Starr Fated (37 page)

“Yes, and it’s
still early. I’ll be back in about half an hour I should
think.”

“Come up to
mine when you get back?”

“Fine. See you
then.”

~*~

It was with
some trepidation I stood outside Liam’s apartment, unsure of what
kind of mood I was going to find him in.

He let me in
without saying a word, so I silently followed him into his lounge.
I was surprised to see him dressed in a grey Nike track suit with a
white vest top underneath.

“This
afternoon I hadn't got a clue where you were, when you’d be back,
or who you were with. All I ask is that you keep me informed of
your whereabouts, Seraphina. You didn't answer my calls or my
texts. For all I knew you could have been in an accident. I was
worried about you – is that so wrong?” He frowned as he towered
above me with his arms crossed.

“You worry too
much. I was fine.” I frowned back at him.

“But I didn't
know that, did I? I’m not a mind reader. All I'm asking is that
next time you go out like that, you take thirty seconds to send me
a text, so I know what’s happening. That’s not too much to ask, is
it?”

“No, I suppose
not,” I conceded. “But you need to fill me in with your plans, or
else how am I supposed to know you won’t be around much this
week?”

“Fair enough.
I’ll give you access to my schedule, then you can check for
yourself. So we’ll both make more effort, yes?” he raised his
eyebrow.

“Yes,” I
sighed. “I guess neither of us is used to having someone else to
consider, are we?”

“No, but I'm
sure we’ll adapt and get used to it. Now, do I get a hello
kiss?”

“You were the
one who went off in a huff .”

Suddenly I was
swept off my feet as Liam gathered me up in a great big bear hug
and roughly kissed me. I was instantly caught up as his big muscly
arms clamped me against his broad chest. He totally swamped me and
overpowered me, and I loved that feeling.
He will protect you.
He is the one.

“I have to
know where you are, that you’re safe at all times. Please don’t
worry me like that again, hmm?” he whispered in my ear.

“I’ll try not
to,” I promised breathlessly, wondering what he was going to do
with me next, after the last couple of evenings when he’d driven me
insane with his teasing sexy games. But he caught me out again, as
he dropped me back onto my feet.

“I thought I’d
show you round the fitness centre, get you signed up so that you
can use it during the week while I'm away, rather than go out
running on the streets by yourself,” he suggested. “When I’m here,
I usually go down at around six every morning and spend about half
an hour there before getting ready for work. Then I head into the
office at around seven thirty most mornings. Now you know my London
morning routine,” he grinned.

“Very
impressive. I'm not in such a set routine as you. I don’t
necessarily run every morning, just when I feel the need. It helps
me to think things through, particularly when I’m working on an
assignment and all the ideas are buzzing round in my head and
getting jumbled up. I also find yoga very good for stilling my mind
and letting go of stress.”

“We’ll get you
registered for some classes if you like. That’s why it’s so useful
having the fitness suite on hand here, and is one of the main
reasons I decided to live here when I bought my place, even though
it’s not that big. I decided I could put up with the limitations as
I'm away so much,” he said as he glanced round his apartment.

“Not that big?
Are you kidding me? How much space does one man need?” I asked
incredulously. The place seemed enormous to me, and I hadn't even
seen all of it yet.

“Well, I would
like to have decent wine storage facilities, and the main bedroom
is only just adequate once my oversize bed is in there. I’ve also
had a battle to buy the extra parking spaces I wanted for my cars.
But as I said, this place suits me well enough for now, especially
now that you’ve moved in downstairs.” He smiled and kissed my
cheek.

I didn't dare
ask him how many cars he needed parking spaces for, or how many
other places he owned, knowing I’d more than likely find the
answers rather overwhelming. I also had more than a sneaky
suspicion that Liam liked having me so near because it was going to
make keeping tracks on me that much easier for the control
freak.

“So, do you
want to get changed into your gym gear and come down with me? Then
afterwards I thought maybe we could go out and grab a bite to
eat.”

