Stealing Home: A Diamonds and Dugouts Novel (19 page)

Hot breath puffed against his skin and she shook her head, lowered her mouth to his again. Mark watched her eyes drift closed and felt something inside him shift. He cupped the sides of her face in his hands and nibbled at her full lips, felt them tremble. Instead of devouring her, he let his lips trail over her face. Kissed her eyelids and heard her soft gasp. Pressed his lips against the warm skin of her temple and breathed in the scent of her.

He didn’t know what was happening, was terrified to know. But when he felt her body shudder against his he felt it somewhere deep in his soul, in that place that hadn’t been touched by anyone in years. And when he traced his lips over her jaw and saw a tear shimmer on her eyelashes, slide down her cheek, it almost unmanned him. He kissed the teardrop away and felt the rush of her breath against his left cheek.

“Oh Lorelei,” he breathed. “What are you doing to me?”

She shook her head as a sound almost like a sob caught in her throat. Her plump lips pressed together and her chin quivered. On a ragged whisper she asked, “What are you doing to
me
?”

Her eyelids fluttered open and her beautiful eyes focused on him. Emotions swirled in the glimmering depths. “This was supposed to be easy. I don’t know you.”

He brought his mouth back to hers, his hands still cradling her head. Fire burned in his blood. “You know me, Lorelei. Better than anyone else has in a long time.” Suddenly he couldn’t remember why he’d ever wanted easy.

When she shook her head again he frowned and his throat squeezed. His voice was raw. “Say you know me, Lorelei. Tell me you know who I am on the inside. Not who the world sees, but who I really am.” It was suddenly very important for him to hear her say it.

Something was happening between them and he wasn’t sure if he was ready for it, or if he really even wanted it. But he knew that if all she still saw him as was the professional catcher with the bad rep he might just go crazy. God knew he’d made mistakes, but he was more than his reputation, he knew that. He needed Lorelei to know it, too.

Her small, soft hands covered his and his heart stopped. “You’re not who I first thought you were.”

It started beating again, a hammer in his chest. Touching his mouth to hers he felt the current of electricity that flowed from her—took it into him and welcomed it. Sinking into the kiss, his hands slid over her body and pulled her close.

He wasn’t going anywhere.

Chapter 20

L
ATER THA
T NIGHT
Lorelei slipped back into Mark’s condo and walked silently down the hall, his necklace cradled in her hand. She was thankful the hotel concierge had kept her envelope. She’d been a little worried that things left there had a shelf life. If so, she’d gotten there in time and that’s all that mattered.

As she tiptoed down the hall the small metal cross warmed against her palm. When she stepped through the doorway to his room he was there, sound asleep in the middle of his bed just the way she’d left him. Moonlight streamed through the massive windows and sent shadows dancing over his prone body. Even in sleep it was hard and unforgiving, years of honing every muscle evident in the power of his shoulders, the strength of his thighs. In every way he was her fantasy come to life.

Stepping softly across the wood floors, Lorelei kept her eyes on him. If he made a move she’d lose it. Lose courage and the strength to do what she knew was right.

The game was over.

When he shifted in his sleep and turned his face to her, she was sure he’d woken. Her lungs seized up and fear skittered down her spine. But he didn’t say anything and soon he was softly snoring again. The air she’d been holding rushed out of her on a whoosh.

Before she could change her mind, she very gently set his necklace on the bedside table where he’d see it in the morning. Then, unable to resist, she stared down at him one last time. Memorized the way he looked relaxed in sleep. His hair tumbled across his brow and his sensual lips were slightly parted. Deep, even breathing raised and lowered his broad chest in a slow rhythm.

The last time she’d stood over him like this he was a stranger to her. This time he was so much more, and it hurt to walk away worse than she’d anticipated. Much worse. But it was better that she did it now while she could. That she be the one to call it quits, put an end to the affair. She had to do it before he did.

The car ride had changed everything—every single game piece on the board. In one fell swoop it had sent them flying. It had stopped being a game and become oh-so-very real. So much was at stake.

Hearts were on the line.

She’d never felt more vulnerable. It was only a matter of time before hers was flattened. And Mark wouldn’t even know he’d devastated her. She didn’t blame him for it—it just happened with men like him. But she had to get out before it all came crashing down.

Relationships without trust always crumbled. No matter how true the emotions. She was realist enough to acknowledge that fact. But she was still too cowardly to risk the rejection. A little tiny part of her soul hated herself for that. Wished she were braver.

She wasn’t.

Shaking herself, Lorelei turned to go. Mouthing a silent oath she spun back around and pulled her hair back with a hand. One last time to feel him against her lips, then she’d leave. She’d go back to her life and get over him. Forget about the ballplayer with the fast hands.

