Sometimes Moments (20 page)

Callum shuffled backwards once, Peyton still holding his face in her hands as he tugged her towards him. She placed her legs over his laps and straddled him—just like all the times they had spent during their last summer.

His eyes showed her the terrified side of him. Peyton moved her hands and brushed his hair back. Then Callum took a sharp breath and squeezed her hips.

“I can’t offer you forever,” he said, breaking the fantasy she was in.

But she wouldn’t let him see that. Her chest ached, but she ignored the pain. She wanted him. That, she was sure of.

“Then give me
now
. For as long as you can,” she whispered before letting her fingers trail down the side of his face.

“I can only give you sometimes,” he said.

Peyton gave him a smile. It was all she was going to get. “Then I’ll take your sometimes.”

“And then it’s goodbye,” he said.

Peyton nodded. “Then it’s goodbye to you, Callum Reid.”

Callum pulled her closer to him. “And to you, Peyton Spencer.”

She didn’t reply. Instead, she let her lips slowly make their way to his, sealing what she had already known. That they had just agreed on the end of their story.

We just planned our demise.

The moment his lips met hers, it was an implosion of relief and satisfaction. This was an undeniable want.
He
was an undeniable want. Unlike before, this was slow and savoured. Callum’s lip guided her to a pattern of open and closed movements. Again and again, it continued, never bordering on too soft or too hard. They found a rhythm and speed in which time became a word and not a force. The same force that would drive them apart soon enough. It was just a matter of when. The thought had Peyton missing a beat in their kiss. But pushing the thought of the inevitable away, she quickly found her way.

Callum wrapped his arms around her lower back and brought her closer. The surprise of his willingness evoked a silent moan, allowing his tongue to find hers. If there were a way to beautifully explore her mouth, then Callum had found it. The gentle stroke of his tongue against hers caused her heart to pound insanely hard. Though years had passed, it was familiar, like he hadn’t forgotten the way they kissed. Each movement and moment of the way his mouth worked her into a frenzy was memorised.
Time.
It kept looming over her.

“Peyton,” Callum breathed against her, and he slowed their kiss until they mutually stopped. Then he pulled back, brushing her hair away from her face. “Not like this. Please.”

“Like what?” she asked, looking anywhere other than his eyes.

“Like you can change the ending. I can’t give you happily ever after. I can’t give you anything.” He sighed.

Peyton removed her hands from his hair and let them fall in her lap. The need to get off him became desperation. She was ashamed. Her stance and willpower had weakened and she had let her pathetic heart win. Now, it sat uncomfortably behind her ribcage, throbbing and twisting.

“I don’t want a happily ever after, Callum. I need an ending. No spin-offs or sequels. Just a standalone. And maybe someday, I’ll get to hear your epilogue.”

Then she placed her hands on his shoulders and pushed herself up. The stinging of her lips reminded her that she had let desire win. She took a step away from him, leant on the railing, turned her head to the left, and stared at the shimmering water of the lake. She felt his eyes on her, but right now, her mind wasn’t in a good place. She didn’t trust her decision-making abilities at the moment.

Callum, standing up, caught her attention. When her eyes met his, the controlled Callum was before her.

“My epilogue?” he asked.

Peyton nodded. “Yes. A conclusion to all of this. I want to hear it someday.”

He scratched his arm, thinking. Hints of his sleeve tattoo poked out. “What do you want to hear in it?”

She relaxed her body and let the uncomfortable heat spread from her chest to the rest of her body. Then she gave him a tight smile, knowing that what she was about to say came hand-in-hand with their upcoming goodbye.

“Everything. Write it down one day and send it to me. I want to hear about you meeting the love of your life. I want to hear about how you proposed to her. I want to hear where you said ‘I do.’” Peyton stopped and quickly wiped her tears away. She hadn’t thought it would be so hard to talk about his future. “And I want to hear about your firstborn and all the children you have after. I want to hear their names. I want to hear how happy you are with your life.”

God, Peyton, you’re being ridiculous. Cut that shit out!

She looked up at him. His red and swollen lips appeared to tremble before his jaw locked. Callum turned away as his nostrils flared. Whether it was anger or hurt, she didn’t know but the way his eyes flashed in pain didn’t go unmasked. He had fallen silent until he finally faced her.

“And that’s something that you’d want me to send you?” he asked. There was nothing in his voice that suggested he wouldn’t.

“It’s something I’d love.”

“But what if you move houses or something?”

Peyton let out a short laugh. “You’ll find me right here in Daylesford, Callum. Just like you did before.”

“And what about you, Peyton?” he asked.

She swallowed hard and shook her head. “I don’t have one to write. Some stories don’t need one. And I’m afraid this is kind of the end of the line for me. Just the hotel and this town.”

Callum stepped towards her and placed his arms on the railing, trapping her. “There’s more out there than just Daylesford.”

