Soul Scars (Dog Haven Sanctuary Romance) (27 page)

The few words he’d managed about his friends, memorialized on his back, were enough for her and they’d stayed that way, Lulah draped over him, protecting him, breathing with him, until at some stage he’d rolled her to her side, holding her close against his stomach, soothing her to sleep.

He’d woken a little after five a.m. Lulah tucked tightly to him, her hand wrapped around his wrist in a manner that tugged at his heart. When he stirred, Lulah woke, too, so they spent the next hour exploring each other’s bodies. He’d started at her feet, kissing, touching, small bites and smaller caresses, never staying in one place too long so that new bundles of nerves were teased awake and abandoned before they became accustomed to his touch. Too soon the dogs butted in with their demands to go outside.

They’d made breakfast together, bumping into each other as they worked within the small kitchen space, shared spontaneous touches that were so easy they required no thought or apology. He’d sat across from Lulah at breakfast and honestly, he hadn’t wanted to move. Hadn’t wanted Lulah to move, either. Is this what it could be like for them? This quiet harmony and unbelievably hot sex?

“WHAT DO YOU mean ‘he’s gone’?”

“There.” Lulah pushed the scrap of paper across the table to Adam.

“Break. His safeword.” He handed it back to Lulah. “Any ideas?”

“Nope.” Lulah folded the note, over and over until it became a tiny scrap, and stuffed it in her pocket. She shrugged. “Just that one word, you know: all big shouty caps, jammed under a rock at my door. No explanation.” She exhaled. “Jesus, I do deserve an explanation, don’t I?”

“Depends on the terms of the safeword.”

“The terms are:
no explanation required
. Damn safeword. Something bad’s happened, Adam, I know it. On Wednesday we had this bit of a drama at dog training because Taryn, his ex-wife, turned up for class. We worked through that and everything was good.” Her cheeks heated when she recalled exactly how good it was. “He stayed over.”

“Big relationship shift, huh? Was he okay this morning?”

“Oh, yeah, he was better than okay this morning.” Lulah managed a smile. “But seriously, he wasn’t running scared, or anything. A little bit nervous about the speech tonight but certainly not saying he didn’t want to do it. In fact, quite the opposite. No matter how much it bothered him to stand up in a crowded place, he was determined to make the speech and help the people understand the program.”

“Is there anything else going on in his life right now?”

“Apart from making some progress within himself, nothing. Work’s coming in, and for his daily stuff he’s found Calliope invaluable. Counseling is positive, and we were, you know—”

Adam raised his hand. “Spare the details.”

“I honestly thought we’d reached a point where he wouldn’t need a break. If anything cropped up I presumed he would come to me and we could work through it. When I left this morning we were all sweet for today. We’d arranged to meet at the cabin at lunchtime, have a bite to eat, and take a leisurely drive up to Seattle. I can’t believe he’s taken off. I’m so…” What was she? Angry, frustrated, and let down. So very let down.

“Come here.”

She closed her eyes as Adam wrapped her in a hug. The urge to bury her face in his chest and let the floodgates open tempted her, encouraging her to give in this once, but she would conquer it. She always had.

“Let it go, Lulah.”

She shook her head. “Can’t,” she mumbled into his shirt, drew a deep breath and pushed off him. “This is what it’s like, isn’t it, for all the partners and parents of people with PTSD out there? They live day-to-day with this unpredictability. I can’t do that, Adam. I grew up like this and coming back here today, expecting Vince to be here—because, I’m sorry, but, it’s a really fucking important event—and instead he’s vanished. Well, it’s a timely reminder before I fell too hard.”

“So I guess you’ve tried his phone, looked for clues, all that sort of stuff.”

“Yup. The phone’s turned off, or out of juice. His pickup’s gone. At least he has Calliope with him.” She faced Adam. “I guess we should go. Thanks for fitting me in with you guys, I don’t feel like driving right now.”

Adam did some shuffling, arranging for Dave and Cody to travel to Seattle with Mike, leaving room in the car for her, with him and Marlo. “Get yourself into the car and I’ll bring your bag.”

