Stern Desire Love Redeemed (8 page)

"This is where you screwed up," Jared pointed out.

There were moving so fast, and as J.C. was about to deliver a strike to Jared's head, Jared struck him in the chest and delivered another
blow to his neck. The snapping sounds and the close-up view of the strikes startled me. J.C. took a few steps back. They bowed to each other, and then ripped the helmets from their heads. Jared ejected the DVD. J.C. removed it
from the player and disappeared from the room.

"What was all that?" I asked Jared.

"That is called Kendo, a martial art form based on Japanese sword fighting," he explained.

"What kind of protective gear do you wear?" I was curious. Those strikes looked rather extreme.

"The protective armor is called a bogu and it protects the head, upper body, hands and groin."

"Okay, ready for your pin care?"

"Ready when you are."

I did the pin care and the site that I was concerned about had improved somewhat.

"Truth or dare?" I asked.

"Truth," he answered without hesitation.

"Jared, you are a very complex man, a man filled with secrets."

"How do you know that?" he asked quizzically.

"I can tell," I said confidently.

I put the final sponge on the pin and secured it. "What I would like to know is will I ever get to truly know you."

"Can you ever really know somebody? Sometimes no matter how long you live with them or think you know someone, there is always something that can surface that you've never known."

That one I can painfully attest to.

"So, that's a no."

"I'm not saying no, Kyra. I don't want there to be any secrets between us, but it will take some time for me to tell you certain things about myself."

"Certain things?"

"Things that are difficult for me to talk about."

"Something that you need to know about me is that I have serious trust issues when it comes to men. I've only been in one
relationship all my life, from which I have the most amazing son. Also, when it comes to relationships, uncomplicated or not, I haven't had one in eight years. So, if I'm a bit wary about entering into a relationship right now, it's
because I'm seriously scared of getting hurt, especially when things are going so fast, and it seems you have so much to hide."

"Do you have secrets, Kyra?"

"I live a very simple, uncomplicated life, Jared. I can
tell you everything you need to know about me in less than an hour. And I've just told you about the last ten years of my life."

"Do you want to give this a try, Kyra?"

"I don't know, Jared; this is way too fast for me. You know
how I feel about this patient-nurse situation."

"Can you honestly tell me that you don't have any feelings for me? Because I have not felt the way I feel about you in six
years." He took my hand in his and I gently pulled it away from him.

If we were going to have this conversation right now, I did not want his touch or his look clouding my judgment. I focused on the ground,
refusing to look in his eyes.

"Are you willing to give us a try?"

"I can't make that decision right now," I said, but my mind, soul, and body were screaming yes.

"Look at me, Kyra."

"I can't."

His fingers grazed my chin and I closed my eyes. He lifted my head.

"Open your eyes, Kyra," Jared said. His cool, mellow voice sweetly commanded me.

I slowly opened my eyes. Scared to look at him because of the debilitating effects his mesmeric eyes had on me. He was smiling his beautiful, dazzling smile. The vibrant, orange-reddish color of his hazel eyes
were transformed into a warm, inviting cognac color with golden rays.

Oh Lord, please help me. I can't resist this man. I am powerless.

"Please, Kyra ... we'll take it slow; there's no rush."

"Well, let's wait until you are discharged."

"Can you wait until then? We don't know when I'll be out of here. Can you handle it?" He stroked my cheek with his knuckles.

"Even if I say yes, what do you think will happen,
Jared? You think I'm going to jump into bed with you? If that's what you think, you have the wrong girl."

"I have the right girl. Just say yes. You set the pace
to this relationship."

"And what kind of relationship are we talking about?"

"A complicated one," he said without hesitation.

His eyes pleaded for an answer. How could I say no to him? I
did not want to. I wanted so much to give this a try, but the fear of this relationship going bad, along with being caught and losing my job and everything I'd worked hard for, was daunting. I was terrified. After what Ella
said, I should probably say no. That would have been the right thing to do.

