Sounds of Yesterday (15 page)

I close my eyes and sag against the door, my hands finding Alex’s arms.

“Looks like everyone knows you’re officially at the U.”

Alex’s hand lands on my hip. I open my eyes slowly and stare down at the floor, at the space where our shoes touch. We’re so close that our chests knock into each other’s when we breathe.

“If I say I have food, will you forgive me for making you run?”

A slow laugh erupts from me and I look up. Hazel eyes shine back at me and I nod. His lips curl into a smirk. “And you said you didn’t want anything. Lair!”

I drop my hand and pinch his side. “Shut up and feed me.”

Alex lifts the hand with the paper bag and wiggles it. “Make me.”

He has no idea what those two words do to me. It’s my turn to smirk at him. It has been months since I’ve touched him. It has been months since we did anything besides look at each other with unspoken words of longing and sadness. I miss having him near me. I miss everything we used to do.

I reach out and pull his face towards mine, crashing my lips against his. A chill runs down my spine, immediately turning electric, shocking every nerve in my body.

It takes less than a millisecond of shock before he’s kissing me back.
I win.
His arm with the food drops and I grab the bag, blindly dropping it somewhere beside me. I break away with a smile on my lips, a blush on my cheeks, and my heart pounding against my rib cage.

“That still works,” I tease.

Alex’s eyes stay on my lips and I beg him to kiss me. I beg him to forget about everything holding him back and just be himself again. I miss that Alex. I want to see if he can be him again.

His eyes meet mine and he steps back.

He steps back.

I feel myself deflate. He’s not ready yet. He’s still thinking of the past. He’s still scared to touch me.

“I shouldn’t–”

Alex tilts my chin up and presses his lips against mine, shutting me up. He adds more pressure and pulls me against him hard, our breaths becoming heavier. My hands crawl up his stomach and land on his chest, slowly winding their way to the back of his neck. His tongue seeks mine out and the moment they touch, I feel weightless. I feel like fireworks about to go off and light up the night sky.

Alex moves his mouth to my neck and a moan escapes my lips.
This.
I’ve missed this so much. Everything about this, his hands touching me, his lips on my skin, is driving me mad in the best possible way.

Alex moves back to my mouth, his fingers digging into my hips, pulling me into him even though we’ve taken up any remaining space. I feel how excited he is about this moment. God, how I want to remove our clothes and see if we can do this again. Us.

“I fucking missed kissing you,” Alex breathes against my lips, pressing his against mine slowly in a chaste kiss. “So damn sweet.” He brushes my lips again. “Soft.”

I smile and wait for another kiss.

My stomach growls.

Damn you, stomach!

Alex breaks into a smile and pecks my lips one more time. “I guess you should eat.”

“Yeah.”

We don’t move. Time stops. Food is meaningless in this moment. I want to continue breathing Alex in. I want to go back to having his lips on mine. I want to–

“Emily.”

“Hmm?”

“You have ten minutes until your next class.”

Alex takes a step back and I pout.

“I brought brownies.”

I shove him away further and reach for the bag. Food means everything now that he said that. I hear him chuckle as I grab the bag and reach inside for its contents. I grab two wrapped sandwiches, a bag of chips, and three plastic wrapped walnut brownies.

“What’s for me?” I ask, unwrapping a brownie and taking a bite.

He grabs a sandwich and the bag of chips. “Everything else.”

Yesssssss!

“Thank you!”

We look around and point at a table a few feet ahead of us. Chairs are stacked up against the wall so this classroom is clearly not used. Alex grabs the chairs and we sit. My grumbling stomach is satisfied with the goodies, and my heart is satisfied with the outcome of what happened in this room.

It took long enough, I’ll say.

Alex walks me to my English class and waits by the door until I’m seated beside Liam and Tyler. The professor stares at him with a blank expression. He walks away with reddened cheeks.

He walks away with my heart in his hands. Again.

I grab my phone and text my bestie because I still can’t believe what today has come to. Never in my life did I think kissing Alex would happen again. We were supposed to be in different colleges. We weren’t meant to be here,
together
.

