Something to Believe In (17 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

L
ILAH
COULDN
’
T
THINK
STRAIGHT
. She needed to get away from Justin for just a moment.
Everything was moving too quickly. One minute she was daydreaming about him, the
next he was at Larimar and yelling at her, and finally, he’s professing his love
and wanting to marry her. He didn’t even truly know her!

“Lilah! Wait up!”

She heard him but she wasn’t stopping. She had to get to the
Jeep; had to get back to Larimar so she could talk to Lora. This was insanity.
Marry him? Six months ago they’d been strangers having a bit of fun; now she was
his baby mama.

But he wants to make you his
wife!

The voice in her head was practically shrieking at her to get a
grip and face this situation like an adult, but her feet weren’t cooperating
with her brain. He didn’t want her for a wife. That was the reality of it. He
was making a grand gesture because she was pregnant and that was the last kind
of proposal she wanted. In her dreams when she envisioned her wedding, it wasn’t
like this. In her mind, she wore a beautiful, flowing dress that drifted around
her feet like a designer cloud of white and creams like sea froth on the sand
and she was surrounded by her friends and family as she pledged her love to the
man who made her life worth living. In her daydreams, she certainly wasn’t
bulging in the middle and huffing and puffing with every labored step because
she was carrying around two extra people in her body. And in her daydreams, she
certainly didn’t have a groom who felt obligated to do the right thing. When she
married, she wanted to know that she was the only woman for him and he was
marrying her for love and forever. Tears stung her eyes and she dashed them
away, refusing to cry. But worse than the shattering of her dream wedding was
the fact that she wasn’t fit to be Justin’s wife. Who was she? Nobody. With a
nobody career of doing nothing of use. She leaned against the Jeep and in the
midst of trying to catch her breath, she started to sob, much to her horror, but
she couldn’t stop.

Within seconds, Justin had folded her into his arms and he held
her while she soaked his shirt and made a general mess of everything.

When she thought she could speak, she pulled away with a bleak
sadness in her heart. She was suddenly tired and worn out. The humidity and the
emotional upset was just too much to handle. She decided to just let it all out.
She didn’t have the strength to dance around the truth. “Justin...I can’t marry
you. I do love you. But marrying me would be political poison to your campaign
and I would never do that to you. You deserve the best and I can’t give you
that.”

“What are you talking about? What do you mean political poison?
Are you a secret drug runner or a trafficker in black market babies?” he asked,
trying to lighten the mood with a touch of his signature humor but Lilah’s
countenance didn’t change.

“Justin, trust me when I say I’m doing you a kindness when I
refuse your offer. I would never sacrifice your future for my happiness in the
short term. I didn’t tell you about the babies because I didn’t want to burden
you with a family you never asked for. Now, with your political position, I’m
the least appropriate candidate for a wife that you could possibly find. I say
this, not entirely altruistically, either. I don’t want to subject myself to the
scrutiny that would undoubtedly come with the job of being your wife. I’m
sorry.”

“So are you asking me to choose between you and my career?”

“No, of course not,” she answered, aghast. “I’m telling you
there is no choice because I’m not an option. The best thing we could do for
each other is to find a way to become friends and then work out a joint custody
schedule when the babies are old enough.”

“No. I won’t live apart from my children.”

“I don’t see how that’s going to work out seeing as you live in
New York and your career is in New York, as well.”

“Good point. Which is why you ought to move to New York.”

“That’s not going to happen,” she said seriously, wishing they
didn’t have to hash over this particular argument again. “My home is here and
this is where I’m happiest. The babies will have a wonderful home here with me.
You will always be welcome in their lives, of course.”

“Lilah,” Justin growled when she turned to climb back into the
Jeep. “This matter is not finished.”

“Yes, it is,” she retorted as she buckled up, trying to ignore
the vicious pang in her heart as she continued to maintain her position even as
her soul railed at the decision. It was lunacy. She wouldn’t blacken his
political career with her past. If the press chose to dig into her life they’d
discover her suicide attempt and subsequent commitment. They’d have a field day
ripping Justin’s candidacy to shreds. And she simply wouldn’t bear that
burden.