I shook my head, trying to clear my mind. Hoping that I was making the right decision.

"We'll give it a try, but you better behave."

"I should kiss you, but ... I think that I would be misbehaving." His lip were inches from mine.

I quivered on the inside. His closeness summoned a deep ache inside my pelvis.

I nervously cleared my throat. "Um ... that's
right."

He leaned back in the bed. "Go have a seat at the table."

"Do you need me to help you get out of bed?"

"I can do this," he said, and expertly maneuvered himself out of the bed and into his wheelchair.

The window shades were up and a spectacular view of the city lights was our backdrop. The flowers on the window ledge were replaced with
orchids. The table was made up with fine china and silverware. He removed a wine bottle from the refrigerator, and wheeled himself over to the table.

"Sparkling cider," he answered my mental thought.

He lit the candles that were on the table, opened the cider, and poured it into two crystal glasses. J.C. brought in the food, which was already plated and steaming hot. He set the plates in front of us.

"Thanks, J.C."

"My pleasure, ma'am," he said, and then gave us a bow and retreated.

There were Alaskan King crab legs sliced in half, exactly the way I liked it - just scoop and eat. Also on my plate were grilled steak,
sautéed potatoes, and vegetables. We ate silently. I finished my glass of cider and I began to get that fuzzy feeling in my head. This was so ridiculous, me getting drunk from sparkling cider; but I'd seen this happen before, right here
at work.

"Are you sure this is sparkling cider?"

"Why?"

"I feel a little buzzed."

He laughed robustly. "Are you serious?"

"Listen, I can handle my alcoholic beverages. This is pretty weird."

"You'll be fine. Perrier water?" he offered.

"No, thanks. I never acquired a taste for that. Plain
water will do."

He poured water into a glass and handed it to me. I drank half of it.

I wiped my mouth with the napkin, folded it, and placed it on the table.

"When I came in at the beginning of my shift, you
looked a little perturbed," I said.

He stared at the glass on the table.

"Ella came to visit and I broke it off with her."

"That was premature."

"I wanted to start with a clean slate." He spun the glass around on the table. "I was concerned because she has a tendency to overreact and do crazy things."

"So, is she okay?"

"For now she is."

"We came up on the elevator together. Very attractive girl. Got the attention of everyone."

"Yes, she also has issues that she is dealing with, and
I did not make things any better for her," he said sadly, as he stared out the window. "Kyra, I destroy people's lives. I'm worried and scared that even though I want to be with you so badly, I will destroy your life,
too." His eyes held mine. "I want to be with you more than anything else, but at the same time, I'm hoping that you'll tell me to go to hell."

He looked away and said under his breath, "Sometimes I
feel that's where I really belong."

"Are you trying to scare me off?"

"Is it working?"

"I'm scared, too — petrified. This is my first
relationship in eight years, and here I am, getting involved with Jared Stern. My stomach is all in knots from nerves. No wonder sparkling cider gave me a buzz."

He tried to hide a smile.

"What is it you wanted to talk to me about?" I
asked Jared.

"There has only been one other person in my life who I've shared such strong feelings for."

"Where is she?" I replied, confused.

There was sadness in his eyes. "She died."

I reached over and took hold of his hand.

"She was five months pregnant. After being sick for days and not having left the house, I persuaded her to go for a walk. She was
hesitant, but I convinced her." He paused and I squeezed his hand, reassuring him.

"It was a beautiful morning and we were sitting outdoors on the patio of our favorite coffee shop. The sun was shining brightly
and there was a light breeze coming off the ocean."

Solemnly he said, "I remember my phone was lying on the table when it vibrated. It was from work. She insisted I take the call, and I did. I left her seated at the table and walked into the coffee shop to purchase
a drink and a bagel for her as she has requested."

He lowered his eyes the pain evident as his voice cracked. "I was in the shop for no more than a minute when I heard screeching from
car tires. I looked up and there was a car on the sidewalk sending umbrellas, chairs, and tables flying in all directions."