But right now she needed to kiss him. In the dark and quiet while he was deep asleep and he couldn’t see that it hurt her to do it. She leaned out of the shadows and bent over Mark. The sleep-warmed scent of him filled her nostrils along with the lingering scent of their earlier sex. She refused to call it lovemaking. It might have been different from all the other times—more tender, less hurried, more intimate. But it wasn’t love. They hadn’t made love.

But it had felt awful close to it.

Her lips touched him and she felt the jolt all the way to her toes. It made her lips tingle and her abdomen turn to jelly. And not just with need.

She pulled her lips away.

A lock of wavy hair fell over his eye when he shifted and she reached up, brushed it back. She heard a low masculine groan and whipped her eyes to his. They were still closed, but his mouth had curled in a slight smile and he stretched like a panther awakening from a nap. His voice was raspy. “Mmmm, what are you doing, baby? Come back to bed.”

Panic slammed hard into her. He wasn’t supposed to wake up! She had to get out of there—fast. If she didn’t go now she’d miss her chance and then everything would go straight to hell. She didn’t want to be there when that happened.

“I’ll be right back,” she whispered. “I’m going to get some water.”

His hand reached up and found her breast, squeezed it.

Sleep made his voice heavy as it dragged him back under. “Hurry back, ’kay?” His hand dropped from her breast, left it achy with need.

Raking her gaze over him, Lorelei whispered, “Okay.” Then she slipped to the door and stepped over the threshold. She grabbed the door, pulled it closed behind her. “Good-bye, Mark.”

It took no time at all to grab her bags and leave after that. He’d never bothered with the extra locks. All she’d had to do to leave earlier to get his cross was flip the deadbolt and turn the regular lock. This time she didn’t even have to do that. She just opened the door and was in the elevator less than a minute later.

Though she felt tears sting the backs of her eyes she refused to give in to them. Lorelei Littleton was made of sterner stuff than that. At least that’s what she told herself to keep from bawling like a baby. Crying wasn’t allowed. She’d known that from the beginning. Hell, she’d made the rule. So why was she being such a wimp?

Because for a suspended moment in time Mark had held her heart in the palm of his hand and made her cry. Made her feel such intense emotion it had terrified her.

She thought over that on the drive up I–25 to Loveland. When she pulled into her driveway at two in the morning she’d come to a lot of conclusions. None of which she liked the answer to.

Now she had to face her brother and tell him she’d failed. Explain to him that she’d had the money in her hands and she’d let it slip right through her fingers.

A sob ripped from her chest and Lorelei lowered her head until her forehead rested on the steering wheel. Giving in to the hot tide of despair and self-disgust, she let the tears come. The floodgates opened and like rain they fell in a steady rhythm down her cheeks, dropped to her lap. Inside the house fifty feet from her lay a little girl with a deformed heart of pure gold who was going to die.

But it was more than that. So much more. Feelings so complex and strong that she had trouble identifying them ripped at her chest. Grief for Michelle was there, yes, yet something long buried and deeply personal thrummed a wounded rhythm in her, too.

She’d had it—the passion, the adventure, the
life
. Everything her secret heart had longed for while it had been shoved to the back of her emotional closet and more urgent issues had taken precedence. It had huddled there, untended and ignored for years. Yet it had persisted. And just when it had finally been brought gently from the dark and set to bask in the warm, nurturing sun, she’d had to shove it back in again.

She ached. In a way that bordered on desperate and inconsolable. To have tasted her dream and had it in the palm of her hand, only to see it slip through her fingers like sifting sand, nearly undid her. The thought of going back to the life she’d had before Mark was crushing. Worse yet was the thought of the life that waited ahead for her now that there was no hope for Michelle.

Lorelei threw her head back and cried out, “What is wrong with me?” Why couldn’t she do it? Why hadn’t she been able to sell his necklace? Why all the half-assed attempts and self-sabotage? The answer was right there in front of her, naked with uncensored truth. She hadn’t done it because Mark had once been a lonely, awkward boy who’d been given a gift by a girl. And Lorelei couldn’t take that away from him.

She sat up and thumped the heel of her hand hard against the steering wheel. “Damn it, Lorelei! Damn you.” Self-loathing washed through her and she welcomed it. Deserved it for the fate she’d resigned her niece to.

On top of it all she’d broken a promise. When she’d left she’d promised Logan the next time she came back she’d have the money. It was one more transgression on her list of things she’d screwed her family on. One more lie.

Logan and Michelle were all she had in the whole world. She couldn’t bear it that she would lose one of them. She’d lost so many people she loved and didn’t know if she’d survive losing another one.

Sitting up, Lorelei wiped her hands over her face and sucked in air. Logan might very well hate her afterward, but he deserved to know.

She stepped from the car and quietly closed the door, then walked to the house. All the windows were dark except Michelle’s. A faint light glowed there from the teddy bear nightlight. But she doubted Logan was asleep.

