Spanish Bay (3 page)

“Hey, wait! You can’t leave your date without a good-night kiss. Mind your manners, young man.”

Neil closed his eyes, blocking out the view of his petrified parents, and listened to the sound of Chris’s feet as he sprinted up behind him and kissed him on the lips, sending shivers down Neil’s spine to areas he thought had long ago ceased to function.

“Good night, Neil. Good night, Mr. and Mrs. Horner.”

Neil turned and watched Chris bounce back to his truck and, with one last grin and cheery wave, he drove away. Neil was smiling. He couldn’t help it. He took a deep breath and slowly turned around.
Now to face my execution squad.

It wasn’t that Neil was afraid his parents would kick him out or anything like that. They were, after all, descendants of California hippies, and pot was the only god they ever met during their upbringing. The slightly sweet, skunky scent of it still lingered in the wallpaper at his grandma’s house. But there was something far worse than being kicked out; it was the look of disappointment he’d seen on his mom’s face earlier, when Chris had picked him up. There was nothing more effective for inducing the fear of God than his parents sending him on a guilt trip, and Neil knew he had a good one coming. So, when his parents closed the door behind him and, without another word, bid him good night, the sense of foreboding was tremendous.
Great. Now they’re going to torture me, too.

Breakfast the next morning was pure hell. His parents were their usual selves. Other than his mom asking if he’d enjoyed the movie and an off-the-cuff remark about never having seen it herself because Neil’s grandma—the hippy—didn’t approve of Hollywood, not a word was said about the night before.

Philip, Neil’s younger brother by five years, was munching on his cereal and drinking his orange juice, blissfully unaware of the tension Neil felt around him. When his dad asked if he needed a ride to school, Neil knew his “execution” was nearing. Neil nodded and tried not to choke on his cereal, grateful that the drive to school was a short one. However, a special cab normally picked him up, and his parents only drove him when they needed to discuss things that weren’t for Phil’s ears.

The second they were off the driveway, his dad started. “You gave us quite a scare last night, son. But at least you picked a good one. I’m proud of you, Neil. Just be sure to be safe when you two, you know…”

Seeing his dad blush was a new experience for Neil, and if he hadn’t been so astonished by his dad’s reaction, he’d have found it quite funny.

“I’ve got something for you in the glove compartment. Go on, have a look.”

Cautiously, Neil dropped the door and peered through the gap. A box of condoms and a tube of lube slid into view. “Dad!” he exclaimed, a little too loudly, his face quickly turning even more crimson than his dad’s had been a minute ago.

“Don’t ‘dad’ me, son. We want you to be safe, and if Chris and you ever decide to get…you know…intimate… Well, anyway, you’ll need those. Just know that we love you, and we’re proud of you.”

Neil looked out the window and said nothing. He had tears in his eyes. His parents had just outsmarted him. Again. They were the best, and he loved them to pieces. It was at times like these—when they completely exceeded his expectations or disproved his fears—that he felt he was unworthy to be their son.

For a while the journey continued in silence, but then Neil’s dad picked up where he’d left off. “Naturally, we’d love to get to know Chris. But I understand this was only your first date, so there’s no pressure. Take it nice and slow.”

Despite the AC blasting cold air in his face, Neil was sweating profusely.

“One more thing,” his dad said. “You should talk to Phil, unless you’d rather have us do it, but I think it’s only fair your brother hears it from you. He’ll probably be an asshole about it, being Phil, and all. And leave out the graphic detail—he is only twelve.” His dad chuckled, and it kind of broke the tension in the car.

“Sure thing, Dad. I’ll talk to him.”
At my funeral
…

Coming out to himself had been bad enough, even if finally recognizing how supportive his parents were had given him a warm, fuzzy feeling. But telling his almost-teen brother he was…
a brownie king, an ass bandit, a butt pirate, a fairy, a fudge packer, a faggot…
Well, that was something else entirely. Maybe he should just load one of his favorite RedTube videos, hit play, and leave the room. The mental image made him laugh out loud.

”What’s funny, son?” his dad asked.

“Oh, nothing, Dad. Absolutely nothing…”

AFTER SCHOOL, Neil wheeled himself back to Sally’s. He needed to see Chris—to thank him for last night and check he’d made it home safely. It was only after Chris had left that Neil realized they hadn’t exchanged phone numbers. But Chris wasn’t at the café, and neither was the owner.

