Still Into You (31 page)

Mia absorbed every single detail of the day, memorizing Kaitlyn’s squeal of joy with each and every present she opened, the love shining in Luke’s eyes as he looked on, the snuggles with Kaitlyn afterwards while Luke assembled a few of her presents.

She cherished her time with the Stapletons. During the day, Mia hung out with Kaitlyn, showing her how to cook, playing with her toys, watching movies, or banging on the piano.

Well, Mia wouldn’t ever bang on a piano. Kaitlyn sat by her side, observing her play. Then the two would sing and that was seriously one of the best moments Mia had had in years—maybe since the night Ethan proposed to her.

The young girl’s voice complemented Mia’s so well, it brought tears to her eyes. This moment was almost missed because she’d wanted to end it all. But she didn’t end it. Mia fought and now had this beautiful moment and even more future moments to come . . . hopefully with children of her own.

In the evenings, Mia reconnected with her best friend. They sat side by side in her front room, watching the fire and just talked. Certain topics they steered clear of—Ethan and Tom—but anything else seemed to be fair game.

One of those things was her movie. Before bed one night, Mia felt brave enough to bring it up.

First, though, she had to get his attention away from his phone. He was so intent on whatever he was doing.

“Whatcha doing?” she asked, trying to peek over his shoulder. He hit send and closed out of his messaging app.

“Just sending a text.”

“To . . . ?” she said, sitting down beside him.

“Just a girl.”

“Must be a special girl to ignore me.”

“I wasn’t ignoring you.”

“Luke . . .”

“Sorry, it’s just that . . .” he stopped and ran his hand through his longish hair. “I hadn’t had any contact with her in a long time, but for whatever reason, I decided to send her a text on Christmas and we’ve been texting ever since.”

“Why haven’t you had any contact with her?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Life, I guess. But I do think about her—a lot!”

“So . . .”

“I’m texting,” he said with a laugh. “It’s not like she lives near me either. So . . . we’ll see.”

“Okay.”

“So, sweets, what did you want?”

“Why do you think I wanted something?”

“You were being needy.”

She stuck her tongue out at him. He laughed but leaned into her. “Talk.”

“So,” she said with a loud exhale of breath. “I’m going to be doing a movie.”

“No shit! Really?”

“Yeah, starting in January.”

“Wow! Like a small part or . . .”

“The lead.”

His eyes went wide at that. “The lead? Tell me more.”

“Well, that’s the thing,” she said before shaking her head. “Maybe I should just have you read it.”

“Oh yeah!”

“Come on,” she said, tugging at his hand. “It’s up in my bedroom.”

He followed her upstairs. Mia handed him the script and then went to the bathroom to get ready for bed. When she returned, he was engrossed in it. She snuggled up to him and thought about what he was reading.

This was a love story, but it was also a story about a woman struggling to pick herself up from rock bottom. Mia knew way too much about that, and she also knew about the lead character, Sophia’s, struggles with drugs. The details may be different, but at the core, this was so similar to Mia’s story. Luke would see that, and being her over-protective friend, would more than likely have issues with it.

All she could do was let him read, and eventually she fell asleep.

The next morning, Mia woke up to find Luke sitting on the edge of her bed, staring at her, the script in the space between them. She pushed herself into a sitting position and glued her eyes to her best friend. He looked ragged, his hair all over the place, like he hadn’t slept at all.

“Luke?”

Her speaking brought him out of his thoughts. He took a deep breath and exhaled purposely. “Mia . . . I’ll be honest. I’m nervous about you being in a movie about drugs.”

“Drugs are a
part,
not the entire movie,” she countered.

“You know what I mean.”

“I’m not an addict, Luke,” she said, that insecurity about what he thought about that time digging its claws into her brain.

He threw his head back. “Mia, I didn’t say that.”

“But you thought it,” she replied. “I have a lot to prove to myself and others with this movie. That I’m not an addict. That I can handle the drama and not let it adversely affect me. I see a lot of myself in the main character, Sophia.”

“It just scares me. I don’t want you anywhere near the things that almost took you from me,” he said, his voice breaking with emotion.

Mia crawled over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’m so sorry, Luke. I’m not going to leave you. But I have to do this. I have to prove it to myself.” She kissed his cheek a few times then spoke words she prayed would be true. “I’ll be okay.”

Mia

January 2010

With the New Year and new beginnings, Mia finally started to discuss certain things with her therapist. She had basically thrown herself into her music and other things to keep her busy—to run away. God, she ran from things. She never faced anything and that was an eye-opening realization for her.

The whole parental situation she’d buried and then when it snuck up on her, she drowned it out with drugs and alcohol. She’d had the same destructive behavior when it came to Luke and then Ethan, using the drugs and alcohol to drown out the pain. To run away.

Something that Simone said had Mia thinking a lot about how she’d been handling her past. One session, her therapist had said to her, “You need to choose to learn from the ugly things that hurt you. Choose to see the scars you spend so much time hiding from so you never make the same mistake, so you don’t take those mistakes with you into the future. Learn from them and then put them to rest. They shouldn’t dictate who you are. How you choose to learn from it, that is what defines you.”

