Soul Scars (Dog Haven Sanctuary Romance) (41 page)

Lulah pulled from his grasp. “Go on; get over there,” she said, nudging him away.

As he turned, Gable came running towards him. “Daddy,” she called, raising her arms to be picked up. He swept her up against him, pulling her head against his shoulder, wanting to hold her so tight but worried he’d crush her. Over Gable’s shoulder, he mouthed another ‘thank you’ to Lulah, and placed the wriggling child back on the ground. “What first?” he asked, “Swings or the slide?”

She took his hand and pulled. “Swings, Daddy. Let’s go.”

Daddy.
The sweetest word he’d heard in such a long time.

CONCENTRATING ON THE class was difficult when every glance she stole brought Vince and Gable into sight, playing on the swings or messing about with Calliope. Sometimes she caught them deep in conversation, oblivious to the class going on nearby. Watching the pair should have brought her so much pleasure, but now she felt lost.

The small world she’d created for herself had broken into pieces when she heard her cabin had sold, and seeing Vince with his daughter, seeing their joy and the way they seemed to fit like a hand in a glove, turned the pieces of her world upside down.

Vince caught her gaze, held it, and this time it was he who seemed to find her soul as his broad smile filled her with light. With Gable, he looked complete. Lulah helped him reach his prize, and in time, she would enjoy some satisfaction from having done that for him. Right now, she’d take his smile, because his pleasure would sustain her through the class.

A couple of hours later, they were back at the cabin. Lulah prepared dinner, and Vince leaned against the bench, still smiling.

“God, Lulah, I don’t know if I can ever thank you enough for what you did, arranging for Gable to be there tonight. Even better, Taryn has said I can have her for the entire day the Sunday after next. Maybe I can bring her back here, show her around the Dog Sanctuary. She’d love that.”

“Good idea.” Why couldn’t she inject any enthusiasm into her voice?

“You’re not okay, Lulah. What’s wrong?”

She stared at the potato half-peeled in her hand, her back to Vince, thankfully, because now at home, not having to hold everything together for class, she cracked. “Tired, I guess,” she mumbled.
Hell, tears now, great.
She lifted an arm, wiping her eyes on the sleeve of her sweater.

“Jesus, you’re crying.”

“It’s the onions,” she lied.

She jumped when his hands took her shoulders. “You don’t have onions; now turn around.”

She shook her head. “Don’t, Vince.”

“To hell with that.” He took the knife she’d been using from her hand and placed it on the bench. “Come with me.” He led her to the sofa, sitting first and pulling her into his lap. She struggled, not wanting his concern or tenderness, because what was the point of comfort when he’d be gone soon? But his arms trapped her, and finally she gave in, burying her face into his chest and taking a long deep breath of him, his scent and his strength.

“So, imp, tell me what’s upset you.”

“Hold me a bit. I’ll be alright, soon.”

“Sure, I’ll hold you for as long as you need, and you’ll be alright as soon as you tell me what’s bothering you.”

She could stay silent in the safety and warmth, here against Vince. In fact, she could happily stay right here for the rest of her life.

“Come on, let me have it.”

“Break.”

Vince chuckled. “Nice try, but that safeword doesn’t work around me. We have all night, and I’m a patient man, so if you’re planning to eat, you’d better start sharing those thoughts.”

“I’d rather hear about how you finished up at the retreat and what you talked about with Gable. That would cheer me up.”

He sat her up. “No ducking out of this, imp. I have so much to tell you, but you’re going to talk first. You’ve admitted you need cheering up. Can’t do that until I know what’s wrong, so shoot.”

“It’s a bit of a list. I don’t want to depress you.”

“As if you could.” His stomach rumbled against her. “That’s the sound of hunger. Start talking.”

Where to start? That was the problem. She’d have to leave out her insecurities about leaving Vince at the retreat because she didn’t want to sound completely crazy. “Okay, listen up ‘cause I’m only saying this once. They’ve made a decision at the Sanctuary for the director of service dog training, and it’s not me.”

“Oh, Lulah, I’m so sorry. That sucks.”

“There’s a bit more suck.”

“Ray?”

“Ray’s fine. He’s improving all the time, and he’s about to move into a rehab program for gambling. I’ve a list a mile long of art supplies he wants me to buy for him, because he’s using painting as therapy.”

“Is it me?”

She swung around and straddled his lap. Suddenly she didn’t want to hide her face from him, shelter him from the onslaught of emotion that threatened to burst through. Yeah, it was him, a bit, so why did she try to keep that a secret? “At the end of the retreat, it all went wrong for me. I felt rejected.”

“Why, imp?” He stroked her back in long sweeps up and down her spine, as if coaxing the words from her.

“After the dream, the morning I left, you went to Eric and Adoette…I thought you’d turn to me.” Saying it aloud sounded silly. “I guess I didn’t understand what was happening. It seemed you didn’t need me anymore.”

“I wasn’t rejecting you. I didn’t want to trouble you with anything else. Plus, it was the sort of dream some of the others already experienced, and Eric had helped them sort it out. At the retreat, my entire focus was on healing, so I was probably more self-absorbed than ever. I stayed another night there but had no more significant dreams.”

“How do you feel now?” Such bland words begging for such a potent answer.

“Normal, Lulah, and you have no idea what a feeling that is for someone like me. And it’s thanks to you, for believing I could get better. The idea of what may have happened with my life if I’d never met you fills me with horror.”

