Spark (33 page)

Wow.

How could I ever say no to that? To the man that I love with every piece of my tattered heart? He sometimes masks his emotions with his dry sense of humour, something I’m still getting used to, but his words touch me in that part of my soul that no one has ever found. And he’s staked his claim.

I stare deep into his sparkling eyes.

This man is my universe. He gets me. As simple as that sounds, he does, and we’ve really only scratched the surface. There is so much more we have to learn and love about each other.

Aidan will do anything for me, and I could never imagine loving another person more. So today, and any other day he wants, I will let him be the strong one.

“Okay,” I say. Standing on tippy-toes I kiss him, hard. I wrap my arms around his shoulders, losing myself in the taste of his lips. I escape, if only for a moment, trying to quash more tears. I’m so lucky to have him in my life. “I love you.”

He breathes out heavily. “I love you, too.” He kisses me softly on the lips. “Come on. I’ve got somethin’ to show you.”
Sounds interesting
. Aidan whisks me off my feet, and carries me over to the couch, laying me down lengthways.

He turns on the TV, and hooks a cable from the screen to what appears to be a small camera. “Is that a camera?” I squint.

“Yeah, it’s a Go-Pro. You said you wanted to see me ride—well, this way you get to see what I see. It hooks in on the side of my helmet. Best seat in the house.” Aidan shuffles me forward and lies behind me, my head resting in the crook of his arm. The warmth of his body against mine is a comfort, soaking into me like hot soup on a cold day. He throws a blanket over us.

The picture is like a fishbowl lens—so clear. You can see the side of the helmet, and the handlebars. Aidan starts the bike, and then heads down a windy, dirt track. At times the bike moves slowly, but other times it’s like he’s going way too fast. I gasp every now and then as he takes a tight corner, or when a tree branch brushes over the helmet. At times, I instinctively move to dodge them.

“Wow, this is really cool. You really feel like you’re there. Where was this taken?”

“A few months ago, in Tallaganda State Forest. Me and a few guys from school camped out for a few days. It was a lot of fun, especially when it was wet.”

“I bet you were filthy.”

“Yeah. Let’s just say it took a few showers to come good again. There was mud everywhere.”

We watch the footage for a while. It’s hypnotic. When I glance up at Aidan, it’s much more enjoyable watching the look on his face. He loves riding. It lights him up from the inside.

“Oh God,” I gasp.

“What?” Aidan’s face instantly becomes etched with worry.

“I forgot to ask you about your race yesterday. How did you go?”

Relief washes over him, and he gives me a half-crooked grin. “Smashed it.”

I smile. “That’s fantastic.”

“I had a bit more inspiration than usual.”

“How so?” I smirk.
I think he’s referring to me.

“Surely you remember sitting on my bike that day.”

“How could I forget?”

I’m in my favourite place on earth. Safe and secure, wrapped up in Aidan’s arms. I know we have to talk about what happened. I don’t think he’ll let me get away with avoiding it. I put my hands behind Aidan’s neck and pull him close. I wriggle my chest against his, and bury my head in the curve of his neck. He puts his leg over my hips, and presses me close. His warmth radiates through me. I breathe deeply in and out, his delicious scent calming me.

“Eevie?” Aidan says and stills, flicking off the TV with the remote, tossing it aside.

I break away, his eyes searching mine. “Tell me what happened … when you couldn’t find me.”

He breathes out. “You wanna do this now?” He softly runs his thumb over my cheek.

“There’s no point putting it off. I need to know. I can’t get these stupid questions out of my head.”

“Okay,” he pauses, for at least a minute. “I was just parking the car when Crystal rang me. She said you’d gone out the front, but she couldn’t find you. We tried ringin’ you a few times, but it kept going to voicemail. We turned the bar upside down lookin’ for you.

“Crystal and the other girls checked all the bathrooms. We walked up and down the block, and kept ringing your phone.”

“Yeah, I saw all the missed calls and messages this morning. How many voice messages were yours?” He frowns.

“I … I dunno, there would have been a few.”

“Can you delete all the messages, please? I … I can’t listen to them.” It would tear me apart to hear the strain in his voice, and in Crystal’s. I don’t need to relive what they went through. Tears pool in my eyes, and my nose starts to run.

