Stardust Miracle (22 page)

“She said she left a message but you didn’t call her back.” 

“She left one for Sarah.”

“Oh. Well, she probably thought Sarah would pass it on to you.”

Becky raised her eyebrows. She felt sorry for him and for Elaine, but she wasn’t playing their game. “Sarah and I have been busy.”

“Oh, of course.” He looked miserable but remained standing, shifting from one leg to another. “How is Sarah?”

“She’s...okay.”

“I’m going for some coffee.” Trey gestured at the kitchen area. “Can I get you anything?”

“If there’s a mini-tiramisu left...” 

“Got it.” He nodded, then headed for the food, leaving Becky with Derek.

Derek shoved his right hand in the pocket of his black slacks. “I guess you feel that I let you down?”

She opened her mouth to say no, but instead she lifted her chin and looked him straight in his eyes. “Do
you
think you let me down?”

He looked down and then up. “I didn’t
want
to. My mother needed me.”

“So much that you couldn’t call?” she asked, her voice gentle. She wasn’t angry; she was sad. Not for herself. For him. For his wasted life.

His curled hand came up and he hit his knuckles against his right jaw. “I didn’t think you’d understand.”

She raised her hand and put it on his, curling her fingers around his fist so he couldn’t hit himself again. “I think I do understand.”

“Hey, Derek,” Linda Wegner said, and he jerked his curled hand away from Becky’s, as if her touch scorched his skin. He turned to Linda.

“Your mom isn’t feeling well. She wants to go home.”

He whipped his gaze back to Becky. She forced the corners of her lips up. “It was nice of you and your mom to come. I’ll see you at the next board meeting.”

His features collapsed, then snapped back to normal so fast that Linda probably missed it, her gaze on the desserts at the end of the table closest to them.

“Let’s go,” he said. Linda reluctantly turned her gaze from the table and walked back to Elaine with him, as if he were a lost child being returned to his mother.

Becky’s heart was sore for him. He knew his mother was ruining his life, and he wasn’t stopping her. Becky wanted to think that he could easily say no to Elaine. But Becky was seven years older than him, and it had taken her walking in on a blow job before she left
her
husband.

Too bad Derek wasn’t likely to catch Elaine in a sexually compromising position.

Sarah was heading toward her and Becky made herself smile. “I hate this,” Sarah said, her voice low. She swept out her hand toward their guests. “All these people... Most of them didn’t respect Marsh while he was alive. I feel dirty having them in the house.”

“Kick them out.”

“I wish I could.” She’d lost weight in the last few days and her cheekbones were hollowed out. “I have to think of Cody.” She took a quick glance around. “Do you know where he is?”

“Showing off the puppies to a few kids.”

“He loves the puppies.” Sarah’s lips curved, her tensed body relaxing slightly. “For Cody’s sake, I’ll be sorry when they’re gone. A couple of people showed an interest in the black puppy tonight.”

“Sammy,” Becky said, and smiled. There was something about that dog...

Sarah smiled, too, and Becky saw heads turning to watch them. “Dean Wegner is coming tomorrow to look at him,” Sarah said.

“Tell him not to bother. I want to buy him.”

“Are you serious?” Sarah’s eyes narrowed. “Did Cody put you up to this?”

“You know Sammy’s my favorite.” Becky glanced over Sarah’s shoulder. “Here comes Trey with my tiramisu. Be nice to me and maybe I’ll split it with you.”

Sarah glanced over just as Trey was stopped by a former English teacher from Tomahawk High School. 

From Trey’s grin and the way he bent to talk to the much shorter woman, he had fond memories of her. The sight gave Becky a small frisson. She enjoyed reading and wondered if Trey liked to read, too. Wondered if that’s what he did at nights in his hotel room while away from home.

“Boy Number Two,” Sarah said, nodding toward Trey.

“
Man
Number Two,” Becky corrected.

Sarah nodded. “Very much a man. What about Derek?”

Becky pressed her lips together and shrugged. “Very much a boy.”

“I see. So it’s Man Number Two then?

“It’s neither,” Becky said, her tone crisp. “Boy Number One is a mama’s boy, and Man Number Two warned me that he’s a traveling man.”

