Spark & Blaze (A Guns & Hoses Novel) (13 page)

Brett knew that there was a chance Carmichael would spot him. Surprisingly, he wasn’t worried about the rookie seeing him. In fact, he wasn’t even feeling the first twinge of panic when he met Carmichael’s eyes. He knew he should be freaking out, but he wasn’t. Maybe that was because Carmichael being here, in a gay bar, explained so much about his new co-worker’s behavior when the rookie became emotionally overstressed and lashed out.

However, Brett still had the nagging feeling that Carmichael wasn’t hiding in his own closet. His gut was telling him that the rookie was gay, or at least bi, but he wasn’t in denial. No, he wasn’t even aware he had an attraction to men. Somehow, in Brett’s mind, that was way worse than being in the closet. Just that thought made Brett feel ashamedly better about his own door that he didn’t want to crack open.

At least I know who I am even if I can’t stomach the rest of the guys at the station knowing
.

That thought slammed guilt into Brett because he could remember the confusion he went through when he was figuring out that guys were his thing. If Carmichael were bi and not realizing it, the poor guy must be even more confused because he was old enough to have at least had one relationship with a woman.

Brett downed the leg spreader he held in his hand. The dance floor was full of undulating bodies, but the thought of wading through them didn’t stop Brett when he stepped toward Carmichael.

The other dancers around him never parted to give Evan another glimpse of Malone. It shouldn’t matter why Malone was here in a gay bar because it had nothing to do with him. Evan didn’t even need to convince himself that was the truth. The reason Malone was here was no concern or problem of Evan’s. Evan forced himself to believe just that and focused on the music.

He could feel the thump of the bass traveling through the floor, into his feet, and up his body until he let it go through his extended hands, teasing the high he enjoyed before he forced himself down to hydrate. Evan embraced the feeling and his body moved of its own accord to take him higher.

Brett turned back toward the bar after the crowd obscured his view of Carmichael. He wanted to go out on the floor and dance with the rookie even though he didn’t dance. Regardless of the bumping and grinding he did between Austin and Simon earlier, Brett knew he didn’t dance. From what he saw of Carmichael’s undulating body, the rookie not only knew how to dance, but
knew how to dance
.

“Another leg spreader,” Brett ordered.

He should just forget about Carmichael. Go out to the main bar, pick up a game of pool, and find a trick that could wet his dry spell. That’s what he should do. That wasn’t what he did. Instead, he swallowed the shot the moment he accepted it from the bartender’s hand and turned determinedly toward the dance floor again.

Brett still couldn’t see Carmichael through the crowd, but he remembered where he had last seen the rookie. He started forward and worked his way through the dancers. He ignored the men who encouraged him to stop and dance with them just like he ignored the random, faceless, gropes that squeezed his ass and crotch.

His breath caught in his throat the moment there was no one between him and Carmichael. The rookie looked totally lost in the music. His body swayed and his hips thrust as if he hadn’t a care in the world. It was as if Carmichael was the only one present and the music played only for him. The sight was beautiful. The sight made Brett suddenly, painfully hard to the point that he was practically frozen to the spot as he watched Carmichael dance.

It was only when another dancer bumped into him that Brett was jarred out of his stupor. The rookie still had his body turned away from Brett when Brett closed the last few feet between them.

Hesitantly, Brett reached out and placed his hand that wasn’t holding the bottle of water on Carmichael’s hip. Brett moved stiffly, almost uncomfortably, to the beat, but didn’t close the small distance between their hips.

“I’m not...,”

Evan glanced over his shoulder to repeat the words regarding his lack of interest that he uttered several times already tonight, but they froze in his throat. Had his body not been riding a high from the music, he would have frozen altogether or at least paused at the intimate touch of Malone’s hand on his hip.

Brett was at a loss for words when he met Carmichael’s pale eyes over the guys shoulder.
What the fuck am I doing?
Brett barely had time to think, let alone change his mind about approaching the rookie before Carmichael turned to face him.

Evan gave no thought to where Malone’s hand rested on his hip before he turned to face the man. Maybe he should have since his movement caused Malone’s hand to rub against his stomach, along and under the waistband of his jeans, before Malone must have realized how he was touching him. Strangely, the last place Malone’s hand inadvertently caressed felt suddenly cold under Evan’s sweaty tank top.