“Of course.” He rubs my arm. “Then, I guess, the rest you know from what I told you at the hospital. We found you.”

“I was just so frustrated. I couldn’t remember anything, and no one was telling me anything.” I was ready to punch someone.

“Yeah. I’ve never seen you so angry.”

“Why didn’t you tell me what happened when I woke up?”

“It killed me not to say anything, but the police needed to see what you remembered without any interference from me. Depending on what you were drugged with, you probably would have no recollection of anything.” I guess that makes sense. Aidan’s eyes glisten, his jaw tense.

I run my fingers through his hair, waiting for him to continue.

“If … if I’d just been ten minutes earlier, you wouldn’t have had to go through any of this fucked-up shit.” He shakes his head.

“Don’t, Aidan … please,” I warn, holding his chin.
Don’t you dare blame yourself. Don’t make this any harder for me, or for you
. “So Constable Williams failed to mention the part where you were able to identify him. What did you do to him?”

He grinds his teeth, moving his jaw.

“That fucker,” he snarls, “hopefully I broke his nose. I got a couple of good hits in. There was blood everywhere. I’d say he’d be feelin’ pretty battered this morning. He’s fuckin’ lucky I was more preoccupied with you, otherwise
he
would have been the one in the ambulance.”
Good
. I hope he’s in pain, although it would be nothing compared to this.

“He’s got a lot to answer for.”

“I knew there was somethin’ about him, the way he looked at you with those fucking beady eyes.”

I know Dean can be a pain in the arse sometimes, but I could never imagine him capable of something like this.

“I can’t understand what would drive someone to do something like this,” I say.

“Like Rob said, he won’t get the chance to go anywhere near you girls, otherwise he’ll have us to answer to. I’ve got a right mind to get my grandpa’s gun.” I can’t help but imagine Aidan atop a horse, with a dusty Akubra hat and a loaded shotgun.

“Are you joking?”

“I don’t know … I can’t say the thought hasn’t crossed my mind.”
Maybe I’ll borrow his grandpa’s gun …

“Can you ring Cassie for me? I’ll take tomorrow off work, but she also needs to know what happened. I’ve had a fair bit of time off over the last few months. I’m surprised I still have a job.”

“I’m sure they’ll understand. They know what you’ve been goin’ through with your family. Are you gonna tell your parents what happened?”

“Absolutely not.”

“How come?”

I fiddle with my hands in my lap, and breathe in deeply. “I just can’t. Mum doesn’t need this. She has enough on her plate with the separation, and I would hate for her to go backwards with all the progress she’s made.”

“I’m sure your mum is stronger that you think.”

“I don’t see what it would accomplish.”

“You’re her daughter. You don’t have to protect her; that’s not your job. I’m sure she’d wanna know … to be there for you.”

“Would you tell your mum if something bad happened to you?”

“I tell Mum what she needs to know, but we’re not talkin’ about me.”

“I don’t know. I’ll see what the tests come back with.”

“Okay,” he says sighing.

“And please don’t tell your parents. I don’t want them to worry.” I don’t need their pity. I don’t want to see it in their eyes.

“Of course.”

“As for my father, I’m not even talking to him right now, and I’m certainly not going to open up the lines of communication with this.”

“Fair enough.”

“I mean, what kind of man does that? Has a beautiful wife, four kids, and has an affair? While Mum was sick I did everything; his life didn’t change. He didn’t stop travelling … he didn’t try and make it any easier for me, and he was fucking around with one of my mum’s friends. The one man that was a constant my whole life, the one man I should have been able to trust whole-heartedly, was a liar and a dirty fucking cheat. When mum said she wanted out of a loveless marriage, he left a trail of dust behind him. He couldn’t wait to run off with
her
.”

Aidan’s face is void of all emotion. I try not to talk about Dad around him as it just ends up with me getting upset, and there’s nothing either of us can do about it. I have to deal with the fact that Dad made a choice, and his family wasn’t it.

“Sorry, I’ll stop talking about him,” I say.

Aidan seems to snap out of a trance. “No. Whatever you wanna talk about. I’m here, babe.” He leans down and kisses me softly on the cheek.