My eyes filled with tears.

"I ran from the store to where she should be ... I
could not find her. I was going crazy, calling her name, hoping and praying, as the world spun in chaos all around me."

The tears spilled down my face and I quickly wiped them away.

"J.C. found her. She was lying on the sidewalk, blood streaming from her mouth; and as I cradled her in my arms, I kept on repeating, 'I'm sorry ... I'm sorry.'"

Tears continued to stream down my face. His voice was thick
with remorse. His pain was very apparent. His face was etched with the torturous memories.

"She looked me in the eyes and told me that she was sorry ... She was apologizing to me. Two lives lost because of me." He paused,
fighting back the emotions. "I was responsible. A day does not go by that I do not blame myself."

He reached over and wiped the tears from my face. "I'm so sorry that you lost her, Jared, but it's not your fault."

"I wish I could believe that, especially coming from you."

"Baby, I have tragically lost someone dear to me too, Nate's dad. And I would have lost Nate, too, if his dad hadn't used his body as
a shield and protected him from the barrage of bullets that riddled his car."

"Kyra, baby, I'm so sorry."

"Jared, I know what you are going through. I've been there; and I've relived it every year, the way no one should have to. It's the
day my life began, ended, and was given back to me."

He caressed my cheek with his hand. I leaned into it. "I'm so sorry."

"Can you imagine me explaining to Nate a few years ago
how his dad died after his insisting questions, only to have him reply ... " I choked. The words could not come out.

"What did he say, Kyra?" Jared gently asked.

Fighting back tears, I said, "He said ... 'I remember, Mom; I remember being in the car, with Dad leaning over me, and there was red everywhere.' I was shocked. He remembered his dad's death. He was only two years old. Nate was covered in so much blood, they could not tell if he was injured."
I stared out the window at the once beautiful city lights, now a field of gloom. "I know what it feels like to love, lose, and be betrayed by ..." I could not go on.

When I wanted to do nothing more than drown in the dark depths of my pain and sorrows, Nate was my life vest. He kept me afloat, even though at any minute I could so easily slip away. We looked in each other's eyes: two lost, deeply wounded souls, hurting in ways neither of us could have
ever imagined.

I wanted to feel Jared's lips against mine. Morals had flown out the window. I leaned over to kiss him.

"Stop," Jared said softly.

"Why?" I asked, puzzled

"I'm being the responsible one."

To heck with responsible.

I could not resist the intense pull toward him. All I wanted
to do was to kiss those lips, those full, juicy, pronounced lips. I leaned over and kissed his eyes tenderly, and planted little tender kisses down his face. I kissed the corner of his lips and froze; my heart raced. I was light-headed, shaky on the inside, and unbelievable warmth stirred on the inside. He groaned
and pressed his lips against mine. Slowly and deliberately, he planted tender little kisses against my lips. He grazed his soft lips against my cheek. I closed my eyes tightly, and held my breath as my stomach went weak. His lips
returned to mine. I opened my mouth slightly and he gently slid his tongue into my mouth. He softly explored my mouth with his tongue. It was a slow, heated, passionate kiss. My v-jay pulsated and I squeezed and contracted my pelvic muscles,
wanting the pulsating to stop. He planted a gentle kiss on my nose, touched our foreheads together, and leaned back in his chair.

"I've got to go," I said nervously. "I've been gone far too long." I stood up. "Thanks for dinner. Do you need
help with anything ... cleaning up?"

"I'll be fine."

"Call me if you need anything."

As I passed by his wheelchair, he held onto my hand and
gently pulled me down for a kiss.

"Thank you," he said, against my lips.

J.C. was in the sitting area, making sure we were not interrupted. My coworkers did not notice my hour and a half disappearance. I
called Jenn to see if she was at work.

"I forgot that you were here tonight," Jenn said. "How is it going up there?"

"Great. I'm calling to let you know that I've decided
to take your advice and give the relationship with Jared a try."