His gratitude was more of a burden than the nightmare of his story, because she was unworthy of it. Apparently she’d become some sort of bubbling mess because once again, tears threatened. “I pushed you away.” The tears spilled with her confession.

“Hey…”

He waited for her, wanting her to meet his eyes if his finger pressing under her chin was any indication.

“Hey, Lulah,” he repeated, his voice gentle as it would be with a frightened animal. “You saw in me what I couldn’t find. How many ways can I tell you how grateful I am for that? You stood me on my feet and encouraged me to seek help. That’s not pushing me away, that’s guiding me to the start of the journey I needed to take to make me whole.”

“I could have helped you more…those times when you asked.”

“No.” He shook his head. “Any more from you and I’d still be in the same place. You gave me strength and courage.” His fingertips slipped across her face, taking away her tears. “Are you hungry, imp?”

“No, not really.”

“Me neither. Come to bed and let me hold you.”

She needed that, too, but when she followed him through to the bedroom, she knew that she still had to tell him about the cabin. Vince removed his clothes, and she followed his lead. The look he gave, searing hot and loaded with desire, helped her decide that the rest of her bad news could wait until morning.

Chapter 35

M
AKING LOVE TO Lulah the night before had been so different from other times. Gone was the desperation to erase the bad thing that gnawed at him, that could be vanquished for a few hours by sharing something so beautiful with her. At breakfast, though, Lulah’s odd mood returned. Her bright comments were forced, and something still bothered her. The way she shrugged off his questions, in place of her usual open honesty, told him his suspicions were correct. Today he would do something to fix that for her.

Lulah was leaving for work as he cleared up from breakfast. “Can you bring Calliope over to the Sanctuary this afternoon? A couple of the interns are interested in service dog training, and I’d like to give them a demo with Calliope. Show them what they’re up for.”

That didn’t fit in at all well with his plans.

She’d read the look on his face, because in an instant, she continued with a shrug. “It doesn’t matter. It was an idea. You’re obviously busy; we can do it another day.”

He hated seeing her like this. “I’m not too busy. I’ll fit it in.”

“Thanks. Why don’t I come here for lunch and we can go up to the Sanctuary together?”

“That sounds good.” Sounded like a nightmare in logistics to be honest. He had another appointment with the lawyer this morning, who, for someone charging in minute increments, seemed lousy at timekeeping. Then there was that other major meeting, but what the hell? Lulah smiled at him, and her smile made the impossible doable.

He went over to the barn, leaving the door open despite the vicious wind chill. The place needed airing from being locked up, and he wanted a fresh atmosphere to start work on the new commission. The dog was a honey…a Papillion whose butterfly ears were going to be a challenge for his chisel. He’d chosen the dog as his first commission from the list of people waiting, because the wheelchair-bound owner had relied on Pierre, her small dog, for the past fourteen years to complete the tasks for which she was incapable.

When the lawyer’s secretary called to say they needed to push the meeting back an hour, he knew he’d never make the Dog Sanctuary visit that afternoon.

DON’T FREAKIN’ BELIEVE this. Is he for real?

Lulah held the note in her hand that carried two words guaranteed to send a chill to the pit of her stomach.

Break.

Sorry.

He’d even managed to find the stone he’d used to weight the last note he’d placed at her door, despite her having, at that time, hurled it across the yard. Lulah searched back trying to identify the god or goddess she’d managed to piss off, because this game of life was rapidly turning shitty. She took an apple from the fridge, recalled Joker, and headed back for the Sanctuary. It was no surprise to discover the apple’s texture floury and a large bruise.

An hour into work at the Sanctuary and Adam hauled her away on some pretense designed to give him the opportunity to dig into her head.

“Tell me what’s going on.”

“Have you bought donuts?”

“No.” His eyes widened as if he couldn’t believe she was asking for food. “And I’m not even going to bribe you with a promise of them.”

“That’s the second time this week you’ve failed on the donuts.”

“You haven’t earned any. Now, tell me why you are being so hard on the interns?”

“Not one of them brought their brains to work today. You go soft on them; they take advantage of you.”

“You’re going to scare them away at the rate you’re chewing them out.”

Lulah huffed and draped herself over an armchair. “This lot are unbelievable.”

“This lot, Lulah, are no different than any other lot. Some are brilliant, some good, and some below average. All are here to learn and don’t have your expertise or knowledge. Now, there’s a bug in your ass, and if you don’t want to tell me about it, I’ll call for Marlo.”

“I don’t know who’s worse.”

“Believe me, that would be Marlo.”

What could she tell him? That the cabin had sold? No, she should tell Vince first, except he’d run away again. Well, hadn’t the retreat proved a roaring success! A couple of days out and he’s back to his old behavior. She was done with all of it. No promotion, no house, no reliable man in her life…

“Lulah, speak.”

“Hello, Adam. How are things with you?”

He fixed her with a stare that would make the most heinous felon quake. She raised her hands. “Okay, things are a bit messy, and I’ve brought the mess to work when really I should be all mature and leave it at home. I apologize, and it won’t happen again.” She stood.

He shook his head. “Borrowing from Marlo here. Sit!”

Lulah flopped back into the chair. Defiance rose in her because, hell… “I’m tired, alright? My well-planned life has gone off the rails, and I’m starting to see that I have no backup plan.”

“Is this about missing the promotion?”