Star Struck (24 page)

“Here, let me help you put it on.” I grab the necklace from her hand.

Star turns around and pulls her hair away from her neck. It’s a sensual move, and I swallow hard as her neck is expose
d. My lips tingle and I want nothing more than to press them against her smooth flesh, but I hold back. Bringing my arms forward, I drape the necklace around her neck and fasten the back.

Star whirls back around to face me, her hand fluttering over the necklace. “It’s beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you,” I say truthfully.

Her gaze lowers. “Well, my gift is going to seem stupid now.” She reaches down by her foot and picks up the gift bag she had in her hand when she entered. “I didn’t really know what to get you.”

“Star.” I place my hand over hers. “I’m sure I’m going to love whatever it is.”

She takes a deep breath and thrusts the bag into my hand. I’m not used to getting gifts from girls, so it feels weird as I peel away the tissue paper and search for the gift at the bottom. My fingers brush over something that feels like a picture frame. I yank it out, and my heart sinks. It’s a framed picture of Star and I singing together at the festival. We are so close our lips are almost touching. Only a single microphone is in our way.
Our eyes are locked, our mouths open. The chemistry between us practically jumps off the picture. It’s a reminder of what I’m giving up, and I feel bile rising in my throat.

“You hate it, don’t you?” Star’s small voice cuts into my thoughts. “I knew it was stupid.”

“No.” I grasp her hand. “I don’t hate it, Star. I love it. That’s the problem.”

“Why is that a problem?” Her eyes betray her fear, and it kills me. It’s like she knows what’s coming
, but she wants to avoid it. At this point I do too. I wish I didn’t ever have to have this conversation with her.

After gently setting the picture down on the coffee table, I face Star. “I need to talk to you about something.”

She nods, biting her lip. Her legs jitter nervously. I feel like the biggest jerk in the world.

“While you were at your parents’
house I heard from a talent agent. He saw our set at the festival and loved it.”

Her eyes widen
, and the scared look from earlier starts to dissipate. “Really? That’s awesome.”

My insides coil into tiny knots at her expression. “Yeah, it is. He offered me an opportunity to go to LA and record a demo with him.”

Star squeals. “That’s amazing. We get to go to LA?”

“Not we, Star. Just me.”

She freezes, cocking her head to the side. “I don’t understand.”

“He wants to just record me as a solo artist.”

“Oh.” Star smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Well, that’s still great, Beckett. I’m so happy for you.”

“I have to leave in a couple of days.”

She nods, still forcing that damn smile. “How long will you be gone?”

I squirm in my seat. “That’s the thing, Star. I don’t think I’m going to come back.”

The fake smile drops from her face. “What do you mean you’re not coming back? Like ever?”

“Yeah. It just makes sense for me to stay, Star. There’s nothing really keeping me here.”

“What about me?” The uncertainty in her voice kills me.

“Star, you know that I care about you, but we’ve only been dating a short time. This has been my dream my entire life. Can’t you see that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity?”

“Of course, and I absolutely think you should do it. I just don’t understand why you’re going to stay there.”

“I live in my brother’s apartment. My parents want nothing to do with me. Everywhere I go, I’m reminded of the sister I lost. This is my opportunity to start my life over, Star.
I can make something of myself in LA.” I wish I could make her understand.

“What does this mean for us, though?” she asks.

This is the part I didn’t want to get to. Slumping my shoulders, I give a resigned sigh. Star’s eyes lock with mine and she nods slowly. “There is no
us
anymore, is there, Beckett?”

I bite my
lip. “I didn’t want things to end like this, Star.”

“Then don’t end it.” She rests her hand on my arm.

“I just don’t see any other way.” I stroke her fingers gently. “Long distance relationships don’t work.”

“They can.” Her voice is so full of hope, and it cuts to my heart.

“Star, you’re only eighteen. I can’t ask you to give up your life for me like that.” I stare into her innocent eyes, knowing that soon another guy will be looking into them like this. The thought makes me feel sick, and again I wonder if I’m making a huge mistake.

“I guess I just thought I meant more to you than that.” Her lips quiver, and her gaze darts away from me. She drops her hand from my arm. “Clearly I was wrong.”

“No, don’t do that.” I reach for her. “Please, Sta
r. You have to know that you mean a lot to me.”

“No, Beckett.
If I meant something to you then you wouldn’t be leaving me so easily.” She stands up, moving away from me.

“Dammit, Star, this isn’t about you. It’s about my career, my life.” I can’t keep the irritation out of my voice no matter how hard I try.

She narrows her eyes at me. “You’re right. I’m being selfish. You should absolutely take this chance. You deserve it.” Reaching down, she grabs her purse with shaky fingers.

“Star, please don’t be like this.” I stand, a hard knot forming in my chest. This isn’t how I want to say goodbye to her.

Her face is hardened, her lips a thin, straight line. “You should be proud of yourself, Beckett. You were so worried about me getting in the way of your dream, but you didn’t need to be.”

“Star,” I breathe out the word, and grab her arm. She stiffens beneath my touch. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I know.” Her voice is raw and clipped. “Good luck, Beckett. I really do wish you the best.”

I squeeze her arm tighter, unable to let go. “
Our goodbye can’t be this way, Star. Can I at least get a hug?”

I sense her hesitation
, but she slowly pivots in my direction. Drawing her to me, I circle my arms around her waist. She feels good in my arms, and it breaks my heart to know I have to let her go.

31

Star

I walk around in a daze the entire week after Beckett leaves. It’s like I’m completely numb. The truth is I’m still in shock. The couple of days following our talk, I half expected him to show up at my dorm room and tell me he made a mistake. I totally understand his need to go make a demo album, but I just can’t wrap my brain around the fact that he’s never coming back. I thought we really connected. I thought we had something.

