, but he nodded his understanding.
She looked down at the liquid in the cup and before she lost her courage she drank it down quickly. When she looked back up Marshall gave her a quick, shaky smile but his eyes seemed bright and they glistened.

Oceans grimaced at the bitter taste that flooded her mouth and she fought not to vomit it up. Marshall handed her a ripe mango which she gratefully accepted, biting into the tough outer skin to get to the juicy sweet fruit within. While she worked on the mango, Marshall wrapped the red shavings of the toxic root into a banana leaf. He looked into the cup and before Oceans could say anything he tasted the last few drops there. Quickly he turned his head and spit into the sand.
It was foul tasting and Marshal wanted to get it out of camp as soon as possible. Maybe it was a superstitious way to feel but he didn't want it anywhere near him. "Oceans, I'm going to bury this in the forest. Will you be okay for a few minutes? I want to check the lobster trap. I won't be long-"
She smiled softly. "Marshall, go. I'm going into the hut to rest."
"Well carry a spear with you," he passed her the hunting knife, "and this as well."
She accepted the hunting knife although it seemed ridiculous. A wild boar was incapable of climbing into the hut. But she supposed she understood what he was feeling. Marshall watched her until she had disappeared into the hut and then he hurried into the forest, using a stick and his fingers to dig a shallow grave to deposit the offending articles. Afterwards, he rushed to the ocean to check the lobster trap. There was one small crab whose meat would be perfect for the broth that Oceans was brewing. Every second that he was away from her felt like hours, so he sprinted back to camp, tossing the small crab into the pot as he passed it. He didn't stop until he was standing panting in the doorway and Oceans was watching him curiously. She gave him a brief solemn smile which he returned before he backed out of the hut.
This was the first time since being stranded that Marshall didn't want to be in the same room with her.
***
The day was long, each minute dragging on endlessly. Though he should be used to it, the heat was stifling and he pulled his long hair back to the nape of his neck and tied it with a piece of string that he always kept shoved into his pants pocket just for that purpose. At noon he entered the hut with a bowl of broth and some fresh water. Oceans was dozing in her hammock. She was also covered in sweat.
"Babe. I brought you something to eat." She looked at him with sleep dazed eyes.
"I'm not hungry." He put the soup on the stump that served as a table.
"Try. It's really hot out and we don't need you getting dehydrated." He placed the clay cup to her lips and reluctantly she took a few sips. She grimaced then closed her eyes again. Marshall went to her suitcase where she had rags from a torn dress. He poured fresh water on one of them and used it to dab her face. She didn't open her eyes.
"Is it supposed to make you sleepy?" He whispered.
"I don't know." She murmured after a few moments. She sounded drugged.
"How do you feel?" He was anxious that she didn't know if she was supposed to be sleepy. Maybe she was having an overdose.
"...stomach hurts."
He had an equal desire to sooth her pain as he did to yell at her for putting herself through this. Instead, he placed his lips on her forehead and left for a while.
***
~Two days later~
Ocean rocked back and forth slightly in her hammock. It swayed, reminding her of the tire swing that had been in the backyard of her house when she was a kid. Daddy had put it up and painted it white and red. The white paint would come off and end up on her jeans and then Mama would fuss about it. But after a washing it would always come out. Oceans remembered staring up at the sky and swinging slowly, back and forth, daydreaming about god, her future, a boy that she liked—what her future would hold.
She used the tip of her toe to keep her little bed swaying. She still didn't have very much energy, though it had been two days since she had squatted in the forest and expelled the contents of her womb. That pain had been bigger then she had expected; sharp and never ending. And now there was just a soreness that she associated with childbirth—though there was no baby to hold in her arms to minimize that pain.
She wiped her brow. The hut was stifling and slightly dark even though the entrance had no door to shut out the sunlight--just something that Marshall propped up against it in the event that it was raining or the night grew cold. It was mid-day and they generally napped or rested during this hottest part of the day. But Marshall hadn't come in...again. She climbed out of the hammock and reached for the broth that had been her food for days now. Marshall kept it going by adding more ingredients when he found them like a starter yeast back home on the island. She knew a woman that had used the same base for her bread for twelve years! She finished the broth and carried the cup outside to wash. This and plenty of water is what would rid her body of the toxins she had taken.
Marshall was making a second lobster trap, hoping to improve on Ocean's design. He'd studied engineering in college, not sure if he would take that career path or accounting. A part time job as a bookkeeper pretty much solved that dilemma. He had always been good at working with his hands and puzzling out things...like how to trick a lobster into this odd looking device. But it worked for Oceans so it should work for him.
He heard Oceans' approach and noted the empty cup in her hands. He felt ashamed. She should not have had to get up for more food.
"Hi babe." He hurried over and took the cup. "How are you feeling?" He filled it with warm broth.
"I just drank some. I don't want anymore." He handed it to her anyway and with a sigh she drank most of it. After she had finished as much as she could stomach, she watched him for a moment. "Marshall, you know what I'd like to do?"
"What?" He asked absently as he continued with his lobster trap.
"I'd like to go down to the waterfall again."
He gave her a surprised look. They hadn't gone back there since she killed the baby pig. It was by unspoken understanding that they not go back there.
"Why?"
She rubbed her elbows. "It's so hot. I'd like to stand under the waterfall." She wanted to bath...wash everything away.
"No."
He turned back to the lobster trap and continued weaving the strong vines through the structure. At first Oceans didn't think she'd heard him, or maybe she thought he'd add more. But he didn't.
"What do you mean, no?"
He glanced up at her. "I'm busy, babe, can't you see? I'm going to be working on this most of the afternoon. Then I'm going out for wood."
"By yourself?"