Stone of Tears (34 page)

“
I hope so. Weselan, will you stand with me?
”

“
Stand with you?
”

Kahlan pulled some of her hair self-consciously over her half exposed chest. “
Where I come from, it is the custom to have a friend stand by you when you wed. To stand as a representative of the good spirits watching over the joining. Richard would like Savidlin to stand with him. I would like it if you stood by me.
”

“
That seems a strange custom. The good spirits always watch over us. But if it is your custom, I would be honored to be the one who stands by you.
”

Kahlan beamed. “
Thank you.
”

“
Now stand up straight. I am almost finished.
”

Weselan again bent to her task at the hem. Kahlan tried to stand with her back straight. It hurt from sitting on the floor next to Richard the last half of the night. She wished she could sit, or lie down, she was that sleepy. But mostly, her back hurt.

Suddenly, she wondered how much Denna was hurting right now.

She didn’t care, she told herself. Whatever was happening to her would never be enough, after what she had done to Richard. Her stomach lurched at the memory of what Denna had told her.

Kahlan could still feel the place on her neck where Darken Rahl had put his lips. A shiver ran up her spine at the memory.

She remembered the mask of agony on Denna’s face the instant before she disappeared. It didn’t matter: she deserved it.

It could have been Richard, though. If it hadn’t been for Denna, it could have been Richard.

“
Don’t be afraid, Kahlan.
”

“
What?
” She focused her eyes. Weselan was standing in front of her, smiling. “
I’m sorry. What did you say?
”

Weselan reached out and wiped a tear from Kahlan’s cheek. “
I said not to be afraid. Richard is a good man. You will have a happy life with him. It is natural to fear being wedded, but do not worry. It will be fine, you will see. I cried too, before I wedded my Savidlin. I didn’t think I would, because I wanted him so, but I found myself crying, just like you.
” She winked. “
I never had reason to cry again. Sometimes I find reason to complain, but never to cry.
”

Kahlan wiped the other cheek. What was the matter with her? She didn’t care what was happening to Denna; she didn’t. Not one bit.

She nodded to Weselan and forced a smile. “
That would be my greatest hope in life. Never to cry again.
”

Weselan gave her a comforting hug. “
Would you like something to eat?
”

“
No, I’m not …
“

Savidlin came bursting through the door. He was sweating and panting. Kahlan went cold with fright at the look on his face. She started shaking even before his words came.

“
When Nissel finished with Richard, I went with him to the spirit house, like you told me to, so he could call the dragon. The Sister of Light came for him. She is there, with him. I didn’t understand his words, but I knew their meaning, and your name. He wanted me to come for you. Hurry.
”

“Noooo!” Kahlan wailed, as she shot past him and out through the doorway.

As she ran, she held the hem of her dress up in her fists so she wouldn’t trip on it. She had never run so fast. Her breath couldn’t keep pace as she raced down the narrow passageways. Her hair streamed behind her as she ran. The winter air was frigid on her skin. The sound of Savidlin running behind her faded away.

She couldn’t form a thought, except that she must get to Richard. This couldn’t be happening. It was too soon. The Sister shouldn’t be here. The two of them were leaving, almost gone. It wasn’t fair at all. Richard.

Big white snowflakes drifted down; not enough to turn the ground white, but enough to bring an icy foreboding of the winter that was coming; the winter that was here. The wet flakes melted instantly as they touched her hot skin. Some caught in her lashes until she blinked them away. A light breeze curled around a corner, swirling into a white curtain. Kahlan flew through it and down a passageway.

She skidded to a stop and looked around. It was the wrong way. She ran back and took the correct turn. Tears ran down her face with the melted snowflakes. It was too much. It couldn’t be.

Panting and desperate, she broke from the buildings, into the clearing around the spirit house. The Sister’s horses were tethered on the other side of the short wall, the wall with the gash through it from when Richard had tried to kill the screeling.

People were standing around, but she didn’t see them. Everything except the door to the spirit house grayed in her vision. She ran desperately for it.

It took forever, as if she were running in a dream and couldn’t make any headway. Her legs ached with the strain. Her hand stretched for the latch. Her heart pounded in her ears.

