South Row (19 page)

I bury my face into Scott’s chest as the
onslaught of emotions threatens to bury me under its weight. Overwhelming sadness and grief grips me by the throat and squeezes.

Loss.

I feel it.

I know it.

“What?” Collin finally speaks, shock registering in his voice.

“
Fuck,” Luke mutters.

“
Collin,” Kaylee whispers through tears. “We’re pregnant.”

The way she says it – all hopeful but guarded – guts me. As much as I love Collin, I can’t tear a family apart. I won’t. I’m used to sacrificing my happiness. I’m used to not getting what I want.

What hurts the most is that I was so very close to having all I’ve ever wanted, but like all my stories, there is no happily ever after for me. I’m used to living in a world without Collin. I did ten years without him, and although it very nearly killed me, I survived.

I...

I can survive ten, fifteen, twenty, forever ’n’ fucking ever without him: his smile, his voice, his touch, his kiss, his heat, his laugh, his smile, his taste, his smell.

No, you can
’
t.
The voice in my head isn’t snide this time around. It’s sad. Mournful.

I feel you
, voice in my head. I feel you.

Pregnant.

The word rattles around in my head and seizes my chest tightly.

South.

I look over at her in Scott’s arms, her body shaking, and a twinge of sadness pinches my heart. She looks so fragile, so small. I hate that this is happening and causing her any sadness right now. I can’t even focus on Scott glaring at me. I want to wrap South in my arms and take her far, far away from here, where nothing and no one can touch us.

I turn to face a crying Kaylee and the guilt I should feel for making her cry is non-existent. In fact, I’m mad as all hell that this is happening right now; at the very moment when I want life to move ahead with South.

Staring at the positive test result between her fingers, I have the urge to grab it and break it in half. How could this have happened?

“H-how?” I stammer, and as soon as the word leaves my mouth, I feel stupid. “I mean, uh, weren’t you on birth control?”

Kaylee sniffles, pulling a handkerchief out of her purse. It looks sodden, so I guess she’s been crying for a while. She was dealing with this while I was off at some chick’s house, cheating on her; but, South isn’t just some chick. I love her.

Oh, God, how much more of a bastard can I be? My…fiancée is here crying her eyes out. Not happy tears because she’s pregnant with my kid, but because she is hurting; I hurt her. How am I any better than what my father did to my mother all those years ago? I’m hurting her.

But you’re also hurting South,
the voice in my head highlights, and my heart sinks. I flick a glance toward her, and the look I see on her face slashes through me painfully. She looks broken. I’ve seen that look before. Ten years ago when I first found out that her father had hit her. The same look she had before she walked out of my life for ten years. Can I live without her again?

I take a fraction of a step toward her, but she holds her hand up and halts my movements.

“Out,” she says. Everyone stares at her, but makes no move.

“Out!” she screams, pulling away from Scott.

“Lynnie,” Lydia says softly, but South cuts her off.

“Everybody, leave!”

We all stare at her, knowing she’s reached the end of her rope. We file out one by one, but I linger.

“I’m s
–”

“Don’t,” she stops me. “I’m the one that’s sorry. Have a nice life, Collin.” Her tone lacks any emotion, her face is blotchy and her eyes void of tears.

After all she went through last night, to now having to deal with this. I’m guessing it is just too much. My heart is breaking into a million pieces. My actions and decisions is what brought us here. I’m going to lose her again. This time for good.

**********

The ride home with Kaylee was tense, to say the least. Shaken up, she asked me to drive. Silence, aside from the occasional sniffles and choked back sobs from Kaylee, permeated the air as we rode together, neither of us wanting to say anything, fearing opening a proverbial can of worms.

If I should be honest with myself, I went home with her out of duty. I couldn’t leave her knowing she was carrying my child. It’s fucked up, but what else could I have done?

Stay
, the voice in my head chides as I steer Kaylee to our bedroom. Yeah, I imagine that going down well.

As I lay Kaylee down on the bed, our bed, I avoid her eyes. I can’t look at her right now. Guilt has me in all kinds of knots and nausea threatens to bring me to my knees. I am not my father, but why can’t I stop thinking about another woman? I try to look at Kaylee’s ring and find an ounce of the love I thought I had for her, but somewhere in my heart I feel like I’m making another mistake by staying here with Kaylee.

