Spirit's Princess (44 page)

The Shika nobles made it clear that I had to give more attention to Lady Ikumi. If she hadn’t been lost in feverish dreams, she would have objected stridently to getting special treatment, but she was helpless as a newborn rabbit. Unless one of the other villagers was in immediate danger of dying, or if an infant or child was in peril, I followed the nobles’ commands and took care of Kaya’s mother first.

But how could I neglect my brother’s beloved wife? Hoshi didn’t seem to have a severe attack of the sickness, but there was something about her cough that bothered me. I alternated nights sleeping in her house and under Lady Ikumi’s roof in order to catch any troubling symptoms, but more often than not, I fell into a deep, exhausted sleep. When I couldn’t be with Hoshi, Kaya stayed with her sister. She always said that Hoshi had passed a peaceful night.

“You should relax a little, Himiko,” she said to me as the two of us enjoyed a rare, warm autumn evening. “You’re starting to look worse than some of the sick folk.”

“So says Lady Badger, the newest healer of the Shika clan,” I replied with a smile that became a resounding yawn.

“I’m enough of a healer for you to trust me and get some rest. If I can’t take care of my sisters, what use am I?”

“I never questioned your ability to tend Hoshi, Kaya. You take very good care of her, and of your mother, and—”

“
All
my sisters.” Kaya folded her arms and glared at me so intently that there was no mistaking what she meant. “For once, you’re going to go to bed and sleep through the night. Mother’s better. You saw that for yourself today. And I caught Hoshi trying to get up to use her loom. She says she wants to make Aki a new tunic, but I soon put a stop to that. I told her he had more than enough clothing, but only one wife.”

“Well done,” I said, pleased. “All right, I’ll stay in my own bedroll tonight and you be with Hoshi, but if anything happens—”

“—I promise I’ll drag you out of the house by your hair.” Kaya rolled her eyes. “Now are you happy?”

I yawned again. “It will have to do. Badgers … stubborn beasts.”

“I know one beast who’s more stubborn than that,” she muttered, and dashed away.

Kaya kept her word. When I came to Hoshi’s house the next morning, I found the two sisters happily arranging each other’s hair. I was delighted to see a bit of color in Hoshi’s face, though I would have been more pleased if it had been an allover healthy tint instead of two bright red spots blazing high on her cheeks. It might have been the last traces of her fever or simply a sign of excitement at feeling better. I told myself I’d check it out as soon as possible.

“See, Himiko?” Hoshi said merrily when she saw me in
the doorway. “You don’t have to hover over me anymore.” She began to cough, but by a great effort managed to suppress it. “Never mind that. My throat’s dry, nothing worse.”

“Here, have a drink of water.” Coughing herself, Kaya passed her sister a flask. “Everyone in the village sounds like us lately, sick or well.”

“It’s not just the sickness; it’s the damp weather,” I said right before my own cough made itself heard.

“Oh, were you feeling left out, Himiko?” Hoshi teased. She laughed, this time without coughing. It was a sweet sound. “And how is Mother?”

“Fully recovered. Not even the whisper of a cough all yesterday and last night,” I said. “Now she’s bothering me to let her come stay with you.”

“To
let
her come here?” Hoshi’s laugh was faint and breathy. I was concerned that she was putting too much strain on herself. It often happened when people were recovering from severe illnesses. At the first hint that their bodies were returning to normal, they tried to recapture lost time and wound up making themselves sick all over again.

“Mother must be sicker than we thought if she’s waiting for
this
outlander’s permission to see her own daughter!” Kaya snickered, and used a pin to anchor a loop of hair over her big sister’s left ear.

I drew myself up with comical dignity. “This
outlander
is the only shaman you’ve got until Lady Ikumi is ready to resume her duties. I’ll thank you to show me a little respect, young ladies!” My attempt at sounding haughty was cut off cold when Kaya threw a comb at me. I threw it back, she leaped up and dragged me down beside Hoshi, and soon
the three of us were sitting in a ring, chattering gaily as we turned each other’s hair into magnificent mazes of swooping curves. I was glad to be accepted as a shaman, but it was a great blessing to be able to be only a girl, only Himiko, for a little while.