Strange, Sally’s always at work.

Neil parked himself outside anyway, and ordered an espresso, just in case either of them came by. But they didn’t, so he went home, and for the rest of the evening his thoughts were on Chris.

The next day, he had more luck. Chris was behind the café counter, arranging the array of sandwiches, cookies and cakes. He smiled as soon as he saw Neil.

“Hey, stranger, how are you today?”

“Hey. I’m good, thanks. I came by yesterday, but you weren’t here. I wanted to thank you for taking me to the movies. Definitely a first.” Neil smiled up at Chris, taking a moment to appreciate his handsome features and golden-blond hair.

“Yeah, we had to call in help yesterday. Sally fell at her house, and I went to give her a hand. Nothing broken, but I think she sprained an ankle. Did you miss me?”

There was a flirtatious quality to Chris’s voice, and Neil picked up on it right away.

“Nah,” he said, “I only came for the cake.”

For a moment, Chris’s face was a dance of conflicting emotions, and then a big smile bloomed as it dawned on him that Neil was teasing. “Ah, I see, well then, what can I get you? Chocolate chip? Or maybe one of Sally’s famous oatmeal and raisin cookies? They’re a personal favorite of mine.”

Neil frowned. He was no fan of raisins. “Actually, I was wondering if you had a minute to talk?”

Chris shook his head in disappointment. “I wish I could, but it’s pretty busy, and Sally can barely stand, much less work, so I’m going to be on my own all day. We close at eight, though?”

“Can I call you tonight?” Neil asked.

Chris’s gaze dropped to the floor. “I, uh, I don’t have a phone…” he began, but then he had a thought, and happy Chris was back in business. “I could swing by your house, if that’s okay?”

“Yeah, I guess that could work,” Neil agreed pensively. He’d have to move forward the conversation with his brother…
oh, what the heck.
“Yeah, sure, I’d love it if you came by tonight. See you after eight then?”

“Sure thing, Neil. No espresso today?” Chris teased.

“No,” Neil replied, turning his chair around and wheeling toward the entrance. “I’ve got to get home and clean up my room…”

***

Neil felt elated, which was an odd experience for him. He had butterflies all over his body, and even down his legs, which was unusual. He was nervous, and started to clean his room the minute he got home; he picked up the dirty clothes strewn across the floor; he made his bed for the first time since he’d changed the sheets ten days ago; he cleaned up the mess on his desk and even—which was a first ever for Neil—scrubbed the toilet seat in his en suite bathroom. The mere thought of Chris having to go to the bathroom and seeing what a mess Neil made was unbearable.

When his mom stepped in to see what was going on, she smiled, instinctively understanding.

“Hot date tonight?” she teased.

“No, Mom.” Neil reddened. “Chris is coming by the house for a bit. He doesn’t have a phone, and I just wanted to talk to him.”

“Honey, there is absolutely no need to explain yourself to me. You’re an adult, and you’ve always been so responsible. You do your thing, and just remember we love you, okay?” She went over and kissed him on the forehead. “Don’t forget your chat with Phil. He’ll catch on sooner or later, and I’d rather he hear it from you than from his friends in school or a dull library book.”

“Gotcha, Mom, I love you, too. Will you tell Phil to come see me when he gets home?”

“Will do. Want some coffee?”

Neil nodded and went back to scrubbing his toilet until is was shining like new. He took a moment to admire his efforts and then joined his mother in the kitchen for coffee and company.

He’d barely taken a sip when the front door opened; it was Phil, back from school. He scowled at Neil and their mom and went straight up to his room.

“Give me a minute,” Mom said, as she got up to follow her youngest upstairs.

***

“Hey Phil, what’s with the long face?” She stopped in the doorway of Phil’s room.

“Nothing!” he grunted—an indication that indeed something was seriously amiss.

“Oh come on, honey, you can’t fool me. I’ve been your mother for twelve years. I know that face.”

“Mom, please?”

“Okay. If you don’t want to talk about it…” She turned around, door knob in hand, pulling the door behind her, but before it closed, she heard a sob from the other side.

“They say Neil’s gay.”

“Who does?” she asked, slowly entering the room again and sitting down on Phil’s bed.

“Kids at school. Someone saw him down at the Sunset Center with a guy. They were making out at the movies.”

“What’s so bad about that?”

