Starstruck (22 page)

Or that’s what she kept telling herself in the first few seconds of the phone call, before he’d even had a chance to say why he was calling. Though she practically felt like hyperventilating, she made her voice sound casual. “Hey, you. Long time no talk.”

“Hey back at you, Kate Hayes,” Luke said. She could hear the smile in his voice—and was there anything sexier than an Australian accent?

He sounded so relieved to be talking to her that she didn’t feel stupid for her own excitement. He told her he missed her and that he wanted to see her. “Tonight,” he’d said. “What are you doing tonight?”

Luckily she already had plans with Drew to work on some new songs, so she couldn’t drop everything and go to Luke. Which, honestly, she had kind of wanted to do. It was all so confusing. She wished she could’ve talked to Carmen about it, but—well, that wouldn’t really help, would it? Everything was such a mess.

Of course, the next day, when she got the script for their PopTV Movie Awards appearance, she understood why Luke had called: She was about to see him. On TV. He’d wanted to break the ice first. How gentlemanly of him.

Kate felt a hand on her shoulder and she nearly leapt.

“Whoa!” It was Carmen. “Didn’t mean to startle you. Jumpy much?”

“Sorry. I guess I’m a little anxious.”

A guy with a large set of headphones wrapped around his neck poked his head in the door. “Twenty-five minutes to air,” he said to Laurel, and then he vanished.

Kate experienced a tiny jolt of terror. Cameras. A big studio audience. A live broadcast. Yes, she definitely needed a Xanax. She reached into the pocket of her purse, where she always kept it. But nothing was there.

“Oh shit,” she said. Panic rose in her throat.

“What?” Carmen asked.

Kate bit her lip. “Um—well—you know how I get stage fright?” Carmen nodded, smiling sympathetically. “Well, I got a prescription for Xanax. And it’s been great. The problem is, I left it at home.”

Madison glanced up from her phone. “Ask Gaby,” she said. “She’s like a walking pharmacy.”

Kate turned to her, eyes full of hope. “Gaby, do you happen to have any Xanax for me?” she asked.

Gaby nodded enthusiastically. “Sure. How many do you want?”

“One,” Kate said. Then she thought about the live audience again and the millions of people watching at home and Ethan back in Ohio, and Luke, who was in the building somewhere, and Carmen … and said, “No, actually, two, please.”

Gaby tipped two pills into her palm, and Kate quickly tossed them into her mouth. (She felt uncomfortable taking medication from Gaby with others walking around them, even if she did have a prescription of her own.) Carmen handed her a mini bottle of Evian and she swallowed.

“Phew,” she said. “Okay. Awesome. Things are going to get a lot easier.”

“No doubt,” Madison said, raising one perfect blond eyebrow.

Gaby held out the bottle to her, too. “Want one?” she asked.

Madison shook her head. “No thanks.”

“It’s one of the few vices she doesn’t have,” Carmen whispered to Kate, who giggled.

Gaby put the bottle back in her purse. “Hey, where’s your sister?” Gaby asked Madison. “Isn’t she presenting with us?”

Madison shrugged. “Who knows,” she said, sounding bored. “Maybe she’s running late.”

“Why, is she at a Maxi Skirts Anonymous meeting?” Carmen laughed.

Madison laughed back. Like a real, true laugh. It was nice, Kate thought, to hear her join in the fun.

“Sophia’s still a supporting character,” Laurel noted. “It’s just you four today.” Her phone rang, and she ducked out of the room to take the call.

“Well, I’m pretty psyched not to smell that patchouli of hers,” Kate said.

Carmen smiled. “Or listen to her talk about the color of my aura.”

“The color of my aura,” Kate heard herself repeat. “The color of my aura.”

It took her a moment to remember what the word “aura” meant. She laughed at the sound of it. Aura. It was sort of funny, wasn’t it? Aura aura aura. She blinked her eyes, and realized that her eyelids felt a little heavy. When she looked around the room, she felt slightly dizzy. Her heartbeat began to speed up a little. She leaned toward Carmen and whispered, “Is it kind of warm in here?”

Carmen gave her a strange look. “Um, no. I don’t think so.” Then she touched Kate’s arm. “Are you okay?”

