Still (5 page)

“Lieutenant, I’m surprised to see you here.”

“Callahan, what the
fuck
are you doing?”

He flushed. “Same as you, attending the funeral. What're you doing in Austin?”

“I live here.” She frowned at his surprised look. “Didn’t you get my letter?”

“What letter?”

“The one I sent you at Walter Reed.”

“No.” He shoved the flask in his jacket pocket and started to turn away. “I’ve gotta go. Maybe we can get together sometime.”

She pushed at his shoulder, turning him to face her again. “If you think I’m going to let you drive, you're probably high as well as drunk.”

“I’m not drunk,” he snarled and jerked away before slamming the truck's passenger door.

Oh, so it was going to be like that was it? Fine. If he wanted to dance, she’d dance.

Refusing to be intimidated by his anger, knowing he would never hurt her, she got right up into his personal space. “You're going to get into my car and I’m going to drive you home. If you give me any bullshit about it, I
will
call the police. Fuck, Callahan, do you want to kill someone because you decided to drive drunk after your friend’s funeral?”

He recoiled as if she’d slapped him. Michelle watched Wyatt try to regain control of himself – first anger, then fear followed quickly by indignation. “I would never do that. I can handle my shit. And just who the fuck do you think you are? We’re not in the military anymore and I don’t have to listen to your bitching.”

“How many times have you driven drunk?”

He opened and closed his mouth, but didn’t say anything, the guilt and shame evident on his face.

“That’s what I thought.” She held out her hand. “Give me your keys.”

Scowling, he did as she asked. After making sure his truck was locked up, she looked over her shoulder at him.

“Come on, my rental's over this way.”

Her heart hurt for him as she caught a hint of the immense sorrow burdening his heart. She held out her hand to him, wanting to give him comfort even if he wasn’t ready for her brand of tough love. He stared at her outstretched hand and slowly lifted his. When his calloused fingers brushed hers electricity sparked through her entire body, starting a slow burn between her legs. She couldn’t believe she was actually touching him, but fought to keep her emotions off her face. He needed her strength right now.

They walked hand in hand through the cemetery over to her gray sedan. She clicked the key fob to unlock it and reluctantly let go of his hand. “I swore after getting out of the Navy I’d never own anything gray again, but this was the last car the rental place had available.”

He slid into the car without comment and she followed suit. After starting the engine and putting on a soft classical station she looked at him. “Mind putting your address into the GPS?”

The scent of liquor reached her nose as he leaned over and began keying in his information. His hair had grown long enough so it brushed his ears and she found she rather liked the streaks of silver that were coming in around his temples, giving him a distinguished, seductive look. Then again everything he did made her hot, so it was no wonder she found his gray hair sexy.

“Doc, I mean, Michelle, uh-sorry about yelling at you.”

She didn’t comment, just drove out of the cemetery and followed the directions given by the female voice from the GPS unit.

“So, you live here now?”

“Yes.” She glanced at him then back at the road. “I bought some land outside of Austin.”

“Where at?”

“Southwest of Lakeway. Where are you calling home?”

He fiddled with the door. “Right now, just an apartment down by Buda.”

“Is that where your family is? I remember you mentioning something about your mother being a high school teacher in Buda.”

Surprise crossed his weary, but still handsome features. “Yeah. I didn’t realize you were paying attention.”

“Wyatt, I’ve always paid attention to everything you said.”

“Me too, Doc, me too.” He shifted like he was going to touch her, then clenched his hands together in his lap. “So how're ya liking Austin?”

“It’s nice.”

She glanced over at him and her heartbeat picked up. From the moment she saw him she wanted him but, first, he needed to know some things about her. She wasn’t going to change who she was but, at the same time, she really wanted to get to know Wyatt better. Something about him called to her heart, and to her soul, in a way she hadn’t felt in years.

“I found a local club that I go to now and again.”

“Really? What club? Maybe I could meet you there sometime.” He cleared his throat and quickly added. “You know, to catch up and stuff.”

