Songbird (25 page)

I
recoiled in disgust.  The thought that my child would have been examined like
one of his prize foals filled me with horror.  “How dare you!  Even if you had
known about Danny, I would never have allowed you anywhere near him.  He’s not
a…a standard by which you can measure what kind of child I produce.”

My
vehemence seemed to startle him.  “I had to be certain that my child would be
healthy and normal,” he said quietly.

I
shook my head in disbelief and turned on him in fury.  “You said I was an
intelligent woman, so please give me some credit.  Do you honestly believe I
would have agreed to have your child if there had been complications during my
pregnancy or if Danny had been born other than normal?” It seemed my tirade had
made him speechless so I took advantage of the situation.  “When I first met
Mrs Holland, my son was a beautiful, healthy seventeen-month-old infant.  I had
had no trouble bringing him into the world and I could see no problems with
having a second child.  And if I say so myself, that second child turned out to
be just as healthy and beautiful.”

He
stared at me intently.  “I agree.”

“Then
why are we having this ridiculous conversation?”

He
looked embarrassed when he said,  “It came as a shock when I realised that
Emily was your second child.”

I
frowned.  “Why?”

He
took in a deep breath and seemed to pull himself together.  “For a long time
after, I thought I had ruined your chances of marrying.  That you might have to
confess to a suitor that you had borne a child out of wedlock with dire
consequences for your future happiness.”  He moved away from me and looked down
at the rug.  “If I’d known you already had a child, I would have felt more
comfortable about our arrangement.”

“I
see,” I said slowly.  “Knowing I had already sinned would have made you feel
better about helping me to sin for the second time?”

He
jerked his head in my direction.  “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then
what did you mean?”

He
didn’t seem to know how to answer and moved closer to the fire.  He looked down
into the flames.  “Mrs Holland told me that you were not…”

“A
virgin?”

He
turned to face me, blushing slightly.  “Yes, quite.  And I assumed you’d experienced
a disastrous love affair.  Or perhaps your…lover…had died before he could make
an honest woman of you.  Or perhaps he was already married.”  I kept quiet,
letting him continue with his conjectures.  “I didn’t blame you for having an
affair.  I remember you as being a very passionate woman.”  He watched me
intently, the flames of the fire reflecting in his eyes.  “The kind of woman,
any man would…”

“Any
man would what?” I snapped.  I suddenly remembered the wager suggested by Sir
Joshua Portland and suspicion clouded my mind.

He
turned his attention back to the fire.  “I was going to say any man would want
in his bed.”

Hostility
surged up inside me and I felt the sudden desire to tell him about the husband
I had loved with all my heart.  But I kept silent.  I had been paid to have
this man’s child and knew I couldn’t say Daniel’s name in his presence.  That
was another life in another time and I had to keep it separate. 

“You
think so,” I said acidly.

He
tilted his head and smiled.  “You’re very beautiful and very desirable.”  He
straightened up and came towards me, his hands reaching out as though trying to
ensnare me.  “I tried to find you after Emily was born.”

“Why
did you do that?”  I backed away from him.

“I
wanted to carry on seeing you.”

“Why?”

“I
wanted to…I hoped…”

“To
continue the relationship?” I said, finishing the sentence for him.

“Yes,”
he murmured.  “I missed you and…and…”

His
hands closed round my upper arms, his face came down close to mine. 

I
began to feel afraid and glanced around the room, trying to control my
breathing.  “I think we’ve finished our discussion.  We’ve said everything that
needs to be said and it’s time for me to leave.”  He didn’t reply, but kept
watching me, a misty look in his eyes. “Please let go of me.” 

His hands
dropped to his side.  “Isabelle, please understand…I…”

I ran
to the door and out into the corridor, hurrying along the gallery, but this
time in anger instead of the jubilation of the first time.  Mrs Holland had
been wrong since the truth was plain to see.  Karl didn’t love me at all; he
just wanted me for his mistress in order to win a silly wager.  He had just
shattered me into a thousand pieces for now I understood that he saw me as a
woman simply to be used for his own amusement.  But my wrath didn’t stop my
heart breaking.

I spent the rest
of the afternoon in my room.  I asked Nelly to bring my tea on a tray and I
curled up in the window seat staring out at the garden.  Enquiries were sent up
regarding my wellbeing, but I sent a message back that I felt very weary and
wanted some time to myself.  I wasn’t disturbed and eventually, I slipped off
my dress and lay down.  Within a very short time, I was asleep.

