Steal the Sun (15 page)

Herne frowned at Declan. ‘That isn’t what your brother promised. He said you would withhold the rites unless the Unseelie made some unfavorable trade concessions.”

Dev sent his brother a dirty look. “While my brother is to be king someday, he does not have control of the temple. My temple is open to all Fae. If it’s more convenient, of course, we will travel to the Unseelie
sithein
. My wife is a great lover of the strange. She would find your ways interesting.”

“Not if that mean old hunter is an example,” I said crossly, leaning over to stroke Neil’s head. He thumped his tail but seemed like he was still a little disoriented.

“Barghest, Shuck,” Herne said, leaning down to speak to his dogs, “Her Grace seems like a woman who could use a kiss.”

I was suddenly assaulted by two huge dogs. I fell back on my butt as they licked my face and looked far cuter than any death omen should. They panted and nudged me with their great noses, begging for me to play. One of the black dogs sniffed Neil’s backside and he ran to hide behind Lee. I laughed and ran my hands through their coarse hair. I did love strange creatures, especially when they were as sweet as the dogs seemed.

Dev shook his head and looked at Daniel. “She’ll want to take one home.”

Daniel was watching me with a smile. “Let’s not let her get around the
Cù-Sìth
, then. We would look strange running around Dallas with a green dog with flaming eyes.”

“Yes,” Herne said with an indulgent smile. “I think Her Grace would fit in with the Unseelie. Let’s have an ale. I’ll get to know your partner, and perhaps we can find a way to mend our friendships.”

* * * *

I finally slipped away from the men two hours later. Herne was having lunch with Dev while Daniel sat in and listened as they told stories of the hunt. While listening to stories of the Hunter killing small creatures might be interesting to the men, I had other objectives to pursue. I also wasn’t sure exactly what kind of meat they were eating and after my cat taco experience, I was more careful. I liked to be sure what my lunch was made of. I approached the kitchens with Lee and Neil, who had just rejoined us after finding clothes since his had sort of exploded. Faery was turning out to be hell on Neil’s wardrobe.

Sarah had gone into the village to speak with the gnome and Felix had followed his wife, but Neil ambled beside me and he’d finally made friends with our new guests. The black dogs seemed to like me, and Herne made no move to stop them when they trailed after us. They were perfectly well behaved and hadn’t tried to hump anything, so I was comfortable with my escort.

Lee, on the other hand, was a little grumpy.

“Stop,” he commanded as Shuck nudged him with his huge nose.

“He’s just trying to play with you.” I scratched Barghest behind his big old ears.

Lee growled and if dogs can pout, that’s what Shuck did. He ran over to me and presented his head for a pet.

“Don’t take it personally,” I told him. “He won’t let me pet him either. He’s not playful.”

I heard a ruckus from down the hall. Someone was shouting and there was a great clanging noise. Neil and Lee both moved quickly to secure me. I found myself up against the wall with Neil covering me.

“Watch her,” Lee ordered.

“Like I don’t do that all day long,” Neil muttered.

“He likes giving orders.” I was pretty sure we were safe. The argument sounded like it was coming from the kitchen. It wasn’t the best place for an assassin to hide.

“He’s a drama queen.” Neil sighed, watching Lee disappear behind the doors. The black dogs set their backsides down, their tails thumping against the floor as they looked between us and the door.

“Don’t let him hear you say that.” Lee could be surprisingly sensitive. My tummy rumbled, and I hoped he dealt with the great cooking tragedy before I used up all of Danny’s energy again.

“I hear everything!” Lee yelled. “Zoey, get your ass in here. This is all your fault.”

Or it could be all my fault. That happened more than you would expect. Neil and I exchanged a look and followed orders, getting my ass into the kitchens as quickly as possible.

I was presented with a small but important battle. Albert was on one side of the kitchen, looking entirely professional in his white dress shirt and black slacks. He had a very masculine apron on. All he needed was a chef’s hat, though I wasn’t sure how we would fit it over his horns.

Bibi was sitting on the kitchen counter close to him, her legs and tail dangling. I had wondered where Bibi was spending her time when she wasn’t with me. I now discovered she made her way to the kitchens and aided Albert with his preparations. I had no doubt she’d been talking his ears off because once Bibi felt comfortable, she could talk a mile a minute. She was flushed with anger and looked across a marble island that was filled with fresh fruit.