“It’s called Lila's.” She waited for his reaction, half expecting him to say that yes he did, indeed, know of the BDSM club and went there often. It wouldn’t surprise her one bit to find out that he was a Dom.

“Never heard of it.”

She licked her lips and decided to go for broke. Life was too short to tip toe around shit. “It’s a BDSM club.”

His jaw dropped and he stared at her. It would have been comical if she hadn’t been so unsure of his reaction. “No fucking way.”

“Yes fucking way.” She tried to keep her voice cool and measured even though she had a million butterflies dancing around in her belly. “I’m a Domme.”

“A what?”

“A Mistress…a Dominatrix. Take your pick of titles but that's what I am and what I enjoy.”

“No. Fucking. Way.” He sat up straighter. “So...you like to beat the shit out of guys?”

“No!” She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself. “No, I do not beat the shit out of guys.” His disbelieving stare made her shake her head. “Well, okay, I only beat them if they ask nicely.”

“But isn’t whipping some poor bastard's ass what Dominatrices do? I mean, at least that’s what they do in pornos. Oh God, you don’t want to pee on me do you?” She shot him a dirty look and he grinned. “What?”

“If you base your beliefs on how women behave on pornos, then I think I’m very wrong about what kind of man you are.”

“Hey now, I was just kidding.” He scrubbed his hand over his face. “I mean, fuck, I never would've thought you were into that kind of kinky shit.”

She tapped her finger on the steering wheel as they waited for the light to change. “I am, and if any man wants to be with me, he'd better understand what he’s in for. I’m not going to pretend to be someone I’m not for anyone.”

That shut him up and he stared out the window as they drew closer to his apartment building. “I can understand that…but, I mean, I’m not trying to be outta line, and I could be totally misreading this, but I’m not the kind of guy that could let a woman boss him around.”

She wanted to point out that she’d done just that while they were over in the sandbox, and that he’d been quite happy following her directions, but she didn’t think that was the right approach. With all of her heart she wanted Wyatt, and was pretty damned sure he wanted her, but she also wanted more than meaningless sex.

She wanted a submissive.

“Why don’t you research it a little bit. And no, I’m not talking about watching pornos.”

He blew out a harsh breath, the scent of alcohol drifting through the air. “Doc, I don’t know what to say.”

“I understand.”

An uncomfortable silence descended on them, but she wasn’t going to break it by begging him to give being her sub a chance. So what if she still dreamt of him? So what if being this near to him set her body on fire? And, dammit all, so what if she thought there was something special between them? If bottoming for her didn’t turn him on, if it wasn’t something he could learn to appreciate and crave, then their hypothetical relationship would never work.

Maybe she was coming on too strong, too desperate. She’d been looking for him for months now and thinking about how good it would be to see him again. She hadn’t taken into account that he might not be adapting to civilian life as well as she had. And his drinking worried her.

He leaned forward when they reached the entrance to his apartment complex. “I’m the third building on the left.”

She pulled into a spot near the entrance to his unit and put the car into park before turning to him. “Well, here we are.”

“Yeah.” He made no move to open the door, but he also wouldn’t look at her.

She reached into the back seat and dug around in her purse for a pen and one of her business cards. While writing on the back of it she said, “Here’s my card. My home number and cell are on the back. If you ever need me, call me.”

He took it from her, their fingers brushing. For a long moment he didn’t say anything, then he leaned across the seat, his intent obvious. Everything inside of her clenched in anticipation, her need for his touch deep enough to drown in. At the first brush of his lips against hers she trembled.

The second pass of his lips was a little bolder, lingering against hers before slanting his head and giving her a kiss that sent a warm cascade of tingles through her body, awakening her senses to him in a decadent rush of lust. She opened her mouth and he groaned, taking advantage of the invitation and meeting her tongue with firm strokes of his own. Unable to help herself, she fisted her hand into his hair, holding him still. God, he was so big, so strong. Here in the confines of her car he seemed to take up most of the space. She thought about what it would be like to rub her body against his muscled frame, to orgasm merely from her flesh sliding against his.

