Space For Hire (Seven For Space) (13 page)

"Seventeen," I corrected.

"— in seventeen forms of solar combat I naturally assumed you would attack me. I was really looking forward to it."

"Sorry to disappoint you but I'm not doing anything in the way of attacking right now. Going for your throat would be a dopey move."

"But why?" Kane spread his gloved hands. "I'm alone. I have no weapon. I'm totally vulnerable to attack."

I shook my head. "You're not really alone because this is one of your prime hangouts. The joint is no doubt crawling with roboguards. Secondly, you are not weaponless. I happen to know you have steel arms and legs which are pretty deadly and could mess me up a lot. Okay?"

Kane pouted for a moment, then aimed a jeweled smile at me."You're absolutely correct, of course. If you attacked me I'd cheerfully inflict serious damage on your person, rendering you incapable of fighting for your life in the arena I have selected for your death. You'll need all your strength for that."

Kane brought one of his steel arms down savagely on the holdchair in which I'd previously been sitting. The chair was split apart by the blow.

"See what your innate wisdom has done for you, Mr. Space. Your bones would have snapped like the breadsticks of Earth."

I gave him my wise-owl grin.

"You are something of an expert on machinery, are you not?" asked Kane.

"I wouldn't say that. I know guns, and I can take a jet cab apart."

"You'll appreciate this," said Kane, and slipped out of his hammered-silver roomsuit. He stood naked in front of me. "It is not often that I have the opportunity to display my superb arms and legs to a man who appreciates machinery."

His torso was flesh. The rest was metal. He even had iron balls, which surprised me, and I said so.

"Ah, yes," Kane smiled. "I had this set of custom genitals made up from my own designprints."

"But why iron balls?"

"They are detachable. Very effective in close battle. I have killed several enemies with my detachable balls."

"I can see the advantage," I admitted. I tapped his right arm. "Does it come off too?"

"Of course. Would you like to examine it?"

"Love to," I said.

Kane unscrewed his right arm with his left. "A bit clumsy."

"Take your time," I told him.

He passed his arm to me. "Here you are."

I turned it slowly in my hands, marveling aloud at the smooth elbow and wrist jointing. Then I hit Kane on the head with it.

Hard.

"I — I'm pleased that you have seen fit to attack me, Mr. Space."

Then he fell flat on his face.

I locked the workden door from the inside, mixed myself a double bourbon, and sat down in Kane's comfy-couch to think things over.

The Robot King didn't stir. He was out cold and wouldn't be waking up for awhile — so I was in no big rush. For one reason: I had nowhere to go.

In the hallway, I knew, Kane's guards were posted. With more guards on the grounds. And yet more at the launch port. Even if I could find a weapon here in the workden and even if I managed to shoot my way out of the house I'd never be able to leave Uranus alive.

I decided to see what I could find in Kane's desk. I finished my drink, walked over and gave the desk a professional sift.

Which got me nowhere. If Kane had any plans for throwing the System out of whack they sure weren't in his desk.

Then I got the bright idea of searching him. And came away with his hypnoring. It was on the index finger of the unscrewed arm I'd put him to sleep with. I'd heard about Kane's ring; it used a rapid lightbeam spin-effect to induce an instant hypnotic trance in any subject, human or alien. I told myself it was too bad the ring didn't work on synthetics. Kane's guards were impervious to hypnotism, so I couldn't use the ring to escape.

I gave the walls a going-over and, sure enough, a case of faxbooks near the pseudofireplace slid back revealing what could only be a secret passage. A way out? I'd soon know.

The passageway wasn't quite high enough for me, so I moved forward in a half-crouch. I didn't know what kind of problems I'd run into but anything was better than being stuck back in the workden with Kane. He wouldn't be too friendly toward me when he woke up. The farther away from him I could get the better off I'd be.

The passage snaked right, then left. At least there were no side tunnels to confuse things — and I could see where I was running: the tunnel was brightly illumined and lined, top and sides, in a white, cork-like substance that kept out dampness. It was one of the neatest secret passages I'd ever run through. No spiders or bats or cobwebs here. It even smelled nice.

