Sophie's Heart (30 page)
S
omething was very wrong, but Sophie could not put her finger on the problem, nor was she certain that she wanted to. She was running through the field with Katya. They had left school early that day to visit Katya’s grandfather’s farm, and now they were running across the field to meet him. Had they asked permission? Did her grandmother know where she was? Suddenly Sophie couldn’t remember, but their feet were pounding across the hard earth beneath the grasses, and at the moment that was all Sophie could think of.
The pounding finally woke her. Sophie lay in her bed for an instant before she realized the pounding was at her door. Senses returned in a rush. She flung back the covers and grabbed for her robe, all the while asking herself which one of the children was sick. A moment later she threw the door open.
“There’s a phone call for you, Sophie.” Alec’s voice was deep and calm—calmer than he felt. “I think it might be Czechoslovakia.”
Sophie came forward without question, and Alec preceded her. She heard him caution her about the steps, and wondered why she hadn’t thought to turn on any of her lights. The steps and pavement were freezing against her bare feet, but Sophie’s mind didn’t register any of this. The only light burning in the kitchen was over the stove, but again Sophie’s mind was not focused. She only saw the phone Alec was holding, and then it was in her hand.
“Hello.”
“Hello, my darling.” Her grandmother’s voice came clearly over the line, and Sophie began to tremble. “I’m sorry to waken you, but I was out of time.”
“It’s all right. Are you well?”
“You asked for my forgiveness,” Kasmira said, ignoring Sophie’s question. “Now I will ask for yours in return.”
“You know you have it, my babushka, no matter what.” Sophie was barely holding her tears.
“The cancer is back, my Sophie. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
Sophie gasped with the agony of her grandmother’s words. Pain tore through her, robbing her lungs of air.
“When?”
“I was told six weeks ago. They operate in an hour, and it does not look hopeful.”
Sophie lost it then, sobbing into the phone for many minutes, while her grandmother whispered prayers and words of encouragement.
“I know this is not what we hoped and prayed for, my Sophie, but it’s best because it’s God’s timing and will.”
“You talk like it’s already over,” Sophie managed.
“No, my darling, but I must listen to the doctor, and he says it’s not good. And Sophie, I have missed Vasek so very, very much.”
Sophie broke down again, sobs racking her body unmercifully. She didn’t think she would ever recover from the pain and tears that rocked her frame, but then she heard the words of Psalm 143 drifting over the line. It was her grandmother’s favorite, and God had never failed comfort when they claimed these precious verses.
Hear my prayer, O Lord, give ear to my supplications! Answer me in Thy faithfulness, in Thy righteousness! And do not enter into judgment with Thy servant, for in Thy sight no man living is righteous. For the enemy has persecuted my soul; he has crushed my life to the ground; he has made me dwell in dark places, like those who have long been dead. Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me; my heart is appalled within me. I remember the days of old; I meditate on all Thy doings; I muse on the work of Thy hands. I stretch out my hands to Thee; my soul longs for Thee, as a parched land. Answer me quickly, O Lord, my spirit fails; do not hide Thy face from me, lest I become like those who go down to the pit. Let me heed Thy lovingkindness in the morning; for I trust in Thee; teach me the way in which I should walk; for to Thee I lift up my soul. Deliver me, O Lord, from my enemies; I take refuge in Thee. Teach me to do Thy will, for Thou art my God; let Thy good spirit lead me on level ground. For the sake of Thy name, O Lord, revive me. In Thy righteousness bring my soul out of trouble. And in Thy lovingkindness cut off my enemies, and destroy all those who afflict my soul; for I am Thy servant.
Sophie had stopped crying by the time Kasmira was done, but she was still shaken. She swiftly prayed that she would keep her wits about her before the call was terminated.
“Who is operating?”
“Dr. Svoboda. He has been very kind, but honest.”
“Will it be intense?”
“It depends on what they find.”
There was far more to this answer than was verbalized, but both understood.
“Who can I call to see how you fared?”
“Eduard is here with me. He will call you just as soon as he can.”
“All right.” Eduard had been Sophie’s superior at the Federal Assembly, and she knew she couldn’t ask for a better replacement.
“Will you be all right, my darling?”
“Yes, just as long as you know how I feel about you.”
“Oh, my darling, there is never any doubt in my mind. I laughed at your stern letter. You were so upset over what you had missed, but I was proud of you. Too often you have buried your head in the newspaper and tried to solve the earth’s problems. It’s not a sin to have your world shrink a little.”
“Then you didn’t think I’d forgotten you?” The tears were back.
“Of course not, my Sophie. You will be my last thought and in my last prayer, my darling. Believe this with all of your heart.”
They had to say good-bye then, and Sophie could barely replace the phone. There was a sudden cramp in her hand, and she realized she’d been clutching the front of her gown so tightly that she’d cut off the circulation. A numbness was spreading over her now. Mechanically, she moved toward the door.
“Are you all right, Sophie?” Mr. Riley’s voice came from somewhere behind her, and she turned slowly to see him across the kitchen. She began to answer in Czech, and then caught herself.
“My grandmother has cancer. They operate in hour.”
“I’m sorry, Sophie,” he said inadequately. “I wish you could be with her.”