Me: You’ll never guess what I did ;)

Me: …I kissed Alex

I throw in some emoji’s that describe my feelings and I immediately get a reply back.

Soph: HOLY SHIT!

Soph: You didn’t!

Soph: OMG YOU DID!!!!! EM! How hot was it? Did he feel you up? SAY YES!

I stare down at the incoming messages, waiting for her to stop typing.

Soph: When did this happen?!?!?! Was there tongue?

Soph: Was he hard? Wait…I don’t want to know.

Soph: Okay, I do! I need details! Don’t leave anything out. :D

Soph: He better have gotten semi-hard! I’ll rip his dick off if he didn’t…

Soph: DID YOUR VAJAYJAY TINGLE!?!?!

Soph: EMILY!!!!

Soph: ANSWER ME!

I hold back my laughter and put my phone away. I’ll have to get back to her because texting won’t be enough. She wants every detail. I’m going to love replaying it.

I gather my hair up into a ponytail and make sure the hair tie is tight. I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror and I curl my lips into a smile. Anyone who knows me will know the smile is fake. I’m so nervous to do this, to play a song for Soph because I said I would do it yesterday but she forgot about it when we talked about the whole ‘kissing Alex’ thing. We’re going to a small café near campus, it’s a minute away from Charlie’s smoothie place and he already called telling me he’s going to watch it happen. I’ve gone to this café a few times over the summer and the people who sing there are amazing. I honestly love the indie songs more than the songs we hear on the radio. They’re deeper, raw. They express my feelings when I can’t seem to find the words to speak them.

I have to sing a song for Sophie in front of a group of people I know. Singing in front of strangers is fine. I don’t know the person, they can hate me, and I’ll never have to see them again. But my friends…they’ll never tell me I suck. I purposely butchered a song last year and they clapped and whistled at me. I told them to fuck off and I stuffed my face with ice cream when they tried to tell me it wasn’t ‘that’ bad. Kiss-asses.

“Em, we’re leaving.” Soph pops her head into the bathroom and winks at me. “Stop sulking.”

I grab my phone off the sink counter and head out into our room. “I never said I’d sing at a café.”

“You never said you’d serenade me in private.”

She has a point.

Soph links her arm through mine and we walk out of our dorm room. It’s a school night. We’re not going to be out that late but we do intend on enjoying ourselves after I’m done being a wuss.

Soph’s wearing green short shorts and a pink tank top with matching pink sandals. I said she looks like a walking watermelon and her comeback was I look like a normal person. Yeah, she’s trying to be nice and butter me up so I don’t bail on making her night special.

My fingers brush over the ends of my light leather jacket and the gray tank top underneath it, then stop at my denim shorts. I end my look with white converse. I admit, I look good. I feel good. With close to no make-up on, I feel like a girl. I’d much rather wear yoga pants and a loose t-shirt but, you know, it’s nice to dress up every once and a while.

Zach is waiting by his door with his phone in his hands. Soph and I take the extra seconds to stare at what he’s wearing. He has on pale green shorts with a white button down shirt, the first few buttons popped open. The gold watch on his wrist and the way his hair is styled is what makes me stop short.

“Holy shit, Zach.”

He looks up and smiles like he dresses like this all the time. He doesn’t. He’s a jeans and band t-shirt kind of guy. He doesn’t do gold watches. He doesn’t do…
this
.

“Do I look like a douche?” he asks, looking down. “Alex said he’d wear this so…”

“He would,” I confirm. I look at Sophie who is drooling over her boyfriend. “Where is he?” I want to see what he’s going to look like. What Zach is wearing is what you’d expect in Alex’s closet.

The guys’ dorm room door opens and I eat up the sight of Alex walking out in baby blue shorts paired with a white cotton tee. His gold watch is present too. “You’ve corrupted Zach,” I state.

Alex looks up at me with a mischievous look in his eyes. “My mom video chatted and decided to give us some advice on what to wear. We can’t argue with her taste, can we?”

“I owe that woman my first born.” Sophie saunters over to Zach and kisses him quickly. “I can get used to this but I miss the regular you. Don’t start dressing like Alex though. It’ll get weird.”

