Spring Collection (35 page)

Justine reread the letter four times before she put it down and went over to the window and leaned her head on the glass. She nodded her forehead gently from side to side, as one would over the crib of a sleeping baby, a nod of wonder and apprehension and helplessness and love and hope. Let it go well, she thought, please God, let it go well.

I
’m trying so hard to rationalize this,” April said to Maude, her words rushing out passionately. “I’m trying to accept it, to tell myself that it isn’t the end of the world, that I never expected to win anyway and all the exposure in
Zing
will be wonderful for my career, but I’m so disappointed I don’t know what to do—” April dropped down on the edge of Maude’s bed, and burst into tears.

Frankie had visited both Jordan and April in their rooms soon after they were awake that morning and told each of them separately that from now on they’d be seeing little of Tinker since she’d be busy with her tango lessons and working with Lombardi. In spite of her efforts to downplay any premature assumption that Tinker had won the Lombardi prize, Frankie hadn’t convinced either girl that there was still an open competition. Jordan had received the news with composure, but April, still in her bathrobe, had brushed Frankie aside and rushed to take her emotions to Maude, who was sitting on her bed, her draperies still drawn, reading the
International Herald Tribune
by the light of her bedside table, before getting dressed for the day.

“Marco Lombardi should be drawn and quartered,” Maude cried vehemently. “April, poor baby, don’t sob so terribly. Oh, I know how you feel, I really do. I know how important this is to you. Remember how I told you that my story is based on your winning? It still is, this changes nothing. If the ending turns out
differently, I’ll make it perfectly clear that it was rigged against you, that no honest choice was ever made. Here, put this quilt around you, you’re shivering. There, that’s better, now blow your nose. Have you even had breakfast?”

“I’d just finished when Frankie came in.”

“Want some of my coffee to warm you up? It’s still hot, and it’s chilly in this room. No place in France understands central heating, American style.”

“No thanks,” April answered, her tears reduced to a few sniffs by Maude’s sympathy.

“Lombardi hasn’t given you even a fighting chance at the contract. Or Jordan, for that matter. Of course you realize what has to have happened?” Maude said, soothingly. “Tinker must have let him make love to her when she went for that runway lesson, there’s no other explanation. Maybe she even put the idea in his head, who knows what tricks she could get up to? But you’d think Lombardi would pretend that he hasn’t made his choice so early in the game, you’d think he’d let it play out as a competition and declare a winner afterward. He’s utterly shameless … what I don’t understand is how he can
not
realize that after the show no one will believe he could have chosen her instead of you?”

“He doesn’t give a damn, that’s the only answer I can think of,” April said thoughtfully. “Jordan won’t be particularly upset, she hasn’t believed she had a real shot because she’s black, she told me that on the plane coming over and she’s never changed her mind. To think I was worried because Necker took her to Versailles. I should have been worried about Tinker instead. But damn it, I don’t see why any one of us, including Jordan, couldn’t have ended up as the Lombardi girl if people played fair.”

“April, darling, it was never going to be Jordan, she was right about that. But it should have been you.”

Maude looked with compassion and adoration at April’s face. Her beauty gave no quarter, there was no mercy in it, as there was in less perfect faces. It seemed
indecent to her that there would not be a consensus about April’s perfection for it rang so true.

“Do you think …?” Maude began and then stopped.

“What? What were you going to say?”

“That maybe what Lombardi said
is
true, that Tinker’s simply given him new ideas for design, who knows why, and that’s the only reason he’s working with her every day? That would explain why he didn’t bother to pretend—nothing
is
settled in his mind, and we’re jumping to conclusions, April! After all, Tinker only has a few hours a day for those stupid tango lessons, and from tango to runway is by no means a clear path. I think this story is very far from over—you’ve still got every chance to win, I’m sure of it!”

“Do you really believe that or are you only saying it to make me feel better?”

“I’d never give you false hope, April. I truly believe that nothing’s been decided and once you’re on that runway, you’ll carry the day.”

“Oh, Maude, I love you! You’re the only person around here with a working brain.” April flung herself at Maude and wrapped her arms around her, kissing her on the cheek in an exuberance of relief and renewed hope.