They drove in silence for a short while before Lulah started to realize the impact of Vince’s vanishing act. “Guys, this Vince thing isn’t good. For a start, how is it going to be for Dave and Cody? It may knock their confidence because it will appear to them that even though Vince has practiced with Calliope for much longer than they have, having a service dog hasn’t improved his life. If they think Vince has lost it and Calliope couldn’t help, they’re not going to be too confident around their own dogs.”

“Mike’s going to talk to them and explain that something major has happened to Vince. The only other thing we can do is promise them we’ll let them know as much as possible about what went on, so that they can see it is an unusual set of circumstances.”

“Okay, so what do we do about tonight? Vince is in the program for giving a speech and for the Justice model. When people find out the star of the show has disappeared, they’re hardly likely to support a cause that is failing in its first outing.”

“Is there some way we can skirt around it?” Marlo asked.

“No.” Adam replied. “No denying it. If the real story emerges we’ve lost credibility forever. If we’re honest about it we can move on from there.”

They turned onto I-5, now in a convoy with Mike.

Lulah’s anger was entirely misplaced. Whatever had happened to Vince, he hadn’t wandered off to be annoying or because he hadn’t given it much thought. Even though he must have had a really good reason, accepting it was difficult. Her disappointment grew because she thought they’d made so much headway and even more, she thought she’d made a difference in his life, making it better for him. Somewhere along the way, when she wasn’t watching, she’d slipped into rescuer mode. Time to pull back.

Lulah watched the countryside blur past the window. Her mouth was dry and the onset of a rare headache threatened. That was when she had the idea. “I’ll make Vince’s speech.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I can do it. I’ve listened to it enough I almost know it by heart. Of course, they were Vince’s words and they needed to come from him but I think I can use the essence of what he wanted to say, and turn it a bit, so that it explains why Vince isn’t there.”

“Have you done any public speaking?” Adam asked.

“Absolutely…”

“Great.”

“Absolutely none, to be honest. But I can do it for the program. We can’t fail at this point.”

“If you’re sure, otherwise I can fill in with some stuff. But really, it would be way better to have something from you. Let’s go straight to the hotel and you can practice what you want to say.”

“Right now I want to kill Vince so I’ll use the rest of the drive demolishing that feeling so that I can get on with saying nice things.”

THE PLACE WAS crowded. Vince’s banner behind the stage was spectacular, drawing again from Lulah that bewildering mix of anger at him and concern for his state of mind. The banner image of a dog and a man—Vince and Calliope loosely disguised—sharing a private connection would stir the emotions of the most hard-hearted among the guests. It hung as a testament to both Vince’s talent and his early training in commercial graphic art.

Following Adam and Marlo through the maze of tables and the rumble of voices, she couldn’t help scanning the room, hoping that maybe Vince had made it here and wasn’t going to let her down after all. She could see Mike already seated at the main table where they were headed and he stood to greet her, coming around the table to take her elbow and show her to her seat.

“You look stunning.”

Maybe. She had to agree that the effect of the dress surprised her, but the effort had been for one person who hadn’t been able to return the favor. This kind of thinking was no good for her. It was disappointment, hurt, and her own fault for going against instincts.

She sat and thanked Mike for the compliment. A grand occasion such as this, was foreign territory for her, so she’d make sure to enjoy herself. Scanning the room with a new attitude, she noted people from CRAR, and their president, Mae, who was Marlo’s guardian through her teenage years. The guests who filled the room seemed to be a mix of minor celebrities and the screamingly rich, sometimes both. At Dog Haven Sanctuary they never had much contact with the money side of CRAR, who funded them along with a string of other sanctuaries throughout the country. Staying away from the financial side suited Lulah because these types of people brought her insecurities to the surface and now, thanks to Vince’s no-show, she was about to make a speech to them.

She leaned across the table. “Marlo, I think I’m going to be sick. How many people are here? And they all look awesome and fabulous, and any moment now I’m going to collapse to the floor and start flapping about because I’m totally a fish out of water.”

“Lulah, you look amazing.” She turned. “Tell her, Mike.”

“I’ve told her once, but I’m happy to keep at it.”

Marlo nodded at him. “Thank you.” She faced Lulah. “All you have to do is encourage them to part with their money.”

“Now you’re making me sound like a hooker.”

“You’ll charm them. We have faith in you, otherwise we wouldn’t let you do it.”