“Trust me, this is the only time.” Zach grabs Sophie’s hand and pulls her toward the elevator. “I feel like I belong in some rich elite group full of assholes. I hate it.”

“Thanks,” Alex calls out. Zach turns back and winks at him. I shake my head and give Alex room to walk out of his room. His eyes travel down my body, stopping at my legs before they come back up slowly. “You look beautiful.”

Oh, be still my beating heart.

“You don’t look so bad yourself.”

As we walk down the corridor, the back of Alex’s hand brushes against mine a few times. I smile because I know this move. Alex exudes confidence most of the time but when it comes to me, he can be the shyest person. He’ll start out small, seeing if it’s fine to go ahead with whatever is next.

Since we haven’t talked about what happened in that empty room, I know he might be somewhat confused on where I stand. Was it a one-time thing or will it happen again? I sure as hell want it to happen again but I want to go slow. At least until we’re back to being what we were. Where we ended before everything fell apart.

“Alex.” I lick my lips and keep my eyes down, watching my feet as we walk. “I want to go back to what we had but…” I shift my eyes to the side and find his hand.
Meet him halfway.
I flick my eyes up, catching his. “I’ll only commit if you’re sure about this. No more hesitating. Just do whatever you want because I’m pretty sure I want it just as badly.”
No more living in the past and looking at me with sadness in your eyes.
Be here, live in the moment. Please.

His fingers curl around mine and he squeezes, a slow grin appearing on his lips. “I’m just getting used to this again. To you.”

I nod my head in understanding. “So am I.” Ever since I stepped foot in Florida, I’ve been trying to figure out who I am. I’m not the girl I left behind in Massachusetts. That girl was quiet and scared of uttering a word that would hurt someone else. I’m not the girl who was raped and blamed herself for letting it happen.

I’m the girl who will thrive and become someone some day.

I’m a fighter. I feel it in my bones. It’s just taking some time to get her to show herself.

Both Sophie and Zach watch us as we walk into the elevator with cautious looks. I feel their protectiveness hovering around us. I know they want to say what is on their minds, to the both of us, and I want to hear it. I want to know that I’m not going into this alone. I want to hear what my friends think of this.

Leave it to my brother from another mother to start off. “Whatever is happening or will happen, just…know what you’re doing, okay? And I pick the girls’ dorm! So…if you two need time alone, our dorm room is the spot.” Zach gives Alex a serious look then turns it onto me. “And no more running.”

“I’m so excited about this!” Sophie exclaims. “Alex’s stalker tactics were a bit overboard but who cares. As long as Em wants this, I’ll stand by her.” Soph’s green eyes zero in on me and she waits for something, confirmation that I want this.

“I’ve never stopped wanting this.” I just gave up on any possible way it would ever happen. When your boyfriend is afraid to touch you, how would you react? I craved his touch. I wanted to feel something. I wanted to prove to myself and
Pierce
that he couldn’t take everything from me. In the end, he did. He took my life, my happiness, my boyfriend,
my music
. He took everything and I’m trying to get it all back.

I feel Alex’s eyes on me but I don’t look at him. I can’t. I know if I look into those hazel depths, I’ll see the pain and torment of everything I don’t want to relive. I see them when I close my eyes at night. I think that’s enough torture.

I ran because the darkness inside me consumed me. I searched for the light but kept getting shoved back. After the rape, nothing was the same. Not even my thoughts.

I needed to breathe.

I needed to feel the sun on my face and not want to hide underneath the clouds.

I enjoyed those dark darks way more than I should have…

The elevator dings when the doors close, bringing my attention back to now. All three sets of eyes are on me. “Are you going to pass out?” Zach asks, leaning into me. “You look pale.”

I am pale. Naturally.

Alex tightens his fingers around mine, looking down at me.

He gives me strength when I don’t even think I need it.

I let out a breath, then another, and hold my head up high.

“I just want to play something. And eat. The café has the best pie.”

The elevator doors open and we step out, heading outside.