When Lorelei stepped through the front door she knew her suspicion was right. She heard fabric rustle and saw the shape of her brother move through the darkness toward her. He never slept anymore and she knew it was from all the demons that chased him, cornered him in his sleep. He’d loved Susan more than she’d ever seen anyone love anybody and it was eating him up inside. Instead of getting better, slowly moving through the grief, he seemed to be sinking further into it.

She knew he felt like it was all his fault. Which was so wrong. He couldn’t have known about Susan’s weak heart, Susan hadn’t even known. Not until it was too late. Even when they’d discovered the problem with Susan while Michelle was still in the womb they hadn’t been able to abort her. It was their baby and they’d wanted her to live.

Lorelei cleared her throat and let the truth fall. “I couldn’t do it. I had the chance and I screwed it up. I’m so,
so
sorry.” Her voice cracked.

His arms came around her and he pulled her close. “
Shhh.
You didn’t screw up anything, Leelee. I’m the one who should be apologizing, not you. I realized after you left the other day all the burden I’ve put on your shoulders and I’m sorry for it. It’s not right for you to have to miss out on a good life, a happy one.”

“Stop it. You’re not a burden, damn it. You’re my family. I would do anything for you. And I tried. I really did, but in the end I just couldn’t steal from him.”

Logan kissed the top of her head and rocked her gently. His voice was tired and weary and full of love. “You’re a good girl, Leelee. Of course you couldn’t steal from him, no matter how much you might have wanted to. I would have been disappointed in you if you had.”

She sighed into his arms, comforted by his embrace and the use of her childhood nickname. “But what about Michelle’s surgery?”

He was quiet for a moment. “You let me worry about that. I know you love her, but she’s my daughter. I’ve been thinking on something lately that might just work.”

Instantly alert, she raised her head and demanded, “What? You’re not thinking about riding bulls again, are you?” He kept silent and she knew she’d guessed right. She’d suspected as much. “Logan Michael, you can’t afford to go back to rodeoing and have another bull tear into you like Sampson did.”

His sigh was strong enough to part her hair. “Lorelei.”

“Logan.”

“I just don’t see another way. If I can make it to Vegas and win, the pot would be more than enough to pay for Michelle’s surgery and the rest of Susan’s medical bills. I know it’ll be cutting it close, time-wise.” He tightened his arms around her. “I’ve been giving this a lot of thought and even if I don’t make Vegas I think I can still scrape together enough for her surgery at least.”

Lorelei felt a new worry settle on her shoulders. “But—”

“No more talk, Lorelei. I’ve made up my mind. We’ve got some time yet before we need to out-and-out panic over Michelle. I’m going to enter some local contests and get ready to take on Cheyenne in July. I’ve been out of the pro circuit since Susan died and I reckon it’s well past time for me to get back in the saddle.”

“You mean the back of a one-ton Brahman bull.” Just one more thing for her to freak out about. Lovely.

Logan patted her back and stepped away. “Hey, you used to love watching me ride.”

That was before he’d almost been mauled to death by a cowboy killer with razor-sharp horns. “Promise me you’ll be careful. I don’t want to raise Michelle alone.”

“I promise, string bean.” He ruffled her hair like only an older brother could get away with. “Now get up to bed, you’ve interrupted my reading.”

As soon as she hit the upstairs landing, she headed straight for her niece’s room. As she slipped inside quietly, her heart swelled with tenderness at the sight that greeted her. Flushed from sleep, Michelle sat in the middle of her crib cuddling a teddy bear, her dark hair a tangled mess. When she spotted Lorelei her mouth bowed in a sleepy smile.

Tears came to her eyes as she went to her niece. “It’s late, sweetheart. What are you doing up?”

Big brown eyes looked up at her, innocent and sweet, and broke her heart. Reaching into the crib, Lorelei bundled the little girl in her bright quilt and cradled her in her arms. Leaning her head down, Lorelei inhaled the scent of her shampoo.

Michelle snuggled under the blanket and said, “Rockie.” Then she pointed to the rocking chair in the corner.

“Do you want me to rock you, love?” Lorelei was already headed in that direction and sat on the blue cushioned chair.

She felt Michelle’s head rub against her chest in agreement and started rocking gently back and forth. Her niece snuggled even closer and whispered, “Love, love.”

Lorelei’s heart squeezed painfully as a tear slid down her cheek and her arms tightened. She kissed her baby girl with trembling lips and whispered back, “That’s right, baby. Love, love.” So very much love.

M
ARK SLOUCHED AGAINST
the bus seat and scowled as it traveled through San Jose traffic on its way to the Giants stadium. A hot ball of confused anger churned in his stomach. He still couldn’t believe it.

Lorelei had left him.

When he’d woke this morning and found his necklace on the bedside table he’d known instantly. But like a fool he’d searched the condo, hoping that she’d turn up in one of the rooms. Hoping that she’d decided to give his necklace back and take a chance at an honest relationship with him.