Still Water (9 page)

"Lily, please, I'm serious. Jace is no good." Todd sounded so genuine right then that I almost turned back around and just let this thing, this crazy thing between us, happen.

"I'm a big girl, boss. I can handle myself." I swiftly left the room as Todd cursed loudly right before the door slammed behind me.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Todd

M
Y CAR SAT IDLING IN THE DRIVEWAY
of Elizabeth and Sawyer's place. It was nearing 5:45 p.m., and I just couldn't bring myself to turn off the ignition and head inside. Not only had it been over a year since I had seen Liz, I was still dealing with the mind fuck that was Lily. I swore out loud and immediately felt like a jackass. I was being such a pussy. I reached over the stick shift to grab the present I'd gotten for Sailor. Elizabeth loved penguins, so I figured I'd buy her little girl a pink penguin.
Chicks dig pink, right?
As I came back to an upright position, I saw Sawyer standing at the hood of the car.
Shit!
I about screamed like a little bitch because he'd startled me. His mouth spread into a shit-eating grin.
Fucker!
I started to laugh hard and honked my horn at him.

I opened the door. "You 'bout gave me a heart attack, brother."

Sawyer's deep laugh twisted in my gut. I missed this guy. "Why are you sitting out here like a stalker?" He moved in for his signature side arm hug. He tapped my back hard as always. I loved this about him. No matter how jealous, defeated, or angry I was that Liz didn't pick me, I never faulted Sawyer. This guy was the best guy I'd ever known. He fought for our country, and he had some rough shit to deal with from his past. We never really got into it, but I could tell he had issues. It made me feel like a jerk; here I was whiny about a girl. My life was good. I had the best parents, a good home, and I threw it all away because I couldn't have
her
. I didn't deserve
her.
He did. My inadequacies were too much for one person.

"It's good to see you, bro." I smiled and punched him in the shoulder.

"We missed you too. Come on, let's head in. I should warn you, though… Sailor is the cutest thing you'll ever see. Be prepared." He chuckled, seeming ridiculously happy. And it was then I knew that I'd wasted too much time. For the first time, I could see what a complete fuckup I was. Elizabeth needed a friend, and I'd walked away. I was done with that shit.
Done.
I took a big breath and exhaled. "Nervous?" Sawyer looked at me with furrowed brows as we stood on the entryway steps. I had to say this. I had to have closure.

"Yeah, man. Listen. I'm over it now. I don't deserve your friendship. Hell, not even Lizzie's. But you guys being together… messed me up. Wait—"

Sawyer was about to interrupt, most likely to apologize. He didn't need to; he shouldn't have to feel sorry for being with Lizzie. "I'm not saying this to guilt you. I'm just letting you know… this shit with me and Liz, it's done. I'm moving on." In that moment, my chest felt lighter. I really was over
her
, and it felt damn good.

"That's good to hear, brother, 'cause I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon." Sawyer's lips turned up into a cocky grin, and I laughed at his smart ass.

The whole house smelled like onions and peppers as we walked inside. Liz had to be making her famous Philly cheese steaks. I mentally high-fived myself. I missed her damn cheese steaks. We walked through the house and in the direction of the kitchen. I came to a complete stop. The smile on Liz's face was breathtaking. Sailor was bouncing on Lizzie's hip and pulling at her mother's hair.
Liz was a mother.
Normally, that smile would've been a kick to the groin, but not today. No. It was just beautiful. Just Liz… my friend.

"You look so happy, Lizzie Bean." I smiled. "Let me see that beautiful girl." As I got closer, I could see Elizabeth's eyes were glittering with tears. My pulse skipped. "You okay, baby girl?"

"I'm—I'm—I'm, so glad you're here," she stuttered and started crying hard, so Sawyer came and took Sailor from her arms. I placed the bag with the present in it on the floor and quickly scooped her into a hug. The tears from Liz's cheeks soaked through my shirt while I held her tight to my chest. Her familiar scent of gardenias surrounded me making me feel at home. I missed this so much. I can't believe I wasted a damn year.

