Somewhere in Between (27 page)

"What do I have to do?"

"I would say if I have to tell you, it won't be sincere. But I know that is pointless." She thought for a moment, and shrugged again. "If you want things to be better, the first thing you have to do is fix your relationship not only with your parents, because you have put them through so much for no good reason at all, but you need to fix things with Elliot. He loves you so very much. And you have hurt him so very badly. Once I see that happen, then I'll know you mean what you say. Once I see that happen, I'll know you really are that sweet girl I met last spring who became my friend instantly. And Josh will probably start coming around more, too. But you still have a long way to go."

After a half an hour had passed of Gemma being with Christie, Elliot was too distracted to play quarterback anymore. He tossed Trent the ball, allowing the six to play three on three, while he went into the house to wait. No one stopped him. There'd be no point.

Another half an hour passed before Gemma finally emerged down the stairs. Her face was slightly flushed, her eyes downcast. He was at her side in seconds.

"Gemma? Are you okay?"

She nodded at him, looking into his green eyes to ground her. "Yeah, yeah I'm okay."

"How'd uh, how'd your talk go?" he asked, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

"I don't know. Okay, I guess. Tense, awkward, angry, confusing," she answered quietly. Looking at him finally, the tension in her shoulders lessened. "I said a lot of things I didn't even know I was feeling until they were leaving my lips."

Elliot can't help but quirk an eyebrow. "Yeah? Like what?"

Looking back toward the stairs, Gemma sighed. "I just told her I can't be friends with someone who doesn't care that they've hurt people. And until that changes, or until she realizes what she has to do to not be that person anymore, I told her I think it's best if we keep our distance."

"That must have been very hard on you," Elliot commented sympathetically. Of everything Gemma had been through, he knew that dealing with Christie was probably the most heart wrenching. He finally understood why Gemma was so at ease being around Trisha after everything. She needed female support, and while Leigh was amazingly supportive, sometimes a girl needs her
girl
friends too. And Christie had taken that away from her.

"Yeah. I mean, she wants to know what happened. She's upset she wasn't included in finding everything out and is pissed Trisha knows and how could I trust her after everything with you. That was the biggest. She can’t see past herself still." Her chest hurt from the strain of being on the outs with her best friend. "But I can't tell her, Elliot. I can't tell Christie what happened to me."

"I know you can't."

"She hasn't earned it, you know? Maybe the Christie I knew before school started up again would have found out, would have been supportive, but not this Christie," Gemma choked out. "This Christie doesn't like being excluded for how it affects her. I mean she didn't even bother to make sure I was okay when I was out of school after. And you, the things she said to you after… after what happened? This Christie doesn't care who she hurts. I want the Christie who would have noticed something was wrong. I want the Christie who would have seen instantly something is wrong with her brother because they're that close. I want my Christie back."

She broke into sobs leaning into Elliot as he wrapped his arms around her trying to soothe. He felt her pain because it was his pain to. And not just because of what had happened to her. Christie was his sister. She was his first friend, his friend confidante. He was heartbroken that the Christie of the last several months wasn't who she'd always been. He hoped she listened to the words-whatever they were-that Gemma had said to her, took them to heart, and applied them to her life.

He hoped so desperately because he wanted
his
Christie back too.

The day turned into night, and Christie never returned to the barbeque. Grace had attempted to rouse her back, but those in the know figured it was for the best that she stay away. Grace did bring her a plate of food though, saying she was doing some contemplating.

As the fireworks flashed across the sky, Elliot held Gemma from behind, his chin resting on her shoulder as she gripped his arms. "Happy Fourth of July," he whispered in her ear.

"Happy Fourth of July," she murmured back. Angling her body she looked back at him with an easy smile. "I love you, Elliot. Thank you for being you."

He couldn't help it, he smiled back goofily, his chest expanding with emotion. "I love you too, Gemma. And thank you." At her confused expression, he continued. "Thank you for loving me."

She giggled softly. "No reason to thank me. It's easy to do."

*LtB*

Before anyone was ready for it, summer was ending, and that meant Leigh, Trent, Trisha and Jake were moving away.

To move Leigh (and Trent by extension) down to Tennessee, Gemma was going to be traveling with her parents for three days toward the end of August. She was excited and petrified all at once. On one hand, while she’d been to Disney World as a child, and the flight stopped in Nashville, she’d never officially been to Tennessee, and was looking forward to seeing more of the country besides just an airport. But on the other hand, this trip meant her sister was moving away. And on top of that, her sister was moving to a place where her attackers had attacked. To say at this moment the cons outweighed the pros in her mind, would be an understatement.

And that didn't even take into account the fact that she was going to be away from Elliot for the first time for longer than a night since she was attacked ten months earlier.

It was taking everything in her to figure out a way to adjust to that security being stripped away.

"Everything is going to be okay. You know that right?" They were sitting at their park, watching butterflies flutter about the flowers. Occasionally, a humming bird would appear as if by magic. A new playground was being built which made them wonder how long the serenity of their escape would last before kids and other people shattered it. But even that didn’t help take away from the mood they found themselves in.

She was leaving tomorrow and they'd decided to spend one more afternoon together to calm her nerves.

"I know. I just," she sighed heavily, trying to find a way to articulate her thoughts. "I'm so worried about those guys. It's been months since we've heard anything, even with Leigh threatening to call every five seconds, and dad actually calling Agent Ramirez constantly. But there have been no new leads, thankfully no new or known of attacks, but I wish I knew something more than nothing." She slouched against his chest, her body cradled between his legs. She'd been getting more and more comfortable with being close to him like this as the days went on. Even when he unintentionally became excited by her proximity, the idea didn't frighten her like it once might have. She knew, being a male and a teenaged one at that, that Elliot was nearing sainthood for being so considerate of her limitations.

