Stolen Innocence (32 page)

Though Warren and his defense attorney Tara Isaacson made for an intimidating pair, I did my best to retain my composure. As she put her hand on his shoulder, she said the words “This man is innocent.”

During his testimony at trial Allen asked the judge if he could stand. While I was not surprised by this outlandish request, it caused a great many whispers in the courthouse.

When the verdict had been delivered, I decided to break my silence with the press and make a public statement. The journey to that point had been a struggle, but for the first time in months, I breathed a sigh of relief.

I carried this photo of Sherrie (left) and Ally (right) in my purse every day of the trial to give me strength when I felt weak. Even now, I still bring it with me wherever I go to remind myself of what I am fighting for.

Today Lamont and I live with our two children. It has been a difficult road, but together we’re building a better future for our kids and praying to God to help us get there.

As fall approached, a rift grew as some people—particularly those in Canada—disagreed with Warren’s accusations about Uncle Wink. Meanwhile, Winston appeared unwilling to back down, and simply continued to do what he had always done. Warren had sent messages to the people in Canada, telling them, “You are either with the prophet or against him,” making it very hard for people to pick a side. A division opened up, and with questions of loyalty and power looming overhead, no one knew how the priesthood would resolve it.

O
n Sunday, September 8, I walked with my mother into the meetinghouse for church. Upon our arrival, I noticed that the rows of chairs where Rulon’s wives usually sat were empty. Immediately I sensed that something was wrong, and my suspicion only grew when I noticed that Uncle Warren’s family was also absent from their seats just behind the prophet’s family. Sitting with my mother and sisters in our usual spot, I overheard whispers that Uncle Rulon had been taken to the hospital.

The meeting began with Uncle Fred presiding. He stood at the pulpit and solemnly informed the congregation that the prophet was very ill and had been rushed to the hospital. Everything proceeded as usual with the opening prayer and each and every member exerting faith for the prophet’s renewal. Several minutes into the meeting, Uncle Warren’s voice boomed over the PA system. He was calling from the hospital, where he was holding vigil by his father’s bedside. “The prophet has had surgery,” Warren reported in his usual monotone. “He is doing fine.”

An eerie silence fell over the room as we all prayed to God on Uncle Rulon’s behalf. About forty-five minutes passed before Uncle Warren came over the speakers with a second, devastating announcement. “The prophet has passed away,” he related in a somber tone. “Say your prayers.”

A solemn hush blanketed the meeting hall. I sat waiting for Uncle Warren to call back to tell us that God had performed a miracle and Uncle Rulon had been renewed. But the service ended, and in bewilderment, I followed the rest of the members out of the church.

Shortly after Rulon’s death, Warren informed us that the prophet’s renewal would now be much like that of Jesus Christ, except that Uncle Rulon would stay among us mortals as our leader. While we all expected that Uncle Rulon would soon reappear in his renewed form, the church began planning his funeral, to be held on September 12. The people tried to understand God’s design in taking the prophet in death. The only way we could find comfort was to have enough faith that we would witness a great miracle.

On the day of Uncle Rulon’s funeral, the program informed us that the prophet was presiding over his own service and remained the highest priesthood authority in attendance. Warren consoled us by saying that his father was “in the next room” and could hear and see all that was unfolding. To members of the FLDS, the term “in the next room” means that a person has crossed the thin veil into the spirit world. Uncle Warren, as the prophet’s ordained first counselor, was there simply to administer his father’s will. As the organ played, my eyes traveled to the casket in the center of the room. The prophet was inside, and I was afraid he had no way out.

During the viewing, I had kept waiting for him to sit up and address the people. I would later learn that I wasn’t alone in that misguided belief that day. But no one dared to say anything; we just waited as we’d been instructed. We looked on through our tears as the prophet’s wives sang him one last song: “He Has Been Renewed.” Reading ahead in the program, I noticed that Uncle Warren would be speaking soon. He had listed himself as “Elder Warren S. Jeffs for President Rulon T. Jeffs.” Remembering that moment now, I see clearly that he was silently assuming the prophet’s position by designating himself the continued spokesperson of his father.

Looking up, I saw that Uncle Warren was no longer at the podium. His brother Isaac had begun delivering the benediction. As the service drew to a close, everyone was on pins and needles waiting to see what would happen. We’d all had our chance to pay our respects to the prophet, but now the coffin was closed and the ceremony was winding down.