“Please dear spirits,” she begged, “don’t let me be too late.”

Grunting through gritted teeth, she yanked the door open and threw herself through.

Kahlan jerked to a halt. She gulped air. Richard stood before Sister Verna, beneath the hole ripped through the roof by the lightning. The two of them stood in a shaft of gray light, in the gently drifting snowflakes floating down. The rest of the room dimmed into darkness around them. At his hip, Richard’s sword glinted in the light. He didn’t have the tooth, or whistle, or Agiel around his neck. He hadn’t had time to call Scarlet yet.

In one hand, Sister Verna was holding the collar out to him. Her gaze went to Kahlan in silent warning for a moment, and then slid back to Richard. “You have heard the three reasons for the Rada’Han. This is your last chance to be helped, Richard. Will you accept the offer?”

Richard left the Sister’s steady gaze, and turned slowly toward Kahlan, toward where she stood panting. His bright, gray eyes followed down her dress and came back up to her face. His voice was gentle, reverent. “Kahlan … that dress … is beautiful. Beautiful.”

Kahlan couldn’t find her voice. Her heart was pounding, breaking. Sister Verna spoke his name in a tone of serious warning.

For the first time, Kahlan saw that Sister Verna held something in her other hand. It was the silver knife. But she wasn’t pointed it at herself; it was held toward Richard. Kahlan knew: if he didn’t accept, she intended to kill him. He didn’t even seem to be aware of the knife as it flashed in the dim light. Kahlan wondered if she had used a spell to block it from his vision.

Richard turned back to the Sister. “You have done your best. You have tried your best. It is not enough. I told you before, I will not …”

“Richard!” Kahlan took another step toward him as he turned to the sound of her shriek. Her eyes locked on his. “Richard,” she whispered as she took another step. Her voice broke. “Accept the offer. Take the collar. Please.”

Sister Verna didn’t move. She watched calmly.

Richard frowned a little. “What? Kahlan … you don’t understand. I told you, I won’t …”

“Richard!” He fell silent as he looked at her in puzzlement. She glanced at the Sister standing motionless, the knife still in her hand. She watched as Kahlan stepped closer. Their eyes met. Kahlan knew: the other would wait to see what would happen. There was a hardness in those eyes that spoke of what she was prepared to do if Kahlan didn’t change Richard’s mind. “Richard, listen carefully to me. I want you to accept the offer.”

His frown deepened. “What … ?”

“Take the collar.”

His eyes flashed anger. “I told you before. I will not …”

“You said you loved me!”

“Kahlan, what’s the matter with you? You know I lov …”

She cut him off. “Then you will accept the offer. If you really love me, you will take the collar and put it on. For me.”

He stared at her in disbelief. “For you …? Kahlan, I can’t … I won’t …”

“You will!” She was being too gentle, and knew it. It was only confusing him. She had to be stronger. She had to act more like Denna if she was to save him.
Dear spirits
, she begged in her mind,
please give me the strength to do this, to save him
.

“Kahlan, I don’t know what’s gotten into you. We can talk about it later. You know how much I love you, but I’m not going to …”

She clenched her hands into fists and screamed at him. “If you love me, you will! Don’t stand there and tell me you love me if you aren’t willing to prove it! You disgust me!”

He blinked in surprise. The way his voice sounded made her ache. “Kahlan …”

“You aren’t worthy of my love if you aren’t willing to prove it! How dare you say you love me!”

His eyes were filling with tears.

With madness.

With the memory of what Denna had done to him.

He sank slowly to his knees. “Kahlan … Please.”

She leaned over him as she held out clenched fists. “Don’t you dare talk back to me!” His arms flinched up, covering his head. He thought she was going to strike him. He really thought she was going to strike him. Her heart felt as if it ripped. Tears streamed down her face as she let the rage loose. “I told you to take the collar! How dare you talk back to me! If you love me you will take it!”

“Kahlan, please,” he cried. “Don’t do this. You don’t understand. Don’t ask me to …”

“I understand perfectly well!” she screamed. “I understand that you say you love me! But I don’t believe you! I don’t believe you! You’re lying to me! Your love for me is a lie if you won’t take the collar! A lie! A filthy lie!”