Her adversary stood his ground on the other side. He was an officious-looking faery with his long brown hair in a neat bun at the back of his head. He was dressed to cook and looked at the demon and troll with utter disdain. Bibi, for one, was having none of it.

“This is Her Grace’s personal cook,” Bibi explained, and from her tone, I could tell it wasn’t the first time she’d gone over it. “He has every right to be in this kitchen. He has to make sure Her Grace eats properly for her baby.”

The faery sighed and it was easy to see he didn’t think talking to these creatures was a good use of his time. “These are my kitchens. I am the head of the palace’s chefs. You are not needed in here. I assure you I can handle Her Grace’s nutritional needs far better than this demon can. He is not Fae. How could he possible know how to nourish a faery child?”

My secretary shook her fist. “If you don’t allow Albert to do his job, I will call my mistress in and then you’ll be sorry. She will show you.”

I, for one, was interested in knowing how I would show the faery, who was at least a foot and a half taller than me.

“She is fierce and cruel,” Bibi continued, her voice promising all manner of torture. “She commands the wolves and they will hunt you down should you cause her a moment’s distress.”

Neil snorted at the thought and suddenly everyone looked our way. Albert shook his horns, appearing grim and put upon. Bibi flushed, her whole face going pink, while the faery chef looked down his nose at me.

I told myself for the four hundredth time that I was going to be a lady.

“Your Grace, is there a reason you have brought hounds into my kitchens?” the faery asked, frowning at the black dogs.

“I’m sorry. They just kind of follow me around. They’re really well behaved.” They were. They were politely sniffing around Albert now, who suffered through it all with dignity.

Bibi was past her initial embarrassment and chose to continue her tirade on my behalf. “Her Grace can go wherever she wants. Who are you, a servant, to tell her what she can and cannot do?”

“It’s all right, Bibi.” I needed to make a few concessions. “I am sure the chef is good at his job. I can just eat whatever the others eat.”

Albert sighed deeply, his disappointment an actual weight in the room. “Very well then, mistress. I will allow him to toss out my cilantro with the trash. It is what began this sad situation. He doesn’t view it as a proper herb.”

Now he had all of our attentions. Neil, Lee, and I were all Southwesterners. We liked our cilantro.

“Just what were you making with that cilantro, Al?” Lee asked, and I could hear his stomach rumble. Lee was always ready to eat.

The demon shrugged coyly. “In honor of my mistress’s blessed state, I thought that I would make a lunch of enchiladas, rice, and beans. It’s my mistress’s favorite. Sadly, the palace chef doesn’t believe Tex-Mex is worthy of his kitchens. I should warn you, my mistress, that he’s also told me I’m not allowed to fry anything. He doesn’t understand your cultural need to fry everything possible in hot grease.”

“What the hell are you making for lunch?” Lee asked the faery chef.

His superior smile said it all. “I am creating a summer salad of all the freshest ingredients. It will be topped with morning dew I collected from the finest flowers of our royal gardens.” All of this was said in hushed tones as though this was a great and honored meal fit for kings or queens.

Unfortunately, I had to feed wolves. They weren’t big on salads.

Neil looked at Lee with desperation on his face. “He has to go.”

Lee turned to me. “It’s your decision, Zoey. You’re the one who has to deal with the consequences.” He shook his head at Neil. “No, we have to trust Zoey. She’ll either pick the nonconfrontational route that gets all of us a meal of freaking morning dew or she’ll go with beef and cheese.”

“Please go with beef and cheese,” Neil pleaded. “I don’t think I’ll like morning dew. It doesn’t sound filling. Is it anything like Mountain Dew?”

“Did I mention the chocolate pie I made earlier that he wanted to throw out with the cilantro?” Albert asked.

“Faeries do not eat this chocolate of yours,” the chef informed me with an aristocratic huff.

“Dev does,” Neil pointed out. He did. Especially chocolate sauce since he liked to lick it off my body.

“You,” I said to the chef, raising my voice in my most regal fashion. “Out.”

My need to be ladylike completely lost to my need for chocolate. I had nine months to eat whatever I liked and fool myself into thinking my body would just bounce back after the baby was born. I wasn’t about to waste that time on morning dew, which I was pretty sure didn’t have anything to do with Mountain Dew.

