Storm Shells (The Wishes Series #3) (15 page)

I glanced at her only briefly, because I was a coward. “I think we need to talk about it. We’ve got choices, Charli.”

“You said you weren’t mad.”

“I’m not. I just want to be sure we explore every avenue.”

I winced as I said it. Even to me I came across sounding like a cold-hearted jerk.

“What are your concerns?” she asked, matching my mechanical phrasing.

I looked at her as I mapped out the answer in my head. I didn’t want a baby. We were too young. We lived on opposite sides of the world. We were a scattered mess. I really,
really
didn’t want a baby.

I decided to put the least damaging reason into words. “We’re not ready.”

She unclipped her seat belt and angled toward me. “How do people know when they’re ready, Adam?”

“They plan it. They talk about it and prepare for it and generally make sure their lives are in order.”

“Don’t you think some things are just meant to be?”

I shook my head. I refused to let La La Land even rate a mention. I wasn’t interested in hearing how my stupid carelessness resulted in a gift from the fairy realm.

She slumped back, resting her head on the headrest. “It doesn’t seem fair, does it? Gabi and Alex would kill to be in our position. We’ve just stolen their most longed-for wish.”

“Charli, stop it,” I muttered. “One has nothing to do with the other.”

“Nothing happens without reason, Adam.” She turned to look at me. “If I lose faith in that, then nothing in my life makes sense.”

I wanted to kiss and scream at her simultaneously, but wasn’t capable of either. All my concentration needed to be spent reasoning with her.

“How are we supposed to tie this all together? We can’t keep ourselves together. Bouncing a child back and forth between nations is not –”

She cut me off with a desperate offer. “I’ll come back to New York.”

It didn’t feel the least bit honest. How I handled that would determine what sort of man I was.

“Really?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“And you’d settle?”

“Yes.”

I found myself agreeing to her absurd offer.

I was a dick. A selfish, dishonest dick.

January 2

Charli

The only thing worse than being backed into a corner is realising that you put yourself there. Going back to New York was a dumb idea and I couldn’t understand why I’d suggested it.

It didn’t take a genius to tell that Adam wasn’t thrilled to be having a baby. Trying to wash the positive result off the test was a sure-fire sign that parenthood was not a road he was ready to travel.

I wasn’t entirely sure how I felt, mainly because I didn’t feel any different than I had three hours earlier, when I was late, late and not pregnant. At that moment the white stick didn’t seem any more credible than Crazy Edna.

“I should probably see a doctor,” I said, thinking out loud. “Just in case the test was wrong.”

“Do you think it could be?”

I shouldn’t have said anything. I’d just given him hope. “Probably not. I think they’re fairly accurate.”

His head lolled back as he closed his eyes and let out a long breath. I could hear his mind ticking over. When things don’t go to plan, Adam comes up with new ones. It’s how he’s programmed to function.

“We’re going to work this out, Charli,” he promised.

As far as I was concerned, there wasn’t anything to work out. It was a done deal. I just wanted him to find the joy in it.

“Well, let me know when you’ve come up with a plan,” I said sarcastically.

He turned his head, looking positively wounded. “Charli, I –”

“Stop talking, Adam.” I threw open the car door. “It gets us nowhere.”

If he spoke again, I was too far away to hear. I marched to the house without looking back. Looking back was pointless. Standing still wasn’t an option either. Life was now rushing forward at a terrifying pace and I had a terrible feeling that Adam wasn’t going to be able to keep up.

January 3

Adam

Going for a run that morning was less about exercise and more about punishing myself. I figured I deserved a little pain at that point.

The topic of returning to New York hadn’t rated a mention since the night before, which proved something that I already knew. It wasn’t something Charli was looking forward to. It was something she was going to go through with because she felt it was the only option she had.

If I were a good man, or even a slightly better man, I would’ve talked her out of it. But I’m not particularly good. I loved her. It was the only excuse I came up with for being so unreasonable.

The base of the cliffs put a stop to my run. I literally ran out of beach. As I turned to head back I noticed Nicole coming down the beach toward me. She saw me too – and hightailed it up the trail to the parking lot. I called out and she stopped, but didn’t turn back.

“Are you avoiding me, Nic?” I asked, jogging toward her.

“Maybe,” she confessed. “You’re supposed to hate me.”

I smiled. “Yeah, I’ve been warned not to talk to you.”

“Look, Adam,” she could hardly look at me, “I don’t want to cause any problems.”

“You don’t have that kind of power, Nicole.”

“I owe you a lot of money,” she said regretfully.

“I’d settle for an apology.”

Finally she glanced my way. “I
am
sorry. Things just got out of hand. I’ve tried to talk to Charli but she’s not interested in anything I’ve got to say.”

“Can you blame her? It was a terrible thing to do.”

“I know.” Her frown was one of total agony. “Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?”

I shrugged. “I don’t really know.”

“Maybe you could put in a good word for me?”

I had no intention of doing any such thing. “Just give her a bit of time. She never sold you out. I think that counts for something,” I told her.

“What do you mean?”

“She never sold you out. Charli never told anyone that you stole her money. She could’ve destroyed you, Nicole. But she didn’t.”

She looked surprised and I wondered if I’d given her too much information.

I didn’t hate Nicole for what she’d done, but I wasn’t going to put in a good word for her with Charli, either. We had enough on our plates without throwing Nicole Lawson into the mix.

