Soul Crossed (14 page)

“C…c…can’t,” she chokes the word out, and I see in the light of the moon that she is turning blue. I let go and bury my head in my hands.

“Then it’s over,” I say.

“Can’t talk when you’re choking me to death,” Keira says, stroking her neck. “Honestly, I don’t know if it’s too late. The ditz has bad aim. She missed her own heart by inches.”

I flinch, about to lunge at her again.

“Fine! If I were you, I’d get rid of the dagger since you’re that desperate to screw her before she dies.” She shakes her head, exasperated, and disappears into a puff of smoke.

I fumble forward over Grace, grasp the hilt of the dagger, and pull it from her chest. Blood spurts out of the wound, and I cast the dagger aside, pressing my palms against the hole, desperate to stop it. I hear the crowd milling outside of the school, behind me. The sirens of the ambulance still a mile away. It doesn’t matter. No human doctor can heal this wound.

She’s stopped convulsing, but she’s deathly still. I can’t see her breathing. Her aura is very dim. I lower my head to her chest and listen for a heartbeat. Nothing. I tear open her blood-soaked gown so I can get a better look at the wound. Her bra is exposed and I pause even in this moment, taken aback by her perfection.

I press my palms down over her heart and begin to press rhythmically. I put my mouth over hers and breathe for her, blowing into her lungs until her chest rises and falls. Then I continue my compressions.

“Come on. Come on, Grace. You can’t leave me. You can’t do this. It’s all my fault.” I’m unraveling now. I feel the burning in my eyes, and only after the tears splash down onto my hands do I realize it’s not because they’ve turned Demon red. My pace slows after a few minutes. They still haven’t found us.

“Please.” The one word squeezes from my chest like a prayer. I know He won’t listen, but maybe Grace will. “Grace, please don’t give up on me. I need you. I’m only real when you’re with me.” I place my head on her chest, and I cry. I sob like a little baby.

“I love you.” I quiet a little after my admission. I haven’t uttered those words since I was eight. The last time I was rewarded with a smack across the face and a warning from my father. “You’re such a pathetic wuss. Men don’t say shit like that.” Well, I’m not a man. Not anymore. Certainly not without her.

Her chest rises and falls beneath me, and I spring to life. The blood still stains her skin along with my hands. But the gash where I pulled the dagger out has closed on itself, leaving only a smooth, white scar. I can’t keep from staring at it.

I smooth her hair back from her head as her eyes flutter open. Fear clouds her expression, but it is replaced by contentment as she sees me looking down at her. She opens her mouth to speak, and I shush her.

“You had me really worried there,” I say.

“What happened?” she asks, trying to sit. I help support her, and she realizes her dress is open down the front. Without a word, I pull the bloodstained tunic from my body and tug it over her head. She’s shaking, and I put an arm around her.

“I had to perform CPR,” I say.

“This should have never happened.”

“It was a cursed blade,” I say slowly, picking the dagger out of the grass and turning it over in my hands.

“Cursed?” she asks. Her eyes are wide.

“This is all my fault,” I say.

“Cursed?” she repeats.

“I know what you are, Grace.” She opens her mouth to deny it, but her eyes rest on the dagger in my hands. Her shoulders droop.

“How?” she asks.

“Because we’re after the same soul.”

“I don’t understand.” I crush the dagger in my bare hands and release the gravel into the grass where death immediately spreads out in a circle about a foot wide.

“There are two more things you need to know,” I say. “I love you. And I am a Demon.”

Burning pain, like fingers of poison spreading through my body—that’s the last thing I remember. It’s gone now. I’m cold, freezing really, but I don’t care because the pain is gone. Overhead the stars light up the night like a million diamonds. But the jewels I am most interested in are two blue eyes. I can make out the startling color even through the cover of darkness, and I relax at once.

I ask what happened, and he helps me to sit. I lean against him to prevent the world from spinning and realize that my dress is open to my waist. But he’s already pulling off his shirt to cover my embarrassment. And I notice he’s looking only in my eyes. But what he tells me next shocks me even more than waking up half-naked in the woods.

Josh is a Demon. So he knows what I am and what could hurt me. That must mean he’s the one who tried to kill me. My heart races.

But—he says he loves me. He also saved my life.

He waits like a statue, afraid to touch me again for fear I might recoil. I try for what feels like centuries to formulate a response.

