Somewhere in Between (Madison Square #1) (19 page)

“Slow down, girl. No one was slapped. Madeline just told Gwen that her services were no longer needed.”

“That’s it?”

“She may have told Madeline that she would ruin her.”

Wiley’s jaw dropped. “Can she do that?” She looked a little unsure.

“No,” I said, “no way.”

She seemed satisfied that our jobs were safe, at least for the foreseeable future, and we could move forward with our lives.

I almost felt bad for Gwen about the way things went on Friday. Then I remembered her naked back and the smile on her face when I saw her with Drew. I shuddered. He said he didn’t want her, but the thought of them together…just ugh!

“So,” Wiley snapped me back to focus. “How was your weekend?”

I groaned and dropped my head into my hands. “I can’t get into that now. With Gwen gone, I have a ton of work to do.”

“Okay, but drinks tonight?” she asked with a hopeful look in her eyes.

I let out a long breath. “Yeah, I will absolutely need a drink for this.”

***

The story took exactly four, “Oh my God’s,” one “Sweet baby, Jesus,” and two martinis before Wiley knew everything. By the end, we were both exhausted and a little buzzed. I waved to the bartender for my third martini before Wiley said, “He slept with Gwen?”

I nodded.

“And you saw them, like…in the moment?”

I shuddered at the memory. “Yeah.”

She just blinked at me for a second, letting the whole thing sink in. “Wow. I’m just…wow. So, are they, like, a thing now?”

“Drew says he doesn’t want her. He said that it was a drunken mistake, but he was texting her the other day, so maybe he is trying to spare my feelings. I don’t know.”

Wiley looked at me for a long time. “Do you want to know what I think?”

“I don’t know. Do I?” I was unsure if I was going to like where she was going.

“I get that I’m beginning to sound like a broken record…” She raised a pink stained finger when I rolled my eyes. “No, listen. You are clearly incapable of seeing past your insecurities to see that Drew feels something for you. It’s there. You choose not to see it because you refuse to let yourself hope that there is the possibility for a future between the two of you.”

I sighed as she continued. “Look, Alex, I don’t know Drew all that well, and maybe I’m wrong, but he already knows how you feel and he hasn’t run away. He stayed with you. The fear of losing him is not a real concern anymore. So, what’s holding you back from having a real conversation with him about how he feels?”

Wiley had a tendency to be kind of flaky, if not a bit socially awkward, but she had these profound moments of clarity that made me value her opinion. Well, when I could get my head out of my ass long enough to listen.

“I see what you are saying, but he is my best friend. I know that he hates carrots and can’t sleep in a shirt. I know that he says his favorite movie is
Star Wars
but it’s really
Spaceballs
. He collects ties, but rarely wears them. He plays the piano and is a freakishly good speller. I know how he thinks, what he likes, and who he is, and I know that if he wanted to be with me, he would be.”

She held her hands up in defeat. “Okay, okay, if you say so.”

Ping, ping
. That bicycle was beginning to grow on me. It had a habit of saving me from awkward conversations.

Sean: @ The Den where r u?

“Looks like everyone is at The Den. Feel like a set change?”

She nodded. We paid our tab and headed out.

***

As we approached The Den, I saw Drew outside. He was on the phone having a pretty heated discussion. I told Wiley I would meet her in there. I couldn’t hear everything, but he sounded really irritated. I caught the tail end of the conversation.

“You need to back off. Stop calling me!” He gritted his teeth, his jaw tense. He ended the call and shoved the phone into his pocket, turning around so quickly he nearly knocked me over.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” I said, sounding a little awkward, “what was that about?”

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” He put a hand on my back and tried to guide me toward the door.

I stopped and planted my feet. “That wasn’t nothing. What’s going on?”

I crossed my arms across my chest. I was determined to get an answer from him. Keeping things from each other was what got us into this mess we were in.

Drew put his hands on his hips and looked down at his shoes, exhaling as he met my eyes. “It was Gwen.”

I pressed my lips tightly together and waited for him to continue.

“After you left, I sobered up pretty quick. I knew I had to talk to you but I had to get her out first. She was not so happy about the interruption and even angrier that I was asking her to leave. She has been calling and texting me ever since. I don’t even know how she got my number.”

“But you texted her last week.” I was confused. Gwen said Drew texted her, which sparked the whole crying-in-the-bathroom, Bitchface-getting-fired thing.

His eyebrows pulled together. “What are you talking about?”

“Last Friday, before she got fired, you texted her and she…and I…” I stammered as everything began to sink in. Gwen planned this. This was her goal all along, to fuck with me. She saw us together at the gala and targeted him as something she could use to make me miserable. Son of a bitch! She’s been plotting this entire time to drive him away from me. I guess after she got fired, she went straight for the kill. That bitch!

“What?” Drew asked, dipping his head to meet my eyes. I must have said that last part out loud.