“I shall take this up with Her Majesty,” the chef promised as he turned and huffed out.

I looked at Albert. “You, start frying tortillas.”

Albert smiled, completely satisfied. “It’s already done. I merely need to bake the entrée, mistress. In the meantime,” he began, placing a large platter on the table, “I took the time to make an appetizer of pulled pork nachos. Please enjoy.”

Neil actually drooled as he and Lee started in on the nachos. “I love you, Albert.”

“And I’m fond of you, Neil.” Albert checked the temperature of the ovens with his usual air of competence. He put the platters in and turned to me with a suspicious look as I tried to hide the fact that I was feeding the black dogs under the table. “Mistress, you wouldn’t happen to know why the brownies have suddenly stopped their routine cleaning?”

I shrugged because I was totally at a loss. I savored the greasy goodness of the nachos while Shuck thumped his tail, impatient for another. “Why would I know that? Besides, my rooms were perfectly cleaned.”

Neil nodded and answered around a mouthful of nachos. “My bed was made this morning and it wasn’t me or Zack.”

“Apparently the brownies have gone to the head housekeeper and they are demanding something they call ‘flavors,’” Albert said, his mouth turned down.

“Oh, crap.” Yeah, that was me, too. I had to hope the Seelie wanted this baby or I might get us all tossed out. I decided to try to feign innocence. “Would you believe me if I said I know nothing about it?”

“Not at all, mistress,” Albert intoned with a patient sigh. One hoof tapped along the marbled floor.

I tried to come up with a way to tell the story that made me look as innocent as possible. I hadn’t meant to cause a revolt, after all. “Well, you know how the brownies clean up and all you have to do to keep them happy is leave out a small bowl of cream?”

“Yes, I’m aware of the exchange.”

“I thought it might be fun to leave them shots, like what you get in a diner to put in your coffee,” I explained. “So I might have gone to Costco and brought in a couple of crates of flavored cream. I might have exchanged it for their regular cream. I mean the poor things have to eat the same damn cream every day. Let’s switch it up, people. Right? It’s no big deal, Al, just a little hazelnut and vanilla cream. Maybe some caramel.”

Albert shook his head. “Mistress, I hope you brought enough. They all wish to try the flavors. If you continue to feed strange creatures, we will be returning to our home with a menagerie. We’ll have to start a zoo.”

Barghest whined at my feet, proving Albert’s point.

Just at that moment the door swung open and two goblins entered. They were short but fierce looking, with leathery skin and red eyes. They swaggered in, their eyes going directly to me.

“We demand flesh and blood,” the tallest one said.

“Okay, I’ll go with my patent response of ewww,” I said with a glance at my wolves, who seemed to not care that two fierce warriors had accosted me. They were far too busy downing nachos.

“We’re hungry, human,” the shorter one said. “We demand our midday meal as is our right. You’re our hosts. You’ll give us flesh and blood. We don’t eat greenery.”

“Amen, brother,” Lee said with a growl and a manly belch.

“I don’t have any flesh and blood.” I looked down at the goblins. I doubted Albert had thought to bring along packets of blood and hunks of flesh. Though now that I thought about it, it might have been a good idea.

They looked me over with toothy grins. There was no lust in their eyes. I think they were wondering how many burgers they could get out of me. “You certainly have plenty of flesh, my lady, and you’re full of blood.”

I reached out and slapped him right on his scraggly head.

His clawed hand reached up and massaged his forehead. “The human hit me.”

“She did,” the other goblin replied, looking at me curiously. “Does she intend to start a war?”

“No,” I said, hitting the other one just as firmly. I didn’t have to play the lady with the Unseelie. They would just see it as a weakness. “But I’m not going to be intimidated and I’m certainly not going to be your meal. Now, you’re welcome to join us for our lunch if you can behave. We’re having enchiladas.”

Lee slapped at the table, giving me a stern frown. “Yeah, a small portion if you keep inviting people in. You’re already planning on feeding those damn dogs.”

The taller goblin gave me a disdainful look. “We don’t eat anything called enchiladas. Seelie food is distasteful. It’s shit.”

I rolled my eyes and picked up a particularly pork-filled chip. While the goblin was complaining about all things Seelie, I shoved it in his mouth.