Kate thought about this for a moment. “I’m not sure,” she said. She bit the tip of her fingernail uncertainly.

“Gaby,” Carmen said, sounding a little alarmed, “what did you give Kate?”

“Xanax. Just like she asked for.”

“Let me see the bottle.” Carmen took it and showed it to Kate. “Does this look right?”

“Oh shit,” Kate whispered as she squinted at the label. It had taken her a second to focus, but when she finally did she realized that the pills had four times as many milligrams as hers did. Which meant she’d just taken eight times her normal dosage. “Oh shit. Shit. Shit!”

“What?” Carmen asked.

Kate shook her head.
Eight times!
She’d be having a panic attack right now if she were capable of it. “Shit,” she said again. Then she began to laugh. This was bad. Really bad. She tried to stand and felt a little uneasy on her feet. She dropped back onto the couch, laughing still.

The guy with the headphones opened the door again. “Almost ready, ladies?” he asked.

“Yeah. Just need to powder our noses.” Carmen smiled at him, then whipped back around. “Can you make yourself throw up?”

“It’s already in her system. There’s no point,” Madison said.

Kate clutched Carmen’s wrist. “You have to help me,” she whispered.

Carmen put her arm around Kate’s waist. “You’re going to be okay,” she said. “I’m going to help you through this. Just don’t freak out.”

“Ummm, what is wrong with her?” Laurel said sharply as she walked back into the room. Her eyes were locked on Kate in horror.

Kate giggled, and Carmen turned to Laurel. “I think she took too much Xanax. Like, way too much.”

Laurel visibly paled, then immediately started dialing numbers. She was probably calling Trevor. Or maybe she was calling a doctor. Kate kind of felt like she might need a doctor. “Paging Dr. Garrison,” she whispered, leaning against Carmen’s shoulder. On the other hand, though, maybe she didn’t need a doctor. Her head was made out of clouds and her body was made out of lead … and maybe that would be fun!

“Just try to hold your head up and smile,” Madison said as they hurried down the hall to the stage. “It’ll be okay.” She looked amused now, Kate thought, but perhaps not maliciously so.

As they waited in the wings for their cue, Kate dimly recalled that each of the
Fame Game
girls was supposed to say something about her
Fame Game
life. Gaby was going to mention that silly after-hours show of hers, and Carmen, obviously, was going to talk about her role as a modern-day Juliet. Kate knew that she was meant to say something about her music, but what exactly it was, she couldn’t remember. Each girl’s lines would be displayed on the small prompter in front of them, so she hadn’t bothered to memorize hers, but suddenly Kate could barely make out any of the words on the screen.

In the glow of the lights, she noticed how much makeup her castmates were wearing. Did she have that much makeup on? She touched a hand to her cheek; she hadn’t really paid attention when she was getting touched up. What if she looked as clownish and painted as they did? She was palpitating her cheek until Carmen pulled her hand down and gave Kate’s fingers a reassuring squeeze.

The MC was some Jimmy Fallon type with a cleft chin and blindingly white teeth. “And here’s the clique you’d kill to be a part of, PopTV’s own It girls,” he was saying. “The ladies of
The Fame Game
need no introduction! But since they tell me that’s part of my job tonight, let me introduce Kate Hayes, Gaby Garcia, Carmen Curtis, and Madison Parker!”

The applause was deafening as they made their way onstage. Kate felt like she understood what things must be like for Justin … Justin … what was his name? Oh my God, the one who sang “Boyfriend”?

Carmen’s fingers dug into her palm. Kate thought it might hurt, but she couldn’t actually feel anything.

She heard Gaby chirp about getting to interview Brent Bolthouse, and Madison say something about finding pleasure in giving back to the community.

Then she heard someone say her name and felt a microphone in her hand. She turned toward the sound, as slowly as if the air were molasses. “Wha—?” she said.

“It’s your line,” Carmen whispered. “Your success!” She gave Kate’s arm a sharp pinch, which woke Kate up long enough to be able to mumble something along the lines of, “I’m sure you’ve heard my single, ‘Starstruck,’ and I’m working on some new songs …” So many
s
’s in what she just said!