“April, you have no idea how good that feels.”

“Good?” April looked at Maude inquisitively. “Does it feel good to be told you’re a genius?”

“It feels good to have you kiss me. Even on the cheek. It’s the first time I’ve felt your lips.”

“Oh.”

“Don’t draw away like that, April. You’ve had to know that this was bound to be said sooner or later, haven’t you?”

“I haven’t thought about it,” April quavered, still sitting on the bed and clutching the quilt around her shoulders.

“Not once, not even one little time? It never happened to even cross your mind?” Maude asked softly.

“Well … I guess maybe I did wonder … a little,
I’m not stupid … okay, after I’d told you how I felt about men I started thinking about how you led your own life, and I realized that you … well I wasn’t sure, but … you know what I mean. I guess it’s because of the way you dress, otherwise I wouldn’t have dreamed.…”

“Yet you’ve still spent every day with me exploring Paris. Do you understand what that means?”

“It means that I’m not afraid of you and I don’t think any the less of you for anything you do. Whatever it is,” April added with a nervous giggle.

“I know that and I’m glad, but there’s something more, April, something you haven’t even allowed yourself to understand. April, listen to me, don’t turn your head away like a little girl, you’re not a little girl, not at all. You’re very much a woman and you wonder what it would be like with another woman … you wonder about it all the time, don’t you, darling? Oh, April, it’s the most natural thing in the world for you to think about. You told me that you don’t like men, you tried with them but you couldn’t go through with it because it disgusted you. You may be a virgin April, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not a normal human being with a normal body, so there’s only one alternative.”

“You make it sound so logical,” April murmured protestingly.

“It
is
logical, April. What isn’t logical is that a normal woman like you has no sex life at all. That’s cruel, that’s true punishment. I know you feel like an outcast and that doesn’t make the slightest sense. It must be a torment to you. How long do you imagine it can go on?”

“I can’t even bear to think about the whole thing, it’s such a mess, I’m completely confused.…” April took refuge in muteness, bending her head to hide her blushing face, looking down at her shaking hands. Still she didn’t move away from her perch on the side of Maude’s bed.

“April, April,” Maude said, her voice trembling, reaching out and caressing April’s downcast head, “of
course you’re confused, you always will be until you at least bring yourself to make love with a woman, just once, and find out if that’s what you like. Ideally, it should be someone experienced, someone who knows you’re a virgin and doesn’t expect fireworks—who doesn’t expect anything—now how many people could that description apply to?”

April laughed and Maude felt her relax a little. She continued to touch April’s hair lightly as she spoke quietly, evenly.

“I could be accused, rightfully, of being opportunistic, but you know you owe it to yourself to find out, or you wouldn’t still be here with me, would you? You’ve almost made your decision, darling. It’s going to happen sooner or later, that you know for sure. Don’t let it be on a crazy impulse with a stranger, just to get it over with, the way you tried it with those boys. The first time should be with someone you can trust, someone you know as well as you know me, someone you’ve confided in, someone who understands you. Oh, April, sweet, confused April, I promise to be so tender, so gentle, I won’t rush you into anything and if you want to stop, I’ll stop, no questions or recriminations, the way there are with men. I promise you, a solemn promise, that I’ll respect your wishes. It won’t make any difference in the way I feel about you. You can’t possibly go the entire rest of your life not knowing, so let me love you, my darling. All it takes is the courage to say yes.”

April turned her head and looked shyly, indirectly, at Maude. Then she leaned forward from the edge of the bed and brushed Maude’s cheek with a quick kiss, too embarrassed to say a word, not even the “yes” that she was bursting to say. How many nights had she lain awake thinking about Maude Callender? How long had she spent wondering about the sophisticated, dashing, fascinating woman whom she felt closer and closer to every day. She hadn’t dared to imagine this happening … no, to be honest, she had imagined it, but not beyond the vague, frightening, quickly thrust away idea
that something like this might be possible. At least … not impossible. Yet she didn’t feel frightened now, she felt taken care of, she felt adored, she felt a curiosity so wild and powerful that her mouth was dry and her limbs trembled and her nipples tingled.

