Starting Now (19 page)

Saturday morning, with bright sunshine streaming into her bedroom window, Libby glanced at the digital readout of the clock next to her bed and groaned. Her eyes stung from lack of sleep. Tossing aside the blankets, she crawled out of bed and brewed herself a cup of strong coffee.

Phillip had called three times. She hadn’t answered her phone or listened to the messages. He was a great guy and she enjoyed his company, but he was a distraction. After her last disastrous job interview, Libby had decided she needed to focus.

The interview with Alice Rabe kept playing through her mind. It showed like an old-time silent movie, the frames flickering before her. No way around it, she’d blown her best chance at getting a job. After waiting for months for an opportunity like this she’d sabotaged herself. Libby no longer knew who she was. The determined, dedicated attorney or the volunteer who loved babies but couldn’t make it to an
interview on time. Libby wondered what her mother would think of her now.

And she could only imagine the damage she’d done to her relationship with Robin.

After standing under a cold shower for several minutes, she was awake enough to face the day. With errands to run, she left her condo at eight, determined to finish as quickly as possible and be back before noon. She needed to talk to Phillip, and explain, difficult as it was sure to be, that she couldn’t be involved with him.

At ten she stopped by the yarn store. Libby hoped Lydia would be able to update her on what had happened since she’d taken Ava to lunch. She hadn’t managed to get through to the young teen, but perhaps Lydia had succeeded where she had failed. The more Libby thought about Ava, the stronger the urge was to take the girl under her wing and help her. She was so young and vulnerable. Libby couldn’t help worrying about what would become of her. Apparently her grandmother was completely oblivious.

Both Lydia and Casey were at the yarn store when Libby arrived. She hadn’t brought her knitting because she feared that, too, had become a distraction from her job search.

“Hi, Libby,” Casey called out, exuberantly waving her arm from the back of the shop.

Already the shop was crowded with customers, and both Lydia and her sister, Margaret, were preoccupied. Libby walked to the back of the room to join Casey.

“You’re certainly in a good mood,” Libby said when Casey beamed her a huge smile.

The teenager patted the chair next to her, welcoming Libby’s company.

“Mom’s taking me school shopping tomorrow. I’m using the money I earned helping in the shop.”

Libby sat down next to her. “Have you seen Ava lately?”

Casey nodded. “Yeah, she was here yesterday.”

“Did she say anything?”

Casey set aside her crochet project. “About the talk you had with her?”

Libby nodded.

“Not really. How’d it go?” Casey leaned forward, eagerly anticipating the details, it seemed.

“We did talk a little, but unfortunately not much.”

“When I asked her about it all she said was that she enjoyed lunch.”

That was only somewhat encouraging.

“Did she mention when she’d be visiting the shop again?” Libby could casually drop by at the same time. If she continued to develop the relationship, she might be able to convince Ava to make a doctor’s appointment. She could accompany the young teen and pay for the visit. If Ava was willing, Libby would even offer to go with her when she told her grandmother about the pregnancy. The point was, Ava couldn’t ignore the obvious for much longer. Decisions had to be made, and Libby wanted to be Ava’s advocate, wanted to help her deal with the complexities of her situation. Besides, someone needed to find out if Ava continued to be sexually active and warn her that there could be other consequences.

The bell chimed as someone either left or entered the shop. Libby didn’t pay much attention until Casey said, “Libby, isn’t that your doctor friend?”

Libby whirled around. Sure enough, Phillip was inside A Good Yarn, looking about as uncomfortable as a man in a shop full of women could get. His gaze shot straight to her. His eyes narrowed as he made his way to the back of the store.

Even if it meant winning the Washington State lottery, Libby couldn’t have spoken a word. Her mouth was as dry as a sand dune. She wanted to know what he was doing here. It soon became obvious he’d come looking for her. She groaned inwardly; she wasn’t quite ready to face him.

“Did you turn your cell phone off?” he asked, pulling out a chair and sitting down.

“Ah, I might have.” She knew darn well that she had. Fishing inside
her purse, she made a show of looking and then dropping it back inside.

“I left you several messages,” Phillip told her.