He couldn’t look up at her, look up at her as she stood over him in the blue dress she was to wed him in. He struggled to get the words out as he fixed his eyes on the ground. “It’s not … it’s not a lie. Please, Kahlan, I love you. You mean more to me than anything in the world. Please believe me. I would do anything for you. But please …”

Dying inside, she grabbed a fistful of his hair and jerked his head up, making him look at her. Madness danced in his eyes. He was gone. But only for now, she prayed. Please dear spirits, only for now.

“Words! That’s all you offer me! Not love! Not proof! Just words! Worthless words!”

As she held him by his hair, she drew her other hand back to slap him. His eyes winced shut. She couldn’t make herself do it; she couldn’t hit him. It was all she could do just to stay on her feet, not to fall to her knees and throw her arms around him and tell him how much she loved him, that everything was all right.

But it wasn’t all right. If he didn’t do this, he would die. She was the only one who could save him. Even if it killed her.

“Don’t hit me anymore,” he whispered. “Please, Denna … Don’t.”

Kahlan swallowed back the wail that tried to escape her throat and made herself speak. “Look at me.” He did as she ordered. “I’m not going to tell you again, Richard. If you love me, you will accept the offer and put on the collar. If you don’t, I will make you regret disobeying me more that anything you have ever regretted in your life. Do it now, or it’s over. Everything is over.” His eyes faltered. She gritted her teeth. “I’m not going to tell you again, My Pet. Put on the collar. Now!”

Kahlan knew, knew that “My Pet” was what Denna had called him. Denna had told her with the rest of it. She knew what those two words meant to him. She had hoped she wouldn’t have to use them. Whatever link he had to sanity dissolved in that instant. She saw it in his eyes: the thing she feared more than death.

Betrayal.

She released her grip on his hair as, on his knees, he turned to Sister Verna. She lifted the collar a little, holding it out to him. It looked dull, gray, dead in the cold light. Richard stared at it. Snowflakes drifted down in the still, quiet light. Expressionless, Sister Verna watched him.

“All right,” he whispered. His shaking hand reached for the collar. His fingers touched it, curled around it. “I accept the offer. I accept the collar.”

“Then put it around your neck,” Sister Verna said in a soft voice, “and close it.”

He turned to Kahlan. “I would do anything for you,” he whispered.

Kahlan wanted to die.

His hands shook so much she thought he might drop the collar as he took it from Sister Verna. He held it, staring at it.

But then his hands stopped shaking. He took a deep breath and put the collar around his neck. It closed with a snap, and the seam disappeared, leaving a smooth ring of metal.

The shaft of light dimmed as if to twilight even though it was still day. Deep, ominous thunder rumbled in every direction out across the grasslands. It didn’t sound like any thunder Kahlan had ever heard before. She could feel it in the ground beneath her feet. She thought that maybe it had something to do with the magic of the collar, something to do with the Sisters.

She knew, when she glanced at Sister Verna and saw her eyes glide around, that it wasn’t.

Richard smoothly rose to his feet before the Sister. “You may find, Sister Verna, that holding the leash to this collar is worse than wearing it.” He gritted his teeth. “Much worse.”

Sister Verna’s voice remained calm. “We only want to help you, Richard.”

He nodded slightly. “I take nothing on faith. You will have to prove it.”

In a panic, a sudden thought came to Kahlan. “What is the third reason? What is the third reason for the collar?”

Richard turned to her with a glare that even his father could not have matched. For a moment, she forgot how to breathe.

“The first reason is to control the headaches and open my mind so that I may be taught to use the gift. The second reason is to control me.” His hand came up and grabbed her by the throat. His eyes sliced through her. “The third reason is to give me pain.”

She closed her eyes with a wail. “No! Dear spirits, no!”

He released her throat. His expression went slack, lost. “I hope I have proven my love for you, Kahlan. I hope you believe me now. I have given you everything. I hope it is enough; I have nothing else to offer. Nothing.”

“You have. More than you could ever realize. I love you more than anything in the world, Richard.”

She reached out to touch his cheek. He pushed her hand away. His eyes said it all; she had betrayed him.