Son of No One (13 page)

She curled up beside him, wishing he'd take his armor off so that she could feel closer to him. “My aunt Marie, who lives for genealogy, swears that my father's family is actually Welsh in origin and that we have Druid blood in us. But that would have been centuries ago … maybe even before
you
were born.”

Cadegan laughed at her swiping at his age as he listened to her stories about her cousins and their lunacy as they sought ghosts and goblins, and how they'd sell their souls to spend a night in a fey castle.

She was so normal, and it made him wonder what it would have been like to have a family such as hers.

As a boy, he used to dream of what the world would be like outside the monastery walls. Brother Eurig would oft take him to task for his idle thoughts.

Pray you never know the misery and horrors of the lay world, boy. Be grateful you're here with us, toiling for Our Lord.

Yet his curiosity was never far away. It was why he'd volunteer to ring the monastery bell to call the others to prayer.

In the bell tower, Cadegan could see out to the lush, rich world that seemed to stretch endlessly in all directions. There he would dream of normality. Of living an adventure, where every day brought him new, exciting things to see and do, instead of the same drab walls, and boring routine of prayer, chores, and more prayer.

All that had changed in an instant when the Powys king, Elisedd ap Gwylog, had brought his army through their gates for refuge from the Mercians who were in pursuit of them. The Mercian king, Æthelbald, had been new to his throne and eager to prove himself against both the Cymry, Saxons, and his own Mercian people.

Though he had his eyes on being named the
bretwalda
—king of all Britain—the best Æthelbald had achieved, before his own bodyguards had slaughtered him, was to rule the English land south of the Humber.

Senseless bastard.

Æthelbald's campaign and that of Elisedd had caused Cadegan to be ripped from his home, and thrust into a bloody war at an age when lads should be in their mothers' arms, not knee-deep in fields soaked with entrails. He'd learned fast how right Brother Eurig had been to take him to task for wishing to leave the monastic life.

All Cadegan had wanted then was to go back to what he'd known, what he'd so foolishly spurned. It'd taken him three years before his army passed the quiet hill where the monastery had been built.

Joy had raced through his veins as he rode hell-bent to see the brothers and embrace them.

The moment he'd topped the hill and seen what remained, his heart had shattered. Within days of his conscription, Æthelbald had led his soldiers to the monastery and laid waste to it in retaliation for the aid they'd been forced to give to Elisedd and his troops. The monks had been brutally slaughtered and the monastery savagely burned to the ground.

Only ashes remained, along with the husk of the bell tower where Cadegan had once climbed to summon the monks for prayer hours.

The furious anger over that injustice was what had unleashed the demon in him. A demon he'd turned loose on the Mercians and Saxons and anyone who got in his way. Blind with hatred, he'd lost himself to war.

Until the day he'd met Æthla.

She had given him back his soul. Or so he'd stupidly thought. Lies, deceptions, ruthlessness.

Hatred.

It was all a demon like him deserved.

“Are you listening to me?”

He brushed his hand through Josette's soft, dark hair. “Aye, love. I've heard every word of it. And I'm sorry you're aggravated that your cousin Amanda abandoned you to be the only normal one in your clan. She should never have sided with her twin for the paranormal against you.”

She smiled sweetly at him. “You
were
listening.” She leaned down to kiss his lips.

Cadegan wanted to run from the tender feelings she stirred in his heart. They terrified him.

Was it all deceit again? Could she, like Æthla, only be preying on his loneliness? Æthla had deceived him so completely. He'd vowed to never allow anyone else to ever do that to him again.

In all the pain of his life, nothing had cut more than Æthla's confession that she hated him … that she had always hated him.

You're a monster! I live only for the day when I hear news that you've been gutted in battle!

“Cade? What's wrong?”

His breathing ragged, he tried to put down the past. But it wouldn't go. And the last thing he wanted was to be left shattered again. “You're lying to me, aren't you?”