“I … I wasn’t in the mood to talk.” Maybe he’d take the hint that she wasn’t ready now, either.

“I tried phoning this morning,” he said, and then noticed Casey. “Hello again,” he added, apparently remembering her from their elevator ride together.

Casey was all smiles. “Libby, you’re worse than my grandma. She has a cell phone, too, but she always forgets to turn it on.”

“Where’s your friend?” Phillip asked Casey.

He was concerned about Ava, too.

“I asked her to come this morning, but she said her grandmother wouldn’t let her. She has to clean the house.”

What was it about a handsome man that prompted women to divulge information? Libby had asked about Ava, too, and Casey hadn’t said a word about her grandmother keeping her home for chores.

Phillip looked back to Libby. “Have you had lunch?”

Other than her early-morning coffee and a glass of orange juice, Libby hadn’t eaten solid food all day. She wasn’t the least bit hungry, but they needed to talk and the sooner she got this over with the better. “Not yet.”

“Good.”

“Have lunch at The French Cafe,” Casey urged. “The food’s fabulous, especially the croissants and the soup. Mom orders the soup almost every day.”

“Sounds good to me,” Phillip said.

As if connected to a puppet’s string, Libby automatically stood and followed him out of the store, pausing only long enough to say good-bye to Lydia and Margaret.

“Have you tried The French Cafe before?” he asked conversationally, placing his hand on the small of Libby’s back as they crossed the street.

“A time or two. Casey’s right, the food’s great.”

“Then let’s go there. It’s close and convenient and I’m famished.”

Once inside the cafe, Phillip ordered a club sandwich, a small side salad, and two large peanut butter cookies. Libby ordered a cup of the ginger-carrot soup.

“That’s all?” he asked when she completed her order.

“I … I don’t have much of an appetite.”

He paid for their food and then they carried their number to one of the empty tables outside the restaurant, where they could eat alfresco.

Until they sat down at an umbrella-covered table, Libby hadn’t noticed what a glorious day it was. Late July in the Pacific Northwest generally had nice weather. A breeze blew off Elliot Bay, and even though they were several blocks from the waterfront, Libby smelled a hint of salt in the air. The waterfront would be crowded with tourists. Two or three large cruise ships were in port, adding to the bustling activity. A plane flew above them with a banner that advertised a life insurance company.

“I apologize for not answering your calls, but like I said, I wasn’t in the mood to talk,” she said, keeping her hands in her lap. She avoided eye contact, too.

Phillip reached for his iced tea and took a deep swallow. Completely relaxed, he leaned against the back of the chair and crossed his long legs. “I wanted to hear about the interview.”

“I was late … and frankly, it couldn’t have gone much worse. Now Robin is avoiding me … although I doubt that she’s tried to call.” Curious, she reached for her cell and scrolled down the list of recent calls. Robin’s name didn’t appear, but that didn’t surprise Libby. “She’s upset with me, but then I can’t really blame her.”

“So what happened?”

“The twins …” She stopped and shook her head. Really, what was the point of trying to explain? Bottom line: she’d gotten sidetracked. Even now Libby couldn’t believe she’d allowed that to happen.

“I know all about the three sets of twins,” Phillip said. “I want to know what happened at the interview.”

Just thinking about it made her chest tighten.

“That bad?”

“Worse. Time got away from me and I didn’t have any choice but to show up in what I was wearing. After arriving late, I never got my balance back. I was flustered and inarticulate. It was dreadful.” Even telling him embarrassed her tenfold.

To his credit, he did look sympathetic. “It might be little comfort to you now, but thank you for your help in the nursery. It was like a madhouse. Three sets of twins. Frankly, I don’t know what we would have done without you.”

Libby managed a weak smile. His appreciation did little to console her. “It should never have happened. This interview was important; this is my livelihood. I don’t know what’s happened to me over these last few months. I hardly know who I am any longer. I missed an important interview because I was rocking babies? That’s insane. I’m spending half my time in a yarn store, knitting? In the meantime I’m going through my savings at an alarming rate. I need a job.”

“You’ll find one.” How confident he sounded.

