Songbird (Songbird, #1) (48 page)

Instead, I opened the bottle of red, and put on my favourite DVD,
Somewhere In Time
.

As the bottle of red quickly disappeared, I thought of a thousand things I wanted to say to him, so I sent him a text, and then another, and yet another one, asking him to Skype me.

Waking up on the couch just as the morning light was beginning to filter in through the partially drawn blinds, I quickly checked my phone. I had sat up for half the night logged into Skype, waiting for him to join me, but he never did.

There were no messages, no missed calls. I sent him another text, asking him to contact me. I was already beginning to feel like a stalker, so this would be the last message, I told myself. Then I tried calling Kelli again.

Kelli answered on the third ring in her sleepy voice, and I realised I must have woken her up.

“Hey, Kell,” I whispered. “Sorry to call so early, but I need to ask you something.” It was early, so I felt like I had to talk quietly.

“Sure. Hey, how’s Riley? I bet he was excited to see you.”

Okay, so that answered my question before I needed to ask it. She didn’t know anything about leave being cancelled; she assumed he was here.

“That’s what I need to ask you about. He didn’t come; he cancelled at the last minute.”

I waited for her shocked response, but it didn’t come either.

“It happens sometimes, Tars. Coop’s had to cancel on me a few times. Don’t worry about it.”

But here was the sucker punch. “I called him, and Rebecca answered his phone, because
he was in the shower washing that magnificent body of his after his sweaty workout
. She said she’s living with him.”

Finally, I got the response I had expected from her initially. “What the fuck? Are you kidding me? Hang on.”

I heard her muttering something to someone, and knew she was asking Cooper if he knew anything about it.

After a few moments, she was back on the phone. “Coop said as far as he knew, Riley had his bag packed and was looking forward to seeing you. That’s all I can tell you, I’m sorry.”

I wanted to ask her to ask Cooper to call Riley and find out what was going on, but we had agreed when I had first started dating Riley that we wouldn’t interfere in each other’s relationships, so I bit my tongue, instead just saying, “Thanks, Kell, sorry to wake you,” before hanging up.

For the rest of the weekend, I was a couch potato. I watched DVDs; I got angry, and ranted to myself like a crazy person. I slept if I could, and I drank more wine. But mostly, I cried.

I couldn’t believe that after everything Riley had said to me, that he would do this. I had thought he was different. I thought I could trust him, that he would never hurt me. But he was just like every other guy, only after one thing, and when he had gotten what he wanted and was bored with me, he dumped me like a piece of trash.

But then, why was I surprised? Riley was gorgeous and funny and smart, not to mention an amazing lover. And I was just … me.

Dragging myself out of bed Monday morning, I couldn’t be bothered with any make-up or doing very much with my hair, before I went to work. I’d had two days on the couch with no word from Riley. He hadn’t called me back or replied to my text messages; I guess that was all the answer I needed.

Sitting down with Kelli for lunch, I listened as she recapped her weekend in Tasmania, but my heart wasn’t in it. I couldn’t eat, and just the name “Cooper” dragged up thoughts of Riley, and made me cry again. I was so sick of crying.

Finally, I had to ask, “Have you heard anything about Riley? Did Coop say anything about why Rebecca was there?”

She smiled at me sadly. “I haven’t spoken to him today, but I’ll call him as soon as I can to find out, okay?” She reached out across the table to hold my hand. “I’m so sorry, Tara. I feel like it’s my fault for introducing you to him. I can’t believe he’d do that, though; he was so into you when he was here.”

Tears filled my eyes as I shrugged. “Well, he’s not anymore.”

As the days went by, thoughts of Riley consumed me, and I sank deeper and deeper into a black hole of despair. I told my boss I wasn’t feeling well, and he agreed I didn’t look that great and that I should have the rest of the week off. My gut was telling me it was over, and my heart was beginning to agree.

I had to face the harsh reality that I had given Riley everything I had, and it wasn’t enough—I just wasn’t enough. He didn’t want me anymore. He would rather be with someone who had cheated on him and broken his heart than with me.

What did that say about me? What was I worth, if I couldn’t even compete with someone like Rebecca? After all the crap I’d gone through before, I had given him my heart completely, and he had ripped it out of my chest. He had thrown it in the trash, like it was worthless.

Did he ever really love me, or was I a delayed rebound? They were back together now, and she was living there. Just that thought alone made me feel physically ill. Then I wondered how long she had been living there. Was that the real reason he didn’t want me to go to Sydney? Because she was there the whole time?

