Speakeasy Dead: a P.G. Wodehouse-Inspired Romantic Zombie Comedy (Hellfire Universe Historicals) (27 page)

Coven
: An association of
witches
, usually seven or thirteen in number, who band together to pool magical resources.

Deal
: An agreement with a
demon
. A demon (or other supernatural being) who breaks a deal is stripped of all
karma
and becomes the lowest, most abject slave, subject to the whim of every dead creature. A human who breaks a deal can be punished by any demon who feels like it, any way up to and including death.

Demi, also Genie
: A "half-demon" indentured servant whose natural state is pure
hellfire
but who may take on physical form depending on the situation. Demis who earn enough karma are automatically promoted to full
demon
.

A person who sells his or her soul to a
demon
becomes (upon death) a demi who must work off the debt. This group includes most traditional supernatural creatures (fairies, sprites, the occasional vampire, etc.).

The highest ranking demis (
Personal Spiritual Assistants
), are essentially
genies
and have sweeping magical powers which they, of course, use faithfully in the service of their masters.

Although the term indentured servant is polite, demis are, in reality, slaves, bound emotionally and metaphysically to their demons through the mechanics of karma.

A demi who is untrustworthy may be sold, traded, or even bound permanently to a location or object, the latter making it nearly impossible to earn
karma
or advance.

Demon
: The bureaucrats of the
afterlife
, demons are responsible for ushering dead souls through
Hell
and into one of two doorways controlled by
angels
. No demon can say for sure where these doors lead, although angels like to spread propaganda about reincarnation and Heaven.

There are two ways to become a demon. By selling your soul to a demon, becoming a
demi
, and working your way up through the ranks, or by dying in complete and utter despair. The second, much rarer, option was employed by Max some 300 years before the opening of
Keys to the Coven
.

Demons need
karma
and can get it through: (a) work (b) good deeds (c) glorious, life affirming sex with living humans or (d) purchasing human souls and putting them to work after death as indentured servants (demis).

A demon has free will,
hellfire
blood, and is nearly indestructible, but has strictly limited supernatural power. Most never leave
Hell
(except for an occasional
warlock
summoning) but some opt for karma-intense jobs in the living world, such as Max’s position as a
Demonic Intervention
agent.

To remain a demon, an individual must keep his or her karma within a specific range. A demon who drops below the minimum karma threshold is demoted to
demi
and auctioned; a demon who earns too much karma is promoted to
angel
. Demons can lie, murder, cheat, and steal, provided they pay the price in karma. But because prices are steep, they plan their misdeeds with care.

No demon ever willingly breaks a
deal
. To do so is to lose every bit of karma and be demoted to demi, to restart the
afterlife
as the lowest, most abject slave in
Hell
, subject to the command of every other dead soul.

See also:
Demon, Physical Presence
.

Demon, Physical Presence
: Unlike
Personal Spiritual Assistants
, who shift in and out of
hellfire
at will, a demon has a permanent physical body with hellfire blood. This body is difficult to harm and quick to heal (by spending karma), but its loss means final death. As far as demons know, there is nothing beyond the
afterlife
. Their souls cease to exist along with their bodies.

By default, a demon has the body he or she died in. This can be modified with karma, but it’s considered more prestigious to stay close to the original.

Demonic Blood
: Also called
hellfire
, the blood of full
demons
is the source of all magical power, the stuff of creation in the
afterlife
. A supernatural creature’s own
personal
karma
can be used interchangeably with
hellfire
.

Dottie & Lottie Woodsen
(1888- ): Clara’s second-eldest half-sisters are, as Bernie snipes, “Siamese twins joined at the brain.” Although not actually conjoined, the twins are known to be volatile, inseparable, somewhat limited in intelligence, and generally poor prospects to take over the coven should something happen to the childless Eleanor. They do, however, play violin beautifully.

Eleanor Woodsen
(1886- ): Clara’s eldest, scariest half-sister, the current Woodsen
sorcerer,
dean of the coven, and consort to Roxashael (see
Keys to the Coven
).

Falstaff Ninepin Fellowship
: The Woodsen family
coven
, organized around a
ninepin bowling
alley. The
Falstaff Ninepin Fellowship
building is adjacent to
Mr. Wu’s Fine Advices,
one block up from the train station in the mountain town of Falstaff, Arizona. In addition to a two-lane ninepin bowling alley, the Fellowship contains a small commercial kitchen, a bar, and several private rooms. The basement holds an alchemy lab on one side and, on the other, a combination meeting room and coven
,
complete with a large, hidden pentagram formed out of solid hellfire.