It
was Danny who finally woke me, when he came running in to tell me about the
ball.

“Lord
Waltham wants to know if I’m allowed to stay up later tonight.”  I lifted my
head from the pillow and stared into his eager blue eyes.  “Emily and Abigail
are allowed to when there’s a dance.  They don’t go to bed until ten o’clock.”

“Ten
o’clock!  Oh, that’s very late, dearest.”

“But
it’s a Christmas dance, Mama.  And everyone gets a gift from the earl and
countess.”

“What
everyone?”

He
nodded vigorously.  “The children get theirs before they go to bed.  I think
the adults get theirs at the end of the dance.”

“Goodness,
that is generous.”

He
sat down heavily on the mattress.  “So, may I stay up?”

I
puckered my mouth as if considering a monumental dilemma.  “I’m not sure.”

“Oh,
please, please.  I’ll be so good for the rest of my life.”

“For
the rest of your life?”

“Forever
and ever.”

“All
right, then.  How can I turn down such an excellent offer.”

He
flung his arms round my neck and then dashed into his room, where Nelly was
preparing a bath for him.  I heard him laughing as he undressed and then the
loud splash as he jumped into the tub.

Nelly
appeared at the door.  “I guessed you’d want him wearing his blue suit tonight,
ma’am?”  I nodded.  “It’s five o’clock and the dancing begins at seven, so if
you want to bathe and dress, you’d better get started.”

I smiled. 
Nelly had a firm way about her that I liked.  I stretched and yawned.

“Actually,
I’m quite comfortable here.”

She
walked across to the wardrobe, pulled open the door and studied my gowns. 
“Well, I suppose you could be excused if you really are too tired.  But you’ll
be missing the best night of Christmas.”

“Will
Lady Shelbrook be going?”

“She
will, although she’ll be doing precious little dancing.”

I
swung my legs over the side of the mattress.  “It sounds fun and I wouldn’t
miss it for the world,” I lied.

Nelly
pulled out my best evening dress.  It was in shimmering silver-grey silk and
had the conventional sleeveless top.  The bodice and skirt were decorated with
sprays of miniature pink rosebuds.

“This
is beautiful,” she sighed.

“Yes,
I have a matching fan to go with it and long white gloves.”

“And
your hair?”

“I
usually pile it on my head and fasten it with the same artificial rosebuds.”

“You
are going to look wonderful.” she exclaimed with delight.  “I doubt you’ll be
sitting down much tonight.  Every gentleman in the room will want to dance with
you.”

My
enthusiasm didn’t reflect Nelly’s and I slipped off the bed to stand quietly in
the middle of the room.  I had terrible misgivings about attending the ball. 
My talk with Karl still troubled me and I felt apprehensive since if he
intended winning the bet, then I would have to be on my guard at all times. 

Dressed in my
silver-grey silk, my hair up in curls and held in place with pink rosebuds, I
made my way downstairs on Danny’s arm.  He was all of a quiver with excitement
and told me that Emily and Abigail would be waiting for us in the long
gallery.  And when we met them they looked so sweet in their taffeta dresses
and ribbons in their hair.

“You
look very pretty, Mrs Asquith,” said Emily, slipping her arms round my waist.

“Thank
you, Emily.  So do you and I hope you get lots of invitations to dance
tonight.”

Abigail
tossed her hair over her shoulders.  “I always do, but that’s because I’m the
daughter of an earl.”

None
of us made any comment on that little remark.  It didn’t deserve a reply and
for all their tender years, Danny and Emily knew it too.

We
stepped into the ballroom and I gave out a gasp of amazement.  It really was a
beautiful room.  Decorated in purple and grey, it sported a huge chandelier in
the centre, filled with flickering candles.  The theme of the décor seemed to
be Chinese, since motifs of dragons and dolphins graced the wall panels and
over the huge marble fireplace was a representation of a temple with a man
running past it pulling a rickshaw.  The friezes round the cornices were of
waterlilies and lotuses that sparkled since they seemed to be made of
mother-of-pearl.  The orchestra was already tuning up and the maids and footmen
were putting the finishing touches to the buffet table.