“Yes” was all she managed, and then just stood there.
“Don’t worry about the kids in the morning, Sophie. Just turn your alarm off and sleep in.”
“Is almost morning?”
“No, it’s only 2:30.”
“All right.” Sophie moved to the door then, but her hand was so cold that she could barely turn the handle. She made herself concentrate then and was just getting it when Mr. Riley’s hand appeared. He walked Sophie to the bottom of the stairs, a flashlight lighting her path.
“Watch your step now,” she heard him say and quietly thanked him. He didn’t come up the stairs, but waited below until she was safely inside.
The light of a full moon illumined the rooms so much that Sophie had no need for the light. Still in her robe, she lay down atop her bed and looked at the ceiling.
Do you trust Me, Sophie?
Yes, I do, Lord.
Do you know that My way is perfect because I love you?
Yes, Lord, I know this.
Do you also know that I love your grandmother, even more than you do?
Yes, Lord, I must leave her with You. She is Your child.
Rest in Me, Sophie. Rest in me for every hurt. I will never let you fall.
There were tears then, not tears of desolation or anger, but of mourning and pain—pain that her grandmother’s body must hurt and that she must endure surgery at her age, and mourning because it did not seem that she would see her again. The tears made her eyes heavy and sleep was crowding in, but she fought it as she remembered the book of Job, where Satan stood before God and said that Job would curse Him if God would turn His hand.
It was not true with Job, Lord, and I don’t want it to be true with me. I do not want Satan to say to You, Father, that Sophie only praises You when her life is happy. So I thank You now that I had my babushka for so many years, and I praise Your holy name for the things she taught me. Comfort her now. Move the doctor’s hands. Thank You that Eduard is at her side. Thank You for this cancer. Thank You for the things You have to teach me. Please, if You’re going to take her, do so swiftly, Lord. Don’t let her suffer long.
Such requests did not wash the pain away, but they did bring peace. Sophie realized in amazement that all fatigue had left her. She prayed for the next two hours, sometimes with urgency and sometimes in calmness, but then rest came. Sophie could not say what was different, but she knew she could sleep now.
The clock read 4:45, and Sophie realized that her grandmother was either in heaven or resting peacefully. God knew, and for the moment that was all that mattered. Sophie checked her alarm again to make sure it was off and settled between the sheets. She was asleep some ten minutes later, and when the kids left for school three hours after, she never heard a sound.
Sophie had only been working for about an hour when the kids came home from school. She was in the kitchen as usual, dinner ingredients on the counter. Alec had left a note telling them not to look for Sophie and why. They came in rather noisily, but quieted when they saw her.
“Hi, Sophie,” Rita started. “Any word on your grandmother?”
“No. I have not been working long, so maybe they will get through now.”
“We prayed for her at school, Sophie,” Tory said. “I told my class about it, and Miss Nelson had us pray right away.”
“Thank you, my Tory. I know that God heard your hearts.”
The phone rang right then, and Sophie tensed. It was usually set up with an answering machine and she never had to touch it. But when she had come in today, she had turned the machine off.
“Hello,” Rita spoke into the receiver and frowned. A second later she held it out to Sophie. “It’s a little hard to understand, but I’m sure it’s for you.”
Hello
was the last word Sophie spoke in English. The moment she heard Eduard’s voice she rattled off in Czech, and the children sat transfixed at the kitchen table.
“A success, Sophie. It was nowhere near as bad as they’d predicted, and she is resting peacefully.”
“Oh, Eduard, thank you for being there. It must be very late now.”
“Yes, but I didn’t want to call you in the night again, and it took forever to get word. How are you?”
“I’m trusting. I was ready for whatever news you had, and you know, Eduard, that there is no better place to be.”
“You warm my heart, Sophie. I feared that you would arrive in America and they would corrupt you forever.”
Sophie had to laugh at the drama in his voice. It had always been remarkable to her to be a Christian herself and have a Christian supervisor in a communist country. Eduard had been a wonderful boss, and she missed him so much. They talked just a few minutes more and he explained what the doctors had said about treatment in the weeks to come. He promised to take down a letter from Kasmira as soon as she could talk. Sophie thanked him with tears in her eyes and hung up the phone.
She then wished for a camera to take a picture of the children. Each one was leaning forward in his chair, all three faces alert and ready for the news. Sophie was very touched by their concern.
“She is alive,” Sophie told them, a tear now sliding down her cheek. “The operation was long, but success, and she is resting comfortably.”
Craig turned his head away to hide his emotions, but Rita came forward and hugged Sophie. Tory clearly did not want to cry, so she stayed in her seat and spoke to Sophie from across the expanse of the table.
“I’m glad, Sophie. Tell her we prayed.”
“I will, my Tory. I will tell her just that.”
Craig swiftly left the room at that point, and Sophie would have given anything to go after him, but did not think it was her place.
“He’ll be okay, Sophie.” Rita had read her expression.
The older woman didn’t answer, but she was doubtful. Rita had said this before, and Sophie hadn’t believed it then. She went back to work a few minutes later, a prayer of thanksgiving on her heart, but also prayers for Craig.
Help him, Father. Help him as only You can, and let me be as loving and patient as You are with me.