I grab my phone and shoot a quick text to Landon asking if we can meet up on Sunday for some self-defense classes. His father owns the gym–The Pit, and three more around the country, so ever since Landon graduated from college last year, he’s been helping out whenever he’s not busy tattooing people. He’s been apprenticing for a few months now and I hope his mentor sees his talent and takes him on full-time soon. Landon was a regular at the smoothie shop and mentioned the gym one day and I was intrigued. We’ve met up every other week since. You can say we’ve become friends.

Charlie’s smoothie place and Landon’s father’s gym is on Sunset Drive. It’s a long road with a lot of places to choose from. The Shops at Sunset Place are definitely the main attraction that keeps those two in business when customers are walking around.

At most, I have to walk twenty-five minutes to meet up with either of them from the university. Today, we’re taking the bus. If we had a car, it’d take five minutes. I so can’t wait to be a sophomore and save up for a car. Even though I hate driving, I hate walking
everywhere
.

We get to the bus stop on time and are at the café in fifteen minutes. When I step onto the sidewalk, I glance back at Alex and say, “It’s weird seeing you ride in a bus.” He was always in his car or on special days, he’d have a driver pick him up. With no car around, he’s stuck walking and taking public transportation. The dude hates trains so that’s a no-no for him getting too far.

Alex’s lips curl up slightly and I wait to hear whatever teasing, snobby thing he’s about to say. “I’m pretty sure that anyone who knows me and
sees
me riding on that monstrous thing all the time now will think I hit rock bottom.”

I pout and clutch my chest, teasing him. “Oh, one of the sad things of being rich.”

He glances around the area, watching some people step off the bus. A young man in a tailored suit and nicely styled hair walks past, acting like he’s the greatest thing to walk the earth. He looks down at everyone with every step. “It is a sad life,” Alex says, matter-of-factly.

Soph turns back and stares at him, confused.

“Some people only have money, Soph,” I explain. They don’t have anything or anyone else to keep them company. They live a lonely life. They can buy whatever they want but at the end of the day, would you rather spend it staring at the newest thing you bought or talking about it with someone else who cares about you.

Money does buy happiness but it’s not the happiness most of us seek.

“Well, I’m a great catch,” Zach points out, “and I’m priceless.”

“And you’re mine!” Sophie jumps on Zach’s back and mauls his neck.

I roll my eyes and pull Alex against me as we walk past them. “They were made for each other.”

“Tell me about it.”

I’d love to tell you about us…

The next thing I know, Alex’s arm falls from mine, wraps around my legs and back, and I’m lifted in the air bridal style. Some kind of squeaking noise comes out of me then I laugh. I wrap my arms around Alex’s neck and drop my head on his shoulder. I close my eyes and breathe in his scent.

“You have no idea how happy I am that you’re here,” I say softly. I was confused and angry at first but now, almost two weeks of having Alex in the same city as me, it’s comforting. It’s thrilling. It’s what makes my heart beat for more than just being alive.

“I think I do,” he murmurs into my ear. He turns his head slightly and kisses my cheek.

I sink against his body and tell him where to go. He continues to talk to me as he carries me to our destination.

His voice, his breathing, is the perfect melody to my favorite song.

I can listen to it all day.

***

The café is a small place that gets packed fast. There’s enough seating for less than a hundred people. During a time when a singer/songwriter comes up, everyone’s a little squished. Right now, it’s not too crowded.

The dim lights keep the place a bit dark, giving the customers a homey feel. They serve just about everything but I stick to the sweets. Their pies, whatever flavors they have, are amazing. I’m sure my ass agrees.

We find a table near the windows where we can still see what’s happening in the far corner of the building where the musicians play. A guy with his guitar is sitting up there, strumming a few strings, tuning his guitar. His head is bowed, knee propped up on the stool’s bottom rung. He’s totally in the zone.

Our server asks what we want then leaves, taking the orders of the table next to us. I spot some college-aged people scattered around here, a table with a family of five, and some middle-aged women staring some men their age down.

A man sitting up at the counter, turns his head and looks around. He spots me and winks. My eyes fall on the small child sitting on his lap who is now screaming my name at the top of her lungs. “Oh, shit.”