Phil shrugged, clearly miserable. “Nothing, I guess. It’s just they called him names, and me. Is it true?” Phil looked up, hoping his mom would dispel the vile rumors. It had been bad enough growing up as the younger brother of the astonishing Neil Horner, the kid with the chair, who’d taken over the entire ground floor and banished their parents to sleep right next door to him. He could hear his dad snoring whenever he woke up at night, and he hated it.

“Listen, Phil. I’m not going to lie to you. It’s not what we do in this family. Yes, your brother is gay, and yes, he was on a date with Chris last night, but rather than talking to me about this, you need to talk to your brother. He was going to tell you tonight. Sadly, the rumor mill’s been running faster than we anticipated.” She pulled her baby son to her and hugged him tightly. “I’m sorry you had to find out like this. Come on, I’ll fix you a snack, and you can talk to your brother.” She got up and left the room, pausing at the top of the stairs to check he was following her, which he was, with his head hanging low, as if he were being led to his execution.

***

Downstairs, Phil sat at the kitchen table, opposite Neil but without looking at him. Their mom gave Neil a glance, signaling as clearly as she could,
he knows already
. Neil got the message.

“So, you’ve heard? Seems news travels faster than I can wheel…” He tried to be funny, to get a reaction from his brother.

“Are you sure?” was the first question out of Phil’s mouth.

Neil had to take a deep breath. “As sure as I am that I won’t be able to get up and walk to school tomorrow. It’s not something you decide to be, you just gradually grow into it, like your body after a growth spurt. You don’t get to choose, just as you don’t get to choose the color of your eyes.

“How did you know?”

“I don’t honestly remember when I began to realize. It was just…” Neil paused, trying to come up with an example. “You know when you watch a show on TV, and the guy falls for the girl? For me, every fiber in my body screamed ‘No! Pick the best friend instead, or the pizza guy, or whoever. But not the girl!’ And I’d see people falling for someone and I just couldn’t fathom the logic. Men falling for women and vice versa—it made no sense to me. But I didn’t have a word for it, couldn’t figure out what it meant for me, because everything I see on TV seems wrong, and I instinctively knew that this was not how it would be for me.

“Then, later, in school, when I hit puberty and my friends started hanging out with girls, it was the same again, it just felt…odd. And I tried. I tried to hang out with girls, but every time I’d put an arm around a girl, it felt wrong. I wanted to put my arm around a guy. But still, I had no word for it, just this strange feeling that I was the one piece of Lego that didn’t fit into this world.

“Eventually, I understood. I am gay, and I realized what that meant. If I was incredibly lucky, I might meet another piece of Lego that would fit just me.”

Neil wasn’t sure if he was making any sense. It had taken him years to connect the dots between the word “gay” and his own emotions. He wasn’t that much older than Phil was now, when he realized that he was
different.
He knew the word “gay” and called others out with it—he even got to be on the receiving end of school banter and bullying—but he never connected the dots.

When puberty finally set in, and his illness along with it, he lost two years to focusing on his legs, walking, and the chair. Being gay had to take a back seat in his life. Indeed, it had done so for a lot longer. Until he met Chris. For as short a time as he had known Chris, Neil’s life so far, and everything he’d been through, could be summarized in four words: before Chris, and after. Year zero.

“Have you ever tried being with a girl?” Phil asked. In the background, their mother chuckled.

“Don’t ask your brother questions like that.”

Neil smiled at her and nodded. “It’s okay, Mom,” he said.

She took his words as her prompt to leave and give the boys some privacy.

***

Sarah Horner retreated to her bedroom to afford her sons some privacy. No doubt Phil had tons of questions he wanted to ask Neil, and her presence would make it harder for both of them. She’d done her own soul searching the previous night, after Chris had come to pick Neil up for their date. She’d never had a problem with her oldest son being gay, although it still caused her pain. She had been raised by her parents to love all life, respect the choices people made and support others in their endeavors. Of course she loved both boys equally and unconditionally, but with Neil’s condition, she had a particular soft spot for her first-born. Knowing he was sometimes teased and bullied because of his disability was bad enough, and his coming out could only mean more hardship. Every time he left the house or even went online, he’d face hatred and condemnation from lesser people, from narrow-minded religious minions whose well-being seemed to derive from inflicting misery on others rather than increasing their own happiness. As a disabled gay man, Neil would face double discrimination, and while she was in no doubt that he could handle it, it still pained her that he had yet another hurdle to overcome.