The passage began to get narrower. Looked as if I was going to get some answers pronto. Ahead, a black door. Smooth. No handle or knob. I couldn't pull on it — so I pushed. Harder. The door gave, and I stepped into …

… into a
candy forest!

The trees were striped peppermint with green sugar-leaves. The path under my feet was made of licorice, and the stream that chuckled and bubbled beside the road was — I tasted it — orange soda pop. There were giant jellybean boulders in the stream and chocolate bushes topped with whip cream were growing everywhere along the banks.

I stood on the gumdrop grass above the soda pop stream trying to dope things. A slight creaking behind me. The door was swinging shut! I made a dive for it and grabbed the edge, yet it kept closing. I pulled away my fingers to keep them from getting mashed as the black door clonked shut.

Leaving me in the candy forest.

Okay, roads lead somewhere. This licorice one, I hoped, was no exception. I'd run it out and see where it took me.

Deeper into the heart of the forest. No other sounds. Just my feet slap-slapping down the licorice path. I was getting a bit winded but I kept at a fast trot; I wanted to clear the forest and reach some natural terrain. Kane's sugar-spun landscape didn't appeal to me. It was just another example of his twisted sense of humor. A candy forest on Uranus I could damn well do without.

But it was beginning to get to me. All the candy. Tons of candy. I was suddenly starved for something sweet. I grabbed a handful of chocolate roses, chewing as I ran. They were delicious. Yummy.

Gripped by sudden, intense thirst I stopped to belly down beside the stream and lap up some orange soda pop. It was even sweeter than the chocolate roses!

I took a large bite out of a peppermint tree trunk, gobbled up fistfuls of gumdrop grass, finally knelt down and bit into the road. I've always had a yen for licorice and this stuff was great.

I was sitting, cross-legged in the road like a big kid, sucking on a candycane tree-root when the witch landed in front of me.

No doubt about what she was. Big black peaked hat. Broomstick. Long tacky gray dress full of rips and patches. Hooked nose, with a fat hairy wart at the end. Blood-red lips. Yellow snag teeth. Squinty eyes. Dirty hair poking out from the hat.

She was snarling. "How
dare
you come along here and begin eating up my forest!" She stomped a gnarled foot.

"It's not your forest," I said. "It's Ronfoster Kane's forest. And he owes me a few goodies. I'm a kidnap victim and the least he can do is feed me."

She was hopping mad. I know, because she began hopping around me in the road, shaking her broom in the air, and doing a lot of shrieking. "My dark curse on ye! May the demons of fire toast your skin! May the demons of the wind scour the hair from your head! May the demons of the sea send waves black and terrible to drown you!"

"Thanks for the good wishes," I said. "Now, buzz off, sister. I've got to get trotting."

As real as she looked she was obviously one of Kane's robots, like the dragon, and if she tried anything fancy I'd be happy to separate her cogs. She jumped back as I stood up.

"Scat!" I growled.

She shook the broom at me, cackling, and little sparks danced out the end of it and settled over me in a sparkly shower.

"Rigga ree, Rigga dee!
Curse descend now upon thee!
Rigga do, Rigga day!
Let fire and wind and water slay!"

She had a good act. But I was bored with it. I gave her a shove and she fell backwards into the soda pop stream. The second her body touched the surface she began to hiss and bubble and dissolve. She didn't last long. Her pointy hat was the only thing left on the surface as the bubbles settled.

I moved on down the road.

Would any more of Kane's kooky creations show up to bug me? Maybe I'd meet a gingerbread man. Or a tin woodsman. Or a sugarplum fairy. If so, I could handle them.

Maybe I'd even run into a soda pop mermaid.

I was slowing. My legs ached and my lungs were giving out. Enough is enough. When would this dumb forest end? How big was it anyhow?

The sun was getting mighty hot. I didn't know if it was a real sun or a phony one Kane had put up there but heat is heat and I was beginning to sweat like a Tarmanian snad-wrestler.

Ha! I grinned to myself: there's the first curse, eh? The curse of the fire demons.

I quit grinning when my clothes began to smoke. They were actually burning! I tried to beat out the flames but couldn't make any headway. I didn't wait; I plunged into the soda pop stream.

