Spiked Lemonade: A Bad Boy Sailor and a Good Girl Romantic Comedy Standalone (34 page)

“Landon’s still alive? I would have thought you’d have that taken care of, Sash,” Tango says through laughter. “Well, I can assure you, it won’t be that way for long. Actually, I can promise you that.”

“Tango,” Cali says. “It’s been weeks, and no one has been able to find that douche bag. We can’t make promises like that, babe.”

“Auntie, are you leaving?” Tyler asks quietly.

“You know I’ll come home and visit you, peanut,” Sasha tells her. Whether there is truth behind that or not, I don’t know. But I hope it’s the truth, for my selfish sake.

“Oh,” Tyler says, resting her cheek on the top of Tango’s shoulder.

“Auntie has to do this, Tyler,” Cali says to her before turning back to Sasha.

“It feels sudden,” Cali says. “But I get it.” Cali leans in to hug her again and whispers something in her ear.

“I know. Bad timing,” Sasha says. “But who knows what the future holds, right?”

“Right,” Cali says.

“You sure this is what you want?” Tango asks her. “I’ve got men out in Boston. I’ll get you their numbers if you ever get into trouble.”

“She’s going to be fine,” I snap at Tango. She has my number too.

“I know this is weird, and we’re sitting in the middle of a gas station parking lot, but…”

“Go,” we all tell her. They sound a little more confident than I do, but it’s the right thing to do.

“We’ll give you two a minute,” Tango says. “Cal, come on.”

Cali gives Sasha one more hug. “I love you, Cali-girl,” Sasha tells her.

“I love you more, sis.” Both girls have tears in their eyes. I’ve heard some of the stories about how many times these two have had to say goodbye to each other, but when you love someone, it doesn’t hurt any less when you have to say goodbye again.

“Bye, Auntie,” Tyler says softly. Tango hobbles over to give Sasha a hug, and Tyler kisses Sasha’s forehead. “You call us if you need anything. Keep your doors locked and get an alarm installed wherever you settle. Promise me, kid?”

“I promise,” Sasha tells Tango.

Tango gives her a kiss on the cheek and squeezes his arm around her tightly. “Take care of yourself. Call us when you get there.” He’s quick to turn around and head back to his truck. I know he’s grown attached to Sasha over the past few years. He’s told me about it like she’s their family. We’ve all had to say goodbye to family too much. All of us except Sasha. Maybe it makes us stronger, makes us who we are in life when we break away from everything we love.

Cali and Tango are back in the truck, and I’m staring at Sasha—the scared look in her eyes. She’s leaning against the driver’s side door, and I want to pin her between my arms and selfishly never let her go. Instead, I pin her between my arms and kiss her. I press my lips into hers and inhale all of her air, leaving us both breathless. With my arms wrapped around her, I pull her into me, holding her as tightly as I can without hurting her. Her arms are around my neck, and I lift her up to bring her face in front of mine. “It’s been only a few weeks, huh?”

“Doesn’t feel like it,” she says.

“So, is it okay if I tell you that you’re the first woman I’ve ever loved? I guess when you know, you know. And I know. Jesus, do I fucking know. I’ve spent so long hating so many people for so many different reasons that it isn’t a question in my mind about how I feel for you.”

“Jags,” she says.

I press my finger over her lips. “I don’t want you to respond to me, okay? I’m the fool that fell in love with a girl so quickly. It’s like pre-ejaculation. You can’t always control it, as you’ve learned.” I try to laugh. It’s a joke. It’s dirty. It makes her uncomfortable, and I obviously have to leave her with that.

“That’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me,” she says, through muffled words beneath my pressed finger. “But, Jags.”

“No, Miss Sasha. Don’t. For me. Don’t say anything else.”

“Okay, Mr. Jags.
Jason
. You know, I’m a little bummed we aren’t going to stay in that hotel room you were talking about tonight. But I guess Cali and Tango might not be up for that with Tyler if they have to drive you home.”

“Hold that thought,” I tell her. That’s something I don’t have to debate. It’s getting dark anyway, and who wants to drive four hours in the dark tonight? And Sasha shouldn’t be starting her cross-country trek at night.

I run to Tango’s truck to see what they want to do.

“Would you guys by any chance mind grabbing a room down the street for the night. I’m not sold on Sasha driving across country tonight after the day she’s had. I don’t want her staying alone here, either.” By the looks on their faces, staying in a hotel down the street wasn’t on their agenda
, but they wouldn’t say no to me. Or Sasha.

“Yeah, man, of course,” Tango says. “I’m sure I can find a way to keep Cali from getting bored in a hotel room tonight.” Cali jabs him in the gut and Tyler giggles at something she does not understand.
These two.

“Thanks, guys. You can follow me. I know where the place is.”

I force Sasha to climb into the passenger seat and take off from this sleazy parking lot we’ve all spent too much time in today. “Do they mind?” Sasha asks.

“Not at all, doll-face.” And if they did, I still wouldn’t care. I realize spending just one more night with this girl is probably the most masochistic thing I will ever do to my poor heart, but it’ll be worth every second.

We check in to the hotel before Cali and Tango have Tyler unloaded from the car because I’m not wasting one second. We’ll order room-service and not leave the room until she tells me she’s ready.

“You got a suite?” I ask the man.

He types some shit into his computer and drags his finger down the length of the monitor. “One left.”

I hand him my card, and he hands me the key. I take my girl’s hand and wish I didn’t have to let go. I’m pulling her down the hall so fast it’s as if I were in a race to lock us up and throw away the key, even though I’m aware the doors don’t lock from the outside. Right now, I wish they did, though.