“Lilah, do you hear yourself? You’ve admitted that you love me
but you just want to be friends? That doesn’t make sense.”

“Justin, please just let it go,” she pleaded, her eyes filling
again. When he saw how agitated she was becoming, he backed down but it looked
like it was killing him to do so. “I’m sorry for making such a mess of
everything,” she said quietly, and truly meant it. Someday he’d realize her
rejection was a blessing.

Justin refused to look at her and simply backed away from the
Jeep so she could pull onto the highway.

As she drove away, she let the tears flow. There was no need to
wipe them away. She was alone and there was no one to hide them from.

* * *

L
ATER
THAT
NIGHT
AS
Justin nursed a beer on his private patio he ignored the call from
Rudy. His campaign manager was the last person he wanted to talk to right now.
He was confused and soured by the day’s meeting with Lilah. She’d admitted that
she loved him, yet she wanted to remain simply friends? She’d said something
about being political poison. What did that mean? Clearly, whatever it was,
Lilah wasn’t going to share with him. He needed to find out what the big bad
secret was and then decide for himself whether it was something he could handle
or not.

Honestly, he didn’t know what to think. He didn’t rightly care
what she thought was so horrible that he couldn’t handle because there was
nothing he could think of—short of murder—that he couldn’t overlook for her.

No one was perfect. Hell, if anyone understood that fact better
than him, he’d eat his shoe.

He needed answers. How to get them was the question.

Justin doubted that her sisters would give her up. And Lilah
was such a private person he doubted anyone in town would know what was eating
her up. As he finished his last swallow of beer, he remembered the bartender at
Rush Tide—Donna.

She’d seemed to know a bit about Lilah and had even given him a
clue as to her artistic talents. Maybe she’d know more about her personal life,
too.

And maybe with a little luck...she’d clue him into what was so
scary in Lilah’s proverbial closet.

It couldn’t be half as bad as the skeletons rattling around in
his.

At least that’s what he hoped.

* * *

H
E
FOUND
D
ONNA
EASILY
enough. The bar was hopping and a reggae band
played on the small stage. He took a seat at the bar and smiled as he hailed her
for a beer.

“Remember me?” he asked with an engaging grin. He didn’t want
to seem as if he were flirting with her but he needed information so he played
up the fact that he remembered her, as well. “Donna, right?” he asked.

“That’s right,” she said with an impressed smile. “How’s it
going, handsome?”

“Could be better,” he admitted. “I was hoping you could help me
or at the very least point me in the right direction.”

“Sure, sugar. I’d be happy to help. What do you need?”

“Well, I was hoping you could tell me something about Lilah,”
he said.

“You’re still hung up on Lilah Bell? You poor thing. That girl
has her head in the clouds most days so unless you can fly, I’d let that one
go.”

He smiled but otherwise kept on course. “Here’s the thing...
She’s been acting pretty strange lately.”

“Pregnant girls do that,” Donna remarked wryly, and then her
eyes lit up with avid curiosity. “Are you the father?”

For a split second he considered lying, only because he hadn’t
told anyone in his sphere and he wanted to protect Lilah for as long as possible
from the press, but he realized he’d probably have to part with some juicy
tidbits before Donna would feel safe sharing what she knew. “Yes, I am,” he
said, watching her reaction closely.

Donna whistled. “Lucky girl, that Lilah. Always did manage to
catch the best ones, though I have to admit, she never liked to hold on to
them.”

“What do you mean?”

Donna started but then thought better of it, saying, “I
shouldn’t gossip. Besides, Lilah is my friend and I don’t talk about my friends
to strangers. You feeling me? Can I get you a drink?”

He gave Donna a sardonic look. “Lilah is carrying my babies. I
wouldn’t call me a stranger.”

“Where you been this whole time then?”

“It’s complicated but I’m here now and I don’t plan to leave
again without her. We have some issues to work around but I love her, Donna. I
really do. And I need some help here because I’m drowning. She’s got it in her
head to just be friends but I want to marry her. I want to put my ring on her
finger and give her my name. Does that sound like someone you can trust with a
little personal information about your friend?” he asked in earnest.