“In that case, you deserve the puppy as a consolation prize.”

“Sammy might be worth more than both men.”

“You talking about me?” Trey handed her the plate with the tiramisu.

“Since you brought me dessert, I’ll take that back.” Becky looked at Sarah. “You want to share?”

“I’m not hungry.” Sarah smiled but there was a sorrow in her face that made Becky’s heart ache. “I’ll see if the puppies need water.”

As soon as she left, Trey said, “I have to go to L.A. tomorrow.”

“Did you come back just for...the funeral?” She’d been about to say ‘me,’ but that would be going too fast for him. Too fast for her, too, though so much had happened since she caught Jim with his pants down, it seemed like another lifetime instead of just weeks.

“No, I came back for
you
.” He gave her a look that made her wish they were alone. “And my son,” he added. “I want to be home as much as possible for him. I should be back next week.”

“You’re taking more cars?”

He nodded. “And a couple Indian motorcycles. I’m using parts I got from Marsh.”

“I’ll tell Sarah. She’ll be pleased.”

“Tell her I want to rent one of her storage buildings.”

“I will.” She tried to clamp down a spurt of happiness. If he rented the shed, that meant he’d have a reason to come back.

“The weather is great in L.A. Want to come along?” He didn’t take his eyes off her face, as if her answer mattered.

She pushed her hair behind her left ear. “Not this time. Sarah will need me.”

He nodded. “And you’ve got a puppy now.”

“I imagine I could bribe Cody to take care of it for me...” She smiled at him, and he smiled back.

Then she caught sight of Linda Wegner less than a foot behind Trey, a paper plate of food in her hand, her eyes bright. Linda stared at her and Trey like a bird that spotted a fat, juicy bug to eat. Becky lifted her eyebrows at Linda, who scurried away so fast that chunks of her sandwich fell off the plate.

Linda went straight to Angie Schuster, the second biggest gossip in town.

Trey followed her gaze. “Trouble?”

She smiled and shook her head. “For people like that to hurt you, you have to care. And I don’t care.”

He lowered his head toward her. “If I stayed,” he said, his voice lowered, “I could fall in love with you.”

Chapter Thirty-five

Becky felt lucky today. She stepped out of Sarah’s house into the sparkling sunlight.

Inside her belly – maybe her womb – it felt like there were other sparkles.

It was the first day warm enough to wear shorts this year. On the front sidewalk, she stopped to breathe in the spring air, her face up to the sun in a worship position, her eyes closed. Getting her daily dose of Vitamin D3 from the source – and maybe even encouraging some color on her pasty white legs.

She opened her eyes. Yesterday while driving home from the hardware store, she’d spotted a couple neighbors on their knees in their gardens. With each passing day, she silently prayed that she and Trey had planted a different kind of seed. As soon as she had time, she planned on driving to Tomahawk to buy a pregnancy test. The Wegner’s sold them, but no unmarried women in Miracle would buy one there. Anyone who did that might as well post a sign in their front yard that read: I’m a slut and might be pregnant.

She headed to the second storage building. When she reached the first one, she felt a cramp in her stomach.

Despite the warm air, her skin chilled.

And the feeling of sparkles in her tummy disappeared. Just like that. As fast as a snap of fingers.

No,
her mind screamed
.
No
. 

She kept going, but her smile was gone and she was breathing faster. By the time she reached the last storage building where Sarah was restoring carved angels on a wooden wall sculpture for Elsa’s church, the pain was gone.

Becky inhaled deeply. This had to be a one-time glitch. Maybe she’d eaten something that disagreed with her. After all, Bad Fortune had been knocking stones down on her and Sarah, and it was time for some good stuff.

Hearing her enter, Sarah stood and arched her body. Her baby bump was more prominent every week, and she put her hands on the small of her back. It had been two weeks since the get-together at the house. Nearly three since the night Marsh had been killed.

Nearly three since the broken condom incident. 

“The baby hurting your back?” Becky asked.

“Bending over the worktable for twenty minutes is hurting my back.” She nodded at Becky. “What about you? You’re not used to this work. Any backaches yet?”