I sigh and turn away from her, trying to put as much distance between us as possible. As I head toward the door, I hear Kaylee’s voice.

“I forgive you,” she states quietly. I stop, leaning my head against the doorjamb. How can she even forgive me after all I’ve put her through?

I hear shuffling, the sheets being thrown back and Kaylee getting out of bed. I can hardly feel her hand as she rests it on my back. If this were South, a warm sensation would flow through my bones at her touch, instantly making me hard as a rock. But I can’t think about her right now. I need to put her out of my mind.

“I forgive you, Collin,” she repeats. “We’re going to get through this. We’re stronger than ever. Don’t you see? We are a force, Collin.”

That is all she cares about. An image. She’s not even upset that I was with another woman. Just like that, she just forgives me.

“I understand, baby. You got it out of your system. I know you’re going to have urges again and that’s okay, but, next time, choose someone from our circle, someone from our echelon. A woman like that spells all kinds of scandal and we don’t need the drama,” she offers.

Every word she utters stokes a fire inside of me. I spin on her and stare down at her with disgust. I don’t need this…poison in my life. Kaylee is vapid, conceited and callous. She may be carrying my baby, but she is not carrying my heart. I can be a good father without having to be in the mother’s life, can’t I?

“You’re disgusting,” I sneer.

“Excuse me?” Her mouth gapes open like a fish as she takes a step back on account of my ire.

“Listen to you. All you care about is how this makes you look. All you care about is an image; an image of the perfect marriage, the perfect family. But it won’t be perfect, will it? As long as you get to bone the trainer, I get to fuck the nanny, is that it? Is that how you want our lives to be?” I’m livid now. “You want to put on a show for all your rich friends and the society magazines, when behind closed doors there is no love.”

“What? I love you!” she insists.

“Love me enough to be okay with me fucking other women?” I throw at her. Her eyes dart away from me but not before I spot the guilt in them. “Have you been sleeping with other men, Kaylee?”

Is it strange to say that I would feel nothing if she answers in the affirmative?

“What? Wha…that’s preposterous! Outrageous! Collin, I love you,” she splutters, her eyes barely making contact with mine.

“You know what? I don’t give a fuck,” I resign, knowing she’s lying. “I can’t do this, Kaylee.”

“You need rest, baby.” She grabs onto my hand and tries to lead me over to the bed. “You’ve been through a lot. You spent a night in jail. You–”

“No. No, Kaylee. This…us,” I clarify, motioning between us. “I can’t do us anymore. I tried to be the man you would want. The type of man who would care about being the “it” couple on the cover of Forbes Magazine, in the “Most Powerful Couples” spread or something, but I’m not. I’m not the kind of man who would be okay if his wife has sex with another man as long as he has his own harem to choose from.” I shake off her hold. “I’m not your Dad and I won’t be like him.”

“You want to leave me?” Her mood suddenly changes. “I will ruin you, and that fucking redheaded cunt!” she screams.

“You don’t fucking threaten her!” I shout, pointing a finger in her face.

“I tell my dad about this, and your career is ruined,
baby
. You’ll never work in this town, or any-fucking-where, ever again!” she threatens with an eerie smile on her face. “So think about that while you follow your
“heart”
,” she mocks, “to a skank that shakes it for ones and probably does worse for twenties. I’m giving you a day to sort your shit out, Collin. If you’re not back on board by this time tomorrow, your ass is mine…any decision you make.”

Kaylee takes a step toward me and I take a step back. I’ve never seen this woman before in my life. I don’t want her to touch me. I don’t even want her near me.

“You stay with her,” she speaks, low and menacing. “And I will hit you with so much child support that you will never own another thing in your life. Choose wisely, my darling. You don’t want to make an enemy of me or my father.”

At that, Kaylee spins and stomps into the en suite bathroom, slamming the door behind her. She lets out a gut-twisting scream and something smashes; I’m guessing the mirror. This is a new side to Kaylee. This is the manipulative bitch that Luke was warning me about. This Kaylee has claws and not kitten claws, lion claws. The type of claws that will rip you to shreds.