It put out the fire okay, with no pain. But my clothes were singed off. I was buck naked.

And a wind was rising.

The peppermint trees began to sway; the sky darkened; the bushes bent and swished around my feet. I leaned into the wind and pushed forward.

The damn road couldn't go on forever.

I felt the wind tugging at my hair and remembered the witch-curse. The ugly old crone had been telling it straight because I felt my scalp loosen and whip away behind me.

I was as bald as an egg.

A roaring. Not the wind. Another kind of roar. Growing louder. I froze, tried to figure out what could make a sound like that. Then I knew.

Water. Tons and tons of rushing water. That's what was roaring, advancing, cutting its way through Kane's candy forest.

It hit me. A gigantic green savage wave of it thundered out of the trees, rolling giant jellybean boulders ahead of it, slamming over me with immense force.

I fought to keep my head above water, fought to keep breathing. But it was hopeless. The hungry tide swallowed me in a dark rush of foam.

I spun in an endless ballet deep in the slimed green belly of the wave. Choking water entered my open-gasping mouth. My lungs filled, and burst …

"Mr. Space?"

"Yes."

"Do you know who I am?"

"Yes,"

"Tell me who I am."

"You're Ronfoster Kane, the Robot King."

"Excellent. You're completely out of it now."

"Out of what?"

"The trance. You are free of the trance."

"You hypnotized me?" I stared at Kane. Both his arms were firmly attached to his body.

"That is correct, Mr. Space" He chuckled. "You are wondering about my arm, aren't you?"

"Maybe," I said.

"And you're wondering why my head bears no mark from the blow you gave me?"

"Maybe."

"This is because there was no blow. You did not, in fact, strike me."

"Hell, I clobbered you! You unscrewed your arm and I used it to —"

"No, you did not," Kane said. He was seated on his comfycouch, legs crossed, enjoying the game. His black eyes gleamed. "The entire action existed only in your mind. I used my ring to induce an instant hypnotic condition and fed the incidents directly into your brain while you were in a trance state."

"But — the forest … the old witch … the water …"

"All part of the fun I was having with you," declared Kane. "I allowed you to believe that you had been able to strike me down and escape. Once your mind had accepted this simple fantasy I invented all the rest of it. Or rather, you invented it at my suggestion."

I walked over to the wall, ran my hand along it.

"Looking for something?"

"There's a secret tunnel in there," I said.

Kane chuckled. "Solid merdstone I'm afraid. I don't favor secret tunnels, Mr. Space. Too dank and lightless."

"This one was bright and clean."

"Of course. Your mind provided the ideal secret tunnel. That which is imagined invariably surpasses that which is real."

"Why?" I asked. "Why the trance trick?"

"It was my way of amusing myself. Quite harmless, really. What happens to you next will not be so harmless. It is time I wipe you from my schedule. My business interests are many and your death is simply a minor item on a rather crowded agenda."

"Does one of the items on that agenda have anything to do with knocking our System cockeyed?"

"No more questions, no more answers," snapped Kane, rising. "Our personal byplay is concluded. On to business."

He moved to a faxcase and pressed a section. The wall in front of the comfycouch folded back to reveal a floor-to-ceiling viewpane, through which I could see a smooth, level area as large as a football field on Earth.

"That is your arena of death," said Kane. "I'll be able to watch you die while seated here on my comfycouch sipping a heated Venusian Rum Delight which my android chef, Pierre, is now preparing for the occasion."

I glared at him, at his damned jeweled smile. "And what will I face out there — another of your pet fire dragons?"

"You will discover soon enough who or what will kill you. Actually, it would be a pity to spoil the surprise." He nodded toward the dendoor.

"You are free to leave."

"And what if I choose to stay right here?"

"Questions, always questions." Kane raised a metal finger. The door popped open and two burly synthetics grabbed me and hauled me away.

When they let me go I was on the field, with Kane's special view-pane to my left. It was opaque on the side facing me so I couldn't see him. But he saw me; his amplified voice boomed over the field.

"You shall need weapons in order to extend the spectacle, Mr. Space. A brave man should die fighting."