“Sure, I’ll go
and get changed, but I'm not that hungry. Abbey and I had something
to eat earlier, so perhaps something light?”

“Maybe you’ll
have worked up more of an appetite after you’ve shown me what you
can do in the gym,” he suggested.

“What you mean
is you’ll be starving hungry and will want a proper meal eh? You
seem to eat like a horse from what I've seen, but I’m sure we can
find somewhere to suit both our appetites - there seem to be quite
a few decent places around here to eat.”

“Come on then,
we’ll stop by your apartment for you to get changed, then head on
down.”

When I came
out of my bedroom in my gym gear, Liam was looking through the pile
of photos I’d got out ready to choose some to hang.

“Are these all
your work?” he asked.

“Yes, those
are some of my particular favourites.”

“I like this
one.”

It was photo
of the sea, a beach and some spectacular cliffs. The sky was bright
blue, and the sunlight was sparkling on the water. By luck, I’d
managed to capture the reflections on the water perfectly in that
shot.

“That one is
special actually. A very happy memory of a special place and a
special time. That’s why I love photographs, because they capture a
unique moment in time for posterity. That’s the last photo I ever
took of my mum.” I pointed out the lone figure walking way ahead in
the distance on the beach. “We’d gone down to West Bay in Dorset,
as we did every year to our neighbours caravan that he let us use
rent free. We walked along that beach every day, come rain or
shine, and I always lagged behind because I love picking out
unusual pebbles.”

“Why is this
the last picture of your mum? What happened after that?” Liam asked
softly.

I was tempted
not to answer, but the look in his eyes somehow convinced me to
open up to him.

“A week after
we got back, she was knocked down and killed in a road accident.
That was it. She was gone, with no chance to say goodbye, nothing.
So I do understand what it must have been like for you when your
father suddenly died. Everything changes forever, in an instant.
And no matter who you are, no matter what you do, you have no
control over these events, and that’s what makes me so fucking
angry,” I found myself telling him. I normally kept these feelings
deeply hidden and tucked away, and now I regretted getting that
stupid photo out. I thought I was ready to handle it, but clearly I
wasn’t. I picked it up and went to put in back in the box.

“Don’t put it
away again,” Liam took it from my hand and laid it on the table,
and then tenderly wrapped me up in his big arms and slowly rocked
me. “It’s still very recent and raw for you, isn’t it? Despite that
brave face you show to the world, you’re still grieving for her
aren’t you?”

“I guess so.
But do you know what the worst thing is? I get so fucking angry
with Mum. Angry with her for leaving me. Angry with her for having
to cope on my own. Angry with her for not looking before she
stepped out into the road. Angry that she was probably lost in her
airy fairy dream world as usual.” I'd never admitted any of this
out loud to anyone else before, and I was surprised by the way all
these horrid ugly thoughts were demanding to be let out all of a
sudden.

“I know, I
understand,” Liam murmured, as he kept holding me and rocking me.
It felt really good being so close with him like this, instead of
always keeping myself at a distance from everyone. He made me feel
comforted and cocooned from all the problems of the world, just for
that moment anyway.

“You do? You
aren’t shocked? I mean I loved my mum and we were really close, and
yet I’m still so angry with her.”

“I used to
joke that I wanted to kill my dad for dying on me the way he did.
He was a heavy smoker, and he’d been warned about his health
issues, but he stubbornly carried on regardless, which I thought
was incredibly selfish when he had his sons to think of. And then
when he died, I got all his problems dumped on my shoulders. So
believe me, Sera, I get the whole anger and resentment thing.”

I turned my
head up to look at him.

“You really
do, don’t you?”

“Have you ever
talked to a counsellor about any of this?”

“Not really.
At the time, the college I was at tried to get me to see someone
they arranged, but she was totally useless, really hadn't got a
clue. Did you get any counselling?”

“No, I found
it easier to bury myself in sorting out the mess my father left
behind in his business affairs, trying to prove that I was a better
man than him. But in time I worked out it wasn’t really his fault.
His problem was that he never got over the death of his wife. He
pretty much gave up on life after my mother died and just went
through the motions. You see, my mother committed suicide.”