Kate could see the confusion on the host’s tanned face. Or was it horror? The air seemed to shift and wave in front of Kate. She bit her lip, hard, but she could hardly even feel it. In the fuzzed depths of her mind she felt a little prayer forming.
Please, God, just let me get through this. Please just keep me standing
.

Carmen, who smiled brightly, grabbed the microphone from her. “My castmates have all been busy,” she said, “and so have I. I’ve been working on a movie with …” And then a spotlight shone on the far side of the stage and out walked Luke, gorgeous in a trim navy suit (no tie) and low Converse sneakers.

The crowd went wild. Luke joined Carmen center stage as a screen came down from the ceiling to project the sneak peek from
The End of Love
. Kate’s heart would have begun to beat faster if it could. Madison put her hand in the small of Kate’s back. “Offstage,” she whispered as she pushed Kate in the right direction. “Time for us to get offstage now.”

Kate opened her eyes and blinked rapidly as her bedroom came into focus. She was in bed, under the covers, but it wasn’t morning yet. The sky outside was dark. What time was it? What day was it? She put her hands on her stomach and felt satin … not the satin of her nightgown, though, but the warm gold satin of the Jay Godfrey dress she’d picked out for the PopTV Movie Awards.

In a rush, the memory—distorted, hazy, horrifying—came back to her. She had taken too much Xanax. She’d gone onstage. She had said … something … and then …? Carmen and Madison had brought her home, taken off her shoes, and tucked her into bed.

She rolled over in bed and buried her face in the pillow. What had she done?

She wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear. An on-camera meltdown! The fact that it wasn’t really her fault meant nothing. She’d made a complete and utter fool of herself.

With trembling fingers, she reached for her phone. Eight missed calls: from Carmen, Madison, and Laurel. Even from Natalie and her sister, Jessica. From Luke. And, most ominously, from Trevor.

She couldn’t bear to listen to any of the messages, but she needed to hear a friendly voice. So, after downing the entire bottle of Voss water that Carmen and Madison had left by her bed, Kate called Drew. Not only was he a good friend and pretty much her favorite person right now, he’d seen her screw up publicly before. He’d be able to tell her how awful this was in comparison. He answered on the first ring, which she took to be a bad sign.

“Did you see it?” she asked. She both hoped that he had, and that he hadn’t.

“Yessss,” he said slowly. “How are you feeling? Are you okay?”

“Oh my God, was it that terrible? You could tell I was loaded.”

Drew’s voice was immediately reassuring. “It really wasn’t that bad.”

“I was practically a zombie,” Kate cried.

“It really didn’t look that bad,” he repeated. “I mean, I just thought you were tired until Carmen called me. I’m sure no one thought anything of it.”

Considering the number of phone calls she’d gotten, Kate knew he was only trying to make her feel better. But wasn’t that why she’d called him? There was something so solid and reassuring about him. She felt like she could trust him. And in Hollywood, it seemed as if trustworthiness was something of a rare trait.

“I wish you’d be on
The Fame Game
with me more,” she sighed. “You’d protect me from my own idiot self.”

Drew laughed. “I’m fine to be a bit player now and then, but I have no interest in being the focal point of any camera. I just can’t see letting strangers into my life like that. I don’t know how you do it.”

Kate bristled slightly at this. “But I’ve gotten so much!” She looked around at her big, well-decorated room. “You should have seen the apartment I was living in before this. And designers send me clothes, so I don’t look like the total hick I used to. And Trevor said they were going to buy me a new electric guitar....”

She sensed that she wasn’t convincing Drew of the wonderfulness of being a reality-TV star, though, so she stopped.

“Sure, now you have better stuff than you did before,” he said. “But you’ve got strangers taking pictures of you and gossip sites dying for you to do something embarrassing....”

“Like I just did,” Kate said, feeling glum again.

Drew laughed. “You’ve got to let it go! Water under the bridge. But what about all that stuff I keep seeing about Carmen? How she doesn’t like her director and how she’s a diva on set. I mean, it’s like you guys are targets now. Targets for attention, and that attention can be either good or bad.”