“We’re
not allowed any punch,” said Emily, pointing to a side table sporting a huge
silver bowl filled with amber liquid and pieces of fruit.  “But there’s always
lemonade for us.”

Lord
and Lady Waltham came towards us.  “Goodness me, don’t you all look wonderful,”
said Lady Waltham, looking us up and down.  “And you, Mrs Asquith, will be the
talk of Hampshire by tomorrow.”

The
orchestra started playing and soon the guests arrived.  The room began to fill
rapidly.  It didn’t seem long before the party was underway and people were
twirling round and round in a polka.

“Would
you care to dance, ma’am?” said Danny, bowing.

I
curtsied elegantly.  “I’d be delighted, sir.”

Holding
both his hands, we joined the throng on the dance floor and soon we were
skipping to the music and laughing with joy.  And as we spun about, I forgot
the trauma of the last two days and began to enjoy myself.  Danny’s happy face
was all I wanted to see and when we danced past Lord Shelbrook, standing next
to his seated wife, I nodded in polite acknowledgement and continued on my
way.  I only caught a fleeting glimpse of the strange look he gave me.  I
couldn’t tell if it was disappointment or pain, but I knew he was a troubled
man.  But it was a man I didn’t want to know.  And when Emily took Danny’s
place and I held her tiny hands in mine, I knew her father was dead to me.  All
that mattered was the little girl who looked up at me with laughing brown eyes
and all I longed for was to hear her call me Mama.

CHAPTER
TWENTY-FIVE

T
he
note was short and to the point.

Would you please
be so kind as to bring Danny to the stables after breakfast. 

Lord Waltham

I had
found it next to my teacup when I came down and after reading it, I felt
puzzled.  Why would Lord Waltham want us to go to the stables?  I looked
towards the window and could see it had started drizzling, but there was still
a fair amount of blue in the sky and the sun was making a valiant effort to
bring some winter warmth to the frozen ground.  As usual, Danny had gone to the
nursery to have his breakfast and after I had eaten a slice of toast, I went
upstairs to fetch him.

Danny
was as puzzled as I.  “Have I done something wrong, Mama?”

I
helped him on with his coat.  “Of course not.  Perhaps a new foal has been born
and the earl wants you to see him.”

He
shook his head.  “They’re usually born in the spring.”

At a
loss to explain, I tried to be pragmatic.  “Well, we’d better go and see what
he wants.”

We
walked round to the stables and went into the barn where I had gone to fetch
the children for their tea two days previously.  I saw the earl talking with
Karl in hushed tones.  There didn’t seem to be anyone else about except for a
solitary groom working at the far end. 

Lord
Waltham looked up and smiled.  “Ah, here they are.”

“You
wanted to see us, my lord,” I said, trying not to meet Karl’s penetrating gaze.

“Yes
indeed, Mrs Asquith.”  He looked across at the two foals.  “I haven’t decided
on a name for these little ones yet and I wondered if your son would like to name
the one with the white on his back.”

I
frowned.  Had he really dragged us to the stable to name a foal?  I looked down
at Danny and his eyes were bright and eager.

“That
would be lovely,” he breathed.  “Oh, thank you, sir.”  I saw Karl move to one
side, seemingly absorbed in examining the toe of his boot.  Danny looked up at
me.  “What shall I call him, Mama?”

I
shook my head and laughed.  “No, Danny.  His lordship has asked you to name
him.  You must decide for yourself.”

He
stepped closer and licked his lips in excitement.  “Well, the white on his back
look like wings.”  He nodded enthusiastically.  “Miss Rupp has been teaching me
Greek myth…myth…”

“Mythology,”
ventured the earl, smiling.

“Yes,
sir.  About Perseus and Jason and Hercules.  And Pegasus too.  I’d like to call
him Pegasus.”

I
looked across at the earl.  “What do you think, my lord?”

His
smile became wider.  “It does look as though he has wings.  So, yes, I think it
suits him.”

I
glanced at Karl and saw he was grinning at his boots.

“Then
if you are happy with that, we’d better get back to the house.”  I turned to
go.

“Wait
just a moment longer,” said Lord Waltham.  He stepped across to Danny and
placed a tender hand on his shoulder.  “How old are you, my boy?”

“Nine
this March, sir.”

“Then
it’s time you had your own horse.  Of course, it will be a while before you can
jump on his back, but that will give you plenty of time to learn to ride.”

