Star Promise (45 page)

“He is.”

“So do it, Charli,” he urged. “Pen your own
dénouement
.”

Despite the glorious cottage garden setting, my mother wasn’t keen on spending any time outside, even when Bridget was with her. “I feel like we’re being watched, darling,” she complained.

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the Lost Boys – acting on Charli’s instruction – were carrying out surveillance.

“It’s the dumb boys in the trees,” yelled Bridget. “I see you, dumb Mason.”

“No you don’t,” came a muffled reply from the hedge near the fence.

Bridget’s problem with the littlest Lost Boy dated to her first day back in town. Mason made the mistake of telling her how ugly Treasure was – an unforgivable faux pas in Bridget’s book.

My mother glared at me, alarmed by the notion of boys spying from the trees. “What on earth is going on?”

I grinned. “Welcome to the boondocks, Ma.”

As if being under surveillance wasn’t strange enough, Charli was in a weird mood too. She’d been fidgety and restless all day, and couldn’t settle when we went to bed that night. I asked her a hundred times what the problem was, and her answer never changed.

“Nothing. I’m fine.”

I slipped my hand underneath her thin top. “I could calm you down,” I offered.

“Oh nice plan, Adam,” she replied, pushing my hand away. “I’d love to get it on while your parents are in the next room.”

My laugh bounced off the skin of her shoulder. “We made a baby in their bathroom while they were in the next room,” I reminded her.

Even in the darkness, I saw her smile. “It’s not the same thing.”

“It’s exactly the same thing.”

Her hand moved to my face. “I’m glad you sorted out your differences with your dad,” she whispered.

I kissed her. “Me too, but I don’t want to talk about my dad.”

“How about my dad? Can we talk about him?”

“Why? What’s going on?”

Her explanation was short, but a long time coming. “I’m going to see him tomorrow,” she replied. “I’m going to tell Alex about Olivia.”

I kissed her again, more out of support than anything. “I think it’s time,” I told her. “And I think it’ll give you the closure you need.”

“What if he tells me something that ruins everything?” Her voice was barely there. “I couldn’t stand it.”

I wasn’t sure what to say to allay her fears, and everything I came up with would’ve sounded untrue. Charli pressed her cheek to my chest as I pulled her in closer. “Whatever will be, will be, Charlotte,” I whispered.

Gabrielle had no plans to return to teaching, but she couldn’t completely let go of her schoolmarm tendencies. When Jack was a few months old, she returned to giving weekly art classes in the town hall. I knew she wouldn’t be home when I arrived at the house, which was a prime example of me picking my moment.

I didn’t have Alex’s complete attention. When I walked into the kitchen, he was deep in conversation with my brother and tinkering with engine parts on the table. Jack was in his swing beside him, looking laidback and carefree as always.

“You have to pull out the float pin,” he told him. “Needle nose pliers work best.”

“Gabi would skin you alive if she saw you working on car parts in the house.”

Alex jumped at the sound of my voice. Jack did not.

He pulled a face at me. “It’s off the lawnmower, so it doesn’t count.”

I walked to Jack and kissed his little head. In return, he grabbed a clump of my hair and refused to let go. “Ow. Help me,” I pleaded.

Alex was no help. “Just give his hair a pull,” he advised unsympathetically. “He’s got enough of it.”

Something about my laugh amused Jack. He let out the cutest little chuckle I’d ever heard, which only ended once I managed to free myself. Sensing tears were on the way, I handed him a rattly toy.

“Dad, I was hoping we could talk for a minute,” I said, pulling out a chair.

He smiled across at me. “We can talk for hours if you want to.”

I was hoping it wouldn’t take that long. I wanted the story of Olivia to be short and painless, but that was never going to happen because I also wanted every last detail. I must’ve looked troubled because of it.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

I wasn’t sure where to begin so I dug into my pocket and dragged out something I hoped would make him start the conversation. I set the ugly locket down on the table and pushed it toward him.

Alex wiped his hands on a rag and then picked it up. “What’s this?”

I studied his face, seeing no hint of anything other than bewilderment. He had no clue what he was looking at.