“What about your dad?” I finally find the courage to ask him. It’s been bugging me since the night we first kissed. In all the deep and meaningful chats we’ve had, he has
never
mentioned him.

He turns his head away from me, and closes his eyes. When he moves his head back, his eyes seem cold, distant. They twitch, revealing an internal struggle.

“I never knew my dad,” he says flatly.
Oh crap
. Why did I have to go there?

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.” I wish the words would crawl back into my mouth.

“Don’t be sorry, it’s just …” He shakes his head.

“You don’t have to talk about it. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s fine. I’ve never talked about this with anyone other than Mum and Frank. I don’t ever wanna keep anything from you, Eevie.” Aidan shuffles uncomfortably, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I don’t wanna keep anything from you, either.” I stroke his arm, and give him a weary smile.

“It’s just been so long that I don’t think about him anymore. The last time my father was around, I was one.”
Oh, boy
. “From what my mum told me when I was a teenager, one day he just never came home.”

My heart tightens in my chest as I imagine a beautiful blue-eyed baby boy, barely walking, and his father never coming home. He was too young to know him, too young to remember.
Did he die in an accident? Was he in the Defence Forces, like Frank?

He furrows his brow, taking his time finding the words.

“It took years to finally get the truth out of Mum. Apparently I look a lot like him. Tall, same coloured hair, and eyes. But he wasn’t the man she thought she’d married. When he didn’t come home that day, it took her years to discover what happened to him. She filed a missing persons report, and almost drove herself mad trying to find answers. He just vanished, without warning.” He nervously plays with my hair, running his fingers through my curls.

“He had a whole other life before my mum. Of course, she didn’t know any of that when she married him. He had a partner and three kids in Perth. He was a womaniser, a gambler, and an alcoholic. Frank told me he broke her heart, more times than she cares to remember.”

“So you have half-brothers and sisters?”

“Apparently.”

“Is your dad still alive?”

“Who knows? Makes no difference to me.” His words are cool, matter-of-fact. I guess he’s had a long time to deal with it.

“Would you ever speak to him if he tried to contact you?”

“It’s been more than twenty years since he left, so no. I’ve got no interest in having anything to do with him. If he was gonna make any attempt, surely he would have tried before.”

“Was it hard, not having a dad … until Frank came along?”

He shrugs. “I dunno. I didn’t know any different. I know Mum struggled with money for a long time, which is why we ended up living with my grandparents. Mum had to work two jobs to put me through school. But I had a happy childhood. I had all the love I needed, I guess.”

“I’m sorry, Aidan.” Hot tears stream down my face.

“What are you sorry for?” He frowns, wiping across my cheeks.

“I’m just sorry.”

“Don’t cry for me, Eevie. I’m my own man. I didn’t need him. He might be related by blood, but he’s not my family. What he did, I don’t wanna be associated with. I won’t let what he did to our family define me, or my future.”

He did everything on his own. He’s so much stronger than I’d thought.

“Your mum must be so proud of you.” Just when I thought it wasn’t possible to love him more than I do, my heart swells painfully in my chest. I’ve so much love for this man that sometimes it hurts.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Aidan.” I scowl. “Of course she’s proud of you.
I’m
proud of you. You give everything you’ve got … despite not having your father.”

“What choice did I have? I had to, for my mum. I wanted her to be proud. She worked her arse off to give me everything she could. And I could always tell when she couldn’t afford the things she knew I wanted. It tore her up. So I tried harder. To show her that I could make do … that it didn’t matter. I’m lucky to have a mum who loves me, and who always supported me in whatever I wanted to do. After everything she went through, I didn’t want her to worry about me.”

“It sounds like we have something else in common. Surely you can understand, then, why I don’t want to tell my mother?”

“Yeah.” A moment of silence hangs between us.

“Aidan.”

“Mmm,” he mumbles as he kisses me softly on my cheek.

I hold his face in my hands. “I want you to know everything there is to know about me.”

Aidan’s mouth twitches to the side. “Ditto.”

Hey, that’s my line.

I need to start by telling him about Alex. I have to get it off my chest. I search deep down for some courage.