“Oh Liam, how
terrible,” I said, deeply shocked.

“As you know
she was Irish, and apparently my father swept her off her feet and
married her after a whirlwind romance when she was over here
visiting some relations. But she was very young, and she found it
hard to settle. She got very homesick, but my father refused to let
her go back to Ireland even for just for a visit, which made her
family all hate him. I think he was afraid that if he let her go,
she would want to stay over there and wouldn’t come back. Anyway,
he thought having a baby would make her feel more settled here, so
they went ahead and had me. Afterwards, she suffered very badly
from post natal depression, and I think had some sort of a
breakdown. So my father wouldn’t agree to them having any more
children, even though she desperately wanted another baby. He
considered it far too risky for her health.”

Liam had let
his guard down for once and I could see the pain etched on his
face.

“So how come
they had Jamie all those years later? Isn’t there about ten years
between you two?”

“That’s right.
I'm not sure of all the details because my father refused to
discuss any of it, but my mother somehow managed to get herself
pregnant, and then kept it secret from him until it was too late
for anything to be done about it. But I think the way he refused to
have anything to do with the baby – with Jamie – once he was born
broke her heart and pushed her into severe depression. She killed
herself when he was just a few months old by throwing herself under
a train.”

“That’s so
awful and really shocking Liam. No wonder your father found it hard
to cope. You must have had such a difficult childhood surrounded by
so much grief and sadness. It’s hardly surprising you switched a
lot of your feelings off.” He was still holding me, so I slipped my
arms around his waist and hugged him very hard.

“It’s taken
you to switch them back on again, Seraphina, but I can't deny I’m
finding it hard to cope with this sudden rush of unfamiliar
feelings. That’s why I need to know where you are at all times,
that you’re safe. It makes me feel calmer.”

“I'm sorry I
was thoughtless, and I promise to try harder in future not to worry
you. You have to remember that all this is new to me too.”

“We’ll both
try harder. Now, how about that gym session?” he smiled down at me
as he gave me a sweet little kiss on the lips.

I felt
privileged that he’d felt able to tell me about his mother’s
suicide, certain this was something he never usually spoke
about.

~*~

I was
discovering that there were many facets to Liam, and he could
change which one was on show in an instant, leaving me completely
blindsided.

He’d just been
so incredibly sweet and kind and tender when we’d been talking
about our respective mothers, and I think at that moment I got to
see a side of him that very few people had ever seen.

Then we went
down to the gym.

Maybe I should
have picked up the warning signs when I saw him glowering at the
guy down there who introduced himself to me as Scott Franklin, the
Gym and Fitness Suite Manager. He seemed to know Liam quite well,
which made sense as he was a regular user of the gym.

Scott was a
tall, swarthy, very dark haired guy, and obviously into body
building judging by the size of his huge biceps and thighs, which
were hard to miss as he was wearing just shorts and a vest top. It
was also obvious that he was very hairy, which I don’t find
attractive in a guy at all. I glanced over to study what I could
see of Liam’s body. He didn't appear to have a lot of body hair,
and what he did have seemed very fair. No, I preferred his much
smoother body, no question.

“I haven’t
seen you in here before. Are you just a casual user, or into the
more regular scene?” Scott asked, which seemed a rather odd way of
putting things.

“Oh, I’d
probably say I’m just a casual user,” I replied, as Liam glared at
me for some reason.

“This is
Seraphina Jones, and she’s
my
guest,” Liam stared at Scott,
who looked very surprised for some reason.

“Ah right,
your guest, Liam. I didn't realise, not your usual…So Seraphina,
that’s a very unusual name. I certainly won’t have any trouble
remembering it, and I’ll be sure to add your details to the list,”
Scott winked, as he gave me a cheeky smile. I noticed he had very
dark brown eyes, very different from Liam’s sapphire blue eyes.