Donna regarded him for a long moment as if weighing his
declaration, and Justin felt the seconds stretch by with agonizing slowness as
he held his breath waiting for her answer.

A sudden grin broke out on Donna’s face and Justin nearly
sagged against the bar in relief as she said, “I’m a sucker for a romantic
that’s for sure. Okay, here’s what I know but you’d better not break that girl’s
heart or you’re going to have to answer to me. Got it?”

Justin nodded vigorously. “Deal.”

“Okay. I always considered Lilah a ‘catch and release’ type of
girl. She could catch the guy no problem but she never really found keeping them
all that interesting. Sort of like her twin, Lindy, but less in your face about
it. Lilah, for as long as I’ve known her, has always been the type to drift.
Most times she’s in her own world, which honestly given what happened last year,
is not surprising.”

That piqued Justin’s attention. “What happened last year?”

“You don’t know? Well, if you don’t know, you probably ought to
if you’re of a mind to marry her.” At the shake of his head, she leaned forward
to whisper in a low tone, “She tried to kill herself. Walked right into the sea
and tried to take a water nap. It was quite the scandal for the sleepy town of
St. John. I mean, you just don’t hear that every day. People drown, sure, but
they don’t simply walk into the ocean with the intent to end it all. And then of
course, because she was deemed a danger to herself, she was committed. It was
crazy. No one saw that one coming. Scary, too. I mean, you think you know
someone and then pow! They go and do something completely crazy.”

Justin stared, unable to believe what Donna had shared. He
continued to listen and nod at the appropriate spots but his mind was still
spinning over the revelation about Lilah.

That was one helluva skeleton.

If Rudy found out, he’d advise Justin to steer clear of Lilah.
He’d call her a danger to his success. Or as Lilah put it, political poison. He
might as well resign his candidacy if he continued to pursue Lilah.

Logic and reason demanded that he cut ties and even sue for
custody. No doubt he’d win given her recent past. But the idea made him feel
wretched. His heart didn’t care about her past. Whatever was happening in her
life then, certainly wasn’t an issue now. She was committed to being a good
mother and in her own way, she was trying to protect him, too.

He couldn’t walk away. Not even if she wasn’t pregnant. The
fact that there were babies involved actually simplified things.

He would stand by her.

No matter what.

He just didn’t know how to make her see that he wasn’t going to
walk away.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

“H
E
ASKED
YOU
TO
MARRY
HIM
?”
Lora repeated slowly as if trying to make sure she’d heard Lilah correctly. When
Lilah nodded, Lora collapsed against the sofa with her hand over her eyes and
groaned. “What did you say?”

“Of course I said no,” Lilah answered miserably. “He has no
idea how having me as a wife would be terrible for his career.”

At that Lora dropped her hand to stare at Lilah. “Wait...why’d
you say no? To protect his career?”

“Well, yes. Mostly.” Lilah fidgeted with the fringe on her
sarong. “I mean, I don’t want to be given a marriage proposal that’s based on
the fact that I’m pregnant, but aside from that he has a good shot of becoming
the next New York senator and I couldn’t possibly ruin that for him without
dying inside from guilt.”

“Lilah...do you have feelings for this guy?”

Lilah bit her lip, hesitant to admit her private thoughts about
Justin Cales, but she supposed her sister had a right to know seeing as she was
standing so staunchly behind her in the matter. “Yes. I—I think I love him.”

Lora groaned and rose from the sofa. “Why didn’t you say so in
the first place? That changes everything, wouldn’t you say? He loves you, you
love him... Why are you pushing him away? And don’t give me that line of bull
about his damn career. If he’s willing to take the risk, then you ought to let
him.”

Lilah stared at her older sister, hating that she so easily
stripped away her defenses and left her bare and shivering in the open. “He
deserves better than me, okay?” she answered stiffly, hating how pathetic she
sounded.