I examined Hoshi carefully before I left. Her skin felt a little warm to the touch, though not warm enough to worry me. Her breathing was slightly labored, but I’d noticed such signs in other villagers who’d made full recoveries within no more than two days. It was as if the spirit of sickness couldn’t bear to release his hold on his victims and clung to them by his fingertips until the last possible moment. Lady Ikumi’s recuperation had gone exactly the same way, and now she was completely well.

“Lady Badger, you’re a good healer after all,” I told Kaya before I left.

“What do you mean ‘after all’?” Kaya protested with mock indignation. “This is the appreciation I get for letting you have a good night’s sleep!”

“And I’ll have another tonight,” I replied, hugging her. “Thanks to you.”

That evening, Lady Ikumi insisted on making dinner. She looked like her old self and took great joy in piling food on my plate. Kaya only stayed long enough to take away dinner for herself and Hoshi.

“Big Sister’s going to be glad to have
you
cooking for her again, Mother,” she said before she left. “She’d probably be lots better by now if she didn’t have to suffer through the meals Himiko and I were making her eat.”

“She needed your care more than your food,” Lady
Ikumi said. “Once she’s well, she’ll have plenty of time to eat good things. Give her my love, and tell her I’ll come to look after her myself tomorrow.”

Without Kaya, dinner was a quiet time. Lady Ikumi’s older son wasn’t much of a talker. The few times I tried to bring him into the conversation, he reacted with just a few words before withdrawing in silence, blushing as he concentrated on eating his dinner. He finished long before either of us, blurted that he was going to speak with some of his friends, and rushed out of the house as though wolves were after him.

“Did I say something wrong to him?” I asked Lady Ikumi.

“Of course not. You’re imagining things.” She picked up the dishes and quickly turned away, but I was almost sure I heard her chuckling under her breath.

“But the way he ran out of here—!”

She looked back at me. This time she made no effort to conceal her laughter. “Oh, Himiko, I do believe you’ve spent too much time studying and not enough living. Can’t you
tell
when a young man likes you?”

It was my turn to blush, and I wasn’t pleased to do it. “In my village, they were always straightforward about it.”

“So what if my son’s not as direct as your Matsu lads? Apparently, it doesn’t matter if they were bold and he’s shy; none of them’s managed to capture your heart.” She clicked her tongue. “Too bad. I wouldn’t mind
that
much if I had you for a daughter-in-law.”

“And I wouldn’t mind marrying your son
that
much if it meant I could stay here.”

I thought I was trading joke for joke, but the shocked expression on Lady Ikumi’s face was like a slap. I hastened to add, “Oh! You didn’t think I was
serious
, did you? Please forgive my foolish chatter. Even if that were the only way for me to live with your clan, I’d never use your son like that. He deserves a wife who’ll love him as much as he loves her.”

Lady Ikumi’s gentle smile returned. “I’m sorry, Himiko. I should know you better than that.” She took me into her arms with a mother’s tenderness. Her sweet nature made me think of my own mother, and my heart ached. I began to cry.

“What’s wrong, dear one?” Lady Ikumi asked, bewildered. “Did I hurt your feelings so badly?”

“It isn’t that,” I said between sobs. “I’m just—just missing Mama and—and hoping she’s not too worried about me.”

“But if she
were
that worried—if she were frantic with concern—wouldn’t your brother Aki do something about it? Surely
he
must suspect where you are. He wouldn’t have to tell anyone, just come here to fetch you.”

I shook my head. “You already know about the false trail I left behind me, leading to the Todomatsu clan. Father would have sent Aki to follow that. I don’t know how long it would take before he dared to give up and return home. And meanwhile, Mama—” My voice broke.