Going to classes and acting like nothing’s wrong is brutal.  All I want to do is curl up in a ball under my covers and never come out. I haven’t heard from Beckett since the night I got back. Sometimes I wonder how he is, and what he’s doing, but then I force myself not to think about it. Once my imagination starts running wild, I picture Beckett doing all sorts of things I don’t want to.

Walking with clipped strides, I make my way across campus and head toward my class. I keep my head down and my jacket tight around my body. Wind whips into my face, and brushes over my hair. A few strands lift gently from my shoulders and spray over my cheeks. My boots click on the pavement under my feet reminding me of an uptempo drumbeat.

“Star,” a familiar voice calls.

I turn around to find Ryker jogging in my direction, a backpack strapped on his back. “Hey, Ryker.” The sick feeling returns to my stomach. Seeing Ryker always reminds me of Beckett, and makes me miss him even more.

“How are you?” His eyebrows are drawn together in a look of concern.

I lower my gaze. “Fine.”

“I still can’t believe he left. I mean, I know he liked you so much.”

My stomach tightens. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Sorry.” Ryker
runs a hand nervously over his hair.

“It’s not your fault.” I fidget with the bottom of my jacket, rolling the soft fabric between my fingers.

“Hey, the guys and I are ready to start playing again whenever you are.”

Ryker, Pierce and Jimmy had asked me to take over as the lead singer right after Beckett left. As tempting as it sounds, I’m not sure about it. “I know. I just don’t think I’m ready yet.”

“Fair enough.” Ryker holds his hands out. “Let us know when you are.”

“I will.” I give him a tight s
mile before walking away. I wish the hard knot in my chest would loosen, but it seems to grow bigger with every step. When I reach my classroom, I heave a sigh of relief. I plop down in a seat near the back and unzip my backpack. Maybe if I focus on the lecture I can finally stop obsessing about Beckett.

“Hey, Star.” A girl says breathlessly
, taking the seat next to me.

I glance up. “Hey.
” Searching my brain I try to remember the girl’s name. I only spoke with her one other time and it was the morning I joined Beckett. “Stacy, right?”

She nods
, and then leans down to pull a notebook out of her backpack. When she sits back up, she peers over at me. “I heard about Beckett cutting a demo. Pretty exciting huh?”

Anger rises up in me, but I fight it down. “Yeah.”

“I mean, I always knew he’d become famous one day, and now it sounds like it’s gonna happen.”

Biting my lip, I nod.

“I just wish I could’ve hooked up with him at least once before he left.”

My head whirls in her direction, stunned by her words. “What?” I can’t keep the venom out of my voice.

Stacy’s jaw drops, and her face reddens. “You two aren’t like together, are you? I-I thought you were just in the band.”

I sigh. “No. We’re not together.”

“Oh, okay. You kinda looked a little crazy for a minute there.” She flashes me a relieved smile. “It’s just that I’ve had a crush on Beckett for years, and I know he’s not really the relationship type. Not that I care, I’d take what I could get with him. You know what I mean?”

I force my head to bob up and down, but inside I’m dying. If only I could make this girl shut up. When the professor starts his lecture, I give Stacy an apologetic smile and hunch over my notebook. She takes the hint and starts scribbling notes as well. Only I can’t decipher anything the professor says. All I can think about is Stacy’s words about Beckett. Was I an idiot to ever believe that I meant something to him?

“C’mon, Star, get out of bed. You stink.” Lola swats at my covers with her hand.

I just groan and pull them further over my head. It’s been two weeks since Beckett left, and each day seems darker than the last. No matter how hard I try to get over him, I can’t. I think about him all the time, and it rips my heart open. I really think I was falling in love with him. I had allowed myself to start thinking about a future with him, and now that’s all over. It’s more than I can take right now.

“Star. You can’t spend your life in bed.” I feel her pulling on the covers, so I hold them tighter in my fist.

“Just go away, Lola,” I say from under the safety of my comforter.

“No, this is ridiculous. You need to get up.”

“Stop being so bossy.” I stick out my bottom lip even though I know Lola can’t see me. “You’re not my mom.”

“Well, you’re certainly acting like a child.”

All the anger that’s been simmering just under the surface for years bursts out of me. I thrust my covers off and sit up. “Lola, I’m not a child. I’m an adult, and I don’t need you to control my life anymore.”

Lola backs up, looking stunned. “What are you talking about? I don’t run your life.”

“Yes, you do. You always have.”

“Just because you’re upset about Beckett doesn’t mean you get to take it out on me.” Lola brushes a strand of hair from her face. “If you remember correctly
, I warned you about getting together with him.”

“See.” I point to her. “That’s exactly what I’m talking about. You’re always telling me what to do. I don’t need to be protected by you, Lola. I’m not the same girl you met freshman year. I’m capable of making my own decisions.”

“Yeah, how’s that working out for you?” She laughs bitterly.

I narrow my eyes at her. “That’s not fair.”

“Sorry.” Lola plops down on my bed. “I just worry about you, Star. You’re my best friend.”

“I know.” I reach for her hand. “And I love you for it, but I need you to back off a little.”

“Look what happened when I did that?” Lola spreads her arms out. “You got your heart broken.”

I smile sadly. “But I don’t regret it. The times I spent with Beckett were worth it. They were some of the best of my entire life.”

“Really?” Lola raises an expertly manicured brow at me.

“Really.” I nod.

“I still can’t believe he left you. Ryker’s shocked too.”

“I bet. I know the band isn’t very happy.”