Indignation darkened her eyes as she pulled back from him. “Pardon?”

Hissing, he rolled from the bed and paced the room. “
Dwr!
I know better than this. I'm not a fool, Josette. I won't let you play me as one.”

Jo stamped her anger down, even though she wanted to insult him back. Badly. Having been handed her heart on a platter by Barry's betrayal, she understood his fear. His inability to trust.

But she'd done nothing to make him mistrust her.

“Why do you think I'm lying to you?”

“Because I'm not human. You know I'm not human. You've been railing against your crazy family and their beliefs. Yet, here I am. The epitome of everything you hate about them.”

Tears choked her as she realized what she'd inadvertently done by railing against their paranormal obsessions. “None of that was directed at you, sweetie.”

“How can it not be?”

“Because … I vent. It's my pressure valve. But I don't mean it. I don't hate my family. And I definitely don't hate
you
.” She left the bed to cup his face in her hands. “You are not a monster.”

For the first time, she saw tears gathering in his eyes.

“I don't want these feelings you give me, Josette. Take them and go.”

“What feelings?”

He pressed her hand to his heart and held it there while his gaze searched hers. “You make me dream again. Hope. And I cannot allow myself to feel either. Every time I have…” Clenching his teeth, he looked away.

Jo did her best to understand the fear and anger she saw in his eyes. It ignited her own fury that he'd been hurt so badly by others that he was now incapable of accepting her heart. “What?”

“It matters naught.” He tried to pull away.

Jo held him in front of her. “It matters all.
You
matter most.”

He shook his head. “I don't believe you. I can't.”

“Why?”

When he looked at her with that anguished, celestial gaze, she saw every bit of his scarred soul. “Because you will have to abandon me, too. And I'm done with it. I'm tired of being left behind.”

Jo pulled him into her arms and held him close. “Then I will stay with you.”

“You can't do that. You have to return to your family, and your life.”

She snorted. “My life is a disaster, Cadegan. The divorce bankrupted me. I'm losing my house. I had to beg a job off my cousins. Right now, the only thing in my life, other than my dogs, that makes me want to get out of bed in the morning is
you
. Well, not entirely. I'd actually prefer to stay naked in the bed with you forever, but you know what I mean.”

“Nay, Josette, I don't. The last time a woman plied me with such sentiment, she carved out me heart and fed it to me until I choked on it.”

“And my husband told me I was the only woman in the world he'd ever love or want. Then I find him in bed with not one, but
two
bimbos. Notice, I'm not holding his assholishness against
you
.”

“We can't stay together, lass. You know that.”

“I refuse to believe it. I was put here for a reason. Right?”

“Aye. To torment me more.”

She popped him lightly on the stomach. “Stop that! I am not going to give up on you, Cadegan. Not without a fight.”

His eyes darkened with agony, he shook his head. “I am Cadegan Maboddimun … son of no one. Wanted by none. Conceived for evil intent. I entered this world alone and that is how I was destined to stay in it. I will not ask you to sacrifice yourself for me.”

He broke her heart in so many ways. It didn't make sense. She didn't know him at all and yet he owned a part of her that no one had ever claimed.

All she wanted was to save him. To pull him to safety and keep him far away from all the ones who were out to cause him harm. It was so unfair that a man so decent was locked in here, while the world she knew was filled with utter assholes.

“That's the thing about love, Cade. You don't have to ask for anything.”

He laughed bitterly at her words. “You don't love me, lass. You can't.”

How she wished feelings were that easy to control. That she could magically take away hurt and grief, and tell her heart who she wanted it to beat for. And have it listen to her.

Unfortunately, the little bastard didn't work that way. It did what it wanted to, regardless of feelings and intent. Regardless of common sense and wishes.

She nuzzled his shoulder. “Then I'm falling head over heels for someone who looks an awful lot like you, buddy. Same eyes. Same lips. Same irritating tendency to look at me like I'm crazy. He even has a last name that sounds like he's lisping when he says it.”