Brett couldn’t resist allowing his hand to feel the taut muscles of Carmichael’s abs when the guy turned, but Brett knew he should feel guilty for groping the guy who likely didn’t even recognize the come on for what it was. Still, Brett dropped his hand down to his side and resisted the urge to grasp the rookie’s hip again in order to grind their groins together.

Neither man stop swaying to the beat of the music, but it was clear to both of them that Evan’s almost trancelike absorption into the music was broken and Brett’s uncomfortableness on the dance floor was evident.

Evan wasn’t sure what to say while he stared up into Malone’s dark eyes. Malone’s gaze was intense while they stared at one another and the music surrounded them.

Carmichael didn’t appear surprised to see him so Brett could only deduce that his co-worker had spotted him earlier. That didn’t make the silence between them any easier for Brett to break. He wanted to say something, anything, but he had no idea what to say.

This wasn’t some random hook-up situation where Brett knew how to flirt to get what he wanted. No, this was foreign territory in more than one way. Brett was just as surprised by his next action as Carmichael surely was. He reached out and grasped Carmichael’s hip again where he had released it when the man turned. He gave a slight tug to lessen the almost two foot distance between them and wasn’t sure who was more shocked when Carmichael took a step forward.

Evan had no idea why he stepped closer to Malone when the guy’s hand grasped his hip again and tugged on him. He wanted to blame it on the high he was riding from dancing since if it was a woman who had pulled him close, he would already be bumping and grinding his way higher on the euphoria he got from dancing. Except this wasn’t some random chick in a club.

Shit, this isn’t even a chick
. Evan’s mind attempted to remind him.

This was a man, and not just any man. A co-worker who Evan wasn’t even sure he liked.
Liar.
Regardless of the fact that Malone had been there both times when Evan had lost his shit at work. That was almost a reason in and of itself not to like the guy. Pride was a bitch.

Still, the feeling of Malone’s large hand on his hip reminded him of how the man’s arms felt when they were wrapped around him earlier in the day. Evan’s eyes finally looked away and down to Malone’s chest when he realized his hands were now pressed just below Malone shoulders. Not quite on Malone’s pecs, but still in a position that was intimate.

Even realizing this, Evan left his hands where they were. Why, he didn’t know nor care. If Malone wanted them moved, the man would move them. However, even though Evan had no reason to think Malone might be gay,
liar
, he was sure the man at least had an interest in men since he not only touched Evan’s hip intimately, but approached him like the dozens of gay men had already done since Evan started dancing.

Brett suppressed a moan when Carmichael stepped closer and put his hands on his chest. The moan wasn’t the only thing Brett had to suppress. The urge to pull Carmichael flush against him and grind their hips together like some horny teenager was almost too strong to resist. That was the last thing Brett needed to do, for multiple reasons, and he knew it.

Carmichael was still far enough away that their bodies weren’t touching even if they did sway their hips seductively to the rhythm of the bass that thumped around them. Thankfully, Carmichael’s eyes hadn’t traveled too far down his body like most gay men would have already done.

Brett thought Carmichael’s lack of checking him out from head to toe was just one more indication that the man hadn’t yet admitted to himself that he was attracted to men. The rookie was giving off all kinds of signals that he was attracted to Brett. Brett had no doubt that if he were a woman, that they would be much further along the ‘hook-up trail.’ He wasn’t a woman though and could remember all too clearly his first experience when it came to being attracted to a guy and not sure how to move that attraction to something sexually fulfilling.

The silence spread between them long enough for another song to start. They never stopped moving their hips in a muted swaying motion, but when the song changed it seemed to break the spell they were both under.

“Water?” Brett coughed to clear his throat at the same time he lifted the bottled water in the hand that wasn’t holding Evan’s waist.

“Thanks.” Evan accepted the water bottle Malone offered and unscrewed the cap before taking a drink.

He never stopped the sway of his hips while he gulped down several swallows of the lukewarm water. He watched Malone’s eyes as Malone’s gaze shifted to his throat while he swallowed. There was something about the man’s penetrating gaze moving to his throat to watch him swallow that was erotic as hell. It was so erotic that Evan started to feel his dick take interest.