Moving back just enough to break their kiss she whispered against his lips, “Hold still. I want to enjoy you.”

He did as she asked and she began to slowly devour his mouth, tasting and sucking on his lips, paying attention to his every shift, to the changes in energy coming off his body. Her mind kept stumbling over the fact that this was Callahan, the same man she’d absolutely lusted after but who'd been totally off limits. He groaned when she nipped his lower lip and pulled her into his arms when she sucked on his tongue. Beneath the loose suit jacket his body was still firm, solid muscle, and she ran her hands over him trying to memorize the feel of his form.

When his hand went to her waist and began to travel towards her breast, she reluctantly broke their kiss.

“Come upstairs with me,” Wyatt urged, his eyes fever-bright with need.

Oh, she was sorely tempted to go up there with him, to lose herself in fucking this amazing man, but she wanted more. As hard as it was, she somehow managed to shake her head. “No, Wyatt.”

His face fell and he pulled back, reaching for the door. “Yeah, well it’s been goo—”

“Wait. I’m not saying no, or that I don’t want you. Right now I could fuck you up one side of the room and down the other, but I want more than that.” She hesitated, then decided to tell him a little bit of the truth.

“Something happened a while ago that taught me to live everyday like it's my last and I... fuck, I’m explaining this badly.”

He reached across and ran his knuckles down her cheek, his eyes becoming heavy lidded with desire. “Take your time.”

“Look, I don’t want just a fuck. I want more, but I don’t know if we could work out long term.” His hurt look cut at her heart and she tried again. “Being a Domme is part of who I am, it’s as much a part of me as my hair or the color of my eyes. I was born this way, and I can’t become something I’m not in order to please someone. I need someone who won’t just be my partner, but will also be my submissive. And I don’t want someone who will fake it. I want someone who craves my dominance.”

He closed his eyes and thunked his head back against the seat. “Right now my cock wants me to say whatever I need to in order to get you into my bed, but that wouldn’t be fair to either of us. I don’t know if I can be, you know, like that with you.”

“How about this. You do some research and call me if you have any questions.”

“'Kay.” The look he gave her let her know that phone call would probably never come. “I’ll see you around, Doc.”

“I really hope you call, Wyatt.”

He shoved the card into his pocket and got out of the car without looking back. “Thanks for the ride.”

Before she could say anything more he shut the door and left her alone with her thoughts, the scent of his cologne and the alcohol on his breath still hung in the air. As she watched him walk into the building she had to fight herself to keep from running after him. Every word she’d said had been true, and she told herself that if they were meant to be together he’d call. Still, as she pulled out of the parking lot and back onto the main road she didn't wipe away the tears that rolled down her cheeks.

Chapter 3

Present Day

The darkness of deep night still reigned when Michelle pulled into the long, paved drive of her ranch. Callahan woke up when she called his name, blinking in confusion as he took in his surroundings. When his gaze turned to her his eyes widened and he rubbed his face, then looked again.

She waited for his brain to kick in while they drove past the empty paddocks and fenced in meadows that covered the front two acres of her property. Back in the fifties this had been a working ranch, but when she bought it last year, it had been a neglected mess. The main house came into view, a stately Spanish style home with a stacked river stones foundation, softened by the cream stucco walls leading up to the red tile roof and the exposed stone chimneys. Lights shown from the wrought iron chandelier hanging in the main foyer, visible through the vaulted windows.

Instead of pulling into the garage she pulled up to the front door. Thankfully her chef and grounds keeper as well as long time good friends, Yuki and James, were still asleep in their log cabin past the stables. The last thing she needed was them noticing her late arrival. In an odd way, she felt like a teenager coming home past curfew and trying to sneak in. Not that James and Yuki would have done anything except cheer that she’d finally broken her celibacy, but she had enough on her plate right now.

Putting the car in park, she raised the roof and secured it back in place.