So what did she need to learn from this? How did she make sure she didn’t fall back into the same pattern?

Mia definitely had been letting her past define her, control her. That pain ate at her daily.

This was something that Simone still tried to get Mia to discuss, but she couldn’t. Not yet.

But the time was coming.

After that appointment, Mia sat at a coffee shop near Simone’s office, waiting for Allie to arrive. They had way too much to discuss and way too little time in order to do so. As she sipped her coffee, Mia scrolled through her Twitter, loving all the posts from her fans, but she paused on a tweet that linked her name to a story about Ethan and how he may have finally moved on.

Mia’s finger hovered over the link, a silent battle waging in her mind about whether or not to read the article. Curiosity won.

She skimmed the article, which was basically photos of Ethan and Kristen at some sports recognition event. She had seen Ethan and Kristen together on television before, but never this chummy, never touching.

Swallowing her tears, Mia closed out of that article and switched to her messaging app. She needed answers and hopefully she could get them from Luke.

Luke

January 5, 2010 219 PM

I need the truth, Luke.

About what?

Stop stalling. Is he seeing her?

Mia . . .

It’s okay. Just tell me. I need to know if he has moved on.

Yes. He has been seeing her.

Her stomach felt like someone took a metal bat to it. She folded in and wrapped her arms around her own waist, her breath halting. The tears started, but she swiped at them until they stopped.

So he’s moved on. I had hoped he wouldn’t, you know?

I’m sorry, Mia

Why are you sorry? It’s my fault.

Are you crying?

She wiped her eyes and laughed quietly, so thankful for her best friend and how well he knew her.

Not anymore.

If it bothers you, tell him.

That stifled her laughter. That would not happen.

I’ve put him through so much. I can’t do that.

You love him.

Yes, but it doesn’t appear that he feels the same. He didn’t wait. I took too long.

Mia . . . :(

<3 you, Luke. Gotta go now.

<3 you too, sweets.

Mia took a deep breath. She had to get herself together before Allie arrived. Pulling out her compact, she checked her makeup and then she tortured herself by reading the article again. He looked happy.

Ethan deserved happy and Mia would let him have his happy with Kristen, even though it hurt like fucking hell.

Whatever she did from this moment forward would not be for him, but for her and her alone.

The story of Ethan and Kristen spread like a wildfire in Malibu, and Mia’s name was linked to each and every story. She tried to ignore them but then a photo surfaced of Ethan and Kristen kissing on New Year’s Eve. That she couldn’t ignore.

Seeing his mouth on another woman’s, especially
that
woman’s, was more than Mia could take that day. She holed up in her office, flipped on the TV, turned to the History Channel, and sat there all day, doing her best to let history make her forget that kiss.

During a commercial break, her phone buzzed. She stared at it on the table. The name really looked like Ethan’s, but that’s probably because he was on her mind. But it was enough to tickle her curiosity and get her to grab the phone.

Mia about dropped the phone when she saw that the text really was from Ethan. Why the hell was he messaging her after one and a half years of absolutely no contact? She swiped the message to open it in order to find out.

Ethan

January 20, 2010 839 PM

What’s this I hear about you doing a movie?

Damn you, Luke, and your big mouth. You had to tell Ethan.
She shook her head, angry that after all this time
this
is what he contacts her about. He stayed away and moved on—just like she’d asked—but it still made her angry and her reply reflected her anger.

I don’t know what you heard. Don’t have the slightest clue since I haven’t talked to you in forever.

That you’re going to star in a movie. The main focus of which is drugs.

Your intel isn’t very good. Drugs are part of it. Not the main focus.

Is this a smart move?

Is it any of your concern?

Don’t do that, Mia. Don’t be angry.

I find anger is suiting me right now.

Why?

She searched on her phone for the photo of Ethan and Kristen kissing on New Year’s Eve and then attached it to her text to him. She wrote no words—the picture was enough.

He took a while to return her text and she wondered what he would say. Would he try to excuse it away or would he tell her the truth?

There really is nothing I can say to make that better.

Why her? Anyone but her, Ethan. Have you slept with her?

What the fuck? Why the hell did she just text that? Why was she torturing herself? She had to focus on herself—not Ethan. Mia and Ethan as a couple didn’t matter anymore. They didn’t exist.

Not thirty seconds after sending that text, he called her. She couldn’t answer it, didn’t want him to hear her tears. Instead, she just messaged him.

I’m not going to answer, Ethan. I can’t.

Please.

Why? To make you feel better when you tell me that you’ve slept with Kristen? Sorry. I can’t do that for you.

Mia . . .

How long? Tell me. Was it a one-time thing or is it still ongoing?

It’s been a couple months.

She kicked at the table in frustration. Now she wished she could have been on the phone so he could hear how he just broke her heart—for the second time because of Kristen. Mia didn’t understand. He had said he wanted her to come back to him, so why Kristen?

‘Fix you and come back to me.’ Does that even mean anything to you anymore?

Of course it does.

Answer the phone, Mia.

This time she did. The last time she’d heard his voice was the night he’d left her, and hearing his voice stopped her heart.