Every other couple she could think of, long before they reached eight months together, had done more than hold hands, kiss occasionally, and just be near their partner. Many of them had moved on to more…
physical
aspects of affection. She knew for a fact that even Maggie Blake, the good Christian girl she was, had lost her virginity already to boyfriend, Stu, not long after summer started. But not her. No, she still had yet to fully get passed that mental block that made sex and intimacy a terrifying concept.

She was working on it with Dr. Archuleta, though it was mildly embarrassing and had included a drastic bout of tears when she considered she wasn't a virgin anymore after all. She realized she was tainted, and that anything pure she would want to experience with Elliot was lost to that fateful homecoming night. Of course, Dr. Archuleta told her that wasn't true. Because Gemma had not willingly offered her body to another, but rather had her virtue taken by force, her virginity was still hers to give.

Gemma thought the good doctor was reaching, seeing as the point of a girl's virginity included the breaking (or stretching as it were) of the hymen, and the force used on her had pretty much taken care of that. But Dr. Archuleta would not be dissuaded, so much so that she told Gemma some girls don't even go through the typical response to losing one's virginity therefore the hymen means little. After a lengthy discussion on the idea of Gemma offering herself freely, they came to an uneasy agreement, but it pacified her for the time being. Especially when she was instructed to speak to Elliot about that very thing. It was his perspective that helped change her own.

Turns out, he didn't see her as damaged or impure. If anything, he believed she was more pure by the mere fact she'd survived such an ordeal and had the strength to speak with him about it. Regardless of how difficult or embarrassing it may have been.

"
You can have any girl. Why me?" Gemma asks one July afternoon as they sit in his family’s kitchen. It's only been a week since the Independence Day barbeque, and emotions are still running a little high from the encounter with Christie.

"
Because I don't love any other girl. I don't want anyone else."

She smiles at this, even in its ridiculousness since she knows once upon a time that wasn't true. It is now, but it wasn't always so and Christie’s words still sting. "But, you're a sixteen year old male. I know," she stops as her cheeks warm. This is such an uncomfortable conversation to have, but she knows Dr. Archuleta is going to want a report, if not a play by play. "I know that you… want things. I know you want things I can't give you yet."

"
What are you talking about?" Elliot asks as they sit at the counter. His mom has run to the store taking Christie with her to give the two some privacy. She's planning to make one of Caroline's dishes tonight. Everyone is worried since the last one came out burnt.

Huffing, Gemma grabs a lock of hair and tugs to keep her attention on that rather than the conversation at hand. "I mean, you know, with sex," she barely whispers. The look on Elliot's face is comical. The color drains and his eyes widen. He stutters and she marches on. "I mean I know it's something people think about. And I can't give that too you. Yet."

Lifting her hand to his mouth, Elliot brushes his lips against the back, attempting to keep himself from looking like an idiot. "Gemma, first off, I hope you don't think I'm pressuring you for anything. Because that is not my intention in any way, shape or form. Second, wow, okay, we're really having this talk right now," he mumbles while pulling on his hair, before diving right back in. After all, he didn't even know she had been thinking about this. "Redo. Second, yes, I want nothing more to be with you, completely." Placing a hand under her chin, he brings her eyes back to his. Hers are watery, uncertain. "I love you so very much. And when the time is right, when the time is right for
both
of us, we will be together. And it won't just be sex because I know anything I do with you will be us making love."

"
I wish I was ready now," she breathes, no longer embarrassed, but instead sad. She wonders if she would have been ready if not for her attack. But then those thoughts lead her to whether she'd even be with Elliot, if he really knows for certain he'd like her after liking Trisha or if she'd stay stuck as his friend, so she doesn't let those thoughts form too far. "I love you too. And I want to show you."

"
You do. But like I said, when the time comes and we're
both
ready, it'll be beautiful." His smile makes her smile. And then he says this: “And just so you know, we were meant for each other. Regardless of how it came to be, we
were
meant to be.”

It was like he has read her mind.

She hadn't thought about how Elliot felt in regards to sex because all she could see was a teenaged male. And in her short experience dealing with teenaged males, as well as the knowledge gained from books, movies and television, she figured Elliot wouldn’t be much different. But after that conversation with him, Gemma felt relieved. Yes, Elliot was your typical teenaged boy, as evident by his body reacting outside his control, but he was also so much more than that because of what happened to her. He also needed guidance from Dr. Archuleta in regards to how to approach sex whenever the time arrived. Because like he’d said, they both had to be ready.

"I wish we knew something too."

Pulled from her memories, Gemma sat up to turn and face him as a new thought popped into her head, one that put her heart into a panic. "The scariest part, they hurt a girl right where Leigh is going! What if they find her, what if they hurt her too?"

"Shh, shh, shh," Elliot tried to soothe. "I know. I'm worried too. But baby, you can't think that way. Leigh isn't going to let anyone hurt her. And Trent isn't going to let her out of his sight, not now especially. You know, if the FBI hasn’t already, your dad has probably even contacted the local police force to keep an extra watch on her. She'll be on protection overload."

"I just feel horrible about this because she's so excited to go to college. And there is so much she wants to do." Shaking her head, Gemma's shoulders sagged. "Before everything happened, I was excited for her. Now I'm just terrified."