“Oh, good, so no pressure. I’m not going to be able to eat. Do you know that? And I bet the food will be wonderful. Why couldn’t they have the speeches and auction first, dinner after?”

“You’ll eat, you’ve never been known not to.”

“I’ll probably drink too much, and face-plant as I negotiate the steps to the stage in these ridiculous heels. My nose will whack the top step and blood will pour down the front of the only decent dress I’ve ever worn. When I finally make it to the podium, I’ll have to make the entire speech with my head tilted back, pinching the bridge of my nose.”

“Perfect. Imagine the sympathy. They’ll be bidding like philanthropic billionaires.”

“Everyone will see up it!”

“What?”

“My nose.”

“No,” Marlo shook her head, “there’ll be too much gore; they won’t be able to see a thing.”

“Not helping. Distract me, Marlo. Where’s Adam?”

“Fussing. Making certain everything is perfect. Schmoozing the pretty people. He’s scarcely been in the country and he appears to know half the people in the room. He’ll know them all by the end of the night.”

“They like his cute accent.”

“Yeah.” Marlo smiled. “So long as that’s all they like.”

Lulah had to ask. She’d gone two hours without asking and she’d messed with her phone so many times it now had a dead battery. “Any news of Vince?”

“You’ll be the first to know when there is.”

She caught herself scanning the ballroom again. Pathetic, but she couldn’t help it. The room had completely filled now and when she checked her watch she saw they were five minutes from dinner being served. At the next table sat Dave and his wife, with Bravo, Dave’s dog settled quietly at his feet. Cody and his parents were alongside, and his dog Alpha placed two paws up on Cody’s lap. Cody stroked him, mouth tight, gaze flickering about as if he’d rather have his back to the wall with a clear view of the exits. Lulah nudged Mike. “Does Cody need some encouragement?”

Mike stood. “Yeah, he’s wired. I’ll go and have a word.”

The wait staff served dinner by the time Mike returned to the table. After one mouthful of the fish Lulah discovered her appetite was intact.

“See, I told you your appetite wouldn’t desert you.”

“The butterflies need feeding,” Lulah added between mouthfuls.

“More like the worms,” Marlo suggested.

Everyone laughed. “Oh thanks, that really helped a lot.” Way too soon for Lulah’s comfort, Adam left the table and mounted the stage. When he stood in front of the podium the noise level dropped to a simmer before finally silencing completely.

Lulah leaned over to Marlo. “Adam in jeans and a t-shirt is pretty hot, but put that guy in a suit and he’s devastating. You’d better haul him to the altar quick, because about half the women in the room appear as though they’d happily ditch their husbands for him.”

“He’s not going anywhere. It breaks his heart to even leave me at the table.”

Marlo was right, and despite the fact that she had a speech to deliver in front of a couple of hundred people—an act that made her knees weak in a disturbing way—she couldn’t help wondering how it would feel to be so adored. To have a guy who had your back, cared for you, encouraged you to grow, and looked freaking amazing. She’d enjoyed bits of that for a short while, and she admitted that over the past couple of weeks she’d wanted more.

When Adam finished, Mike went to the stage and explained the training program for the dogs and the type of things the dogs could do to help the veterans. Next, Dave and Cody received their graduation certificates to wild applause, and Lulah decided the crowd seemed warmed up enough. “We could skip my bit,” she whispered to Marlo.

“You’re going to be great. Go on, up you go, you’ll be fantastic, and, Lulah… I love you, brave girl.”

She pushed back her chair and headed for the steps. Her Everest. She paused at the bottom, trying to talk some strength into her numb legs. When she looked up Adam stood to the side of the podium. He gave her a wink and a grin and suddenly it was only him up there she had to reach. Yeah, she could be brave, for Vince, for the program and all the warriors it would help. The feeling returned to her legs in a rush and she marched up the stairs, surprising herself at the way she managed her heels.

Adam leaned into her when she reached him. “Rocking those heels, Lulah,” he said, not far enough away from the microphone, so that the ripple of laughter told them everyone heard. He bent to give her a quick kiss on the cheek and said quietly in her ear, “It helps if you remember to breathe, and imagine the entire audience is naked. Now, go slay ‘em.”