“You like to dance?”

Carmichael’s voice pulled Brett’s gaze back to the guy’s face. He watched as Carmichael lowered the bottle from his lips that Brett hadn’t realized were so plump until the rookie licked them. Brett forced himself to meet the rookie’s gaze because he was sure Carmichael’s tongue sneaking out was done without the intention to flirt.

“Um, not really,” Brett started and Carmichael smiled up at him before capping the half-empty bottle of water and shoving it behind his back. “I don’t really dance,” Brett admitted.

“You’re dancing now,” Evan replied and moved his hands to Malone’s hips.

Evan wasn’t sure what the hell he was doing. If he had a drink, or fucking twenty, he could blame his fucked up behavior on alcohol. However, he never needed booze to jumpstart or maintain his dancing high. Nope. So everything he was currently doing, and thinking about doing, couldn’t be blamed on booze.

“Um,” Brett uttered and fought the urge to grab Carmichael and pull him close to provide some friction for his aching cock. “I’m better at pool,” Brett admitted, but allowed his body to follow where Carmichael’s hands were leading.

Chapter Eleven

“
I
wouldn’t know how good you are with a stick.” Evan didn’t know where the words came from.

Brett pulled Carmichael close and the sudden movement caused the rookie to stumble into him. Carmichael’s eyes were instantly wide when he looked up at Brett, but the rookie didn’t push away from their sudden chest to knee contact. Brett couldn’t have stopped his action any more than he could have prevented the words that escaped his lips.

“Oh, I’m damn good with a stick.”

“Um.”

That sound was all Evan was able to mutter after he was pulled flush against Malone. Solid muscle pressed against him and he could feel Malone’s arms wrapped around his waist tightly. Being in Malone’s arms again reminded him of that morning and the heated kiss they shared. The memory caused his cock to harden and his arousal was so strong that there was no room for confusion to enter his mind about his attraction to Malone. What did register was the older firefighter’s thickness that pressed against his.

“But, as good as you are at pool, I think you are better at dancing.”

Malone’s words pulled him back from the overwhelming and confusing as fuck feelings that were flooding him. Evan realized they were still swaying to the music. Swaying out of sync to the beat, but still moving. Thinking about dancing and how it made his body feel, the high he craved, made him smile.

“Oh, I’m much better at dancing.”

Brett witnessed the change that came over Carmichael’s face when he mentioned dancing. He ignored the feeling of the rookie’s hard cock against his because he wasn’t sure if Carmichael was even aware that he was grinding his arousal against him.

“Show me,” Brett requested while he stared down into Carmichael’s pale gray colored eyes that reflected the different colors of the clubs strobing laser lights.

A mischievous glint sparkled in the rookie’s eyes before he practically, brutally, pushed away from Brett’s chest like Brett’s pec’s were a springboard for a diver. He didn’t stumble under the shove, but Brett’s eyes widened when he watched Carmichael dance more seductively than any stripper, male or female, that he had ever seen.

Evan pushed away from Malone and let the music caress his skin. His body moved without thought even as his eyes stayed locked on Malone’s dark gaze. He didn’t dance to tease or flirt, but instead just danced where the music took him.

The rookie’s arms moved, sometimes roaming over his body and other times in the air out to his sides or above his head. But it wasn’t Carmichael’s arms that held Brett’s attention. No, it was the way the man’s body moved like he flowed boneless with the music. The rookie didn’t just swivel or thrust his hips to the thumping beat. Instead, he became one with the music and it was one of the most gorgeous things Brett had ever witnessed.

Brett continued to watch Carmichael lose himself in the music and wished he knew how to dance better so that he didn’t feel like a fool standing in the middle of the dance floor barely swaying. Any thoughts Brett had previously about how attractive Carmichael was were wrong. The man who was a probie firefighter at the station was attractive. But the man who danced in front of him right now was stunning. Absolutely fucking painfully stunning. As in he should be jerking off right now, stunning.

Brett was minimally aware that he still swayed with the bass of the music while he watched Carmichael do more than fuck vertically to dance. He knew the rookie was back in his own world and wasn’t offended. Carmichael dancing was such a beautiful thing, but Brett could appreciate the rookie from the sidelines. Appreciate him from the bar specifically.

