Stage Fright (18 page)

That stung. Jesse had helped create his routine, and he’d practiced long and hard. He was sort of proud of his solo, even if it was cheesy. Working with that ladder was pretty tricky too. All Chaz did was roll an office chair around the stage. “At least I have some moves.”

Chaz’s shoulders heaved, and he clenched his fists so hard the knuckles turned white. “You son of a bitch.”

Eric jumped up. “Guys, this isn’t helpful. We need to focus on the show.” He turned to Chaz. “This isn’t the first time we’ve lost a dancer, and we’ve managed just fine. I’ll work with Tyson. Until he’s ready I can stretch out the contest segment. If we get four girls instead of three up onstage, it runs an extra couple of minutes and we don’t need his solo. Problem solved.”

“It’s not like we have a choice.” Chaz shot Jesse a venomous look.
“Maybe we could use a superhero theme for his routine. I’ve always wanted to try that. We could have him start off in a suit and nerdy glasses with a superhero outfit underneath.” Eric grinned. “The women’d go crazy when he tears off the suit, and he could do a lot of superhero poses, hands on hips, chest sticking out, that sort of thing. He wouldn’t have to learn many dance steps. It’s perfect.”

“Fine.” Chaz pushed off the edge of the stage. He turned to Jesse. “Switch places with Tyson. I want him up front from now on.”
“Okay.” Jesse didn’t say anything else. If Chaz thought he was punishing him, he wasn’t. Thanks to Eric’s presence and his suggestions, this had gone way better than Jesse had expected. He didn’t really care if he was relegated to the back.
Chaz stalked off, somehow getting tangled up with a chair on his way out. He shoved the offending piece of furniture out of his way. The door banged shut behind him.
Eric smiled at Jesse. “That went well.”

“It did, didn’t it?” “Yeah. He didn’t swear any more than usual, and nobody threw a punch.” “I wouldn’t hit him.” Well, maybe in self-defense if Chaz started swinging. Jesse

had only ever fought that one time, back when he’d unintentionally outed himself. It hadn’t solved anything, and when he thought back to that weekend, the one where his life changed forever, he was ashamed he’d reacted with violence instead of dignity.

“I’m joking. I’m sure you wouldn’t, and even though it looked tense for a couple of minutes, Chaz has enough control to keep his hands to himself.” Eric sighed. “He might stroke out one of these days or give himself a heart attack, but he’s not a violent guy.”

Jesse grimaced. “He kind of had me fooled for a second or two. Anyway, thanks for your help. It could have gone a lot worse.”
Eric shrugged one shoulder casually. “Don’t worry about it. Tyson’s not a bad dancer, and Chaz’ll get over it. Especially if we give him the superhero solo. He liked the idea.”
“If you say so.” Jesse didn’t know how Eric could tell.

“He stopped scowling. Didn’t you notice?”

 

“No.” Jesse avoided looking directly at Chaz most of the time. Chaz was like an angry dog. He interpreted direct eye contact as a sign of aggression.

 

Jesse said slowly, “Listen, Eric, not many people know I’m gay—” “Relax, I’m not going to blow your cover.” Eric blushed to the roots of his blond hair. “Pretend I didn’t say that.”

Jesse didn’t visibly react to the comment. Instead he filed it away to share with Chris later. His roommate would get a kick out of it. “I want to come out on my own terms,” he said.

“Sure.” Eric was quick to agree. “I won’t tell anyone. We should head back, though.” He led the way, then stopped dead. “What are you going to do when you leave? You’re not going to a rival, I hope. Chaz will have kittens.”

“Nah. I’m giving up dancing.”

 

Eric opened the door and ushered him through. “That’s right, so you said. It’s too bad, but I guess stripping’s not for everyone.”

Jesse walked into the dressing room, his heartbeat thudding in his ears and his palms sweating. Tyson came up to him immediately.
“Are you really leaving?”

“Yeah.” Chaz must have told everyone already. Jesse tensed, waiting for a sneer or snarky comment.
Tyson grinned and thumped him on the back. “I don’t know why, and I really don’t care, but you just made my day. Thanks, man.” He went back to his locker.
Jesse looked up to see Chaz watching him. Chaz’s lips thinned, and the corners of mouth pulled down sharply. He turned away, leaving Jesse staring at his back. For whatever reason Chaz hadn’t outed him. Maybe it was a standoff: Chaz wouldn’t out him as long as Jesse didn’t report Chaz to admin for requesting he perform sexual favors on the promo manager.
Jesse grabbed his sweats and peeled off his jeans. He could live with that.