“So, Keira’s not your sister?” I ask. Shock sweeps over his face and then he relaxes ever so slightly.

“I’m afraid not,” he admits. He’s searching my face, looking for…what? Forgiveness? If he truly is a Demon, why does he care?

“What made you change your mind about killing me?” I ask, my voice as soft as a feather. “Why did you save me?” My words seem to upset him, but he answers just as slowly and softly. We are both being careful now.

“I never meant for this to happen. Not any of it. Please believe that, Grace. I understand if you don’t trust me, but you have to know that’s the truth.” The urgency behind his words is clear. I want to believe him.

I look to the circle in the ground where death has claimed its territory. I know in my heart that nothing will ever grow in that spot. I finger my chest as though making sure none of it is left inside of me. “You say you love me.” I find it hard to say, but I must. “Yet, you deceived me. All this time you lied to me about what you are. I’m such a fool.” I turn away, finding it unbearable to look in his eyes.

“Grace,” his voice is filled with pain and longing. But how can I believe him? “I didn’t know about you either. Not until the explosion.”

“The explosion? You did that?” I scoot backward, disgusted.

“No! No! It was Keira. Well, it was the soul she corrupted. I had nothing to do with it, I swear. I didn’t even know. Not until after. Not until she told me. That’s when she figured out what you were. What you are.” He extends his hand, reaching for me, but I shy away.

“Then what? You planned to kill me?” I ask. I must know it all, no matter how painful.

“I never meant for you to get hurt.” He’s actually crying now. I don’t know whether to hold him or clap for his performance.

“But you planted the dagger you knew could kill me. Who else could have done it?” I didn’t even know Angels could die. What happens to us then?

“No! Cam did that.” His beautiful eyes turn to glowing embers, and I cower toward the ground. When he sees my reaction they melt back into their normal blue, and his face fills with pain. “But I might as well have done it myself. I drove him to it.”

“You told him to kill me?” Tears spill down my cheek. They are impossible to hold back.

“No. I set you up so you would break his heart. I wanted him to get hurt. It was my job to corrupt him…and I was jealous of the attention you give him. He doesn’t deserve you, Grace. He’s evil.”

“He’s evil? No. He’s
human
. A human being, like I was just months ago, with choices to make. He’s flawed, but he’s been hurt so many times. Do you know what it’s like to have a parent who refuses to love you?” He flinches like I’ve struck him.

“Yes. I know what it’s like,” he says, and I believe him. “I was human too until a few months ago.”

“So, you went—”

“To Hell. And you went to Heaven. That doesn’t surprise me, Grace. You are by far the best person I’ve ever met. The fact that you’re still here talking to me proves that.” He’s miserable. I can see that.
He’s a Demon
, I remind myself.

But is it possible that he feels like a Demon about as much as I feel like an Angel?

“What’s it like?” I ask. He’s surprised.

“Hell?”

“No. Being a Demon?”

“Some days its cool. I have power beyond anything I ever imagined. Other times it sucks. Like now. I’m trapped, Grace. You said Cam has choices. I don’t. Not anymore. Not really.” He’s crying more now. I go to him but pull back at the last second.
You want to believe the best in people
. Mr. Griffith’s face swims through my mind.

“You chose to save me,” I say instead. “You could have let me die.”

“No, Grace. I couldn’t have let you die.” The intensity of his gaze takes my breath away.

“It was still a choice. Even if the option is unbearable.” I hold his face between my hands, forcing him to see me. The electricity flows through my arms, and the next moment I am kissing him, sliding my hands down over his bare chest.

He returns the kiss, and all of my pent up worries and regrets are washed away in the fury of our passion. I must be crazy. I know I should be calling Ms. Alvarez right now. I should be reporting his existence immediately. But I can’t do it. All I see is the Josh who’s opened up to me. The Josh who saved my life despite what we are.

He nuzzles his way down my neck, and I suck in a deep breath of cold air. His hands pull me in, tight against him, his too-big tunic falling down below my shoulders, revealing more skin for him to kiss. I close my eyes, losing my train of thought, letting go of everything but him. He needs me. I feel it. I
know
it. Just like I know there is good, even in him. He isn’t born of Hell, I tell myself. Maybe my first impression was the right one. Maybe I can save him, too.