I blink, unbelieving. Did all that just happen? Did she really threaten me…threaten South? I am speechless. I should be scared for myself due to the fact that she and her father could destroy me, no doubt; but all I can think about is South. Whether or not I stay with Kaylee, I know she will make good on her promise to make South’s life hell; like she hasn’t gone through her very own personal hell.

I can’t let this happen. I won’t let her hurt South. She means too much to me to allow that to happen. South has been through too much, but I can’t stay with this viper I call a fiancée either.

I grab a duffel bag from out of our walk-in closet and start packing some stuff. That’s the last time I will ever refer to anything as
ours
. Well, aside from the baby she is carrying.

If it’s yours
. Would Kaylee do that?
Yes, yes she would.

I shake off the voice in my head, trying to focus on getting out of this place before she reemerges from the bathroom. I don’t even want to think about how conniving Kaylee could be. I just want to get as far away from her as I possibly can. South is now my number one priority. I have to protect her; both from Kaylee and whoever it was that tried to hurt her. I just hope she can forgive me and trust me again.

I leave and I check into a hotel about twelve blocks away from South. I don’t want to be too far from her. As I slip the duffel down off my shoulder, my cell phone vibrates. I quickly answer it without checking the caller ID, hoping that it is South.

“Dude, it’s South,” comes Luke
’s somber greeting over the phone.

Please, God, no.

When I was fifteen I had an insane crush on a boy in my Math class. It was so intense that I would lose the ability to form coherent sentences around him. The only time I would even have the balls to talk was when we were talking Math. I sucked in Math and he became my tutor. Because of him, I started excelling at the subject of devils – because Satan created that shit.

My best friend at the time, Mackenzie, tried to convince me to make a move on him, but I hadn’t the slightest clue how to be a vixen, as she put it. She was the queen of promiscuity. She had seduction and getting what she wanted down to a science. She was everything guys wanted to have sex with. Me? I was still hung up on a certain guy.

But Daniel Willoughby came so very close to making me forget. I forgot everything about my past whenever he was around me. It was just him and me. He would flirt with me, but I’d turn the color of puce and damn near swallow my tongue every time he did so, prompting him to change direction.

I finally got my chance with him at my Sweet Sixteen party. Or so I thought. My aunt’s diner was jam packed with teenagers all having fun. I was finally brave enough to approach Daniel, but when I went out back to get some more ice, my world came crashing down on me. There was Daniel with his hands down my best friend’s pants, and Mackenzie sucking on his neck like a greedy succubus.

I tucked tail and ran, with mascara tears streaming down my face, into the arms of Aunt Addy. Looking back, she may have known what was going on and wanted me to find out for myself. Whatever it was, it didn't steer from the fact that what should have been the happiest day of my life, turned out to be the worst day of my life and the day I lost my best friend.

The image shattered me in ways I never thought possible. It haunted me all throughout the rest of high school and I was happy to leave as soon as I got that diploma in my hands.

I never thought I could hurt like that. I never thought I would ever hurt like that again; but this…this is more than I can handle.

I’m just not meant to be happy. I’m convinced of that now. I am not meant to have the one thing I want more than anything in this world. At all
points, every time the cosmos brings us together, it tears us right back apart. So, yeah, I hear you loud and clear universe. Collin isn’t mine – will never be mine.

A knock on my door has me wiping my unch
ecked tears and running nose. I’m a blubbering mess. My face is red-splotched and puffy. I look like a puffer fish wearing an exaggeration of a Carrot Top wig. My face feels like someone punched me in it repeatedly and my head feel like it’s about to explode.

I try to
gather myself as best I can. It’s probably a neighbor checking in because they’re tired of listening to me sniveling for over an hour. I swear I didn’t know I had that many tears. Isn’t there a faucet somewhere inside of me to switch off the waterworks? I don’t even wanna see my internal water bill when this is over.
You don’t have an internal water bill, retard.

It was a joke…and why the fuck am I reasoning with myself?
No, that’s not weird at all.

The person at the door pounds on it twice more and I direct a scowl and as much of a withering glare my puffy eyes can muster, at the noise. The pounding feels like a hammer to my aching head.

“Coming,” I croak, my voice low and sounding very much unlike my own: tear-scratched and sad.