Danny
looked at me aghast and my own expression must have reflected his.  “You mean I
can keep him?” he gasped.

“He’s
all yours, but he’ll need to stay here.  He’ll not be suitable for the city.” 
His lordship glanced at me.  “I’m hoping you and your mama will make frequent
visits to Claythorpe House as our guest and then you’ll be able to keep an eye
on him.  And one day you’ll ride him round the estate.”

Danny
jumped up and down with absolute joy.  “Oh, holy Moses!  Mama, I have a horse
of my own.” 

I
turned on him sharply.  “Where on earth did you learn language like that?”

Lord
Waltham tried to stem his delight and failed miserably.  “Abigail, I’m afraid. 
I really must have words with that daughter of mine.”

I
looked at Karl, but he kept his eyes on the ground.  I glanced towards the two
foals that were showing great interest in Danny and nuzzling his hand.  I
smiled.  It really was a generous gift from a man we had known only two days
and I knew I should be overjoyed at his generosity.  But why did warning bells
deafen me?  If we received another invitation to Claythorpe House I would be
unable to turn it down because of my son’s enthusiasm and desire to see his new
foal.  The gift, unbelievable to Danny, had ensnared me in a trap.  Had this
something to do with their stupid wager? 

I felt very
subdued over luncheon and this was made even worse by the fact that Danny had
told everyone about his astounding gift and everyone was in full agreement that
he must visit regularly to get to know his foal.

“I
intended inviting you in the summer,” laughed Eloise.  “But now you’ll not be
able to stay away, if Danny has anything to do with it.”

I
felt so uncomfortable.  Before we had left London, I had spoken with my son and
asked him not to mention anything about my work in the theatre.  I had
explained that I needed to get away from singing and forget about Covent Garden
for a while.  He had complied with my request and been very good at keeping
silent.  But now events were getting out of control.  There was no possibility
of having time off again in the summer, Mr Perry just wouldn’t allow it.  I had
signed a contract.

The
afternoon brought torrential rain and the children disappeared to the nursery. 
I found myself on my own since the men had escaped to play billiards and the
ladies stayed in the parlour chatting and sewing.  I didn’t want to sit still
so I took a walk round the house.  I wandered about aimlessly, but eventually
ended up in the music room, a room I had not been in since coming across it
accidentally when I had opened the wrong door.  I had decided to put music to
one side for the week, but I couldn’t resist lifting the lid on the wonderful
grand piano.  Before I knew it, I was sitting on the stool, my fingers skimming
across the keys as I played a melody I used to play to my pupils.

I let
my mind wander as I played, my thoughts drifting through my memories and then I
thought of Nan and Diamond waiting for our return home.  Diamond would be busy
in rehearsals with
The Mikado
, waiting for her opening night in the New
Year.  I had already bought our tickets and I was looking forward to seeing her
in the role of Katisha.  I began to play some extracts from
The Mikado
and then I found myself humming.  It wasn’t long before I was singing softly.

Movement
outside the door stopped me.  “Who’s there?” I called, standing up.

Emily
peeped round the corner.  “Sorry, Mrs Asquith.  I heard the piano and wondered
who was playing it.”

“Come
in and join me,” I said, sitting back down.

She
walked across and stared down at the ivory keys.  “I can’t play but I like to
sing.”

“What
do you sing?”

“Oh,
nursery rhymes and things.”

“Do
you know this tune.”  I began to play
Greensleeves
.

She
nodded.  “Oh yes.  That’s one of my favourites.”

“Then
come and sit next to me.”

I
shuffled over and she took her place beside me on the stool.  I began to sing
quietly and she smiled with delight.  “You sing so beautifully, Mrs Asquith.”

“I’ve
heard that you do too, so you sing with me.”

She
lowered her head and her cheeks flashed scarlet.  “Mama says I make too much
noise when I sing.”

“Oh,
I don’t think anyone will hear us,” I whispered.