Chapter Fourteen

It felt weird dancing in the back again, but in a strange way it was relaxing. The dancers up front usually got most of the attention. He didn’t even have to go into the audience until his solo.

Jesse kept an eye on Tyson. He’d done well in rehearsal, and he only made one or two small mistakes during the show. Jesse doubted anyone in the audience noticed. They normally focused on the dancers’ bodies and not what the dancers were doing relative to each other.

Back in the dressing room Tyson was vibrating with energy. “That was awesome!” Chaz sniffed loudly. “It wasn’t bad, but you’re not out there to get your jollies. Next time try to get back to the stage while the song’s still playing,” he said sourly.

That wasn’t fair. Tyson had never been out in the audience before, and he’d returned to the stage in plenty of time. Jesse opened his mouth to respond, but Tyson spoke first.

“Sure, Chaz.” He bounced on the balls of his feet, his enthusiasm undiminished.

Chaz rolled his eyes. “Hit the shower. I want you out there mingling in ten minutes.”
“All right!” Tyson turned to Jesse. “Did you see those women? They’re mental. I can’t believe you’re giving this up.” His grin was infectious.

Jesse smiled back. “Just wait till the meet and greet.”
Fifteen minutes later Jesse paused at the entrance to the bar. His stomach twisted. Other than the few texts, he hadn’t talked to Val since he’d stormed off after their fight. He had no idea what Val’s mood might be like.
Hard to believe it had been only two days. It felt like a lifetime ago. In some ways it was. There were things he needed to tell Val. Things he wanted to say, but they couldn’t talk here.
He stared at Val. His head was bent, dark bangs swinging into his face as he made a woman’s drink. He looked as professional and polished as ever in his crisp white dress shirt and black waistcoat. Jesse remembered the storeroom, the way he’d gripped the shoulders of that snowy white shirt as Val knelt in front of him. The need to speak to Val was nearly overwhelming, but he’d wait for the woman to get her drink and leave. If he went over to say hi, he could gauge Val’s reaction and hopefully confirm he hadn’t screwed up everything.
Brad arrived. “Hey, Jesse. Chaz said you quit. I’m guessing congratulations are in order.”

Jesse spared Brad a brief glance. “Thanks.” He watched the woman digging through a purple purse the size of a pillowcase. He willed her to find her wallet. Why the hell did women need to carry so much stuff?

Brad chuckled. “Look at Tyson soaking up the compliments and signing autographs. He’s totally in his element.”

Reluctantly Jesse shifted his attention. The women were clustered around a grinning Tyson standing with several of the other dancers. Chaz was a few feet away talking to a pretty brunette. She played with her necklace as she chatted, no doubt trying to draw his attention to her breasts. Jesse smirked. Chaz didn’t need the subtle cue. He’d found them all on his own.

“Come on. Let’s go do our duty.” Brad moved past him. Jesse followed.

“And this is Brad and Jesse.” Tyson introduced them as if he were hosting a party. A tanned blonde with giant hoop earrings and a tight shirt made eye contact with Jesse. She pouted prettily. “I wanted you to come to our table during your routine, but you didn’t.”

The bar was directly behind her, less than fifteen feet away. Jesse glanced over to see Val watching, his expression stony.
Jesse smiled at her mechanically. “I wish I had enough time to visit everyone’s table.”

The blonde sidled closer. She placed her hand on his forearm, dipped her head, and looked up at him from under lowered lashes. “We’re going clubbing after this. Maybe you guys could join us.” She spider-walked her fingers up his arm, her nails pricking his skin like tiny claws. Her voice dropped to a throaty purr. “We’ll have the best time.”

Jesse disengaged gently. He took a deep breath. It was showtime. “Sorry, I can’t. I’m meeting my boyfriend after this.”
He sensed an agitated stir around him. Behind him someone inhaled sharply, but he ignored these things and focused on Val.
Val had heard him, because his face slackened with shock, though he regained control of his features quickly.

Jesse looked down at the blonde. Her glossy lips were opened in a surprised O. “You’re gay?” she said flatly, all attempts at seduction gone.

Jesse locked eyes with Val. “Yep.”
“Well, shit. I guess it’s true what they say.”
Tyson touched her arm. “Hey, I’m not gay.”

“No? You want to come clubbing?” The sultry voice was back. She pivoted on her heel and faced Tyson, dismissing Jesse now that he no longer interested her.
Jesse walked over to the bar, leaving the blonde and her girlfriends working out the details with Tyson and a couple of other dancers.
Val leaned on the bar, his gaze fastened on Jesse. He straightened as Jesse approached.

Jesse smiled self-consciously. “Hi.”