“I see.” Kaya’s mother nodded solemnly. “I’d like to say something to comfort you, Himiko, but we both know the truth: in these circumstances, how can your mother help but be worried, not knowing where you are, asking herself if you’re safe, well, even … alive.”

I sobbed more wildly. “I didn’t think I had a choice, Lady Ikumi! I thought I
had
to run away or—or—”

“Or die?” she asked gently.

“No.”
I spoke so emphatically I surprised myself. “Maybe I thought that once, but—No! I know it’s not true. I wouldn’t have died, but I never would have lived, either. And I couldn’t do that.”

She pushed my disordered hair out of my face carefully. “You thought you had no choice but to run away, and now you regret it. I’m not surprised. You and I follow the same path, Himiko, but to walk in the way of the spirits means to walk in the footsteps of other people too. You feel your mother’s pain, you share her fear and her uncertainty. They all become a cord that binds you. You ran off in order to be free, but how free will you be until you untangle that cord and bring her peace?”

My face was wet with tears, yet felt as though it were on fire. “I should go back,” I said in a voice that pleaded,
Tell me not to do it! Tell me to stay! Tell me there’s another way to ease my mother’s heart and still be true to my spirit!

Lady Ikumi lowered her eyes. “Think about that,” she said. “Be sure it’s what you want, not what you think I want to hear. Remember, living your life to please other people is what drove you to run away. Go to sleep, Himiko. You’ll have time to decide tomorrow, or the next day, or even the next. But you should make your choice before winter reaches us, because whichever road you choose,
my
decision remains unchanged: you can’t stay here.”

“I—” A sob snatched the words from my mouth, and a
cough followed it. I cleared my throat loudly and said, “I understand. Thank you, Lady Ikumi.”

That night, I dreamed that I was home again. The first thing I saw as I mounted the house ladder was Mama sitting on the porch, playing a clapping game with Noboru. Neither one of them seemed to be aware that I was there. Then my little brother jerked his head toward me, stared, and let out a tremendous shriek before throwing himself into Mama’s arms.

Please forgive him
, she said.
He isn’t used to strangers
.

Strangers? But it’s me, Mama! I’m Himiko
.

Himiko?
she repeated as if sampling a new and unfamiliar food.
What a pretty name. If I had a daughter, I think I’d like to name her that
.

But I
am
your daughter!
my dream-self cried.
I am
—

Himiko?
A new voice sounded from the darkness inside our house. Aki appeared in the entryway.

Oh, Aki, what’s happened to you?
I stared at him, horrified by his appearance. His hair was tangled, his face was gaunt and wan, and he seemed unable to stand up without holding on to the door frame.
Tell me
, please
tell me, what’s wrong?

What’s wrong?
he repeated dully.
Don’t you know? Didn’t they tell you? She’s dead, Himiko. Hoshi is
—

“—dead!”

I woke up to the flare of lights and the sound of a family’s heartbroken wailing.

No one could tell how it had happened. Lady Ikumi’s grief-stricken screams woke the whole village, and when her clanfolk came running to see what was the matter, the first question all of them asked was “How?”

“I don’t
know
!” Kaya groaned as she stood outside of Hoshi’s house, head bent, her hands clapped tightly over her ears to shut out the never-ending questions. “I told you and
told
you, I don’t know how it happened! She went to sleep and just—just didn’t wake up, that’s all.” She looked up at the mob of villagers in front of her and shouted, “I don’t know anything else, I swear it!”

I stood beside my friend, a steadying arm around her waist, my other hand resting on her shoulder. I struggled to be strong, for her sake, but the dream image of my brother’s ravaged face lingered in my mind and filled me with sorrow.
Oh, Aki, this will break your heart!

Kaya hadn’t been the one to bring the tragic news to
her mother. When she awoke to make that awful discovery, she’d dashed to the nearest house to find a messenger. She wouldn’t leave her sister alone, even now that Hoshi was gone. The young man who’d accepted the grim responsibility was a friend of Kaya’s older brother. The two of them now stood to either side of Lady Ikumi, helping her stay on her feet.