I close us into the room and release every ounce of fear and adrenaline I had rushing through my veins today. Tearing Sasha’s clothes off, I pin her up against the wall, memorizing every inch of her pure, unmarked skin with my tongue and my lips. When I pause to look at her—that expression, I see her eyes are closed, taking in every moment of this too. When my legs get too heavy to hold myself up, I scoop her into my arms and fling us both onto the bed where I cover us with blankets and sheets, drawing our heads into a heap of pillows that form a cave around us.

With everything I have, I give her what I want her to remember me by. She’s warmed up to this kind of dirty love, the kind that feels too damn good to call dirty. But she still does, and that fucking turns me on.

I’m quick to lose myself when I’m inside of her, forgetting why we’re here, how we got here and where the hell she is going tomorrow. Right this second, I don’t want to think of anything besides the satiny touch of her nipples rubbing against my cheek or the way she’s pinching my skin so hard with her fingernails to ride me a little harder. This girl who’s afraid to say the word cock has turned into the most skilled bedroom technician I’ve ever experienced. “Jason,” she screams at the top of her lungs. I fucking love that she’s the only person who calls me by my real name, and she only does it when she’s making her goodbyes or fucking the life out of me. How am I not supposed to be with this woman for the rest of my life? It’s like God placed her on this earth just for me, and now He’s taking her away.

My emotions get the best of me, and it makes it hard to create a grand finale to our grand finale, but I rally, then fall heavily to the side of her, cradling her slim body against mine. I want to beg her not to leave me. I want to plead with her to stay. I want to tell her we’re meant to be together, and leaving will make it so our lives go down two totally different roads that may not cross again. I want to tell her this is a huge fucking mistake.

But that would be the mistake
. I know this.

Regret is almost always a mistake. And that will be all she feels someday. I can’t be the reason for that. I won’t be the reason for that.

Neither of us moves an inch for the rest of the night, and I want to stay awake to make sure she doesn’t disappear like all good dreams do, but I drove four hours in a panic, and I’m exhausted beyond belief so I keep my arms locked tightly around her as I succumb to heavier breaths and the backs of my eyelids.

The sun is creeping in through the window, and it burns my eyes into waking up. The moments before realization and memories attach themselves to my reality, I feel for Sasha still locked within my embrace, and then it hits me: I won’t wake up like this again, with the smoothness of her skin connected to mine in a way I don’t ever want to forget. We fit together like the last two pieces to a ridiculously stupid puzzle, and she’s going to go throw that last piece into the bottom of an ocean.

I move a little, needing to pull my arm out of the position it’s in since I can’t feel it after lying like this for hours. The movement forces her to stir and slowly open her eyes, which wasn’t my intention. Looking at me, she stares for a minute, and I’m watching the very same kind of a moment I just had, where all of her realizations slip into place, reminding her of the decision she’s made. Unless last night was so amazing that she changed her mind. That could be. I could see myself causing something so life-changing.
My own sarcasm isn’t doing the trick right now
.

There are tears in her eyes, and she’s made the decision final. I can see it. “You didn’t tell me not to go,” she says.

“I love you too much to tell you to stay.”

“What if?”

“Don’t,” I tell her.

“But.” I don’t know what’s going on in my head or my chest right now, but everything feels like it’s malfunctioning and fuck, I think tears are forming behind
my
eyes, and I can’t let her see that. It’s not fair to her. It’ll make her change her mind and…no. Clenching my jaw so tightly I swear I taste blood, I feel one tear make its way to the corner of my eye, and I squeeze them shut as quickly as I can. But Sasha places her hand on my face, and it forces me to look at her. “I don’t know if I can leave you.”

“I can’t hold you back from what you need to do,” I whisper. “I wanted you to go right away so you could get it over with. So you could come back here or ask me to come be with you. I won’t get in the way of this time you need for yourself, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it to go by as fast as possible.”

“Will you be there when I find myself?”

“Where you find yourself, I’ll be there. So find yourself fast. Okay?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t…not yet. This is silly.”

“It takes an incident, trauma, life, and death to make you realize what you should or shouldn’t be doing. If yesterday’s outcome, causes, and effects created this decision, then that means something. You’ve got to follow your heart. You want to run away. Run away. Be free. Find you.” Even if it kills me a little.

“What about you?” she asks, tracing the tip of her finger in circles on my cheek.

“I found myself years ago, Sasha.”

“I don’t think so,” she says. Hearing this surprises me. It makes me wonder why she’d ever say something like that. “The
you
I have come to know likes to help people. I know you call cars women but they aren’t people. Be true to yourself, if I’m being true to myself.”

“I can’t go back to that life,” I tell her.

“You can. It’ll heal you and those nightmares of yours.” I didn’t tell her about my nightmares, or the shadows that follow me around like demons in the night. I haven’t told her about the half-blown-off faces I see in the sky, or the fact that most tree branches look like missing limbs from a distance. I haven’t told her that when I look out into the horizon of the deserts surrounding us, I see combatants heading toward me with weapons. I keep it inside. I hide it. I prevent anyone else from having to feel it.

“What are you talking about?” I ask her.

“You talk in your sleep. Almost every night. You did last night too. I know you don’t want me to leave. I know you’re telling me to leave so I don’t regret it someday. No one has ever cared about me this much.”

There’s nothing else I can say. She’s heard all my thoughts, knows my feelings, and can’t avoid the truth of me loving her.

But, I can avoid the truth of knowing whether or not she loves me because sometimes cliff-hangers are better for the imagination and the heart.

ONE—I THINK I FOUND MYSELF—YEAR LATER

SASHA