Evan’s high resumed before the first song finished after he pushed back from Malone. He was initially surprised the man didn’t follow his movement to be free in order to dance. Once that surprise faded and Evan realized Malone was only going to stand there and sway to the beat while he watched, Evan let the music absorb him.

Still, he didn’t let himself soar too far into his musical high to take his eyes off Malone. He saw the moment Malone turned to retreat toward the bar. Evan knew he should have let Malone go. The older firefighter walking away would have made everything Evan was currently feeling sexually go away with Malone’s fleeting back.

However, knowing and doing were two very distinctive different things. Malone didn’t even take two steps before Evan reacted to his co-worker’s attempt to escape the dance floor. He reached out and pulled on Malone’s arm. He stepped in close, pressed his whole body against the man when the older firefighter was forced to turn.

Evan ignored the startled look on Malone’s face when their bodies smacked together. Instead, he moved his hand from Malone’s bicep to the side of his neck at the same time he lunged forward to lock his mouth on the man harshly.

Brett felt a tug on his arm seconds before he turned and his mouth was assaulted. If his eyes hadn’t been open and wide wide shock, he likely would have lashed out in violence at being caught off guard and kissed so aggressively.

Instead, he met Carmichael’s steady gaze when the rookie’s lips pressed hard against his. The pressing of their lips was abrupt, but dry. There was no tongue trying for tonsil hockey, but instead the contact was just enough to cause Brett to freeze in place.

He didn’t pull away from Carmichael and even as much as he wanted to lick the rookie’s lips, to coax him to open so that he could have another taste, Brett resisted. However, that resistance to taste Carmichael didn’t stop him from wrapping an arm around the man’s waist and pulling him flush against his body again.

“Oh God,” Carmichael groaned into Brett’s chest after pulling his face away to stop his impulsive kiss. “I am so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Carmichael tried to pull away, but Brett didn’t let him. Brett’s heart was racing and he didn’t even hear the thumping bass of the club music over the steady beat of his pulse in his ears.

“There’s nothing wrong with you,” Brett lowered his head and whispered close to Carmichael’s ear while he continued to hold him tightly. They stood that way until another song ended before Brett spoke again.

“C’mon. You need water and I need to cash out.”

Brett felt Carmichael nod against his chest before he led them away from the dance floor and toward the bar. He ordered two bottles of water before he signed his credit card receipt.

Carmichael didn’t look at him the whole time and Brett was more than concerned. It was his level of concern that caused him to expose himself more than he ever thought he would. Especially, to a co-worker in the middle of Bradley’s.

“I’m not out at work.”

Brett knew they were close enough that Carmichael could hear them while they were bent over the bar. His stomach rolled at his admission, but surprisingly he didn’t feel any of the signs a panic attack was about to assault him. Still, he held his breath and refused to look at Carmichael while he waited for the fallout of his admission.

“I’m not gay,” Evan replied with the first thing that came to his mind.

He obviously wasn’t totally straight either or he wouldn’t be reacting to Malone so emotionally, let alone physically. However, his words echoed in his ears, but Malone’s were louder. Evan may be suddenly confused about his sexual orientation or preference, but Malone just confided that he was gay. Not only was that a shock because Evan would have never even thought that Malone was attracted to men instead of women, but Malone was admitting to hiding who he was at work.

“Okay.”

Evan looked up at Malone who was staring blindly out over the dance floor. For some reason Evan felt like shit. He felt like by claiming he wasn’t gay that he had somehow insulted Malone.

Words have power, Evan knew, but his denial of his sudden sexual preference for men, specifically Malone, wasn’t meant to disgrace anyone who was gay. Somehow, he had the feeling that was exactly what his reply had done to Malone. Just the thought that he had hurt the big firefighter made his heart ache.

“Hey,” Evan said and when Malone didn’t look at him, he stepped in front of the man while Malone leaned against the bar.

“Don’t,” Malone almost hissed when Evan tried to step close enough for their legs to touch.

The pain and the slight fear that Evan could swear he saw in Malone’s eyes was easy to see while Malone continued to avoid looking at him by looking out over the dance floor instead. Malone’s expression tugged at something deep within Evan and he gave no thought to what he did next. No, his only thought was easing the pain he could see in Malone’s eyes.