Cadegan laughed. “The things you come up with, lass. You are a real star-turn, aren't you?”

“Like a wombat in a cornfield.”

He scowled at her. “Beg pardon?”

“You're not the only one who can throw together random words that make no sense and use them in a sentence like they do.”

Cadegan laughed out loud at her silly nonsense. How could she make him laugh when he felt like utter shite? Make him want to be inside her when he should be running away as fast as his feet could carry him?

Unable to sort through the myriad of conflicting emotions she stirred inside him, he buried his hand in her dark tresses and fisted it. Then he did the one thing he wanted to do most.

He kissed her until his head spun with her sweet scent.

Jo was completely unprepared for the intensity of his kiss. For the hunger he made her feel. Wanting to show him just how much he meant to her, she pulled at his robe. “Take your clothes off, Cadegan. I want to feel your skin on mine.”

She'd barely finished the sentence before they were both naked and he was inside her.

Sucking her breath in sharply, she groaned aloud as he held her while he thrust against her hips. “We really need to talk about foreplay, sweetie.”

He paused to stare down at her. “You want more people for this?”

“No!” She laughed at his assumption. “Foreplay is the petting that leads up to this. Not that
this
isn't incredible, but a little pre-petting goes a long way.”

“Sorry. I always thought women wanted it over with as quickly as possible.”

“Why would you think that?”

“'Tis what they've always said to me. ‘Hurry and be done with you.' Once they have their fancy, they're ready to leave.”

She cupped his cheek in her hand and stared into his beautiful eyes that betrayed all the hurt that had been ruthlessly served to him. “There is nothing I treasure more than having you inside me, Cadegan. Take your time and let me love you until you're blind from it.”

He thrust deep, burying himself to his hilt, and held her there, without moving.

Kissing his cheek, she cradled his head in her arms. His breathing ragged, he stared at her with his half-hooded eyes that seared her. He whispered something in medieval Welsh before he captured her lips and began to slowly, methodically make love to her. All the while, he stared at her as if she was the sole light in his darkness.

No one had ever looked at her like that before.

Jo struggled to breathe as he delivered fierce stroke after stroke to her. He held her effortlessly while he savored her body. She ran her hand over the muscles in his back and shoulders that bulged. Nothing had ever felt better than his hard body against and inside hers.

In that moment, she never wanted to go home. Never wanted to be without him.

Cadegan pressed his cheek to hers and inhaled the scent of her hair. If he could, he'd die right here and now in this one perfect instant of bliss. This instant where he was warm and happy. Where he felt loved and desired.

It's a lie.

It had to be. Yet it felt real. If she was lying to him, he hoped that he never found it out. He'd much rather live in this lie than deal with the reality that had been his life.

Crying out, she dug her nails into his back as she came for him. He quickened his strokes until he made her sing from the pleasure of her release.

And he waited until she was completely done before he joined her there.

Completely satiated, and feeling calmer than he could ever remember, he carried her to the bed and placed her in it. He slid in beside her and gathered her into his arms as a storm began striking against the castle windows.

She lifted her head. “That's normal rain, right? It's not like a swarm of angry piranha locusts or something, is it?”

He laughed at her panic. “It does storm here. And we do have the occasional swarm of angry locusts that devour the harvests. But that just sounds like a small autumn shower.”

She let out a relieved breath. “Good. I'm not sure I could handle any more excitement today.” She leaned over him and began to nibble the whiskers on his chin.

He arched a brow at her actions. “What are you doing?”

Wrinkling her nose, she gave him an evil smile. “You didn't think I was done with you, did you?”

“I did, indeed.”

She shook her head. “Oh, sweetie, I've only begun. Before this night is over, you're going to be begging me for mercy.”

He took her hand into his and led it to his cock that was already starting to swell again. “Methinks I'm up to that challenge, me lady. Let us see how well met you are to your word.”