Becky remembered the stomach cramp, but that was gone already, and it had happened so fast it didn’t count. No need to imagine catastrophes. Plenty happened without having to make up crap. Besides, she wasn’t even sure that she was pregnant.

“The backs of my thighs are killing—” 

A swift pain low in her belly cut off her sentence.

Oh no. Oh God, no.

It was followed by another one. And suddenly she knew for sure that the bloating she’d felt this morning wasn’t because she was pregnant.

She put her hand over her stomach. Tried to smile but knew she failed.

“I think I started my period.”

“Shit,” Sarah said. “Shit.”

Becky hurried out of the building, her jaw tight, her mouth set, holding back her tears.

There was no baby.

And the horrible part was that she knew there never would be one.

Next to her mother’s and her brother-in-law’s deaths, this was the blackest moment of her life.

A car was coming down the road, but she didn’t look, not even when it stopped. Right now she couldn’t bear to talk to anyone. She feared the only thing that would come out of her mouth would be a long, mournful scream.

Chapter Thirty-six

Becky stayed in the bathroom for about twenty minutes, but Sarah and someone she’d brought with her into the kitchen didn’t go away. She heard murmurs and between her sobbing breaths, the refrigerator door opened and the microwave bell dinged. Someone eating or drinking... Going on with life while she worked her way through the first four stages of grief.

A fast process because there was nothing to grieve about. Never had been. She wasn’t delusional. The pregnancy had been a tiny possibility, never a certainty.

It started with the message about the miracle in the church parking lot. And then there were the sparkles. As far as she knew, no one else had seen the sparkles. She’d never said she was pregnant aloud – she’d even hushed the thought every time it occurred – but it had seemed that
she
must be the one who would receive a miracle.

A baby.

She’d been wrong. So wrong it was now a joke on her.

She looked at her reddened eyes in the mirror and told herself if Sarah could make it through her great sorrow for Marsh without falling apart too often – at least not in public – she certainly could over this.

She put on her moisturizer again. Nothing she could do about her eyes or her nose that looked as if she could substitute for Rudolf in December, but at least her complexion wasn’t splotched with red. 

Combing her hair, she thought Trey would be glad when she reported to him that she wasn’t pregnant. And now she wouldn’t have to drive to Tomahawk for a pregnancy test.

These thoughts brought on another round of tears until her cheeks were blotched along with everything else. She finally sniffed back the tears and splashed cold water on her face.

She was tired of being depressed. Tired of crying in the bathroom and feeling sorry for herself. If she couldn’t have a baby, there were other things she could do. Positive things. Perhaps not now with her life in flux. But later.

Breathing deeply, she stood with her spine straight and her chin high. Opened the door. Strode out.
Here I am world. Becky Maria Hoffman Diedrich, soon to be Hoffman again.

Or another name, she thought, heading into the kitchen.

 Maria.
Her middle name was Maria after her mother’s mother. It was a good name. Using it, she could reinvent herself. She had a home with Sarah now. She had half the money from her savings with Jim – enough to keep her going for a while. She would get half their investments, too. She wasn’t penniless. But she realized her most valuable asset was the people who loved her.

Not many people were as lucky as she was. 

The sight of Elsa in the other room made her relax her militant, don’t-pity-me stance. She even felt a small measure of happiness. Since she’d left Jim, she’d lost people she’d believed were friends. But it was good, because she’d found out who her real friends were. She’d reconnected with her sister and her nephew. She had a dog.

Her best new friend – besides Trey – was Elsa. Every time Elsa smiled, it was like being in the sunlight. In fact, Elsa was smiling right now as she stood and held out her arms to Becky.

Becky went straight into Elsa’s arms. They were the same height, and Elsa hugged her tightly, as if she were concentrating on sending love into her.

When Elsa’s grip finally loosened, Becky drew back. “My mom used to hug like that.”

Elsa blinked, and her smile was wobbly. She put her hand up, her fingertips touching Becky’s lips.

Becky gasped, slammed with a sudden sense, a memory. Something she’d thought she’d forgotten. “My mom used to do that. She called it kissing with her fingers.”

“My grandmother used to do that, too. She must have taught it to your mother.”

“My mother knew your grandmother?” Sarah asked.