“You haven’t seen it before?” I asked in a small voice.

He slid it back to me. “Never.”

In my heart of hearts, I had known it was a lie. Alex would never have gifted something so gaudy and cheap – even to Olivia. I had one last thing to show him. I passed him the wooden box.

He didn’t look baffled this time. I could tell by his expression that he knew exactly what it was. He took it when I held it out to him. “I gave this to your mother.” I’d never heard his voice sound so small. “Where did you get it?”

After months of planning the conversation in my head, none of it came out as I hoped it would. But the story was complete, and just as ugly as when it had played out for real.

After a long moment, he finally spoke. “Love affairs at seventeen are about intensity, not longevity.”

I couldn’t stop the pissed-off groan that escaped me. I didn’t want the romantic spiel he’d given me in the past. Protecting my feelings wasn’t an issue any more, and I told him so.

He nodded, resigned to the fact that he was going to have to be truthful with me. “Olivia wasn’t always cold, Charli,” he said. “I adored her at one time – completely loved her.”

I shook my head, unable to believe him. “That’s not the woman I met. The woman I met was an utter bitch.”

His eyes drifted to the box in his hand. “She never used to be,” he said quietly. “Things changed once she fell pregnant. She was so focused on her ballet that not even a baby in her belly slowed her down. It was a nightmare.”

Tears started rolling down my cheeks the instant his voice got shaky. I was forcing him to revisit a place he’d left a long time ago, but he did it.

According to Alex, she wasn’t prepared to give up nine months of her life to have a baby, but had no choice because abortion was out of the question. “She was too far along when we found out,” he explained. “So Olivia decided adoption was the best option. She came up with the not-so-brilliant plan of carrying on as if she wasn’t pregnant.”

“It’s hard to hide a bump in your belly,” I pointed out.

He looked across at me. “Not if you don’t eat.”

I suddenly felt ill, but swallowed hard and kept it together.

“I spent months and months doing all I could just to get my daughter here safely.” He choked out the words. “She wouldn’t eat and she wouldn’t stop her gruelling dance sessions. She didn’t make a single concession for the little life struggling to grow inside her.”

I dabbed my eyes with my fingertips, futilely attempting to stem the crying. Alex’s eyes never left mine, but he no longer seemed to be looking at me.

“There was nothing I could do, Charli,” he said weakly. “I loved her, and then I resented her, and then I lost respect for her.” He brought his forearm to his face, swiping his sleeve across his eyes. “And in the end, I felt nothing for her.”

I infinitesimally nodded. “I get it.”

“Are you sure you get it?” he asked, regaining the strength in his voice. “Be sure you get it, Charlotte,” he demanded. “Be sure that you understand how hard I fought for you. Be sure you know about the times I got down on my knees and begged her to eat something, or pleaded with her to stop training for hours on end.”

“I get it, Alex,” I cried. “I know.”

If he’d left it there I wouldn’t have argued, but I’d opened a floodgate and my father wasn’t finished talking.

“One day she told me that she didn’t care whether you lived or died,” he remembered. “That was it for me.”

“Olivia said there were complications, and that she was advised against having more children.”

He gave a hard, humourless laugh. “The only complication Olivia had was you. And the only person who told her not to have more children was me,” he growled. “Probably while I was trying to force feed her a bowl of cereal.”

I frowned at him. “Cereal?”

“It’s the only thing I could get her to eat. It’s no wonder you like it so much.”

I had no control over the giggle that crossed my lips. I’d spent weeks searching for some minute detail to align myself to her, and he’d given it to me. We both liked cereal.

“She hates me, Alex,” I said, quickly composing myself. “She blames me for her life going wrong.”

With his free hand, he reached across the table. “You listen to me,” he ordered. “I couldn’t care less how Olivia feels about you. You were never hers. You were mine all along.”

The hole in my heart that had been plaguing me since the first night I’d met my mother healed in an instant. The man who’d protected me and loved me my whole life had fought for me even before I was born. That was all I need to know about the story of me.

I felt exhausted, but had one more burning question. “She knew we lived here,” I blurted. “Did she come here?”

He grimaced. “She really went to town on you, didn’t she?”