Familiar
: A
witch’s
non-human assistant. The association is one of friendship rather than magical binding. Regular exposure to
hellfire
may give the familiar increasingly human intelligence and abilities.

Gaspar
: A ghost who has spent several centuries, at least, functioning as a
spirit guide
and who has been attached to Luella Umbridge when she was three.

Genie
: Another name for a high-karma
demi
, also known as a
Personal Spiritual Assistant
.

George Umbridge, Jr.
: Luella’s older brother, a student at Howard Medical School, whom Luella rather ruthlessly plies with Jacques cocktails in order to get him drunk enough to help her in her escapades.

Ghost
: A dead person that has chosen to linger in the
afterlife
.
Demons
and
demis
generally view them with contempt, but spiritualist humans have developed a form of low-cost magic that can be used symbiotically with ghosts.

Ghost magic
: A symbiotic form of magic created between a human and his or her “spirit guide” which does not directly require the presence of hellfire. This makes it much less powerful than demonic/witch magic, but also involves almost no risk of losing one’s soul to a demon.

Girl’s Guide to Demons
: A book of advice for would-be
warlocks
(male or female) written in the mid-eighteen hundreds, extensively annotated and reproduced despite the best efforts of
demons
to destroy all copies. The book contains information about the supernatural world as well as descriptions of many known demons, their likes and dislikes, how to summon and negotiate without automatically sacrificing one’s soul, and how to target a demon’s individual preferences. The
Guide’s
author is rumored to be serving a six-to-ten thousand year sentence inside an active volcano.

Gladys
: Bernie’s family retainer/housekeeper, a golem passed down since the time, as Bernie puts it, King AEthelred forgot to pack his BVDs.

Golem
: A magically created person, traditionally made of clay, deriving life, instructions, and moral guidelines from the magic scrolls that are place inside the golem’s head. There is an unsubstantiated rumor that the creation of a golem requires angelic intervention, and it’s generally accepted that even the most powerful warlock or demon avoids direct conflict with one.

Grover Aimsley
: Ned Aimsley’s seven-year-old brother and aspiring cub newspaper reporter.

Hell
: A metaphysical location where
demons
usher dead souls out of life.

Hellfire
: Another name for
demonic blood.
The stuff of creation in the
afterlife
, hellfire is the one necessary ingredient in every spell. A supernatural creature’s personal
karma
can be used interchangeably with
hellfire
.

Demons
have physical bodies with hellfire blood.
Demis
are made of pure hellfire and take on physical form as appropriate.

Hellfire Charm
: A magical object with two forms: the one it’s used in, and a miniaturized version that can be triggered by a
demi
. The higher status the demi, the more likely he or she is to be laden with hellfire charms.

Hollywood Grand Hotel
: Joint venture of local coroner, Dr. George Umbridge, Senior, and millionaire William Randolph Hearst, the Hollywood Grand is an early example of art-deco (although the term was not yet in use) architecture with a cascading golden sequence of balconies, two-story sheets of glass, statues, fountains, and towering potted palms.
Speakeasy Dead
takes place during the gala opening of this grand hotel, located across the street from the Fellowship building.

Human Blood
: Human blood is to
demons
as
demonic blood
is to humans. It can be used to strengthen magic (
hellfire
is still required) and to heal supernatural injuries. Because human blood is highly addictive, cautious demons prefer to spend
karma
to meet their physical needs.

Jacques Cocktail
: The signature drink of the Hollywood Grand Hotel, created by mixing the jake spirits brewed from Jamaican ginger—an old family recipe of the Umbridges—with cheap rotgut provided by Stoneface Gibraltar.

Karma
: The balance between good and evil, measured against a dead person’s behavior in the
afterlife
. Karma is the currency of the dead, the demonic equivalent of sex, power, money, and trading cards. It can be substituted for
hellfire
to fuel magic, used to heal a
demon’s
injuries, expended to meet his or her physical requirements, and extracted in payment for debts. Demons earn karma through good deeds, hard work, and glorious life-affirming sex with living humans. The amount of karma a dead person has determines his or her status. With the exception of
warlocks
, living humans are not subject to karma and are neither rewarded for good deeds nor punished for sins when they die.

Keys to the Coven
: A Hellfire Universe contemporary urban fantasy/romance chronicling the (possible) end of the Woodsen family’s association with demons.
Sample
included in this book.