"Shh… it's okay, baby girl. I'm here. I got you." I rubbed her back and squeezed her closer to me. I made myself a promise then, I would never let this much time separate us again. She was my family, and I tossed her aside for my own selfish bullshit. "I missed you so much. Never again, okay? I will never be away from you guys for this long ever again." I kissed the top of her head. She pulled away slightly and looked up into my eyes, her bright blue pools filled with more tears.

"You promise? Todd, it's been hard." She leaned her cheek against my chest again. I felt her inhale a deep breath. "You smell the same. God, I've missed you so much." Her words mumbled against my chest.

"I'll give you two a minute," Sawyer's voice was laced with sadness.

"No way, brother. Give me that fat, little baby girl." I released Liz from my embrace and held my arms out toward Sawyer. Sailor kicked and giggled as I brought her to my chest. She had huge blue eyes just like her mom, but she looked just like Sawyer. It was so weird. They made a person. A whole human being. And for a split second, I wondered what my kids would look like.
Lily and I could make some cute kids.
Shit!
I wasn't expecting that thought to pop into my head. It was dumb to think like that. I hardly knew the girl, and, for all I knew, she was probably getting finger banged as we spoke by the bar whore himself. The thought made me sick to my stomach. Jace's hands on her in any way made me want to break shit. I clenched my jaw.

"What's the matter?" Elizabeth asked, her voice still shaky from our emotional reunion.

"Nothing. This little girl is a doll. You did good, Lizzie Bean… you did good." I felt light for the first time in over three years. This jealousy wasn't going to kill my buzz.

D
INNER WAS FANTASTIC, AND
I was right — Elizabeth had made her famous cheese steaks. Cam and Colby had canceled coming to dinner. Cam had texted me earlier that day to say she felt I needed to do this on my own. I was pissed at first, she was always there for me when it came to Liz and my stupid ass drama, but in the end, as usual, she was always right.

We were sitting in the living room by the fire. Sailor was fast asleep in her crib holding tight to her new pink stuffed penguin.
Success.
We caught up on the past year. Sawyer's business was doing well. Elizabeth was finishing up her senior year and would graduate in December. It was like I had never left, but at the same time everything was different. Elizabeth couldn't get over my fully tattooed upper body. She loved ink. That was part of the reason I'd gotten so much work done. I thought one day I could be the person she needed. I knew now I was so wrong.

"I just can't believe it. The artwork is so vibrant. I loved seeing Sailor in your arms. There is just something about babies in tattooed arms, I think." She smiled up at Sawyer teasingly. "I think you need sleeves, sir. You have that full back piece, now it's time for your arms." She giggled.

"We'll see, Cricket." Sawyer leaned down and kissed Elizabeth on the cheek. They both smiled so warmly at each other. It was good to see them both happy. They'd been through so much. Once they had been together for a while, it had come to light that Sawyer's dad, Gavin Bryant, whom he hadn't spoken to for years, had murdered a young girl. Sawyer's mother had gone to confront his father one night, and he had killed her. Gavin was twisted, and I knew that he hurt Sawyer more than he'd ever wanted to share. He set a trap for Sawyer, but Elizabeth went instead. Long story short, Elizabeth got shot and almost died. Worst week of my damn life.

Needless to say, seeing them happy now made me feel better, and that's something I hadn't felt in forever it seemed. "Why did you go so dark on the one side and so light on the other?" Elizabeth's eyes met mine. "I mean the one side is so lovely — bright sun, beautiful flowers… it's all so gorgeous, really. That tribal is so intricate, but then your left side is so macabre. I mean bleeding hearts are supposed to be pink, not black." She shook her head.