Her heart pounded against her chest, threatening to squeeze through her ribcage. She looked up and nodded. “I know there is. There’s nothing out there for
me
.”

He tilted his head at her. “How do you know? I’ve seen what’s out there.”

She gave him a fine smile before saying, “Because everything I have left is here. Memories are more important to me than the city. I’m content with my life here.”

Callum exhaled heavily before resting his forehead on hers. “There’s so much more outside of the town’s limit, Peyton. You belong out there, experiencing more than what Daylesford offers you.”

Her heart felt like it was being tugged in different directions simultaneously. She peeked up at him through her lashes, Callum’s grey eyes meeting hers.

“I belong here,” she said.

I always thought I belonged to you. Not this town.

He pulled away and nodded. “Then let’s give Oscar and Marissa a wedding they’ll never forget and get the hotel the recognition it deserves.” Then Callum dropped his hands from the pier, turned, and made his way off it.

“Callum,” she called out as she watched him leave.

He stopped and, without hesitation, faced her. Peyton stood at one end of the pier and Callum at the other, separated by planks of nailed wood.

“Yeah?” he asked, digging his hands into his pants pockets.

“I’m sorry that I kissed you.”

He looked at the ground that met the first plank of the pier before he looked back up at her. “Don’t be, because I’m not. We just can’t let it happen again, Peyton. Want to head back to the hotel and go through those plans?”

She didn’t feel anything. Finally, years of hoping and wishing had finally paid off—Peyton no longer felt. And to her disappointment, it wasn’t as satisfying as she had imagined. Rather, it left her longing for
more.

“I
can’t wait till we leave this place, Pey. Just wait until we start a life together out there. No matter where we are or where we go, you’ve claimed me. My life makes sense when I’m with you.”

Peyton rolled onto her back as she let memories of him keep her awake. She brought her fingers to her lips, missing the way that he felt against her. It had been a rookie mistake to kiss him, but inside her, something had snapped. She’d hated the way that he’d blamed himself for Jay’s behaviour and her actions. There had been no logic, just the desperate need to take all the self-blame away from him.

“We just can’t let it happen again, Peyton.”

And it couldn’t. It was bad enough that he was back; kissing him made it all the more complicated. He’d said that he could only offer her now and sometimes, nothing close to forever. The tension had been so thick when they’d returned to the hotel; she was almost drowning in it.

Peyton let her hand fall back onto the pillow and kept her eyes on the pendant light as she continued to replay today in her head. A day that made her question what tomorrow would bring. After what had seemed like forever, the tension had started to dissipate. Somehow, they’d found a comfortable moment when they’d discussed the wedding. With some adjustments to her original plan, the dance floor by the lake was feasible. All it needed was redesigning, and Callum offered to do just that. The moment she said, “Okay,” to him, he picked up the design, said he had to leave, and walked out.

The moment the bell rang to signal his departure, Peyton was thankful. She couldn’t take being so close to him, hating the fantasies of what could have been that bubbled up every time she looked at him. She was finally alone to breathe. But each time she thought about them kissing on the pier, she ended up more frustrated than before.

After being left alone with her thoughts, Peyton realised that she didn’t want to hear from him after he left. She didn’t want to hear about how he had found love and found happiness. She didn’t want to hear about how another woman had ended up with the man Peyton had always seen as her happily ever after. But she knew deep down that she wanted to hear about this woman and thank her for making Callum happy. That’s what her heart wanted.

Peyton turned on her side and stared at her phone on the bedside table. Taking a deep breath, she picked it up and rolled on her back again. With a firm grasp, she held the phone in front of her face and unlocked it. Then she found Callum’s number, not even sure if it was the same as it was four years ago. She swore she felt and heard her heartbeat pound in her eardrums as she opened the screen to type a new text message.

She let out a breath of air as she hovered her thumbs over the touchscreen. She knew she shouldn’t do it, but she was fighting an internal battle of want and need. The same battle between protecting her heart and freeing it. But the fight with herself didn’t take long as her thumbs began to type for her.

Peyton
: Are you awake?

She pressed send and immediately regretted it, wishing she could recall it back. She prayed that she had the wrong number. A second after pressing send, though, she got a reply.

Callum
: Peyton?

She looked at his message. She knew she shouldn’t reply, but she wanted to speak to him in any form she could get. To say she was confused hardly described what and how she felt.

Peyton
: It’s me.

Callum
: How’d you know I still have this number?

Pure luck and hope.

Peyton
: I thought I’d tempt Fate.

Callum
: To answer your earlier question: Wide awake.

What am I doing?

Peyton placed her phone on the pillow next to her. Then, almost immediately, it lit up with every message he sent her, the vibrations alerting her. Realising her error in messaging him, Peyton reached over and powered the phone screen down. With a deep breath in, she closed her eyes before she exhaled. The uncomfortable thumps of her heart were relentless. Limits were needed. And they needed to be established quickly.