Val’s eyes shone. “You just came out to your coworkers and a bunch of horny women.”
“Yeah.” Jesse rubbed the back of his neck.
“How does it feel?”

He couldn’t keep the grin off his face. “Like I stopped carrying a giant boulder around. Honestly I’m not sure my feet are touching the ground.”
Val smiled back. “You were so smooth. That had to be the coolest coming-out ever.”
Jesse flushed at Val’s obvious admiration. “I didn’t know exactly what I was going to say until I opened my mouth.”
“We should do something to celebrate.”
“Val…” Jesse licked his lips nervously, and Val’s smiled slipped a notch. “I gave my notice yesterday.”
Val’s eyes widened, and his eyebrows rose. “What?”
Jesse explained about quitting and Tyson replacing him.

“So that’s why he was in front tonight. I wondered about that. Do you have another job to go to?”

Jesse shook his head. “I probably did this ass backwards, but I’ll start looking now.” He glanced over his shoulder. “I guess I should head back over there.”
Though he didn’t want to. Now that he was leaving, he didn’t want to waste his time making insincere small talk. He’d like to replay the last few minutes in his mind and examine how it felt to come clean. A small part of him had enjoyed the others’ shock, the blonde woman’s stunned expression.

Val reached out and touched his arm. Jesse almost pulled away but remembered he didn’t have to anymore.
“Wait for me. I’m working after this, but I arranged to go in later. I’ll have time to drive you home. We could talk if you still want to,” Val said.
Jesse nodded. “Sounds good. I think I’ll kill some time. Maybe go for a walk. I’ll come back when you close.”
Val squeezed his arm. “When you didn’t show up at last night’s meet and greet, I thought maybe… It’s just really good to see you.” He gave Jesse’s arm a pat as if reassuring himself.
Jesse ducked his head. “Me too. I mean, it’s good to see you.”
He left without going back to the group. Maybe Chaz would be choked, but what could he do? Fire him?
Jesse headed down the pedestrian walkway, out into the hotel, and toward the noisy casino. He’d never been interested in gambling. He’d checked out a couple of different casinos, but they all seemed the same—smoky caverns with crazily patterned carpets, flashing lights, and the constant electronic chirps and burbles of the slot machines. Immobile, silent people sat staring at the screens, ignoring everyone around them. Jesse couldn’t see the attraction. But the casinos were always at street level, next to an exit, so it was the fastest way to get outside.

He overtook a young mother wearing a tight sequined dress and pushing a stroller. Her husband or boyfriend ambled along beside her in cargo shorts and flipflops. People got a little crazy when they were in Vegas. It was after ten o’clock, but they were probably on their way to the casino for a couple of hours of gambling. Jesse shook his head. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to seeing kids in Sin City.

He entered the casino and kept going, past the men and women playing blackjack while young girls in sequined bras, short shorts, and thigh-high boots gyrated for them on platforms mixed right in among the gaming tables.

Jesse pushed through the hotel doors and out into the cool evening air. He took in great lungfuls of air, savoring the smell of newly cut grass and the relative peace and quiet. He found a bench beside a flower bed and sat, enjoying his unexpected free time.

He wasn’t eager to head into the controlled chaos of the hotel, but he figured Val would be done closing up by now. As he waded through the smoke and noise of the casino, Val sent him a text saying he’d be another ten or fifteen minutes. Jesse texted a reply and turned back the way he’d come. He’d wait at Val’s car in the fresh air.

He strolled along, an extra bounce in his step. He heard footsteps behind him but didn’t think anything of it.

 

“Hey, Jesse! Wait up.”

 

In the poorly lit parking lot he couldn’t see who called to him. He stopped under a light pole and turned, expecting maybe one of his coworkers.

Ben Mitchum stepped out of the darkness and into the circle of light. He moved with the deliberate, heavy-footed, side-to-side motion of someone who’d been drinking. He smiled. “What’s your hurry?”

Somehow Jesse wasn’t surprised to see Ben. If the man was still hanging around the hotel complex, he’d likely seen Jesse inside and followed him to the parking lot. Jesse didn’t know why the muscle-bound meathead couldn’t just leave him alone. They were never going to be friends.

Jesse shrugged and glanced around, assessing his surroundings. He tried to look casual about it, but he didn’t trust Ben.
Around them rows of cars sat impassive, stretching off into the darkness. At regularly spaced intervals small groups of vehicles were illuminated by cones of brightness, but the spaces between those pools of relative safety lay in deep shadow. Aside from the moths flinging themselves frantically against the sodium lights, they were the only ones in the lot.
Ben came closer, listing to one side as if he were on the deck of a sinking ship. “We never did have that drink.”