I was furious at her, but he still went through with it. Gwen is a bitch for sure, but she didn’t force Drew into bed with her. He took her home. I didn’t know what to say or do. I felt nothing but white hot anger coursing through my body with no way to let it out.

“Red,” he said, bringing me back to the present. “I told you before, I don’t want her. I wish the whole thing never happened.”

“But it did happen.”

“You know I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.” He took a cautious step toward me. “Red?”

He grabbed a hold of my arms, his eyes begging me to understand. I couldn’t wrap my head around how Gwen could do something so hateful to another human being. My logical side was screaming it’s not Drew’s fault. She set him up. He just fell victim to her vindictive plot to destroy me for no other reason than because she could, but nothing is black and white. If he was just drunk and being led by his dick, he could have gone home with anyone, but he didn’t take just anyone home. He took her.

“Red?”

I turned my head, trying to focus on Drew’s face through the tears brimming in my eyes. I shook my head, trying to clear the renewed image of Gwen in his bed wearing nothing but that smirk. I took a large step back, pulled away from Drew, and tried to catch my breath. He stepped forward and reached for me again. I put my hand out to stop him.

“Please, Alex,” he pleaded, “I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know, but you did.”

“I…”

I held out my hand to stop him.

Drew just shoved his hands into his pockets and nodded. I turned and made my way into the bar, heading straight for the bathroom in the back as the tears began to flow.

Chapter 17

Drew (Then)

I knocked on Red’s door and Kerri answered.

“Drew.” She nodded.

“Satan’s mistress.” I smiled. Kerri was on my permanent shit list for the way things went down with Sean, although I guess I did owe her for introducing me to Red, but fuck if I would let her know that.

Kerri scoffed and shouldered past me. I stepped into the room and Red was sitting on the bed, pulling a pair of boots on.

“Can’t you be nicer to her? I do have to live with her.” She stood up and grabbed her jacket.

I shrugged. “Can’t. Guy code.” I held out a cup of coffee to her.

She laughed and took the cup from me, her green eyes bright. Her hair was pulled up, exposing the smooth curve of her neck. I wanted to bury my face in that curve and just breathe her in.

“You ready?” she asked, bringing me back to reality.

“Yeah.”

We got into the car and I looked at her. “So, where to?”

She looked down at her hands for a moment, and when she looked back at me, she had tears in her eyes.

I started to panic. “Red?”

“It’s been a year,” she said softly, wiping at her eyes.

“Okay.” I was trying to figure out what I was missing.

“Since they died. Today it has been a year.” She looked up at me, the tears rolling down her cheeks.

My chest ached for her. I didn’t know what to say. I would do anything to make it better, but there was nothing I could do. I pulled her toward me and wrapped my arms around her awkwardly over the center console. “Red, I’m so sorry.”

“The medical examiner kept their remains as part of the investigation into the accident. They released them months ago and I had them sent to a funeral home to be cremated. I just haven’t been able to bring myself to go get them.” She paused, taking a deep breath as the tears kept coming.

“Go get them?”

She finally looked up at me, the sadness and grief clear across her face.

“Their ashes?” I asked.

She nodded. “I know this is kind of morbid, but I thought I could spread them today and I can’t do it alone.”

I laid my hand over hers. “I’m here, Red. Whatever you need.”

I gave her a small smile. I cupped her cheek and brushed a tear from her eye. All I could think about was kissing her. I was a complete asshole. She needed a friend, and my mind was fixated on making a move. I wanted her to trust me. I wanted her to know, with absolute certainty, that I would be there for her whenever she needed me.

***

We pulled up outside the funeral home and put the car in park. I looked at her as she stared at the large white house with Nelson Funeral Home printed on the dark green awning above the door.

“You ready?” I asked. She looked at me with a sad smile and nodded.

I took her hand as we walked through the door and into the lobby. The carpet was a dark hunter green and dark wood paneling covered the walls. The scent of too many flowers and candle smoke filled the air but did nothing to mask the feeling of loss being in a place like this gave me. Red gripped my hand as we walked further into the building.

An older guy in a dark gray suit and black tie approached us. “My name is Michael Nelson. Can I help you?”

Red was frozen, so I took the lead. “I’m Drew Collins,” I said, offering him my hand. “This is Alex McCabe. We’re here for her parents. I-I mean, their ashes.”

His face softened and he turned to Alex, taking her hand in both of his. “I’m so very sorry for your loss. Please follow me. I will get the paperwork for you.”

I put my hand on the small of her back and led her down the hall behind Mr. Nelson. He led us to a small office in the back of the building. He gestured for us to have a seat in the simple brown leather chairs opposite his desk.

“What are your parents’ names?” he asked.

“William and Anna McCabe,” she said, her voice barely audible.

“I’m sorry?” He leaned closer to hear her.

“William and Anna McCabe,” I repeated. I could see how hard this was on her. I threaded my fingers through hers. She looked up at me and gave me a small smile of thanks.