“Come to bed, April,” Maude whispered, sliding the quilt away, putting her arms around April’s shoulders and kissing her hair lightly. “Lean back on this pillow and close your eyes, just think how you feel, that’s the only important thing. You’re so tense … don’t be, I’m just going to kiss your face.”

Maude kissed April softly, taking the girl’s head in her hands and placing her lips gently on April’s forehead, just at her hairline. Back and forth her lips traced a path that widened almost imperceptibly, until Maude was kissing April’s small, lovely earlobes and her sublime jawline as well as her hairline, outlining the exquisite shape of her face. She felt April’s body go limp with relaxation and she heard her sigh with relief that the die was cast, yet still Maude continued to press her lips to the outer edges of April’s face. Her iron self-control gave her far more pleasure than she would have gained if she had kissed April with the full violence of her excitement.

As Maude kissed April she drew back often to gaze at the girl’s willfully expressionless features with amazed joy, almost unable to believe that the face she worshiped was abandoned to her touch. When April’s closed lips finally parted slightly of their own accord, Maude brushed them with one finger, floating that finger repeatedly over April’s warm lips with the most delicate of contacts, until she saw that April’s mouth was pouting, as if it had a life of its own and was reaching out for something April herself had no knowledge of. Only then did Maude kiss April on her lips, giving her dry, feathery, closed-mouth kisses on the sides and tops and bottoms of the proffered, expectant lips, never fully covering April’s mouth with her own.

She felt April timidly pushing her lips forward, but she wouldn’t allow her mouth to be captured, not yet,
not until she’d driven April to demand it. Soon, sooner than she’d expected, Maude felt April’s hands reach out and meet behind her head so that she could pull Maude forward toward her, until their lips met fully, the girl giving her kiss for kiss, whimpering with wordless pleasure as she tasted the woman’s full mouth. Maude was determined that April would be the first to use her tongue and, as she kissed April lingeringly, but almost chastely, she felt a tiny flicker of the girl’s tongue, almost imperceptible at first, but quickly growing more bold. She let April dart her tongue forward until she grew more and more demanding, until she was openly trying to get Maude to respond. Only then did Maude, unable to stop herself, finally suck April’s tongue softly and steadily. Soon she quickly wet the fingers of one hand with her tongue and slid them under the girl’s dressing gown and nightgown until she found the small, stiff, pointed nipple of one breast.

For a long dreamy time Maude continued to suck April’s tongue and tantalize the tip, only the tip, of her nipple, knowing that the combination of sensations, isolated from any other touch, was intensely powerful. She was entirely focused on April’s breathing, listening voluptuously as she heard it quicken, as the girl drew her head back and murmured “Don’t stop” and tried, without success, to push more of her swelling, sensitized nipple into Maude’s fingers. No, Maude thought, no, she wouldn’t be rushed, she wouldn’t let April do anything to get it over with, as she had with men, she’d rather go mad with her own piercing desire before she’d allow that.

Finally Maude felt the touch she’d been waiting for, the downward pressure on the top of her head that indicated, wordlessly, that April wanted her to suck her nipples, but she pretended not to understand, playing with the tip of April’s nipple even more lightly than before. “Oh, please,
please
 …” April sighed.

“What do you want, my darling?” Maude murmured. “Tell me exactly what you want, say the words.”

“Suck me, suck my breasts!” April begged, and Maude, glancing at her face, saw that she was far beyond blushing. But before Maude could lower her head, April changed her mind as she felt herself invaded by sensations she’d never known before. The girl sat up in the bed where she had been lying so passively, and threw both of her strong arms over Maude, one on each side, immobilizing her.

“Unbutton your pajamas,” April ordered. “I want your breasts, I want them now.” And as soon as Maude’s big, beautiful shaped breasts were revealed, April threw herself on them ravenously, handling them with firm, ardent, awkward fingers, sucking each nipple with her whole mouth, clumsy yet masterful in her suddenly understood greed, licking and biting in an attack so unleashed that she was astonished by herself. “I want you hanging over me,” April commanded harshly, and slid down on the bed so that Maude could reverse her position.