I made an excuse to leave and left her on the beach, accompanied by the knowledge that Charli was ten times the woman she’d ever be.

* * *

I arrived home to an empty house. I had no idea where Charli was and, true to form, she’d left no note telling me.

It shouldn’t have worried me. It wasn’t anything she hadn’t done before, but this time felt different. Everything was beginning to feel different. We were back to hanging on by a thread. I hated the shift between us – and more tellingly, I resented the reason behind it.

When she did finally walk through the door a couple of hours later, I made it my mission to let her know exactly how much I loved her. It was pretty much the only truth we had left. I pulled her into my arms the second she was in reach and kissed her, really kissed her.

“What was that for?” she asked wriggling free.

“Because I love you.” She walked further into the room and dropped her purse on the couch, leaving me hanging. “Where have you been?”

“I went to the doctor.”

“Without me?”

She answered with a small nod.

“What did he say?”

“I’m ten weeks pregnant,” she said matter-of-factly. “I’m due on August first.”

I slumped on the couch. My head was spinning. “Ten weeks? We still have options then.”

It was something I shouldn’t have said out loud – or at least worded better. My career as an insensitive asshole was an accomplished one.

January 6

Charli

The next few days were fairly miserable for us. Whenever our lives started going haywire, dishonesty crept in. It was our thing.

I kept Adam in the dark about everything I was feeling on the off-chance he got brave and returned the favour. As a result, we were hardly talking. It was an absolute waste of the short amount of time we had together.

He killed time hanging out with Alex. Bogan-golf, surfing and playing in the shed kept him away from me for hours at a time. I suspect that was because the man who who’d mastered three languages was incapable of putting his feelings into words when it came to dealing with me.

I was putting more and more thought into the idea of having a baby. The joyful part of me imagined a cute, perfect child with her father’s good looks. The old-fashioned part of me imagined a happy nuclear family far different from anything I’d ever known. The realistic part of me foresaw a much bleaker picture. Living in New York was no guarantee that I’d get my happy family. New York Adam could be a selfish jerk. I wasn’t naïve enough to think a baby was going to make him change his ways, especially knowing he didn’t want it in the first place.

I decided to take a shot at changing his mind.

Thanks to our recent grocery run, I was able to put together a decent meal. Adam arrived home just after six, and for a fleeting moment it was just like old times.

“Hey.” He leaned down to kiss the top of my head. “How are you feeling?”

I’d heard that question a few times lately. It was his way of gauging my mood, not my physical state. “I’m good. I cooked dinner.”

He lifted the lid on the pan, perhaps doubting me. It was the first meal I’d cooked since he’d been there.

“Looks good.”

I shrugged, confident that the dish was at least edible. “I was hoping we could talk.” My voice was unfairly small. I wanted to demand that we talk. I should’ve screamed it at him.

“Me too,” he replied, just as weakly.

Dinner was almost done before the baby rated a mention, and it was left to me to bring it up. “I want to know what you want to do.”

He glanced at me only briefly. “Are you asking me because I have a choice?”

I set my fork down and leaned back, refusing to let him avoid my stare. “Tell me something true, Adam. Tell me anything, as long as it’s true.”

He locked eyes with me. “I love you, Charlotte.”

“I know,” I replied flatly. “That’s all I’ve ever known. Tell me something else that’s true.”

Adam spoke slowly, and very precisely. “We’re not ready for this and I don’t want to drag you back to New York. I don’t want to have a baby. I think going through with it is a mistake.”

I put great effort into not appearing as gutted as I felt. His way of thinking was completely one track, and it had always been that way.

“I know it might put a dent in your plans, but –”

“A baby we’re not ready for isn’t a dent, Charli. It’s a massive crater,” he corrected. “It’s not even about my plans. What about your plans? You still have no idea what you want to do. Having a kid is going to narrow your choices.”

I leaned forward, gripping the edge of the table with both hands. “Haven’t you ever changed course just a little bit, Adam?”

“No, Charli,” he said regretfully. “I’ve always manipulated you into changing yours.”

His sad eyes spoke ten times louder than his voice. It made looking at him difficult. I straightened up and pulled in a long breath. “Well, this honesty thing is a barrel of laughs, isn’t it?”

He reached for my hand but I pulled away. “You asked me to be honest, Charli.”

“I did,” I shakily agreed. “What will happen if I decide to keep it?”

He was quiet for a while but still came up blank, even with the extra thinking time. “I don’t know.”

“Don’t you think you’d be a good father?”

“I’m a twenty-three-year-old self important jerk, Charli. I suck as a husband. I’d suck even more as a father. We’re just not ready for this.”

“
You’re
not ready for this,” I clarified.

“And you are?”

I shrugged apathetically. “I’m adaptable.”

“Well, we both know I’m not.”

“Let’s cut to the chase, Adam,” I said coolly. “You want me to end it.”

He stared at me for a long time, probably trying to come up with a way of softening the blow.

“Yes, Charlotte. I want you to end it.”

He failed. And it killed me.

He reached for my hand again. This time I didn’t pull away. “When we’re ready, we can have plenty of kids.”

Just not the one we’d already made.

I don’t know what he said after that. I completely shut down. He was being logical and sensible – because that’s how Adam thinks. The problem was, I didn’t want logical and sensible. I wanted hope and excitement, not damage control. Realising I wasn’t ever going to get it, I stood up, dumped our half-eaten plates in the sink and went to bed.

January 6