One moment, Carmichael was next to him and trying to talk to him and the next, the man was directly in front of him. Not only in front of him, but intrusively pressing his whole body against him. Brett didn’t even have a chance to speak again, let alone move away before he was covered with a whole lot,
way too fucking much
, of rookie.

Evan felt the man tense the moment he stepped closer and pressed his body flush before he wrapped his arms around Malone’s waist.

“Relax, Malone,” Evan requested against the side of Malone’s neck.

Brett heard Carmichael’s demand, but couldn’t make the tension in his body relax more than a 2’ x 4’. The rookie’s body pressed against him and he felt Carmichael’s arm snake around his waist. He had no idea what the hell was happening and he was pretty sure his confusion had something to do with the several leg spreaders he had consumed earlier.

“What are you doing, rookie?” Brett managed to ask against the top of Carmichael’s head.

“I don’t know,” Evan admitted. “But this feels good and if it helps you relax like you were on the dance floor...”

Relax, like on the dance floor
.

The words echoed in Brett’s mind. He hadn’t been all that relaxed out there on the dance floor and he sure as hell couldn’t relax with Carmichael pressed against him from chest to knees.

“You’re not gay,” Brett managed to remind Carmichael. “And experimenting while you’re buzzed is a bad idea.” Brett didn’t get the chance to add how insulting it was to most gay men to be nothing more than an experiment before Carmichael interrupted.

Evan pulled his head back so he could look at Malone’s face. The guy continued to stare steadily out at the dance floor, but Evan was encouraged when Malone’s arms wrapped around his waist.

“I’m not buzzed,” Evan countered and waited for Malone to look down at him.

When his co-worker didn’t, Evan reached up and grasped the side of Malone’s neck. He gave a gentle squeeze before he used his thumb to nudge Malone’s chin to force the man to look down at him.

“I’m
not
buzzed,” Evan repeated. “Unless being high from dancing counts.” Evan stared hard into Malone’s dark eyes. “And, I don’t know if this is some sort of
experiment
or not, but you make me feel things. Things I’ve never felt before. Things I want to explore; not experiment with,” Evan confessed and held his breath while he waited for Malone to reply.

Brett absorbed Carmichael’s words, but was torn. His body wanted to
explore
the rookie and show him how sex with a man was vastly different than being with a woman. However, the gay man he was, didn’t want to be toyed with by someone who just wanted to try something different. Then there was the firefighter in him who was scared shitless about being outed at work.

He searched Carmichael’s gaze and wanted to believe everything he
thought
he saw there. The sincerity was clear over the attraction. Even if Brett wanted to question the level of arousal the rookie felt toward him, the hardness that pressed against his spoke for itself.

Still, regardless of how much his body craved the rookie, Brett knew getting involved with Carmichael was a bad idea. It was a bad idea the moment he approached the rookie on the dance floor and it had only become more of a bad idea since then. Just like the bad idea was sure to get worse if Brett didn’t stop the sudden roller coaster ride he now found himself on.

Evan’s nerves climbed the longer Malone stared at him and he couldn’t read the man. He was starting to feel embarrassed about admitting to Malone how the guy made him feel. How he made him emotionally feel because Evan had no doubt that Malone could feel how he felt about him physically.

The temptation to freak the fuck out over having a raging hard-on because a
man
turned him on was beyond strong. However, he fought the panic he felt because it was Malone who was making his body react this way. The thought that this was just a reaction to Malone comforting him when he broke down at work briefly crossed Evan’s mind, but he knew,
just knew
, that what he was feeling was more than the Stockholm-like gratefulness of being comforted when he lost his shit. However, even though he could feel Malone’s interest pressing hard against his groin, he wouldn’t pressure the guy.

“It’s okay,” Evan began. “I’ll keep your secret at work.”

Brett felt Carmichael pulling out of their embrace before the rookie’s words even finished leaving his plump lips. Somewhere in the back of his rational mind, his
sober
mind, he knew he should let the rookie out of the embrace they shared. Instead, Brett ignored whatever the warning bells in his mind were trying to make him aware of and instead he tightened his arms.