Obvious
ly, whoever is at the door didn’t hear me as they keep pounding. As I reach the door, the knob jiggles. My heart skitters in my chest as fear grips me. If it were either Lydia or Scott, they would have been inside by now. They have their own key. If it were Connor, or even Luke, or –
please, God
– Collin for that matter, they would have declared themselves. Thankfully, I’d locked the door when everyone left.

“
Miss Tate,” the muffled male voice sounds from the other side. I blow out a relieved breath. Not Fletcher. Maybe it’s Big Jessie or one of the boys checking in on me.

The door knob jiggles again and as I draw closer to open the door, I hear another voice.

“I thought you said she was there?” the person harrumphs. The voice crawls up my spine and chokes the breath out of me.
Could it be?

Looking through the peephole, I see the white head of a vaguely familiar face, standing next to my worst nightmare. I have only seen this face twice, and both t
imes, it wasn’t welcome. Kaylee’s father…with Fletcher Colfax, my attacker.
This can’t be good.

“
Shut up, Colfax,” Kaylee’s father hisses softly. “I’m tired of bailing you out of your shit. Just be quiet and make yourself scarce.”

“
My shit? I seem to remember you calling in a favor, Liam.”

Silence.

Oh, my God! This can’t be happening! Kaylee’s father enlisted Fletcher’s help…to get rid of me? Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

I knew I couldn’
t trust him. From the first time I spoke to him in the parking lot at Totem Pole, I picked up a shady vibe from him. Seeing him a few minutes after that with Fletcher should have been another warning. Now with him standing in front of my door, my suspicions were right – I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him, and I suck at sports so I wouldn’t be able to pick him up, much less throw him.

I’
m almost hyperventilating. I slap my hand over my mouth and back away from the door in horror. What do I do? What do I do?

I look across the Island in the kitchen and spot my cell phone, happy as fuck that Trace brought it back to me when Big Jesse retrieved it last night. Springing into action, I run toward it and swipe it off of the countertop, putting it on silent. Padding quietly back to the door, I bring up the voice recorder app and hit the center to start recording.

They both say nothing for a while and I wonder if they’ve left. Heart thudding against my chest, I peep through the hole once more, covering the gasp that escapes my lips upon seeing them. I am quiet for a while, hoping they didn’t hear me; but my heart is beating so loudly in my ears that I swear if they didn’t hear my gasp, that they are definitely hearing my heart beat.

“She’s not there, Liam,”
Fletcher insists.

“
Kaylee said they just left here an hour ago and she was devastated. Where could she have gone?” Liam reasons.

“
I don’t fucking know, Stone. But you better make damn sure she doesn’t file those charges and that that son-in-law of yours represents me,” Fletcher grumbles.

“He will.”

“He’d better, if you know what’s good for you. If I go down, Stone, you and our joint operation goes the fuck down with me, you hear me?” Fletcher threatens.

Oh, my God! Kaylee is in on it, too? I need to warn Collin.

“If he doesn’t, he’s fired. I know he wouldn’t want to jeopardize that for some tail,” Liam argues.

“Tail that he seems to love,” Fletcher says thoughtfully. “
Have you ever asked him about their history? It seems that they knew each other before that strip club.”

“They have no history!” Liam rages. “
She’s a nobody. A fucking two-bit stripper that lives in a dump and drives a fucking death trap vehicle. If you had taken care of her, like I asked you to, then we wouldn’t be in this mess right now.”

“
Who are you trying to convince, Liam? Me or yourself?” Fletcher snipes. “And how dare you blame me, old man? I scared that bitch pretty good. It’s been a day since the attack and she still hasn’t pressed charges nor has she told lover boy who attacked her. That must mean she’s still pretty damn scared.”

Well, he got me there. Of course I’m scared! Who wants to relive their own attempted rape and murder? The mere thought of it sends my brain into a tailspin and gives my body the shudders.
But you’ll have to someday, won’t you? Like today?

“I said, get rid of her, not scare her, you megalomaniac!” Liam continues in soft reproach. “Fuck!” he hisses. “Let's get out of here before her neighbors get suspicious of two men whispering in the dark.”

“I highly doubt they would. Judging from this dump, people are of the “mind your own fucking business credo”,” he sniffs.