“Better?” Lora repeated. “What a crock. You’re scared. This is
real stuff. Time to grow up, honey. We’ve always protected you, thinking that
you’re the fragile one in the family, and you’ve always chafed at that
protection. Well, now is the time to show your strength. Show us all that we’ve
been spending all this time and effort for no reason. Heath has always
maintained that you’re stronger than we give you credit. Here’s your moment.
Stop giving up. Fight for your man, girl! When Heath fell off the roof and
cracked his head open, I sat by his bed every moment, baring my miserable soul
in the hopes that he’d hear me and come back to me so I could spend the rest of
my life showing him how much I love him. Stand up to the people who dare to say
you’re not good enough to be a senator’s wife. We all believe in you. It’s time
for you to believe in yourself.”

“If the press finds out about my suicide attempt...it’ll be a
massacre. I won’t be his Achilles’ heel.”

“What if you already are? I’m pretty sure he’s not going to
leave without you.”

“Damn straight I’m not.”

Justin’s voice startled them both as he stood framed in the
doorway of the private section. He had eyes only for Lilah, and Lora’s mouth
tipped in a small, almost approving smile.

“I’ll leave you two to talk,” Lora said, exiting the room
quickly.

Lilah’s traitorous pulse quickened at the sight of him. Perhaps
it would’ve been easier to ignore him if he hadn’t been so damn handsome. That
mischievous smile could do her in.

“What are you doing here?”

“Talking some sense into your stubborn head.”

Lilah sighed. “I don’t want to go over this again. I told
you—”

“I know what happened last summer.”

His flat statement stopped her cold and the air squeezed from
her lungs in a horrified wheeze. He strode toward her and without giving her a
chance to protest, simply kissed her until she was unable to remember the good
reasons she was pushing him away. She clung to him, desperate to feel him
against her again, buffeted by the sweet memories of their time together. All
too soon, he pulled away and she nearly whimpered with disappointment.

“Lilah,” he murmured, pressing his forehead to hers in a tender
gesture. “It chills my blood to think that I might not ever have met you. That
these babies—” his hand slid down to caress her belly “—might not have been.
You’re the most amazing gift in my life and you’re gracing me with two little
people with half of you as part of them. I don’t care what anyone says. I will
quit my campaign and walk away. I have a master’s degree in business, I can get
a job doing something else. If you’re worried about me being able to support
you, don’t. I will always find a way to support my family.”

Her breath hitched and she openly wept, unable to hold back the
tears. “No, Justin. I can’t handle that guilt. Someday you might resent me, or
the babies. I won’t let you sacrifice your life for us.”

“My life is with you. It isn’t a sacrifice.”

She threw her arms around his neck and sobbed, not sure what to
do, although his ardent declaration warmed her heart.

“I can’t ask that of you. It’s too much but I love you for it,”
she admitted against his warm skin. His scent enveloped her and she sank into
the comforting aroma that was all Justin. She reluctantly drew away and sucked a
halting breath as her tears slowed. “What will your family say? You’re quitting
a promising career because you got a girl pregnant while on vacation? That’s no
better than a high school kid quitting college because his girlfriend got
knocked up. How am I supposed to meet your family and stand by your side knowing
that deep down inside, your family is judging me for taking down your career? I
mean, think about it, Justin. You know I’m right.” His silence was answer enough
but even so her heart broke. “There’s a reason bad timing is the driving force
behind breakups—sometimes there’s just no way to circumvent the obvious truth
that’s staring us in the face.”

“Damn it,” he muttered, turning away as he pushed his hand
through his hair. “There is far more at stake here than just an ill-fated
romance. We have kids coming and I’m not going to be an absent father.”

The vehemence with which he delivered his last statement sent a
shiver dancing down Lilah’s back. She sensed there was a raw nerve somewhere and
she hated that their situation was jumping on it. He wanted to be a father to
his children but the reality was that it would be difficult to do so unless they
were in the same geographic location at the very least. She swallowed, knowing
that she could help ease the stress between them if she agreed to move to New
York but when she considered the option a cold, greasy knot of fear coagulated
in her stomach and she just couldn’t do it. In the end, she just fell silent,
unable to say the words that might make a difference.