I
began to sing and then hum.  All the skills I had learnt as a teacher returned
and as I encouraged her, she began to sing along with my humming.  As young as
she was, she did have a good voice.  I could see she had potential if only she
could be taught the basics.  She sang enthusiastically and with enjoyment, that
alone was a wonderful stimulus for being a good singer.  As I sang with her, I
suddenly had the desire to teach her myself, to bring her to the standard where
she could enter The Royal Academy of Music.  If she were accepted, then there
would be no problem about paying the fees, she wouldn’t have the same struggle
I had had.  Her papa would easily cover the costs.  I smiled with the irony of
the situation.  I had conceived this child so that I might realise my ambition
of becoming an opera singer and now I was imagining my own daughter following
in my footsteps.

Suddenly
she stopped singing.  “I’m going to marry Danny when I grow up.”

“Are
you really?  Has he asked you?”

“Oh,
he hasn’t said anything.  But we’re very good friends and I know we will get
married.”

I
stopped playing and looked at her pixie-like face.  “Well, it won’t be for some
time, with you being only six and him not much older.”

She
nodded.  “Yes, but I can wait.”  She let out a long sigh.  “I’ve invited him to
Standford Park.  That’s where I live, you know.  He wants to come ‘cos I’ve
told him I’ll teach him to ride.  And Papa will help, of course.”

“It’s
a dangerous thing, riding a horse,” I said, a cold wave washing over me.  “I
wouldn’t like him to fall off and get hurt.”

She
gave a merry laugh.  “I’ve fallen off lots of times, but Papa says you must
stand up and get straight back on.”

“Is
someone talking about me?”  He had appeared in the room unnoticed during our
conversation and I jumped at the sound of his voice.

Emily
stood and ran to him and he swung her up into his arms.  “I’ve been singing
with Mrs Asquith.  She can play the piano.  I said that I want Danny to come
and stay in the summer.  And Mrs Asquith too, of course.  It’ll be all right,
won’t it, Papa?”

His
gaze flickered in my direction.  “I’m sure it will,” he smiled.  “Nanny wants
you in the nursery for your tea.  The other two are already there, so don’t
keep them waiting.”  She ran off with a whoop of delight.  He stood where he
was for a few seconds and then slowly moved towards me.  I had remained seated
at the piano.  “I still haven’t heard you sing,” he smiled.  I quickly shut the
piano lid and stood.  He looked disappointed  “Won’t you sing something for me?”

“No,
sir.  I won’t.”

“Why
not?”

“Because
I’m not here to sing.”

His
expression softened as he moved nearer and whispered,  “And then you should say
that if I want singing lessons, you charge one shilling and sixpence an hour.”

My
cheeks began to flush.  “Perhaps…I still do.”

 He
seemed puzzled and amused at the same time.  “Still only one shilling and
sixpence?  Don’t tell me you haven’t raised your price in over seven years.”

He
had caught me out and I placed a cool hand over my burning cheeks.  I thought
quickly.  “I charge the going rate.”

“How
much are your fees now?”  I pressed my lips together.  “If I give you two
shillings, will you sing for me?”

I
moved round the piano so that it was between us.  “No, sir.  Not for twelve
hundred pounds.”

Lifting
my chin defiantly, I walked past him and out of the room. 

As I dressed for
dinner, I felt the world closing in on me.  Oh, why did he have to be here? 
How could fate have dealt me such a cruel blow?  I meet a charming widow on
holiday and when she invites me to spend time at her home, I use the
opportunity as an excuse to escape Mr Andrew Perry’s attentions.  Only to find
myself in an even worse situation.  Talk about out of the frying pan and into
the fire.

After
dinner, it was decided that we would spend the rest of the evening playing
cards again.  It seemed to be the preferred recreational pastime in this
household.  At first I was quite happy with the arrangement, but I was dismayed
to find that I was allocated a table with not only Eloise but also Viscount
Shelbrook and his wife.

Karl
shuffled the pack and dealt four hands. 

“Emily
does nothing but talk of your son, Mrs Asquith,” said the viscountess.  Her
French accent was still very noticeable even after many years of living in
England. 

I
cast her a bright smile.  “Yes, they seem to have become very good friends.”

Karl
raised his head and for a split second we exchanged glances.  I knew he was
having the same thoughts as I; that Danny and Emily were brother and sister and
didn’t know it.

“Tell
to me, Mrs Asquith, how long have you been a widow?”

I
tried not to sigh, but I wondered how often I had been asked that question.

“A
while, my lady,” I said, sorting my cards.

“But
have you never received a proposal of marriage since your husband’s demise?”

I
grinned with amusement.  “Oh, a few.”