“Yeah.” And he’d never know the half of it.

Alex reached across to Jack and smoothed his hair. “Olivia showed up here the day after my mother’s funeral. You were three.”

The story got worse. At a time when Alex was most vulnerable, she weaselled her way back in. “I’d just lost my mother, I was alone with this little kid and Olivia came knocking.” He sounded annoyed with himself, as if being gullible was a crime. “I think she was in a bad place, too. Perhaps she thought I could do something about that.”

Olivia was an opportunist. It didn’t surprise me that she’d run to Alex when the chips were down. I wondered how long she stuck around once she worked out he had nothing to give her.

“Did she stay long?”

“Two days.” He shook his head. “Nothing had changed. She barely even spoke to you, and when she did it was awkward. I told her to leave and never come back – and she never did.”

“Just like that?”

“Not exactly like that,” he conceded. “She let fly at me first, accusing me of being a terrible father, a good-for-nothing failure and every other nasty thing she could think of.” That was the venom-tongued Olivia I knew. It was almost a relief to hear him say it. “That’s when I decided to stick with the lie that my mother had started,” he said bleakly. “I figured I couldn’t fail you as badly if you didn’t know I was your dad. The whole world was saved from knowing what a dud hand you’d been dealt in the parenting department.”

“I never felt that way.” I drummed my finger on the table with every word spoken, making sure he understood. “Never.”

“Things were very different in the beginning, Charli. You were made out of love. It wasn’t some casual –”

I cut him off, unwilling to let him finish the ugly sentence. “I know.”

“How do you know?” he asked. “It doesn’t sound like she painted a very pretty picture.”

I flipped open the locket, showing him the picture inside. “You can’t fake that,” I told him. “The kids in that picture are happy.”

He snapped the locket closed and finally smiled. “I really did love her,” he declared. “But I loved you more.”

I smiled back. “Will you tell me about the box?”

Alex picked it up and opened the lid, chuckling as he grabbed the typed card. “I typed this on my mum’s typewriter. My handwriting sucked, even then.” He raised the card to his face and read it out. “They’re always close. All you have to do it look for them.”

“She said it was about stars,” I prompted.

“I used to promise her things,” he explained. “Anything to get her to fly right and look after the baby in her belly.”

His story didn’t vary much from hers, but the meaning behind it was very different. “I’d already worked out by that point that there was no future for us, but I still held the tiniest amount of hope that she’d sort herself out and come good.” I almost laughed at the irony. I’d spent weeks doing the same thing. “I told her that stars were promises wrapped up in light, and that they’d always remain and stay true,” he explained. “All she had to do was look for them.”

“Do you think she did?” I asked.

Alex flipped the box over, studying the back of it. “No, she had no magic in her heart,” he replied. “Olivia wasn’t into looking for stars. She was too busy trying to be one.” He looked up at me, half-smiling. “She must’ve spent all these years thinking I gave her an empty box.”

I frowned. “You did.”

Using both hands and some effort, he pulled the back panel off the box. As it broke open, something flew out and tumbled across the table. Before I saw what it was, Alex picked it up. It was a charm bracelet, and every charm on it was a star.

“I never lied to her,” he said, dangling it in front of me. “I gave her stars. All she had to do was care enough to look for them.”

My parents returned home in the early New Year, which meant The Lost Boys were out of a job. With no French diplomats to protect, hiding out in the bushes gave way to much less covert forms of surveillance. Their constant presence annoyed me, but it infuriated my daughter.

An afternoon tea party at the beach should’ve been an escape, but Mason appeared at the base of the walking trail shortly after we arrived. Bridget was sitting a short distance from us, pouring pretend cups of tea for her heinous guest of honour, Treasure.

She jumped to her feet when she spotted him. “You can’t play here,” she scolded.

The littlest Lost Boy bravely continued his slow wander toward her. “Are you having a party?”

Bridget glanced down at the spread in front of her. “Yes,” she confirmed. “A lovely one.”

Charli hooked her arm through mine and leaned in close. “This is how it starts, Adam,” she murmured from the corner of her mouth. “Your daughter is being wooed.”