"That's the point, baby girl. Good versus evil and all that shit." I honestly believed that. I felt for so long that I was worthless, not good enough, and I sort of lost my way. I had light and darkness. I wanted to be that guy — the one who gets the girl, the kids, the dog, and the Goddamn picket fence. But… I knew better. The darker parts of my heart always seemed to win in the end. I couldn't make a good choice if I wanted to, and, because I was so mixed up over Liz for so long, I lost my self-worth. Now that I was free of that heartache, maybe… just maybe, I could find myself again.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Lily

I
WAS SWEATING BULLETS.
T
HIS WAS
the worst idea ever. Jace's hands on my inner thighs had me feeling on edge. He had adjusted the climbing harness at least three times. At this point, I was sure he was just trying to cop a feel. "All right, I'm done. I hate this," I blurted out.

"Already, we've only been at it for like thirty minutes, Lil." Jace's voice held some incredulity.

"Yeah." I started to unbuckle myself.

"Let me—"

"No way, buddy, hands to yourself," I said with a bit more severity than was necessary.

"O… kay." Jace drew out the word like he was talking to a small child. He was such an ass. I didn't know what I was thinking going on a date with him. Dinner was a joke; the whole time all he did was talk about himself. How he was so good at everything he did.
Barf.
He was winking at me so much that I started to think he had something in his eye, but then I realized, nope, he's just a conceited asshole. Not to mention the fact that the entire time I was with him, all I could think about was Todd. Jace couldn't stop talking about Todd either. He told me horrible stories about Todd and how his "reputation" was epic. It made me physically ill listening to all the tales of Todd's sexual prowess.

I quickly got ready to leave and waited for Jace by the front doors. The cold unspring-like weather was getting worse after the sun had set. A cold gust of air hit my bare legs as someone entered the climbing gym.
I needed to stop wearing shorts.

"Your place or mine?" Jace held the gym door open for me. He had to be kidding.

"I think I'm going to just call it a night." I made a show of yawning. "I'm drained. The first week of work really killed me."

Jace's jaw compressed. "Let's get one drink." he persisted.

"Look, I had a nice time, but I don't—"

"Stop, don't say it," he interrupted. "Let's just call it a night. I'll drop you off, and we can try again another night." Jace's smile didn't touch his eye, and it felt a bit off. I felt guilty though. I didn't want to date Jace, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings either. He was so much nicer when he wasn't trying to get in my pants.

"I don't know. I probably shouldn't date people I work with — unnecessary drama, you know?" I tapped my feet on the concrete. It was getting cold.

"Oh shit! Sorry, Lily. Here get in." The beep of his car unlocking signaled me that the torture of standing in the cold was over.
Praise the heavens
. Once in the car, I had hoped the conversation was over. I was wrong.

"So?"

"I don't know, Jace. Let me sleep on it, okay?" I should've just been straight with him instead of trying to spare his feelings. The guy really did need to be knocked down a notch anyway. I just didn't want to be the one to do it.

"That sounds good." He smiled his fake smile at me again. The rest of the drive home was filled with awkward silence, and the ride to my house couldn't have taken any longer. Jace jumped out of the car and practically ran to open my door. He took my hand and helped me out of the car.

"You don't have to walk me to the door. Thanks for everything." I quickly moved my feet, one in front of the other, trying to create space. Jace grumbled under his breath as the door to his car slammed shut. I didn't want to give him any false hope by giving him a goodnight kiss. I slowed my pace and watched him drive away. I stopped for a minute at the end of my driveway and looked up at the clear sky and wondered what my dad would be doing right now if he were alive. We'd probably be sitting on the back porch listening to Van Morrison and drinking beer while the cicadas sang in the background. We'd be laughing and talking about what a shitty date that was. I took a deep breath loving how the clean air filled my lungs. It was getting late, and I was ready for bed.

I was about to head inside when Todd's silver 4Runner pulled up to the curb. My heart rate began to sprint.
What was he doing here?
He turned off the truck, and I watched as his hard frame moved toward me.