Our hearts were even heavier when the sad truth became evident, Uncle Rulon was to be buried in the ground and Uncle Warren would be delivering the graveside dedication. Not only was his casket closed, but it also was going to be covered beneath six feet of earth. I stood paralyzed in fear, worrying that by burying the prophet, he would never be able to get out. And looking around at the distraught mourners I was certain that I was not alone in my concern. Nevertheless, we were made to believe that he would soon be among us again and we were to wait. As the casket was lowered and the final benediction delivered, the entire community stood in expectation until Uncle Fred finally instructed us to go home.

The Monday following the prophet’s funeral, Warren assembled the congregation, declaring in his sermon, “I say to the people, hands off the prophet’s family.” This made it clear to us all his father’s wives would not be married off. And he would continue to supervise them. In the days after the former prophet Leroy S. Johnson’s death, men in the community put pressure on Uncle Rulon to marry off his young wives. I had heard that those women had effectively been put on the “auction block” for some of the prominent FLDS men. Standing in front of the whole congregation, Warren assured us that this would not happen to Uncle Rulon’s wives. The statement confused many of us because we believed the prophet would be coming back. If the prophet was indeed returning, there was no need to reassign his wives.

As the days stretched into weeks, the hushed speculation about the prophet’s renewal and return began to fade, and to our eventual realization, we remained on earth without our prophet.

C
HAPTER
S
EVENTEEN

FALSE PROPHET

Your only real family are [
sic
] the members of the priesthood who are faithful to our prophet.

—
WARREN JEFFS

T
he weeks after the prophet’s passing were an uneasy time for the FLDS. The prophet was never supposed to die, and now that he had, Warren did his best to maintain control. Confused and desperate to know what was next, everybody attended all three of our weekly church meetings. In the past, only the Sunday service was mandatory, with Saturday’s work project attended mostly by the men of the community and the Monday-morning meeting, a lighter service of song and prayer, attracting fewer people.

Even I attended the Saturday meeting on September 22, hoping to gain new information that might help to restore my sense of security. Warren was at the pulpit as he’d been for several years, but on this day, his message subtly started to change.

“I pray the Lord will honor our prophet’s prayer,” he began. “This is the word of God, and I yearn to give Father’s message.”

He started preaching that his father actually had been “lifted up and renewed,” but that it hadn’t happened in the physical sense as it had always been predicted. It had been a spiritual renewal. As the weeks went on, Warren continued to imply that the prophet was always around even though his body was nowhere to be seen.

“Can you feel the prophet’s love?” Warren asked us at another meeting. “Father is just in the next room,” he again assured us. “I can feel him close. He is speaking through me. Live as though he is still walking among us. He is among the people and working with us still.” To these words of comfort he added: “There are experiences ahead of us. Tests and judgments that only the pure in heart will be able to endure.”

At the time, I was far too indoctrinated to recognize that Uncle Warren was priming us for his formal succession. Although he had always vehemently taught the beliefs of our faith and the prophecies of our future, I think he must have known the truth: his father was a mortal man who would remain buried just like everyone else. Thus he had to reprogram the people to accept a new interpretation of the prophet’s death, an interpretation that would allow him to take full control of everything. Looking back on it now, I see that the crazy explanation of the prophet’s renewal should have shown us that he was manipulating the situation to serve his own purposes. But none of us who had been born and raised in the FLDS Church could see his actions objectively. The repetition of Warren’s extreme ideas had effectively conditioned us, and fear had rendered us unable to express any feelings of doubt.

At the October 13 meeting, Uncle Warren offered us our first glimpse into the plan he had been crafting behind the scenes. In order to receive our full trust and attention, he continuously reminded us throughout the speech that he was serving as a conduit of his dead father’s wishes. His voice was even-toned and soft despite the arresting quality of his words. “I am here to do the will of the prophet,” he started. “He desires us to be more fervent and faithful. The time is short.” Again he insinuated that our faith would soon be tested. He pointed to the Book of Job from the Old Testament, in which God challenges Job’s faith with a series of difficult and painful tests. “You may not understand it,” Warren remarked. “But soon we will be tested to see who will be the ‘wise virgins’ and who will be prepared. Only the pure at heart will be able to endure.”