For cheap rent, hell yeah
we’ll stay out of people’s business. So many illegal activities go on around here, it’s best to hold your head up straight and pretend you didn’t see a guy selling dime bags; or pretend you didn’t hear the husband up in 3B beating the shit out of his wife; or act blind to seeing the sleazy guys going in and out of Martha’s apartment while her young daughter is in school. Don’t judge us. We do what we have to do to survive in this economy.

“
Let’s watch from that broken down diner across the street and see if there is any activity.” Fletcher’s voice brings me back to the present.

“
If we spot her, we grab her and be done with her,” Fletcher suggests. “I wouldn’t mind exercising my will over her, though.”

“
Yes,” Liam muses. “She does have the body for submission. I would love to break her spirit and watch the life go right out of her as my slave.”

I think I’
m going to be sick.

“
Maybe we should keep her around? Magda is used up anyway. We’re due for another slave. Fresh pussy,” Fletcher adds.

They talk as if they are talking about sports or the fucking stock
market. This is sick what they’re talking about. And to know that they already use someone in that capacity burns my stomach. This ends.

“Well, we’
ll see. Miss Tate is a fiery one, but I’d be glad to put her in her place. Let’s go,” Liam says.

Their heavy
footfalls away from the door signal their departure, but I peek through the hole once more just to be sure.

I blow out a shuddering breath as I see the hallway empty. With shaky hands, I stop the recording. Sweat dots my upper lip and my stomach churns. I just witnessed two sick men planning my death or sexual subservience, depending on their mood. I really am going to be sick.

Bolting for the bathroom, I empty the contents of my stomach, dry heaving when there is nothing left.

Collin.

I need Collin.

After cleaning myself up, I walk to m
y bedroom and lock myself in. I’m scared to the point of paranoia. My hands are still shaking as I try to dial Collin’s number. It goes straight to voicemail, so I dial again, and again. Voicemail.

No!

Why isn’t he answering? Thinking of the only other person who could help me with this, I call Luke, who picks up after half a ring.

“Tiger, are you okay?”
he asks worriedly.

“
I’m scared.” Any bravado I had mustered before quickly dissolves when I hear Luke’s voice. My own voice comes out in a timid whisper as it cracks.

Fear, hurt, and pain all crash into one and fall over me and I burst into tears. Everything hits me at once: losing Collin, my attempted rape and murder, hearing the plot to my demise. It all chokes me, squeezing my heart painfully.

How did I escape from one hell to wind up in another kind ten years later?

“
South, I’m coming over and I’m bringing Lydia. Sit tight; don’t open the door for anyone.” Luke disconnects the call and I sit up in bed, pulling my knees up and wrapping my arms around them.

I cry and cry and cry. I didn
’t even know I had tears left. I cry and I don’t stop until I hear a knock on the door.

Are they back? Oh, my God! What do I do?

Call the police, idiot.
Oh, voice in my head, how I’ve missed you. But my subconscious is right. I swipe my cell’s screen and start dialing the numbers, but an incoming call from Luke stops me.

“
Yeah?” I answer.

“
We’re at the door. Open up,” he quickly alerts me before disconnecting the call.

I jump up and run to the door and, still scared shitless, I check the peephole fo
r any surprises. Thankfully, it’s just…Collin? Luke, Lydia and Scott are there too, but all my heart seems to register is the sight of Collin, all worried, disheveled and sexy. He’s here. For me.

Flinging the door open, I thro
w myself at him and the tears I’ve been trying futilely to stop, fall unceremoniously down my face. I sob uncontrollably in his arms as he clutches me to him, smoothing down my hair.

In his arms I feel safe, protected.

Loved.

This is where I belong. Where I’
ve always and will always belong. How could I have even entertained any thought of losing him, living without him? An hour ago I thought I did, forever. Now, here he is, in the flesh, holding me like he never wants to let me go.

Did he just sniff my hair?

“Oh, baby, what’s wrong?” Lydia asks behind me.

Aware that we aren't alone and in the hallway of my apartment complex, Collin scoops me in his arms and we all shuffle inside, someone closing and locking the door behin
d us. Good, Fletcher and Kaylee’s father won’t be surprising us.