“Not at this rate I won’t. I’ve allowed far too many distractions into my life.” She bounced the side of her hand against the tabletop. “That’s got to end. I have to focus on what’s important and get back on track.”

“Libby, you’re being too hard on yourself.” He leaned forward and gently squeezed her upper arm. “It isn’t as bad as all that. It was just one interview.”

She pulled back. Phillip might think he was helping, but he wasn’t. He didn’t know her well enough to realize this irresponsible behavior wasn’t normal for her. Nor did he appreciate how angry she was with herself.

Their lunch arrived and Phillip immediately reached for his sandwich. It was cut into fourths, each secured with a fancy toothpick with a frilly, colorful cellophane top. Elegant for a cafe, Libby mused.

She tasted her soup and it was delicious. Well, at least her taste buds hadn’t gotten depressed along with everything else. Libby had
about as much zip as a slug. Her head throbbed, and she longed to curl into a tight ball and sleep. What she would give to put all of this behind her and simply sleep.

Phillip had eaten half of his sandwich before he paused. “I didn’t get dinner last night and was starving.” He looked down at his plate and then at Libby’s. “All right, why the glum face now? I get that you messed up, but you need to pick yourself up and move on. Right?”

If she’d had more sleep and her wits about her she might have been able to sidestep the question. Frankly she didn’t have the energy.

“I don’t have a lot of friends, and after the stunt I pulled with the botched interview I’m afraid I’ve lost a good one.”

“Stop beating yourself up.”

“Don’t you understand?” she cried, losing patience with him. “This was exactly the wake-up call I needed.”

“What do you mean?” Frowning, he pushed the empty plate aside.

She exhaled and decided the best way to deal with him was to be straightforward. He was the type of man who appreciated the truth.

“I think it might be best if we don’t see each other for a while.”

He stared back at her blankly, as if he hadn’t heard a word she’d said.

“Is that what you want, Libby?” he asked after several moments.

She didn’t know anymore so she avoided the question. “I’m not the woman I used to be and the woman I’m becoming is frightening me.”

“What’s that got to do with you and me?”

“Everything. Don’t you see? I can’t be seeing you … A relationship is a distraction I can’t deal with right now. I’ve got to find work. I love being an attorney and I’m good at it. Getting back to work has got to be my focus.”

He stared at her long and hard. “If you’re having trouble finding work, why not set up your own practice? Why does it have to be with a big firm?”

Libby started to argue and quickly closed her mouth. All these months and not once had she considered opening her own practice.
Actually, that was an excellent idea, and worthy of consideration. Still, it didn’t change matters between Phillip and her.

“You’re a very nice person …”

“But you aren’t interested,” he finished for her. “No problem, I get the message. In other words, thanks but no thanks.”

That wasn’t it at all, but she didn’t want to argue with him.

“It’s not you, it’s me, right?” He grinned but his face lacked any hint of amusement. “Not the most original line, but it works.” He scooted back his chair and stood. “Best of luck to you, Libby. I enjoyed being with you, but I think you’re probably smart to end it now before either of us invests any more time in this relationship.”

She started to say something, but he walked away. Libby longed to call him back but swallowed the words. He was right: it was best to end this now. That didn’t explain why she longed to race after him and tell him she’d made a mistake. For a long time she sat, staring into space, and wondered what she’d just done. Already her heart was telling her that she would regret it.

Unsure how much time had passed, Libby reached for her purse in order to leave, then paused, thinking about Phillip’s suggestion. All morning she’d been telling herself she needed to focus, and there was no time like the present. Reaching for the small notepad inside her purse, she quickly compiled a list of what she would need.

Such a venture would be expensive. It wasn’t like she was rolling in cash. When she was first laid off she had had a hefty savings account, mainly because she spent all of her time at the office. Only rarely did she take the opportunity to shop, and when she did, it was mostly online.

Her severance package had carried her for a while, but now she was digging into her savings, which were going fast. Soon she’d be forced to sell some of her investment stocks, and with the market so low she would suffer a loss.

If she set up her own shop, the first person she would hire would be Sarah, her paralegal. She’d need someone organized and efficient, and Sarah was certainly that. The two of them made a great team. Maybe it was possible. Certainly it was worth considering.