Surely Cooper would have told Kelli, or was their “brotherhood” bond so strong that Cooper would have kept it from her? I had to know, so I picked up the phone and called her.

“Kell, I know we made a pact not to interfere in each other’s relationships, but I need to know the truth,” I sobbed. “Was he with her the whole time? Was he just using me?”

Kelli sighed. “I don’t know, Tars. If he was, Coop never told me about it. If I’d known, I would never have encouraged you to see him. I really thought he had feelings for you.”

Of course she wouldn’t have encouraged me; she knew what I had been through with Stephen.

“Then what changed? Why is he back with her, after everything she did to him?”

I could hear Kelli breathing on the other end of the phone as she tried to find the answers I so desperately needed. Finally, the only thing she could come up with was, “I don’t know, Tars, but if I can find out anything, I will.”

“Can you ask Coop … please?” I could feel the last threads of control slipping away as I spoke.

“I can’t right now, Tars, they’re on another stupid training exercise, incommunicado, and all that nonsense. They won’t be back for about three weeks.”

“I have to know now; it’s driving me crazy, Kell. I can’t wait three weeks,” I howled.

Then I lost it. My breath caught in my throat, and I couldn’t breathe as the tears flooded my puffy face.

My stomach lurched and I slapped a hand over my mouth as I dashed to the bathroom to throw up. I sat on the bathroom floor with my head resting on the toilet seat, waiting for the next wave of nausea to hit me.

When I had thrown up everything that was in my stomach and had finally stopped dry-retching, I leaned back against the bath, shaking uncontrollably until the last light of day faded, and the apartment was plunged into darkness.

When I could finally move again, I crawled into the bedroom, dragged myself into bed and stayed there.

It was Saturday night and a week since I’d found out that Riley and Rebecca were back together. I needed to get out of bed and out of the apartment. My first thought was to go to
Songbirds
, but I wasn’t really welcome there anymore. I showered and dressed on auto-pilot in the first clothes I laid my hands on: faded jeans and a fitted T-shirt. I sat on the couch, contemplating what to do.

‘Stuff it,” I murmured to myself. I got up and started walking to
Songbirds
.

The Sons were already playing when I entered, and the place was packed. The groupie set was at the front of the stage, as always, trying to grab at Cole, and he was reaching out to them, touching their hands.

Taking a seat at the bar, I waited for Marcus to come over and ask me what I wanted to drink. He might not want me there as a friend, but surely he would have to serve me if I was a paying customer.

He came over and started to speak, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw my face.

“Oh God, Tara, what’s happened?” he asked and quickly came around the bar to stand beside me.

I tried to hold in my tears, but my lips started quivering and the waterworks started again.

Marcus wrapped his arms around me, and asked again what had happened.

“Riley broke up with me,” I spluttered into his chest.

He squeezed me tighter, burying his face into my hair.

“Just give me a minute,” I heard a gravelly voice say into the microphone halfway through a song, and the music stopped.

There were murmurs and a commotion, and then Cole was beside me. He had jumped down off the stage in the middle of their set when he saw I was upset, and was now resting his hand on my shoulder.

I looked up into his emerald eyes, and he looked genuinely concerned.

“What’s wrong?”

“Riley …” My voice stuck in my throat. I couldn’t say it again. Telling Marcus had been hard enough.

“Come with me,” he said, and then half led, half carried me to the back room.

“What are you doing?” I asked, confused. “You’re supposed to be singing.”

“It can wait. Tell me what happened.” He was leaning up against the table, and pulled me into a tight embrace so I was standing in between his open legs.

I buried my face in his chest. “He was supposed to come to see me, but he cancelled his visit,” I said, sobbing, “and when I called, his ex-girlfriend was there. She said they were living together.” I broke down again at the thought of him being intimate with someone else. How could he do that, after he’d told me he loved me?

I felt Cole’s chest heave, and then exhale. “And what does Hotshot say about it?” He was rubbing my back and stroking my hair, trying to soothe my pain.

“I haven’t spoken to him,” I replied between sobs. “I left messages and sent texts, but he didn’t return my calls.”

I was crying so hard I had snot running out of my nose, and I fumbled in my pockets for a tissue, but couldn’t find one.

“Here,” Cole said, stripping his T-shirt off over his head, “use this.”

“I can’t blow my nose on your top,” I said, screwing up my face.

“Well, you’ve already cried all over it. What’s a little bit of snot between
friends
?”

“That’s gross,” I said, shaking my head. I couldn’t use his shirt.