Shame. Love. Incredulity. Fear. The emotions wash over me in waves as I bare my soul to Grace. She is my savior, my hope, my only humanity left. I cannot believe that she has forgiven me. That she’s kissed me when I thought I would never hold her again. So I kiss her back. I inhale her. I taste her. I cannot pull her close enough.

“I hate to interrupt the party, but I’m afraid I must.” Keira appears beside us, and though I’m happy to ignore her, Grace pulls back with a shriek.

“I’m all for you two doing the nasty, but Cam’s picking his way through the woods right now and if he finds you like that, as entertaining as it will be, it will prevent you from concluding your mission. You know. Now that you saved her and all.”

“Get out!” I scream at her because I can see that Grace is truly frightened of Keira.

“Don’t get snippy with me,” she says, and I am reminded how dangerous she can be. I try to rein it in.

“It’s been a long night,” I mutter by way of apology and she seems to accept this.

“You need to get her back to the ambulance. Everyone’s searching for you. Tell them you gave her CPR, and for shit’s sake put your costume back on. I’ll fix the dress.” She snaps her fingers, and my tunic returns to me. She’s removed Grace’s bra along with it and waits a few extra moments before fixing the dress just to watch her squirm.

“Nice rack,” she says and licks her lips. Repulsed, Grace turns away, trying to cover herself. I’m about to yell again when Keira disappears in a cloud of her customary black smoke.

When it clears, I see that she’s kept her word. Grace’s gown is whole, though permanently stained with blood and grass.

“Come on,” I say, and I scoop her into my arms to carry her back through the woods.

Keira was right. Cam is only yards away. He’s wearing his night vision goggles, and the lenses glare red. I may not have spotted him at all, dressed in black as he is.

“There you are!” he says, feigning relief. I fight back the urge to rip his head off. “They’re about to send out the search parties.”

“Well, they can call them off,” I say. My voice is measured. “Grace is fine.” He betrays no outward sign of relief or disappointment.

“So I see. Thank goodness.” Grace clutches me tighter, but I cannot take my eyes off of Cam.

“I need to get her to an ambulance. Excuse us.” He hesitates and steps to the side, letting us pass.

“Does he know?” Grace whispers when we’ve nearly cleared the woods.

“No. I’m sure Keira didn’t tell him what it was. She’s not about to get on Lucifer’s bad side. He has to turn to darkness of his own volition.” She tilts her head in silent question. “My job is to give him a little push.”

“You’re his
Yetzer Horah
,” she says in answer. Before I can ask, we are in the midst of a hoard of people, and I set her gently on a gurney.

“Where have you been?” Miss Adams is at my side, worrying at her long, beaded necklace.

“I panicked,” I tell her. “I started to run to the hospital, but realized how crazy that is. Then I set her down and performed CPR. She’s fine now, but she should still get checked out.”

She looks to Grace to see if my crazy story is true, and Grace does a nice job looking weak.

“We’ll take it from here, son,” says the paramedic. Grace looks into his face, and I see his expression turn to one of sheer bliss.

“I’d like Josh to ride with me, please.”

“Sure. Hop in, kid.” I smile at Miss Adams and jump in the back of the ambulance. They load Grace inside with me.

“But what
happened
?” Miss Adams asks, straining to see inside as they close the doors.

“Too many Xanax—stage fright!” I say as her shocked face disappears from view. I am smiling, but Grace is not.

“Xanax?” she asks incredulously. “Josh, if we’re going to be together, you need to stop lying to everyone.”

“I’m not the only one who lies,” I remind her. “You live with your aunt?” Her face reddens.

“That’s different. Besides, you lied just now to protect Cam, didn’t you? So he can continue on this path you’ve sent him down.”

“Wait a minute. Are you saying the reason behind the lie is what makes it good or bad?” Now it’s my turn to be incredulous.

“Hey back there! Take it easy, OK?” The ambulance driver yells. I’ve almost forgotten where we are.

“Excuse me,” I say to Grace, who looks like she wants to continue our argument. I lean over the front of the chairs and tell the driver and the paramedic to drop us near my place and tell everyone that Grace was released from the hospital in good condition. That it was a combination of nerves and too much prescription medication. That the excess blood was from catching her skin on a tree branch while I was running. Superficial cuts. It only looked bad.