Mr. Nelson typed the names into his computer, nodding his head once he found what he was looking for. He pulled a folder from the cabinet behind him. “It looks like everything is done. I just need your signature on this form stating we are releasing the remains to you.” He slid the form toward Alex and offered her a pen.

She signed it without looking. She was running on auto pilot. When she was done, he looked over the form and nodded. “I will be right back with them.” He said it like they were waiting in the other room and he was going to show them in.

“You okay, Red?”

She’d barely said anything the entire time. I was worried about her. She nodded her head, but wouldn’t look at me.

After a few more minutes, Mr. Nelson came in with a cardboard box and set it down on the desk in front of us. Inside were two small green plastic containers with each of her parent’s names printed on a label stuck to the lid.

I stared at the two containers. This was all that was left of two people who were born, fell in love, and had a life and a child together. Now all that was left of these two lives were plastic containers and labels with their names on it.

“Your instructions stipulated that you didn’t want an urn or a cremation casket,” Mr. Nelson said. Alex nodded.

I stood up, thanked Mr. Nelson for his help, picked up the box with the remains, and led Red back to the car. Alex pulled open the door and got in while I set the box in the back seat. It felt wrong to put it in the trunk.

I started the engine and turned to Red. She took a deep breath and looked at me. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I just couldn’t deal.”

“I know, Red.” I reached for her hand again. I wasn’t trying to take advantage of the situation, but every instinct I had was crying out to touch her. I didn’t know how else to comfort her. “Where do you want to take them?”

She took a deep breath and looked forward, out the windshield. “There is this park where I grew up. It’s where my dad proposed. Mom told me…” The tears started again. “Mom said it was the place where their life began.”

“Then that is where we will go.” I pulled out of the parking lot.

***

Twenty minutes later, we stood in the shade of a low hanging willow tree at the back of the park, next to a duck pond. I carried the box and set it down at Red’s feet as she looked out over the water.

I lifted one of the containers and handed it to Red. She took it gently in her hands and hugged it close to her body. “Do you want to say something?” I asked.

“What’s the point?”

I didn’t know how to answer. I wrapped an arm around her waist.

“They’re gone, Drew. They left me all alone, and I h-hate them for it. I hate them, and I hate myself for hating them.”

I grabbed her shoulders, turning her to face me. “You’re allowed to be angry. You can hate them, Red. There are no rules for grieving.”

She sobbed and I pulled her against my chest, letting her get it out. She pushed me away and turned her back to me. “You don’t get it!” she yelled. “You have David, Papa Jack, and Sean. Your mom!” she said, her eyes red rimmed and so empty. “You have a family! They were all I had, and this,” she said, holding the container out to me, “is all that is left of them.”

She sank to her knees with a sob, still clutching the container. I dropped to my knees in front of her, wishing I could take her pain away. I knew, right then, that I was in love with her. She took me by surprise. She was stubborn and such a smartass, always arguing with me and challenging me, but she made me laugh, she was fiercely loyal and kind, and she was so beautiful inside and out.

I wanted to let it out, to tell her how much I loved her and how I would spend my life making sure she felt loved, but at that moment she needed me to be her friend. She needed me to be her family. I could give that to her. I would do anything for her.

I tilted her chin up so she would look at me. “You’re not alone anymore. I’m your family, Alex, and I will be here whenever you need me. Do you understand? You’re not alone.”

She nodded as tears streamed down her beautiful face. I sat down next to her, holding her while she cried. I meant every word I said. I would be there for her as long as she needed me.

When she was ready, we opened the containers together and spread the ashes of her parents in the beautiful little park where they had started their lives together.

***

When we got back to the dorms, I walked her to her room and waited as she unlocked the door.

“Thanks for helping me today.”

“No problem, Red.”

I leaned in and pressed my lips lightly to her forehead. I felt her exhale and I pulled back, looking down at her. We were only inches apart. She looked up at me, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to press her to the wall and taste that lip for myself. I swallowed hard and took a step back.

“Like I said, I’m your family, and that’s what families do.”

She smiled at me and headed into her room, closing the door behind her.

I dropped into the seat of my car just as the sky decided to open up. The rain poured down my windshield, blurring the world outside into a smear of muted colors. I sat there, listening to the water pound against the hood of my car. All I could think about was her lips. I wanted to run back up the stairs and find out what she tasted like. I wanted to know the sound she would make when I kissed her neck, how soft the skin of her back was, what she looked like just before she fell asleep.

I’d put myself in the worst possible position. I found the one girl who I wanted more than anything else, and I could do nothing about it. I couldn’t risk messing this up. Alex needed me. If, by some miracle, she wanted anything to do with me, I would no doubt fuck it up, and then I would lose her. A lifetime as her friend sounded so much better than being the man who broke her heart.

I couldn’t be selfish. She deserved more than that. I would keep my word to her and be whatever she wanted for as long as she wanted. I just needed to figure out exactly how to do that.